CertifiedPissWizard
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Recent works
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and avenge this wicked deed by CertifiedPissWizard
Fandoms: Rappaccini's Daughter - Nathaniel Hawthorne
22 Jul 2023
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Summary
“Wouldst thou, then, have preferred the condition of a weak woman, exposed to all evil and capable of none?”
If such is the rule of the world, then the world must be changed and the rules broken. Or: men will literally become obsessed with poison and making a daughter who breathes poison instead of getting therapy to cope with their mother's death, and only one of those things could be vaguely justified.
Series
- Part 3 of gothic lit fics
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Summary
You have to leave the garden eventually. It’s never pretty when it happens.
Series
- Part 1 of gothic lit fics
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 653
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Kudos:
- 3
- Hits:
- 22
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(nameless player character)'s no good very bad timeloop adjacent nightmare by CertifiedPissWizard
Fandoms: E.Y.E.: Divine Cybermancy
15 Jun 2023
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Summary
dutch dies. gets better. dies again. what the fuck is going on.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 235
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Kudos:
- 3
- Hits:
- 45
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It looks ugly, but it's clean by CertifiedPissWizard
Fandoms: Dracula - Bram Stoker (Novel 1897)
06 Jun 2023
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Summary
"I seemed somehow to know her face, and to know it in connection with some dreamy fear, but I could not recollect at the moment how or where. All three had brilliant white teeth that shone like pearls against the ruby of their voluptuous lips. There was something about them that made me uneasy, some longing and at the same time some deadly fear. I felt in my heart a wicked, burning desire that they would kiss me with those red lips. It is not good to note this down, lest some day it should meet Mina’s eyes and cause her pain, but it is the truth."
- Bram Stoker's Dracula.Jonathan is wrong about why Mina was upset by his writing about his run in with the brides of Dracula.
Series
- Part 2 of gothic lit fics
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Shit is weird: the inquisitor (s)anders story by CertifiedPissWizard
Fandoms: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Inquisition, Dragon Age - All Media Types
27 Feb 2023
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Summary
The thinly veiled awe-horror-confusion combo is familiar- echoing the look on Hawke’s face the first time she saw him down a healing poultice to make sure there were enough potions for everyone else in the party.
“Next thing you know,” Varric pipes up, “you’ll be drinking healing poultices instead of putting them on wounds. You know- the way they’re supposed to be used?” He understands Varric is angry about the Chantry explosion, about the damage to Hightown, but some lines- like commenting on Anders’ drinking of healing poultices- should not be crossed.
“It’s far from the worst thing I’ve put in my mouth.” Varric’s face grows a look that fills Anders with dread. Justice agrees with that assessment.
“That’s what she said.” The Chantry is right- there is a Maker and he has abandoned this world, and he has especially abandoned Anders and Justice.
Series
Recent series
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wardens trying and failing to have a normal one by CertifiedPissWizard
Fandom: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
28 Feb 2023
- Words:
- 2,705
- Works:
- 1
- Bookmarks:
- 6
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gothic lit fics by CertifiedPissWizard
Fandom: Dracula - Bram Stoker (Novel 1897), Rappaccini's Daughter - Nathaniel Hawthorne
22 Jul 2023
- Words:
- 1,463
- Works:
- 3
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JarJangObi fics by CertifiedPissWizard
Fandom: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy
21 Sep 2020
- Words:
- 1,801
- Works:
- 2
- Bookmarks:
- 5
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Max Rebo, his friends, his space boyfriend, and his ex-jedi son by CertifiedPissWizard
Fandom: Star Wars - All Media Types
08 Sep 2020
- Words:
- 2,412
- Works:
- 2
- Bookmarks:
- 63
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- Words:
- 1,365
- Works:
- 2
- Bookmarks:
- 9
Recent bookmarks
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Words of Affirmation by hopeless_eccentric for CertifiedPissWizard
Fandoms: The Penumbra Podcast
14 Nov 2020
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Summary
Vespa, frankly, had an abysmal bedside manner. However, it was exactly what Juno needed. He was pretty sure a part of her knew that too.
If he felt like he needed to lash out, she would spit an insult in return just as fast. If she was stressed, she held no qualms about letting him know with a growled out verbal barb that was as much catharsis as it was an opening to let some of his internalized anger out in return. He wasn’t entirely sure what a therapist would say about it, but, in their own way, the pair of them had found a form of compassion that they could exercise without actually having to admit to tolerating one another.
Free commission for @pisswizards420 on tumblr!!
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Summary
It's been months since the incident in Newtown, and while the Spectrum and the Soul are gone, their scars linger.
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Summary
Baby Yoda is Rosemary’s Baby and the Mando is in over his head.
(inspired after I read [the much better written] wonderterror by peradi)
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 2,049
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 12
- Kudos:
- 37
- Bookmarks:
- 4
- Hits:
- 339
Bookmarked by CertifiedPissWizard
22 Sep 2020
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Summary
Cara Dune's ongoing adventures with a pack of utter dumbasses in Beskar'gam. Level of canonical possibility will vary.
- Words:
- 9,361
- Works:
- 8
- Bookmarks:
- 256
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A Mandalorian's Guide to Dealing with Microaggressions by MissTeaVee
Fandoms: The Mandalorian (TV)
01 Jan 2020
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Summary
I introduce to you: A tried and true Mandalorian technique to diffuse the endless rude questions about whether or not they take their helmets off during [situation]
It gets tiring when you're asked the same thing, day in, day out.
Series
- Part 3 of A Distinct Lack of Mandalorian Mystique