confused_android
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“Breakin’ into your stash, huh?”
Trent opens his eyes to peer muzzily up at Ted. “I had a day,” he says, petulant, and Ted can’t help but chuckle and lean down to kiss him again.
“I’ll bet, sweetheart.” He looks around until he spots the ashtray on the windowsill, most of a joint propped on the edge and a green lighter just beside it. “Do you want to tell me about it?”
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Ted scrubs the palms of his hands on the side of his pants one more time, then sticks his head into the locker room. There’s the usual post-practice chaos, boys wandering in and out of the showers in various states of undress, chatting and sharing memes.
“Hey, Sam.”
Sam looks up immediately while patting some kind of smooth towel thing on his wet hair. Ted’s not sure what it’s called, but maybe he can find out sometime. “Yes, Coach?”
“Come on in here when you get a sec, yeah? No, no rush, you can finish your beauty regimen. Just gimme a few minutes of your time when you’re done.”
“Yes, Coach!”
_____
Ted has to have told Sam about bringing Jamie back to Richmond. He just must have. This is it.
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"Trent, please," Ted begs. "Please."
"We've got all day, darling," Trent murmurs. "I'm not going anywhere."
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Trent ruins Ted, and it's exactly what Ted needs.
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I'm so sorry that you have to have a body by confused_android
Fandoms: Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency (TV 2016)
09 Jul 2023
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"I'm coming in," Dirk says, not bothering to knock. Todd glares at him, sweating and red faced, and lobs a damp tissue dangerously close to Dirk's feet in revenge.
"Get out," he says. "I'm going to get you sick."
"I have a perfect immune system," Dirk says flippantly. "I never get sick."
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The Gang Gets Sick
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hold it close to warm your soul by confused_android
Fandoms: Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency (TV 2016)
07 Feb 2023
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DGHDAtober, Day 19: Dirk- AU
“He’s coming in,” Panto says, a little too loudly, and Dirk shushes him frantically as the bell on the door handle jingles and a blast of cold October air rushes in. Todd, the busker from across the plaza, walks in, guitar slung over one shoulder and eyes fixed on his phone screen. Panto shoves Dirk behind the register and vanishes into the back room.
“You’re back!” Dirk exclaims, and then stammers, “I mean, you’re here! No, I mean – hi!”
Series
- Part 13 of Dirk Gently Prompt Fics
Recent series
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Dirk Gently Prompt Fics by confused_android
Fandom: Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency (TV 2016)
07 Feb 2023
- Words:
- 23,557
- Works:
- 13
- Bookmarks:
- 1
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Trent loses the last three years to amnesia and can't figure out where overly-familiar American football coach Ted Lasso fits into his life.
Bookmarked by confused_android
26 Oct 2025
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Trent Crimm, historically, does not date nice men. Therefore, Trent Crimm does not realize he is in love with Ted Lasso until he explodes his entire career for him in an absolutely absurd series of personal and professional choices and then wears leopard print shoes in public. There's not much Trent Crimm can't overcome with a quip and a smirk--except, apparently, one Kansas man with a backpack.
Series
- Part 1 of I Get a Kick out of You
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 10,515
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Comments:
- 104
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- 1,390
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- 203
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- 11,851
Bookmarked by confused_android
15 Oct 2025
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Newcomer Roy Kent is an overhyped, so-called prodigy whose unbridled rage and mediocre talent rendered his Premier League debut a profound disappointment.
It had been a lie. Almost twenty years since and Trent still remembers. Roy Kent had indeed been full of unbridled rage, but even to Trent’s young, cocky, hyper-critical eye, there was no way he could fairly be called mediocre. Not then. Not ever.
Bookmarked by confused_android
19 May 2025
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Ted learns to let go and love getting taken care of.
- Language:
- English
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- 4,971
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- 1/1
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- 1
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- 19
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- 205
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- 38
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- 2,190
Bookmarked by confused_android
13 Jan 2025
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Trent's--nervous. He's never done something like this before, and it feels insanely risky and stupid and hot. He just... needs something to take the edge off. Needs to get out of his own head for a while. Needs to let go. And he doesn't exactly have anyone he can turn to for that, so--anonymous, in a somewhat official environment (that is to say, an establishment that was generally considered safe for this sort of thing) would have to do.
Just his luck that only the second time he lets himself have this, two of Richmond's coaches walk through the door.
Or: Trent gets strapped to a bench at a sex club; Ted and Beard happen to be there and end up fucking his brains out.
Bookmarked by confused_android
31 Dec 2024