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The Chronicle of Unfortunate Epiphanies (and Other Reasons Lan Qiren Wishes He Were Decapitated) by Petals_on_Moss
Fandoms: 魔道祖师 - 墨香铜臭 | Modao Zushi - Moxiang Tongxiu & Related Fandoms, 陈情令 | The Untamed (TV)
27 Sep 2026
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Summary
Lan Qiren thought the worst outcome of the Qinghe conference would be a diplomatic headache. He was wrong. The worst outcome was having his tea spiked and gaining temporary telepathy.
Now trapped in a classroom full of teenage students, Qiren is forced to listen to everyone's unfiltered inner monologues. He learns things he can never un-learn; most notably, about one he least expected it from -- his own golden nephew, Lan wangji.
(Alternatively, Lan qiren mind reading his way into the realisation that his innocent nappa cabbage was not so innocent after all)
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Wei Wuxian couldn’t help but feel a bit fond, even despite the embarrassment. Hadn’t he just done that a second ago? They were both playing bashful, even when this was just something Wei Wuxian’s mind had come up with.
He licked his lips. “It’s fine. It’s not real.”
Lan Zhan nodded slowly. “This is a dream.”
“Yeah,” Wei Wuxian said, then firmer: “Yes. No harm done. You can eye me up.”
or, wwx and lwj meet in dreams
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”Uncle has become more...” Lan Xichen said, ”concerned for us, lately.”
Lan Wangji nodded. He was standing by the window, looking to the courtyard where Wei Wuxian was talking to an alpha servant he had not seen before. They were standing close, and while it was Wei Wuxian who was leaning in and laughing, there was a shy smile on the face of the clearly more timid alpha.
Behind him, sitting by his desk, Lan Xichen continued, “He seems to be of the mindset that our lineage is in danger, should we not get married soon.”
or, lwj is a noble alpha who needs to get married
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Here, in his little tower, he was free to be without having to worry about other people’s opinions. Although, because the universe had a sense of humor, his only coworker was the famously righteous Hanguang-jun from the Lan sect.
And he certainly had opinions.
or, lwj and wwx are watchtower cultivators
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And then Wei Ying straightened, something terribly apologetic, almost frail in his eyes – and before he said the words, Lan Wangji already knew what the answer would be. Suddenly, the day that had so far felt very warm turned cold for him.
He would have held up his hand, but something was keeping him frozen in place. The realization, perhaps, that he would not get those words back now. That he’d put them out, careless like a child, and just as fragile when facing the realities of the world.
Wei Ying bowed to him, so respectful that it made Lan Wangji taste iron on his tongue. “I’m very honored, that Lan Zhan would hold me in such high regard, but – I don’t like men like that, so –“
or, lwj confesses