11 Works by AFurtiveCake
Listing Works
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Summary
Fuck Nicky to hell.
That was the first coherent thought that came to Andrew’s mind the moment he saw Neil emerge from the bathroom.
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Andrew's POV of the scene after Nicky gets Neil all dolled-up for his first trip to Colombia. -
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If Lambert had to be anywhere, he supposed Kaer Morhen was as good as any. The keep was supposed to be a desolate monument to a bygone age, already so full of ghosts and memories that would not die, that it would not begrudge Lambert for bringing his own.
No one had expected the school’s golden boy to come back and turn it into a nursery.
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Lambert returns to Kaer Morhen not expecting any comfort, but comfort (much like accidentally acquired children) shows up when least expected. -
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Soap and Ghost are assholes and they have fun at Gaz's expense.
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Rare Sightings by AFurtiveCake
Fandoms: Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types, Wiedźmin | The Witcher Series - Andrzej Sapkowski
27 Apr 2023
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“Ah, don’t look now,” Dandelion drawled, sidling into the seat opposite Geralt. “There’s that man you made an acquaintance with that one time. You know, intimately.”
“What man?" Geralt asked, taking the bait and turning around to look.
"Him?” He said, snorting in disbelief. “Istredd?”
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Dandelion thinks Geralt and Istredd have been intimately involved. Geralt finds the very idea ridiculous. He and Istredd aren't even on neutral terms! All they ever do is insult each other, discuss their shared ex, and figuratively measure dicks. They have absolutely zero interest in each other. No interest whatsoever. -
The Many Misadventures of Julian Alfred Pankratz by AFurtiveCake
Fandoms: Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types
14 Mar 2023
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In which Julian Alfred Pankratz, the very bored and very horny Viscount of Lettenhove, lives the dutifully dull life of an unwed minor nobleman. Fortunately, he has his imagination to keep him company.
Or, Jaskier is a rich, bored, and horny viscount, and spends his time imagining (mostly self-insert) fanfiction involving the people in his life (including one very dashing groomsman), rather than doing his work.
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The Fortunes of A Favour by AFurtiveCake
Fandoms: Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types, The Witcher (TV), Wiedźmin | The Witcher Series - Andrzej Sapkowski
01 Mar 2023
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Geralt pursed his lips as he watched Jaskier wade back onto the banks of the shallow pond that, until moments ago had been choked with dark algal blooms, sling his underclothes over his bare shoulders, and stretch languorously.
“I don’t mean any offense…” Geralt said carefully. Jaskier peeked his head out of his shirt, eyebrow raised curiously, and Geralt hesitated slightly, wondering if this was the right thing to do. Seeing the expectant and open expression in his friend’s mystifyingly blue eyes, which spoke to the trust and camaraderie that had built up between them over the years, made him relent.
“I think there’s something wrong with you,” Geralt said.
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(Geralt is pretty sure there's something not normal going on with Jaskier. Jaskier is pretty sure the witcher is just overreacting. That is...until the creatures made of roots, bark, and bone come for them.) -
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Jaskier has a place to be in the winter, and Geralt would not part him from it, just as he cannot think of parting from Kaer Morhen for the winter.
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Desperate Times, Convenient Measures by AFurtiveCake
Fandoms: Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types
24 Feb 2023
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“Geralt! You have to hide me!”
That is all the warning Geralt gets before he is tackled into the stall of a stable by a mass of scattered purple silks and loose frilly linens.
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Jaskier, on the run from yet another livid spouse, seeks Geralt's help with staying hidden. Geralt has trouble sticking to the brief. -
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Aiden and Lambert's first meeting involves crime, as does their getting together.
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“Would you mind taking the job for me?” Lambert asks of Geralt, saying something about prior engagements with someone - not that it was any of Geralt’s business, and Geralt, being the sap that he is, agrees.
The simple favour sends Geralt on the trail of a supposed monster preying on virile young men in the last place he’d expect to find anything out of the ordinary: a sad little strip club in a town that fits into a 3 x 3 block area in the middle of nowhere. There’s absolutely nothing of note there, except maybe the live music act, a country singer who seems suspiciously attractive…
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(Basically, what if The Witcher was a modern urban fantasy set in the North American prairies that leans slightly into rom-com vibes.) -
We're made of stronger stuff than nightmares by AFurtiveCake
Fandoms: Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types, Wiedźmin | The Witcher (Video Game)
05 Nov 2022
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Sometimes Aiden dreams he is bathed in the blood of his enemies.
Sometimes Lambert wakes up before daybreak to the sound of garbled sobs beside him that he knows he’s not meant to hear.