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Writer's summary: There's no way to tell just by looking at someone whether or not they are a magician. Some are more obvious than others, but Evgeni has been introduced to thousands of people since coming to London and he has never been absolutely certain before.
But when Lady Everly says, "Oh, Your Highness, this is Mr. Crosby," Evgeni knows the man in front of him is a magician.
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The Penguins call him in early when it turns out that Evgeni Malkin is coming over from Russia - or maybe ‘fleeing’ is a better word for it.
“Metallurg had his passport,” Therrien says over the phone. “And when they had to give it back so he could travel with the team, it’s likely that they took - ah, other precautions.”
Magical precautions, he means. They’re practically sanctioned in the Superleague these days, though it’s not like North American hockey has any room to point fingers. Sid grew up a Habs fan; he knows from curses.
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“I fucking told you so many times,” Nate says, still laughing and crying. “How many times did I tell you to get a new phone? More than I can even fucking count. But -”
“I like the button,” Sid frowns. “The newer ones don’t have the button.”
“The newer ones have software updates,” Nate says.
“I’m doing just fine running iOS whatever on my iPhone 8,” Sid argues. They talk about this a lot. Nate usually complains about Sid’s phone because it’s old.
“Yeah, well, it turns out, iOS 11 stopped getting security updates back in 2018,” Nate says.
Sid rolls his eyes. “I have a password on my phone and I’m very careful not to lose it.” He’s not lying, either. He loves his phone, and it’s hard to find the ones with the button nowadays. If he loses it, he’ll have to get one of the ones without a button, and that seems like a true nightmare.
“Your phone is connected to the internet,” Nate sighs. His tone of voice is still slightly hysterical, but also as though he’s talking to a particularly stubborn, stupid five-year-old kid. “People can hack it easily because it’s connected to the internet and you haven’t updated the software since 2018.”
Series
- Part 97 of Men's Hockey RPF
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“That’s my name, baby, I’m Louis.” The voice on the phone inhales sharply, then says, “Gonna take my cock now, princess?”
Harry lets out a high-pitched mhmm and shudders as he pulls his fingers out of his hole, groping for the vibrator. “Nice to meet you,” he says, feeling a bit dizzy with how hard his untouched cock is.
Louis is just a simple phone sex line operator, but to Harry, he's Daddy.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 25,004
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 2
- Comments:
- 175
- Kudos:
- 7,120
- Bookmarks:
- 2,036
- Hits:
- 298,536
Bookmarked by bunsprout
20 Jul 2026
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It kind of sucks that instead of using time travel to go back and kill Hitler, Simon Cowell chooses to use it to get his clients to advise younger versions of themselves. Sixteen-year-old Harry's not bitter, it's just that his relationship with Louis was complicated enough before he saw him with hot dad hair.
Series
- Part 1 of time travel daddy
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 12,179
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Comments:
- 225
- Kudos:
- 3,478
- Bookmarks:
- 1,149
- Hits:
- 176,781
Bookmarked by bunsprout
20 Jul 2026
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Harry raises an eyebrow. "Sex dice?"
"Yup," Louis nods. "You know the ones we sell, one die for a body part and the other for an action to perform on that… part."
"Isn't that what old married couples buy from you to spice things up?"
Louis frowns and opens his mouth to tell Harry off, but then he catches his absolutely dreamy expression and can only laugh. "Yes dear, we're just like any middle-aged married couple. Except for the fact that we're in our twenties and have a box full of bondage gear under our bed."
Two years after meeting in a sex shop, Harry's just returning to Louis from a month-long tour in the States, and they come up with a wholesome bonding exercise.
Series
- Part 2 of sex shop fic (dildornado 'verse)
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Veteran beach volleyball player Namjoon gets prodigy Jungkook, a smitten fan, as a new teammate.
Series
- Part 1 of Volleyball Boys
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 85,339
- Chapters:
- 7/7
- Comments:
- 983
- Kudos:
- 9,315
- Bookmarks:
- 3,593
- Hits:
- 311,486
Bookmarked by bunsprout
19 Jul 2026
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“Nate, I’m gonna murder you,” Sid said, but at the same time he shifted his hips up so he could unbutton his own jeans and slide them down mid-thigh.
“That’s not nice." Nate pressed a kiss to his jaw, before ducking underneath Sid's arm to get his face against Sid’s boxers, where his dick was already pitching a tent. He pressed another kiss to the slit in Sid’s boxers, Sid’s dick trying to poke through. “Daddy.”
“Jesus fucking Christ,” Sid said.
Bookmarked by bunsprout
13 Jun 2026
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Andy shrugged. “It’s not that. And you should stay. But we should talk. Sid and I—”
It was him saying Sid and I that did it. Andy said Sid and I, and it didn’t just dawn on Nate that Andy and Sid were fucking: moreso the realization slammed into him like a truck doing one-twenty down the highway.
“You’re fucking,” he said, like an idiot.
“Yeah, I mean, we’re married, so,” Andy replied. “I guess, yeah. We’re fucking.”
Series
- Part 2 of maritime boys
Bookmarked by bunsprout
13 Jun 2026
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Author commentary for Say When.
Andy shrugged. “It’s not that. And you should stay. But we should talk. Sid and I—”It was him saying Sid and I that did it. Andy said Sid and I, and it didn’t just dawn on Nate that Andy and Sid were fucking: moreso the realization slammed into him like a truck doing one-twenty down the highway.
“You’re fucking,” he said, like an idiot.
“Yeah, I mean, we’re married, so,” Andy replied. “I guess, yeah. We’re fucking.”
Series
- Part 3 of maritime boys
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 27,529
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 33
- Kudos:
- 153
- Bookmarks:
- 5
- Hits:
- 2,839
Bookmarked by bunsprout
13 Jun 2026
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Napping with Sid would be inconvenient, embarrassing, and more than a little gay, and maybe Zhenya was a little gay, but he didn’t need to advertise it.
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"Sid," Geno said, jogging down the stairs two days later. "You not like jizz. Is like shoes thing, or like chunky peanut butter thing?" Sidney had strong feelings about his shoes, but he grudgingly acknowledged that manufacturers continued to issue updated models every few months, so his running shoes were never quite the same even though he always bought the same brand and style. Chunky peanut butter, on the other hand, was inviolate. You did not fuck with the chunky peanut butter.
Or, as I titled the document, Jizz: a love story.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 2,638
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 132
- Kudos:
- 2,659
- Bookmarks:
- 326
- Hits:
- 30,660
Bookmarked by bunsprout
09 May 2026
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podfic of so_shhy's story
There was a kid in Geno's yard.
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Pierre-Luc Dubois normally hates losing. He loses the hockey game, 7-2 against Pittsburgh, and that sucks. He loses his fight against Crosby, and that really sucks.
He loses his dignity on the Pens' locker room floor, and...
Maybe that doesn't suck as much as he thought it would.
Series
- Part 6 of Kinktober 2025
Bookmarked by bunsprout
19 Apr 2026
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It's Sid's job as captain to match up the subs on his team with suitable Doms. It doesn't take long to figure out that the only Dom he would trust Jamie Benn's particular needs to is himself.
Series
- Part 18 of Kinktober 2025
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Summary
The Penguins call him in early when it turns out that Evgeni Malkin is coming over from Russia - or maybe ‘fleeing’ is a better word for it.
“Metallurg had his passport,” Therrien says over the phone. “And when they had to give it back so he could travel with the team, it’s likely that they took - ah, other precautions.”
Magical precautions, he means. They’re practically sanctioned in the Superleague these days, though it’s not like North American hockey has any room to point fingers. Sid grew up a Habs fan; he knows from curses.
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Summary
The thing is, Sid's filthy.
Or he's pretty sure he would be, if somebody would just give him a chance to be filthy.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 25
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 8
- Kudos:
- 72
- Bookmarks:
- 9
- Hits:
- 6,220
Bookmarked by bunsprout
18 Mar 2026
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Geno can't. Sidney won't.
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torigates's fic read aloud. 25mins.
Orpik and Martin had virtually identical responses when I relayed that Malkin appeared to be in a bad mood here.
“The Bully?” Orpik asked.
“The Bully!” Martin exclaimed with delight. “That’s what we call him back in Pittsburgh when he’s like that.”
AKA, Evgeni Malkin: Sex Bully.
Bookmarked by bunsprout
04 Mar 2026
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[podfic] Fastening One Heart to Every Falling Thing by read by lunchee (lunchee)
Fandoms: Hockey RPF
04 Jun 2015
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Thefourthvine's "Fastening One Heart To Every Falling Thing" read aloud. 6hrs35mins.
Geno can't. Sidney won't.