What Used to be Mine
Series Metadata
Listing Series
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I miss your voice (you’re the only one with it) by akuikida
Fandoms: Criminal Minds (US TV)
01 Jul 2023
Tags
Summary
Aaron Hotchner is at a loss.
Give him a serial killer, kidnapping and torturing their victims, an arsonist, or a hostage situation, and he’ll handle it without breaking a sweat— he’ll be the hero. But give him a grieving son who won’t talk, eat, or do anything besides lay in bed, staring at the wall, listening to his late boyfriend’s voicemail greeting, and he’s in over his head.-
or, aaron hotchner's son, spencer reid's, boyfriend, derek dies and spencer Does Not Cope Well and disappears, bringing up some memories of hotch's grief and unhealthy coping mechanisms as he worriesSeries
- Part 1 of What Used to be Mine
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I miss your shirt that didn’t fit right (I’ve worn it to sleep once or twice) by akuikida
Fandoms: Criminal Minds (US TV)
04 Jul 2023
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Summary
He’s been here before.
Aaron Hotchner has been here one too many times— his son in a hospital bed– him in a hospital bed when the world is too much to bear— but it hurts the same every time.
He stares at Spencer’s skeletal figure, trying to erase the image of his son’s lifeless body on the bathroom floor from his memory, though he’s sure he’ll never forget it.-
or, one of spencer's attempts/overdoses after derek's deathSeries
- Part 2 of What Used to be Mine
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Not sure what day it is (I stopped counting it) by akuikida
Fandoms: Criminal Minds (US TV)
08 Jul 2023
Tags
Summary
The worst thing about Spencer’s grief is that he doesn’t remember the days leading up to it.
Despite his eidetic memory, there have always been some gaps— pictures without context or sound, like glimpses of a life that isn’t his— especially around his episodes–
–his mania, the ghost of his boyfriend’s voice helpfully supplies.
There are blanks, empty spaces, like an unfinished story destined to end tragically, no matter how many times he rearranges the fragments of time.-
or, the events leading up to derek's death and a step in spencer's recovery following itSeries
- Part 3 of What Used to be Mine
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My time’s been wasted (been thinking of him) by akuikida
Fandoms: Criminal Minds (US TV)
15 Jul 2023
Tags
Summary
Two days ago, he chose to come here, desperate to get away from the place Derek considered a second home— the house that used to be his home until every feeling of comfort it provided died with his boyfriend— the memories of his boyfriend suffocating him.
It took him two days to wake up from his first overdose, exhausted and in pain, his dad reading Proust with Alex by his side.
He wasn’t expecting this place to magically cure him— to rid him of the suffocating grief buried in his chest, the same way they buried Derek in the ground— but he thought he’d feel better, getting out of a house that memories of Derek haunt.
But memories of his boyfriend haunt him too, Derek’s ghost lingering in the maze of book-lined halls of his brain, corrupting every memory he used to treasure.
It’s all ruined, every moment tainted with grief, just like him.-
or, spencer spends some time in a psych wardSeries
- Part 4 of What Used to be Mine
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I only see you on occasion (some form of you, not in real life) by akuikida
Fandoms: Criminal Minds (US TV)
17 Jul 2023
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Summary
“He kissed me,” He breaks their gentle silence after a few minutes, lifting his head from her collarbone. “And I wanted it— I’ve wanted it since we met— but when it happened–”
Derek was there.
It was Derek’s lips, soft and warm— home— pressed against his, grin tugging at the corners of his lips as the two teenagers collided, giddy and lovesick.
Derek was there, whispering, “I love you, Pretty Boy,” in his ear as he wrapped his arms around his boyfriend, curled up in bed, their bodies slotting together like two pieces of a whole.-
or, alex gets a call at midnight after luke alvez kisses spencerSeries
- Part 5 of What Used to be Mine
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It’s the thought of you that slightly scares me by akuikida
Fandoms: Criminal Minds (US TV)
21 Jul 2023
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Summary
He doesn’t care what they call each other, what they are, because he’s head of heels for Spencer, and the genius is the same.
“I’m not ashamed of you,” The younger man reassured him when “they” started, head resting against Luke’s chest, curled up in his more-than-friends’ arms. “I get if you want more— I can try if that’s what you want–”
“I just want you, carñio,” Luke assured him, and it’s the truth; he doesn’t care what he is to Spencer, what they call or don’t call their relationship, as long as Spencer is his, and he is Spencer’s.-
or, spencer and luke share parts of themselvesSeries
- Part 6 of What Used to be Mine
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Summary
He winces as the question slips out, knowing her answer is the same; his old friends are hers too, and he never told them what she did to him. He was young, hurt, and scared— scared he was blowing it out of proportion, scared of ruining her life because she was his best friend, and their friends would side with him over her, so he never told.
“I miss you.” Her voice is soft, spider-silk smooth, weaving a web of lies that Luke failed to see the first time, but he knows better now.-
or, luke runs into his ex at a bar and calls spencerSeries
- Part 7 of What Used to be Mine
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Summary
He stares at her, the blood on his shirt, the scratches on his arms.
“I don’t know what to do.” He says after a minute, voice cracking as he speaks.
There’s no book for this—your child’s first steps, first words, first suicide attempts—no guide to point out where he went wrong, how he fucked up, how to fix this.
“I don’t know how to help him.”-
or, aaron struggles to help his grieving sonSeries
- Part 8 of What Used to be Mine