deeducing
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Summary
“What else was I supposed to say, Sam?” Dean asks him. “I’m not...look, Cas is my best friend, and I care about him. That’s it.”
“And you renovated a house for him,” Sam continues. “And live with him.”
or: a year in the life, in which it takes some time, but they figure it out
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Dean’s chest had started doing that thing. The tight thing. The don’t you dare thing.
Cas reached into his pocket.
“Dean Winchester,” Cas said, reverent as a prayer and stubborn as a vow, “will you marry me?” Of course Cas had beaten him to it. Of course he’d planned a whole thing.
Dean eventually managed, eloquently, “You son of a bitch.”
Then he turned and bolted.
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A look into a few of the birthdays of Dean Winchester, the family he has and the family that he's made. A soft landing to a hard life.
Could be read stand-alone from Part 1 but the emotional payoff it is better with the full context.
Series
- Part 2 of How the Future's Done
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Summary
The first time Dean and Cas kiss, it's not really even a kiss at all. It is not, however, the last kiss that they share.
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Dean doesn't think about it. Not about what it means, not about what it makes them, not about how it affects him. This life—that's not how things work. It's just this, these "in the moment" moments that always slip right out of his fingers because he lets them. He doesn't try to hold onto them, and neither does Cas, and maybe they shouldn't.
Cas kisses him like no one else does, like no one else ever has. Dean absolutely does not think about it unless it's happening to him, and then he doesn't have the ability to think at all. What does it say about him that he occasionally kisses his best friend, who's a man? Dean doesn't know, and he doesn't really want to find out, either.
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He doesn't know who to blame anymore, who's at fault at the root of everything. It's Dad. It's Mom. It's Mary, and it's John. It's Dean, at the end of the day. What do the roots matter when the tree is on fire?
"I don't want to be the Dean you wanted me to be," Dean tells her quietly.
Mary swallows. "Don't worry, you're not."
"What's he like? That Dean."
"Just like you."
"Then what's the difference?"
"He never lost his mom."
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Summary
Cas comes back. It's not exactly the reunion that Dean is expecting.
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Dean stares at him, flummoxed. Cas quite literally poured his heart out to Dean, gave a truly sappy and distressingly romantic speech and everything, then proceeded to give his life so that Dean could live his. And he wants to act like he doesn't want to see Dean, be around him, touch him?
Actually, Dean's ninety-nine percent sure that Cas probably wants to fuck him, and while he has no clue how he feels about that, he's pretty goddamn sure that means Cas doesn't get to act like this and make it authentic.
It feels strangely real, though, as if Cas wants nothing more than to get as far away from him as possible. This is a blatant contradiction. Even someone as weird as Cas doesn't want to get away from the person they have the desire to fuck five ways to Sunday, that they're in love with. That's not how these things work, so Dean isn't buying it.
Series
- Part 1 of Cursed Metaphors