Beckky_O



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    "Why are you not scared?"

    "I am scared," Ilya admits. "I just am tired. Of hiding me. Of hiding you. Of hiding how much I love you. I want to go to the rink— how do you say it? Authenti."

    "Authentically," Shane supplies, automatically.

    "Yes. Authentically. I want to go to the rink authentically, as me," Ilya confirms.

    Ilya looks at Shane, pauses until Shane meets his eyes. "I want to say: I, Ilya Rozanov, love a man, and that man's name is Shane Hollander."

     

    -

    Or, sometimes it takes a little more time, and some courage, to be with the one you love.

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    12 Apr 2026

  2. Public Bookmark *

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    Ilya Rozanov's life takes an unexpected turn when a deadly plane crash in 2021 takes his life, right after a fight with his long-time partner, Shane Hollander. Though instead of the afterlife, Ilya is sent back to December 2008, just before his NHL career began, on the very day that he first met Shane. He finds himself in a familiar world, with knowledge of both the future and knowledge of the man he loves and the friends he holds dear.

    As Ilya navigates this new reality, he rebuilds his relationship with Shane, who is still finding his path in both hockey and his identity as a gay man. With their rivalry blossoming into a different experience than the one Ilya experienced the first time around, the two face challenges around acceptance, family pressures, and the struggles of being openly gay and lovers in the sports world. Throughout their journey, Ilya contemplates his first life, cherishes the present, and strives to alter the course of their futures (and the futures of their friends) for the better.

    Or, Ilya Rozanov discovers first hand what the butterfly effect is, and how it can drastically alter the future.

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    27 Feb 2026

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    “Fuck.” Shane melted into the strong hand at his neck, the pressure over his throat and the heat of the Alpha’s palm. “Fuck, that’s–” his eyes started to flutter closed, his knees going weak, but he heard the Alpha huff a laugh and immediately stiffened again. 

    “Don’t do that.” he warned. “Don’t laugh like me letting you put your hand on my throat is predictable submissive Omega behavior and you're making fun of me."

    “That is not why i was laughing.” Ilya squeezed Shane’s throat lightly, his thumb pressing over the suppressant patch covering the Omega's bonding spot and blocking his sweet scent. “I thought you would fight it, fight submitting. But you didn’t.”

    “No I–” Shane swallowed hard. “I like it.” 

    “Good.” Ilya smiled slow and a little dangerous, running his tongue over his bottom lip and then over the sharp ends of his fangs before he leaned in and growled into the Omega’s ear. “Now get on your knees.”

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    02 Feb 2026

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    Ilya’s dad dies right before the 2017 All-Star Game, so he never learns that Shane and Rose broke up. While he’s in Russia, a threat from his brother makes him ask Svetlana for help and marry her so he can get a US green card—it’s meant to be a discreet, simple thing, but the Boston tabloids get a hold of it and then it’s all over social media. Three months later, Shane Hollander holds a press conference to share two things: he's leaving Montreal to play for the Ottawa Centaurs, and he's gay.

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    26 Jan 2026

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    Shane has always had a complicated relationship with his own body.

    It’s his biggest tool to success as a hockey player. He wouldn’t be where he is without the trust and care he puts into this own body. So he takes care of it as much as he can. He exercises regularly to keep himself fit and strong, fuels it with the best food and nutrients he can, does his best to listen to the cues his body gives him to rest. It’s a careful balancing act as a professional athlete, stretching his body to its limits while also caring for it deeply.

    Still, he can’t deny that he feels let down by it often.

    Some days it feels very unfair.

    And then some days something even worse happens and that already strained relationship he has with his own body gets even worse.

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    02 Jan 2026