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“In my humble opinion there’s only three things that men should be and that is bloody, slutty, and pathetic.” And, on a good day, Draco Malfoy can be all three.
When war heroine Hermione Granger and Azkaban-tattooed war criminal Draco Malfoy are forced to wed as part of Shacklebolt’s controversial Reconciliation Act, they openly fight the match and each other—their public brawls breathlessly reported by the press.
Secretly, a deeply traumatized Draco delights in Hermione’s attention and pines for a real marriage with her—even as her forced proximity to the Black family magic irritates the cursed scar Bellatrix left on her arm, reminding her why she can never truly trust or forgive him. Then Hermione discovers that Draco’s blood will soothe the scar . . . and Draco is willing to trade his blood for her body.
(With post-war blood purity politics, black market potioneers, Pansy Parkinson’s career advice, the Malfoys blackmailing Hermione’s Wizengamot opposition, BDE Neville Longbottom hunting Death Eaters, a slutty Theo Nott serving as Draco’s right-hand man, and Crookshanks loose in Malfoy Manor.)
Series
- Part 1 of THE BLOODY, SLUTTY, AND PATHETIC SERIES
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 195,969
- Chapters:
- 21/21
- Comments:
- 7,333
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- 29,295
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- 11,592
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Bookmarked by bloobob
20 Feb 2025
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To truly know someone is to differentiate between who they once were, who they are now, and who they're capable of being. Hermione realises the duality of one man as she rectifies what she knows of the past and begins to understand the pieces of who Draco Malfoy is now: a father, a son, and a man.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 588,656
- Chapters:
- 42/42
- Comments:
- 9,225
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- 37,851
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- 16,615
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Bookmarked by bloobob
26 Aug 2023
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Draco Malfoy and the Mortifying Ordeal of Being in Love by isthisselfcare
Fandoms: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
08 Apr 2022
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Hermione straddles the Muggle and Magical worlds as a medical researcher and Healer about to make a big discovery. Draco is an Auror assigned to protect her from forces unknown – to both of their displeasure.
Features hyper-competent, fiery Hermione and lazy, yet dangerous, Draco. Slow burn.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 199,548
- Chapters:
- 36/36
- Collections:
- 208
- Comments:
- 13,097
- Kudos:
- 95,216
- Bookmarks:
- 29,719
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- 5,140,172
Bookmarked by bloobob
05 Jul 2023
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i have loved the stars too fondly by luthien_min_doriath
Fandoms: Howl's Moving Castle - All Media Types, Howl Series - Diana Wynne Jones
10 Mar 2021
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Sophie had no hope of keeping up with Michael as he chased the star, even with her seven-league boot. He was a flail of limbs and a sploshy sound of madly running feet ahead of her, as the falling star streaked white down the sky. At the speed it had been going it should have hissed into the pools like a doused match long before he reached it, but now it slowed, as though it was moving through honey. She wrestled with her foot, stuck in the seven-league boot, as Michael stalked the star, a paper cutout against its stark white light.
“What is it? What do you want?” she could hear it shrill, bobbling nervously.
“I only want to catch you,” Michael explained. “I won’t hurt you.”
“Get off, you stubborn thing,” Sophie muttered to the boot, and at last wrenched her foot free. She set off stumping toward Michael. The star stared at the boy with frantic, flickering blue eyes.
“I could save you if you’d let me catch you,” Michael told it. His voice grew softer as he edged closer. “I know magic. Please—” he said, and then with one quick, darting motion, he closed his hands around it like a child catching a firefly.(in which michael is told to catch a falling star, and so he does.)
Bookmarked by bloobob
13 Feb 2023
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Propriety by DuchessofGrandeour
Fandoms: Howl's Moving Castle - All Media Types, Howl Series - Diana Wynne Jones
23 Mar 2018
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Sophie is ready to make her relationship with Howl much more physical, but as an unmarried young woman the rules of propriety stand in her way. Faced with constant interruptions, a meddling stepmother, the overwhelming gossip of Market Chipping, and an upcoming wedding, Sophie desperately seeks private time with Howl.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 41,911
- Chapters:
- 14/14
- Comments:
- 329
- Kudos:
- 3,702
- Bookmarks:
- 851
- Hits:
- 69,044
Bookmarked by bloobob
12 Feb 2023