OnceUponALoon



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    “Some useless gossip site posted a story about Rozanov,” Hayden finally explained, turning to him. “A tell-all interview with one of his latest conquests. It was a bit… well… sensational.”

    “...Sensational?” Shane repeated, dumbly. Was that his voice? Did he sound like that?

    Hayden grimaced, but JJ heroically stepped in.

    “She said his dick is so big she cried,” he said, simply, as if he had not just upended Shane’s entire life with a total of nine words. “And not cried in the fun way.”

    In the fun way.

    Oh dear.

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    26 Apr 2026

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    “Come on,” Comeau says. “Are we all just supposed to pretend it's normal that you’re still playing house with Ilya Rozanov?”

    “Gil—” J.J. says, but Shane doesn’t want him to finish that sentence, to pull Comeau gently off the ledge he’s steering himself toward. Shane wants to push him, kicking and screaming, to make them say it to his fucking face. That after all this time, they still hate him for the heinous crime of falling in love.

    “We’ve been married for two years,” Shane says. “I’m not sure that qualifies as playing house. I mean, it’s longer than you were with your first wife, isn’t it?”

    Or: Shane reunites with his former teammates at J.J.'s bachelor party. He's finally ready to say (and maybe punch) his piece.

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    25 Mar 2026

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    4 times Shane was strict with Ilya and the 1 time he wasn't ft Ilya having an emotional crisis over it.

    OR: inspired by the tweet: ilya actually love having a strict boyfriend. like no his bitch do not let him have friends NO he not allowed to be out past 11 and NO U CANNOT SIT HERE!!!

    Translation in Russian and Mandarin!

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    25 Mar 2026

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    [Text] LaPointe: You two can vote too I guess: which of you is the mom and which is the dad?

    [Text] Ilya: I am papa clearly

    [Text] Shane: We're neither. Because we're not your parents...

    [Text] Luca: That feels like something only a dad would say

    [Text: LaPointe: And not a very good dad 😔

    ----

    or, a month of texts between Ilya, Shane, and their rookies

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    11 Mar 2026

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    The Official Ottawa Centaurs account gets hacked.

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    06 Mar 2026