Ladysman69



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  1. Public Bookmark *

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    Summary

    After their engagement, Ilya and Shane return to Russia under the cover of the Irina Foundation, knowing it may be the last time Ilya ever sets foot there. What waits for him is not closure, but grief, memory, and a past he learned to survive by becoming quiet and hard.

    It isn’t about going back to the life he escaped.
    It’s about one final goodbye—to the place that shaped him, and to the mother he never stopped missing.

    With Shane beside him—steady, patient, and fiercely careful—Ilya faces grief he’s spent years surviving, old fear that still lives in his bones, and the quiet truth he’s been avoiding:
    some doors don’t close cleanly… but you can still choose how to leave them.

    This is a story about grief, survival, and choosing a future where home is no longer a place, but a person.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    45,716
    Chapters:
    12/12
    Collections:
    4
    Comments:
    144
    Kudos:
    1,276
    Bookmarks:
    657
    Hits:
    36,793

    23 Mar 2026

  2. Public Bookmark 46

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    Summary

    Antidepressants have one side effect, and that is nosebleeds.

    In short, Ilya doesn't know what to do with his boyfriend's concern while he stands over the sink and waits patiently for the blood to stop dripping

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    2,021
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    5
    Kudos:
    469
    Bookmarks:
    46
    Hits:
    5,636

    22 Mar 2026

  3. Public Bookmark 81

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    Summary

    "If you’d taken ten seconds longer, I’d have been gone.”
    Shane shot a dark look into the rearview mirror.

    “You were supposed to be gone seventy-five seconds ago,” Ilya replied mockingly. “Or did your watch stop working?”

    Damn it.

    Caught, Shane answered as calmly as he could. “Setting your car on fire took longer than expected. I miscalculated.” He figured it would be better to lie, than to admit he did in fact hesitate.

    Ilya’s grin was unmistakable. Shane could practically feel it. What he couldn’t tell was why it was there. Did Ilya believe him—and find his miscalculation amusing? Or did he not believe him at all?

    Ilya didn’t need to know that Shane hadn’t just hesitated to leave him behind—but had seriously considered running back into the woods and risk his own ass for this bastard.

    Yakuza x Bratva AU

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    92,746
    Chapters:
    66/?
    Comments:
    211
    Kudos:
    233
    Bookmarks:
    81
    Hits:
    9,637

    16 Mar 2026

  4. Public Bookmark 25

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    Summary

    Ilya Rozanov fucks his right hand man, Shane Hollander.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    5,292
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    7
    Kudos:
    150
    Bookmarks:
    25
    Hits:
    3,579

    14 Mar 2026

  5. Public Bookmark *

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    Summary

    Svetlana could give Ilya everything Shane could not.

    She shared his language, his culture, and knew what it was like living in Russia–she didn’t have to try and learn Russian in secret so if Ilya wanted to just talk freely with her he could. She’d known Ilya his whole life, known his father and brother and, most importantly, his mother–the most precious person to Ilya. She could date Ilya, in public, and it wouldn’t cause a scandal–Ilya wouldn’t have to sacrifice his country to be with her or have to secure citizenship somewhere safe just so that if people found out he wouldn’t get arrested. She could stay with Ilya during the hockey season and share his space–she could get groceries with him and argue with him in the produce aisle about what to make for dinner that week. She could love Ilya, freely, and Shane could not.

    In the end it was not about Ilya or even Svetlana at all really. It was about what Shane could not be, what he could not give, to the person he loved most.

    OR: Shane and Svetlana meet for the first time and Shane battles with his insecurities.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    19,333
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    76
    Kudos:
    779
    Bookmarks:
    176
    Hits:
    8,365

    04 Mar 2026