Chapter Text
His eyes flutter open to darkness. He yawns, sitting up and stretching. Damn, he slept well. Probably the best he’s slept in months. Whatever he did to cause that, he needs to do it more because he feels great.
Shuichi taps his phone on the nightstand to check the time. 5:27 AM. A little earlier than he’d prefer, but it’s fine. He's wide awake.
Wait. Shuichi lights his phone up again. This isn’t his nightstand. Where is he? His mind starts racing. Yesterday, he had work, but it was only a half day. Once he got home, he spent hours getting ready for a friend’s birthday, even going as far as washing his hair. He's not one to party in the middle of the week, but he was going to drink responsibly. Two drinks max. Plus, it was his friend’s birthday, so c’mon. That’s the exception to the partying during the week rule.
So how’d he end up here?
On his way to the party, the earthquake happened. He remembers sitting at a stoplight when it hit. Weirdly enough, it didn’t scare him. It started, and in a blink of an eye, it was over. The only thing that went through his mind the entire thing was how shitty Kokichi’s apartment is. If he’s inside it, he might die from it collapsing. That scared him.
“Fuck!” he recalls shouting as he slammed his hand into the steering wheel.
Why? Why him? Piece of shit. Dumb ass. Dumb fuck, actually. He has a whole list of words to describe him that would take months to read, yet he flipped on his turn signal to change course toward his place.
He was home, alive, breathing. That’s all he needed to confirm. So why was he drawn to him like a magnet? He had him on the couch in seconds, kissing him with more passion than ever. It almost felt like he checked to see if he was still here after all this time. The answer was proven by how quickly he got him in bed.
His face heats up as he thinks about everything that followed after. He pats his cheeks, focusing back on the current situation. As perfect great as last night was, he can’t stay. Shuichi can’t be here when he wakes up.
He pats around the floor until he feels his pants. Shuichi has no clue where any other article is, but it’s fine. The drive home will last only ten minutes. He slips on the pants, zipping it up. The zipper slides loudly, and he winces, waiting to see if Kokichi stirs. After a couple of seconds of silence, he manages to find his shoes. Sitting on the bed again, Shuichi works his feet into the stylish yet unreasonable shoes.
Shuichi leans back on his hands for a moment to catch his breath. A hand falls on his, causing his to gasp. His head snaps in the other direction, but he can’t see him in the darkness. Thank god for that because if he could see him, he’d fold immediately.
Kokichi swipes his thumb across his knuckles. “Don’t go.”
Maybe if he stays still long enough, Kokichi will let him go or he’ll fall back to sleep. A shaky inhale breaks his silence when he moves to hold his hand instead. Kokichi squeezes.
“Kokichi—“
Kokichi begs, “Please...”
Water springs to his eyes. At least it’s dark in here, and he can’t see. His heartbeat pounds in his ears. “We can’t do this again.”
“We already started to,” says Kokichi. Shuichi hears him shuffle to sit up. “It doesn’t have to end here.”
“Yes, it does.” Shuichi tries to pull his hand away, but he can’t move. His body freezes in place except for his mouth. Why can’t he move? “You killed me, Kokichi. For months, I lost myself. I’m finally back to who I want to be, and I was doing just fine without you.”
“I...” he takes a deep breath and squeezes his hand. The other rubs his arm up and down. He feels the heat from his chest as he draws nearer. “I know. I’ve killed myself everyday since I realized what I’ve done. I was fucked up, Shuichi. I hurt the only good thing I’ve ever had in life.”
Shuichi perks an eyebrow even though Kokichi can’t see him. “You told me I didn’t understand you, so what’s the point?”
Softly. “I lied.”
“Hm?”
“I said I lied.” Kokichi’s voice cracks. The honesty chills the room down a couple degrees. “I got scared. Things were so perfect that I saw our whole future laid out. I… I pushed you away. I lied to hide my fear, and instead, I hurt you. I dug a hole and kept digging. It’s… it’s not an excuse, but I hope it’s an explanation.
“I don’t blame you if you don’t want to try with me, but I’m begging you to give me another chance. I changed, and I mean it. I’m not that asshole anymore. I’m going to do right by you. I will. No more lies. Let me love you how you deserve.”
Shuichi wants to give in to him, but he stays still. He can’t. If he leans into his hold, he’s done for. “We had something great, Kokichi. You chose to end it, and I’m choosing to get better. Last night was nice—“ who is he kidding? He was perfect.“—and that’s why it ends there. Let us leave on a good note this time.”
“Why can’t we leave it on a good life?” Kokichi stops rubbing his arm and wraps it around his core. He buries his face in his neck. “Shuichi, you came here. I know you want to ‘get better’ together. Give me a chance to make it right. We don’t have to take it fast. If this—“ Kokichi leaves an open mouth kiss on his neck. Shuichi shivers beneath him. “—is all you want for now, that’s what I’ll give.”
Shuichi tilts his head to give him more access. Kokichi takes the opportunity, moving his hair out of the way and kissing his neck up and down. Shuichi laughs. “You’re willing to settle for friends with benefits? Thought that was beneath you.”
Kokichi chuckles. “More like... you hate me, and I continue to pine after the love of my life.”
Shuichi turns to face him. He tilts his chin up and locks eyes with him the best he can in the dark. Taking a deep breath, he tells him, “I don’t hate you. As much as I wish I could... I don’t.”
He swears a smile tugs at his lips. Kokichi sighs in the way he does when he’s satisfied. “Good. That’s... good. Seriously, I was a fool, and I paid for it. I don’t deserve you, but I’ll fight for you. I’ll take this if that’s what you want—“
Shuichi silents him with his finger. His heartbeat settles back in his chest. He might regret this, but it’s the calmest he’s felt in a while. If he’s wrong about this, at least he’s more prepared this time and he can say he tried. Shame on him if it happens again.
“One date.” Shuichi drops his hand. “You have one date to convince me you’ve changed.”
“Really? I—“
“Don’t make me regret this, Kokichi.”
“You won’t. I promise!” Kokichi rests his forehead on Shuichi’s. “How’s this Friday?”
“Seven?”
Kokichi brings his lips closer. “Seven sounds perfect.”
Shuichi closes the distance. All the voices telling him this was wrong this morning fall silent, and he loses himself to Kokichi again. Hopefully this time the result is better.