These men are idiots
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Why you Should Erase your Brother History by Kenny_Beanie
Fandoms: おそ松さん | Osomatsu-san (Anime)
10 Apr 2021
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Summary
Time seems to pause, and five figures turn to stone: two astounded ones, one merely following the others, and two realizing they messed up bad.
Ichimatsu is screwed.
(Or: Ichimatsu learns how phones work, the hard way.)
Series
- Part 1 of These men are idiots
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It has been a few years since Karamatsu and Ichimatsu started dating, a couple years since they moved into their own apartment, and zero seconds since they last had an impure thought.
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- Part 2 of These men are idiots
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Ichimatsu isn't very honest about what he wants, but he makes it work.
Yes, really. It's simple. In order to win, all he has to do is lose.
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- Part 3 of These men are idiots
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Ichimatsu chooses harshness over honesty, and gets a taste of his own medicine.
Now if only he could enjoy that a little less...
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- Part 4 of These men are idiots
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Pinefield AU.
Itchy thinks it’s a good idea to have sex in a cemetery. Karl isn’t sure he agrees.
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- Part 5 of These men are idiots
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Isn’t he so disgusting?
Aah, but it’s hard to think about that when the anticipation is killing him. His arousal will make even the filthiest pits of his mind seem inviting. And, right now, they want him to keep a dildo in his ass all night.
Or, Ichimatsu has a dirty secret... and another dirty secret to share it with.
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- Part 6 of These men are idiots
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The intimacy of two spirits, and their little human pet.
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- Part 7 of These men are idiots
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Why can’t he just ask Karamatsu to stick his dick in him?! It’s such a small thing! Well, not Karamatsu’s dick, definitely not, but– people have sex all the time! Why should they be any different?
Ichimatsu is a fool.
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- Part 8 of These men are idiots
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Karamatsu's dirty talk is an acquired taste.
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- Part 9 of These men are idiots
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Karamatsu has five lovers, and a very nice time.
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- Part 10 of These men are idiots
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“Is that it?” He wheezes around Karamatsu’s cock, minding his teeth more than his elocution. Fuck me. His pride tells him to fight these thoughts, and his pride is nothing compared to Karamatsu making love to his mouth.
Karamatsu agrees to tie Ichimatsu up.
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- Part 11 of These men are idiots
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Maybe one day his prayers will be answered and Karamatsu will fuck him so hard he’ll split in two and die. Hehe… that would be nice…
Bang!
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- Part 12 of These men are idiots
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Karamatsu's lovers are depraved, laughable, unreasonable—and beautifully devoted.
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- Part 13 of These men are idiots
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some will write poetry,
my love,
but not about us.Karamatsu and Ichimatsu seek each other, and find something neither of them asked for.
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- Part 14 of These men are idiots
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Karamatsu's pet wants to be less than that.
Karamatsu doesn't know what he wants.
They both get exactly what they need.
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- Part 15 of These men are idiots
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Ichimatsu’s naked body is slowly merging with the couch cushions.
He can’t speak. Can’t think. Can’t breathe.
All he can do is melt around Karamatsu’s cock.
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- Part 16 of These men are idiots
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On all levels including physical, Ichimatsu is sick.
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- Part 17 of These men are idiots
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Karamatsu lost the fight for the last cookie, but that’s okay.
He knows a much sweeter way to get his fill of sugar.
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- Part 18 of These men are idiots
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His shoulder Osomatsu and Choromatsu tell him it’s okay to do what he wants. His shoulder Jyushimatsu adds that it’s what Ichimatsu-niisan would want anyway, and his shoulder Ichimatsu nods. His shoulder Todomatsu says he couldn’t care less as long as it doesn’t affect him.
When his shoulder Karamatsu finally speaks, it drowns out all the other voices. Isn’t it a treat, anyway?
Karamatsu and Ichimatsu don’t have sex.
Series
- Part 19 of These men are idiots
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Normal people don’t know what they’re missing.
Ichimatsu has a bad case of “show, don’t tell”—when it comes to offering affection.
Series
- Part 20 of These men are idiots