assholepants
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"Why is this shitfuck pan-rotting pile of artifact-ridden, glitchy, nonsensical sewage that can barely pass itself off as a movie somehow a thoughtful criticism on the global rise of authoritarianism and well-put commentary on how young working class males are forced into the military? What the actual fuck? Why do none of the other reviews mention this?"
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Aka famous movie director "D Strider" pays Karkat to review his shitty movies, and Karkat grows increasingly alarmed that they actually mean something under all of the mind-numbing bullshit. Meeting Strider, the biggest douchebag in the world, does not help. Also he keeps meeting this annoyingly smart human kid and his awkward/obnoxious but very hot guardian. These two things are entirely unrelated.
Series
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 117,856
- Chapters:
- 26/26
- Comments:
- 1,470
- Kudos:
- 1,711
- Bookmarks:
- 361
- Hits:
- 39,381
Bookmarked by assholepants
28 Mar 2023
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Your name is Karkat Vantas and you suppose a quiet drive to New York was too much to ask for. Instead you're spending the whole trip with the world's most obtuse man, all because you had the audacity to tell your friends what your post semester plans were. Fuck you for having basic human decency.
(When Harry Met Sally AU that's loosely fit to the plot of the movie.)
Bookmarked by assholepants
13 Mar 2023
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Doc Scratch's School for Supernaturally Gifted Adolescents by medical
Fandoms: Homestuck
03 Jul 2019
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Summary
One minute you get a mysterious message from a man who types all in white like a jackass, and the next thing you know you're being whisked away to a mystical school for kids with superpowers. If you weren't Dave fucking Strider, this sort of thing might bother you.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 231,085
- Chapters:
- 28/28
- Collections:
- 5
- Comments:
- 1,120
- Kudos:
- 3,993
- Bookmarks:
- 788
- Hits:
- 92,456
Bookmarked by assholepants
06 Mar 2023
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He’s John fucking Crocker. Funniest guy in Hollywood. He’s got Netflix specials coming out the wazoo. His comedy tour is sold out across the board.
Everybody loves him, but nobody knows him.
[UPDATE in beginning note 2/6/2024]
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 102,566
- Chapters:
- 19/19
- Comments:
- 730
- Kudos:
- 851
- Bookmarks:
- 107
- Hits:
- 18,591
Bookmarked by assholepants
17 Nov 2022
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Summary
Dirk left his siblings behind and moved upriver for the work. As a jeweler, he'd have a better chance to sell his creations in the annoyingly ritzy river bazaar, and he needed the coin.
The last thing he expects is to earn the attention of a handsome bookbinder, but Dirk has no problem with a ill-advised one night stand.
He's less prepared for the consequences of sleeping with a tradesman.
Series
- Part 2 of the trades of clay and gold
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 8,358
- Chapters:
- 2/?
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 70
- Kudos:
- 417
- Bookmarks:
- 46
- Hits:
- 4,469
Bookmarked by assholepants
08 Nov 2022