for you are not beside, but within me
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Juuse still feels uneasy. He feels uneasy, but Roman’s calloused hands at his waist make him feel loved. He doesn’t understand how those two feelings can coexist.
Or, I am so, so incredibly bored in the final few days before the regular season. And I'm a little heartbroken. So, Juuse and Roman have an affair. Juuse falls pregnant. Neither of them knows what to say when they try to talk about it.
(I've seen some rude tweets about this fanfiction on Twitter recently. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion about my writing, but please refrain from making rude comments about this without having read it or hate reading it. Writers have feelings too. Criticism is valid but laughing at me is not)
Series
- Part 1 of for you are not beside, but within me
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Roman couldn’t live with the guilt anymore. He couldn’t live with the fact that when he found out Juuse was pregnant, that the first words that came out of his mouth were “I can’t do this.” He couldn’t get past the way that Juuse ignored him for months, how it took breaking three ribs to get Juuse’s attention. Even then, Roman knew he didn’t deserve him. He was hung up on how, even when they reconciled, if he could even call it a reconciliation, that Juuse was still cold to him. How Juuse could curl in his lap and laugh and initiate sex and love Roman, but still know that Roman wasn’t all there.
Or; Juuse and Roman have a daughter and they think this can fix their relationship. Nothing can fix their relationship, unless Roman works on himself. Part of working on himself means that he needs to leave Juuse alone. Because Juuse deserves better.
(I've seen some rude tweets about this fanfiction on Twitter recently. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion about my writing, but please refrain from making rude comments about this without having read it or hate reading it. Writers have feelings too. Criticism is valid but laughing at me is not)
Series
- Part 2 of for you are not beside, but within me
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Summary
Snow falls outside, they keep each other warm, the television plays something familiar, and there’s no sense of danger. It’s Juuse’s description of the word ‘safe.’
Or, Juuse moves on. And he finds true love where he would least expect it.
(Set during the 2025-2026 NHL Season, Juuse Saros tends the net at the Paris Global Series game, before the regular season starts. He doesn’t resign with Nashville, planning to continue fixing his relationship with Roman, and wondering if Carina would like a sibling. Juuse travels from Paris to London, right before the team flight home, and everything goes to hell.)
(I've seen some rude tweets about this fanfiction on Twitter recently. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion about my writing, but please refrain from making rude comments about this without having read it or hate reading it. Writers have feelings too. Criticism is valid but laughing at me is not)
Series
- Part 3 of for you are not beside, but within me
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you’re shooting stars (I see your face and I know I’m alive) by cloudcjty
Fandoms: Men's Hockey RPF
27 Feb 2024
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There is a quality within Juuse which Pekka cannot quite place. He doesn’t really believe in God, but, sometimes, that is where he throws the blame – that some other force, outside of this world, created Juuse specifically for him. Pekka understands the idea of being lovesick. Juuse has his stomach in knots, his throat restricted, his body running cold, as he does nothing but lay in bed. Pekka will never be able to love anyone else the way that he loves him.
Juuse’s nostrils dilate as he breathes in. His eyes close again. He pulls their son closer to his chest. Pekka spent his entire life waiting for this. He didn’t know what he was waiting for, until it happened, until Juuse existed beside him.
Juuse moves home and he takes Pekka with him. And there is nothing that can hurt them.
(Except for trauma, and remembrance, and Luke as their house guest.)
(I've seen some rude tweets about this fanfiction on Twitter recently. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion about my writing, but please refrain from making rude comments about this without having read it or hate reading it. Writers have feelings too. Criticism is valid but laughing at me is not)
Series
- Part 4 of for you are not beside, but within me
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I can tell that you're tired (but you keep the car on) by cloudcjty
Fandoms: Men's Hockey RPF
19 May 2024
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Summary
“I’m going to help you however I can,” Pekka says, trying to grasp Juuse’s hand with his weakened palm. “The only thing that you deserve to happen to you is to be loved.”
He watches as Juuse swallows. And as Juuse shifts in the tub, circling around to lay against Pekka’s chest, brushing their legs together, laughing that Pekka can’t grow hair on his thighs. Juuse doesn’t want to talk anymore, he only wants what Pekka tells him he deserves. Love.
Juuse trains for the 2029 IIHF World Championships, marking his return from retirement after five years away from the game. And he learns to stay proud of himself, even when his body no longer feels like his own.
(I've seen some rude tweets about this fanfiction on Twitter recently. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion about my writing, but please refrain from making rude comments about this without having read it or hate reading it. Writers have feelings too. Criticism is valid but laughing at me is not)
Series
- Part 5 of for you are not beside, but within me
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swimming in sevens, slow dancing in seconds (and I'm the one that loves you) by cloudcjty
Fandoms: Men's Hockey RPF
23 Jun 2024
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Summary
It’s tough advice, but Juuse takes no offense to it. It’s not Luke, his twenty-seven-year-old fraternity brother friend speaking to him, talking down against him. It’s his best friend who is also a parent, who has been in his shoes, who knows how he’s feeling, and knows how lucky that he is. Luke is smart enough, and, in some ways, kind enough to let Juuse know that luck doesn’t happen to just anyone. It won’t happen to Juuse.
Juuse anchors himself to reality and learns to live within it, and Luke realizes that he's stronger than he knows.
Or, Luke and Juuse play in the 2030 Winter Olympics. Juuse fights back against grief, and Luke can't fight back against real love.
Series
- Part 6 of for you are not beside, but within me
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Summary
“Sometimes, I don’t know who you are,” Beau puts an arm around Luke’s shoulder and pulls him close. “I don’t know which version of you that I’ll meet in the morning, if you’re yourself, your true self, or if you’re going to pose as the man that you aren’t. If you’re posing as someone stuck at eighteen, who cares about no one but themselves, or if you’re the man who knows how and when to cry, and who loves me and loves your Bella.
“I see the real you, today. I know you don’t hide yourself around me anymore. You’re not afraid to let me know you. Thank you, Luke.”
“Is there a ‘but’ in that statement?” Luke laughs, a bit nervous.
“No, Luke. I just love you. I do.” He plucks an eyelash from Luke’s cheek.
Or, Luke learns vulnerability, while faced with his daughter's diagnosis of a terminal illness.
Or, Luke gets his own story, 240,000 words later.
Series
- Part 7 of for you are not beside, but within me