Profugit
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The Family You Choose (is better?) by number1trashenthusiast
Fandoms: Hazbin Hotel (Cartoon)
08 Feb 2026
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Summary
Lilith has returned. She has all the cards in her hands and Alastor's invisible leash wrapped around her perfect fingers - but no one who has played poker with Alastor would suggest counting him out before the game is over.
Alastor has faced some of the greatest evils that have ever existed - has stood firm in back alleys against overlords stronger than him, has several times dodged exorcist spears and even divine guitars.
He is NOT going to be defeated by a fucking HOTEL ROOM and the desperate housewife from HELL.
Alternative summary: Alastor spends a sizeable amount of time locked in single combat with a hotel room door, Vaggie grows as a person, Lucifer Morningstar is Very Concerned that his ex-wife and current-whatever may be getting along too well, Charlie spends a lot of time being confused, Frederick von Eldrich comes out of retirement with style, the Archangel Michael develops a headache, and Vox attempts to de-bug his conscience.
There are also copious musical references for no good reason whatsoever.
Series
- Part 2 of The Friends that Ruin You
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 237,547
- Chapters:
- 32/?
- Comments:
- 2,285
- Kudos:
- 2,267
- Bookmarks:
- 353
- Hits:
- 68,925
Bookmarked by Profugit
02 Jan 2026
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Summary
Stiles left Beacon Hills behind him long ago, Allison Argent a very welcome tag-along at his side. Now with a flourishing magic business and more connections in the supernatural than he can shake a stick at, Stiles is very nearly at peace with the past. When tapped for a rescue mission by an Alpha werewolf, Stiles runs headfirst into Peter Hale. The Hales have always been a complicated and touchy subject. Peter? Also complicated and Stiles would like to touch him... but no! There's a rescue to be run, and some jerk who calls himself the 'Fanged Maven' to try and collect a favor from.
Stiles doesn't have time for romance, no matter how flirty or hot Peter is.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 28,694
- Chapters:
- 4/4
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 173
- Kudos:
- 1,902
- Bookmarks:
- 507
- Hits:
- 21,883
Bookmarked by Profugit
19 Mar 2024
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Summary
“Someone,” Strange says, “is selling cryptid components.” He pauses, and Sam could swear he’s looking at Bucky. “And making a killing doing it. Literally.”
“Cryptid components?” Natasha asks, leaning forward. “What are those in the context of this mission?”
Strange shifts his eyes from Bucky to Natasha. “Nascent fishkin scales—” he starts.
“Fishstick what, now?” Stark interrupts.
“You would know them as merfolk,” Strange continues, “vampire teeth, chupacabras claws, cockatrice spurs, phoenix feathers, sasquatch fur.” He makes a dismissive motion with one hand. “The list is long and the specifics are immaterial.”
(Or: Bucky and Sam go undercover as a married couple on a mission to break up a poaching ring that’s attacking cryptids. It’s a great opportunity to learn about the magical community and explore their human-selkie relationship… but can they stand (and protect) their neighbors?)
Series
- Part 3 of The Ancient Art of Selkies
Bookmarked by Profugit
19 Apr 2023
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- Words:
- 31,454
- Works:
- 1
- Bookmarks:
- 315
Bookmarked by Profugit
07 Aug 2022
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I Really Enjoy Being Stabbed By You by Triangulum
Fandoms: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Thor (Movies), Captain America (Movies)
21 Aug 2025
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Summary
“Ready?” Bucky asks. She nods. “Okay. One, two—" Deep breath. “Three.” Exhale. Pain.
“Christ on a cracker!”
Bucky makes a sound in his throat, and Darcy realizes he’s trying not to laugh. She narrows her eyes at him, and he raises his hands in mock surrender before starting to clean the area around her nipple of any blood.
“It’s just one of the more interesting things people have said when I’ve pierced them,” he says.
“What’s it usually?” she asks.
“Lots of ‘god damn it,’” he says. “Occasionally someone calls me an asshole. One guy I pierced a prince Albert on wished me a year of the flu.”
“Well that’s a little extreme. He’s the one who asked to be stabbed in the dick,” she says.
Or
Tattoo and piercing AU!
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 69,251
- Chapters:
- 13/?
- Comments:
- 1,014
- Kudos:
- 1,596
- Bookmarks:
- 395
- Hits:
- 33,127
Bookmarked by Profugit
24 Jan 2022