ataripearl
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Dean swallowed drily again, feeling his tongue heavy and weird inside his mouth, but he still managed to say, “Seriously, Cas, I... I need this. I really do. And you’re the only one who can do it. You’re the only one I trust to do this.” The hunter’s voice sounded far too hoarse, still lacking the confidence he wished to convey, and he licked his lips, looking down, focusing his gaze on a particular spot on the sheets. He fiddled with a loose thread he found there, feeling that difficulty to sit still for too long making itself known once more. He cleared his throat, and tried again, “And this is the easiest way, too. It just solves everything. You can check the damage Michael did. You can try to dig up some memories, to see if I can remember how I got this scar. And you can make sure that... that he’s really gone.” His voice did fail this time, throat feeling dry and tight, and he swallowed again to try and fix that, but it did very little to help.
The slightest hint of a feeble, empty smile tugged the corner of Dean's mouth upward, words coming out far too low and weak when he added, “Three birds, one stone, right?”
As if this really were that simple.
Set during 14x03, "The Scar".
- Language:
- English
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- 46,783
- Chapters:
- 1/1
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Bookmarked by ataripearl
21 Nov 2025
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It’s okay during the day—well no, it’s not okay. Sam will clap Dean on the back or shoulder, Jack will brush against his arm when they’re standing side by side at the stove. And what used to feel so normal—good even—will feel like too much to handle.
Eileen and Sam will hold hands or give each other cheek kisses, and Dean will have to bear feeling so happy for his brother and yet so jealous at the same time. That’s just it, during the day, Dean’s distracted and has reason to keep a tight lid on his crap. But at night—
He keeps himself awake until he absolutely can’t keep his eyes open anymore. Then he lies alone in his bed in the dark, and the monster comes—like a hermit crab, it tries to claw its way out of its shell, out of him. It knows nothing but want, and fear of what it wants.
Unable to stand it, Dean’s fingers will curl into the sheets and his heart will race and his throat will feel like there’s a scream lodged in it. Not even his old trick with the hot water bottle can lull his body into believing it's not alone. It’s not working anymore, not since his body got a taste of the real deal. Not since he’s been hugged and kissed and his hand has been held.
Series
- Part 4 of Fic for Dean's Birthday
Bookmarked by ataripearl
20 Nov 2025
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Dean is fragile—like the silence that has made home in his throat. Sometimes, in the dead of the night, when it’s just him and his cold, dark and empty room, Dean would reach up and feel his own face—a baseless need to make sure he hasn’t turned into mist or whatever. It’s not that Dean’s lost his voice or anything—he can feel it down in his throat, though it’s rattling in his chest, stuck and unmoving. Every time he tries to speak, the weight of each word presses down on his chest until he feels his ribs ache, like he’s having compressions done on him and his bones are starting to cave under the pressure. There’s something vaguely familiar about this feeling—an urge to make himself as small as he can until he sinks into the walls. Everything around him feels out of place, and a size bigger—the bunker, his room, his own skin—with too many empty spaces like an ill-fitting suit. He could pull a few words out of his throat if he pushes hard enough, but Dean’s so goddamn exhausted.
But, even when he feels like a shadow of who he used to be, Cas is still the one thing that makes him feel more alive than his own burdened beating heart.
***
After Michael, Dean stops talking.
Bookmarked by ataripearl
13 Nov 2025
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“I’m about to get naked so they can scrub me down. Is that something you really wanna see…?”
“I’m not letting you out of my sight.”
Or, the whumpier version of Amplification (04x24) with my personal trans!Reid headcanons. I made some mild tweaks to the plot and dialogue, but I remained as close to the original episode as I could while accommodating these idiots and their slow burn.
Bookmarked by ataripearl
11 Nov 2025
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Dean Winchester in Reid’s kitchen at 2 a.m. is one thing. Dean Winchester colliding with the BAU’s latest case is another.
They’ve been together for years, quietly, in the in-between spaces of hunts and cases. But when a ritual killer in Nebraska pulls the BAU straight into Winchester territory, secrecy doesn’t hold long. Morgan notices the touches, Hotch notices the patterns, and suddenly, Reid isn’t just hiding late-night domesticity—he’s hiding Dean Winchester.- Language:
- English
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- 34/34
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Bookmarked by ataripearl
11 Nov 2025