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weddings are a mutual copout. just nut up and die alone by goodbyechunkylemonmilk
Fandoms: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
09 Apr 2024
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"Will isn’t even upset about—” Mike gestures vaguely to the space between them, rolling his eyes when Jonathan winces. “Yeah, yeah, everything’s weird forever, I get it. But it’s not like he’s just sitting around pining.”
“Of course not,” Jonathan says in the tight voice that means he’s lying, even though Mike knows for a fact that Will is doing just fine in college, better than he ever has, because wounded soul with hidden depths appeals in a way erratic mess who blacks out at every party really doesn’t. He’s prepared to argue the point, and Jonathan must be able to tell because he presses on, “Forget it. My mom doesn’t hate you, and you’re coming to the wedding."
Series
- Part 5 of mikejonathan
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you're like aging ballerina, child chess prodigy, old magician crazy by goodbyechunkylemonmilk
Fandoms: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
04 Feb 2024
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Summary
Mike wakes up when the front door clicks shut behind Jonathan. His shift starts at nine and ends at two—not enough hours to live on, especially now, when there’s no one to split the bills with. He has another job, but it happens during the week when Mike is haunting his own apartment, so he doesn’t know more than the vague outline of it: a position at a local newspaper, trips to photograph small ethnic festivals and the early rounds of children’s baseball tournaments.
He thinks about getting up to meet Jonathan in the kitchen; he has a minute, maybe a minute and a half, in which he might avoid another gentle conversation about how he’s doing, about trauma and depression and other words Jonathan picked up to help people he likes better than him.
Series
- Part 4 of mikejonathan
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we just need to find something that keeps us together, like a dark secret or a timeshare by goodbyechunkylemonmilk
Fandoms: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
19 Dec 2023
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Summary
Steve tips his chair back on two legs. The wood creaks beneath him, but he doesn’t seem to notice. “Wow,” he says. “You are fucked, dude. Nancy is going to kill you.”
“Yeah, thanks,” Jonathan says, remembering belatedly that he and Steve aren’t actually friends, just two guys with a few important people and a handful of traumas in common. “That’s really helpful.”
“Man, there’s no helping you,” Steve says, way too loudly and with obvious relish. “Nancy’s going to tear your balls off with her bare hands. Didn’t you two just break up?”
“It’s been months,” Jonathan says, voice lowered in an attempt to model discretion.
Steve doesn’t take the hint. “Yeah, that’s not nearly long enough to wait before shacking up with her little brother. They say you should give that kind of thing at least a year.”
Series
- Part 2 of mikejonathan
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when i came out, was it flashy? was it emotional? am i mad that anderson cooper doesn't fly the flag? or for what he's doing in his own way—is it even braver? by goodbyechunkylemonmilk
Fandoms: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
29 Nov 2023
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Summary
Mike's parents announced their divorce two weeks after he graduated from college, which felt like they’d been waiting to get all the kids out of the house but forgotten about Holly. He was married by Christmas of that year and had the gall to claim it wasn’t related.
He was a horror in the lead-up to the wedding, micromanaging everything down to the cab company they took from the airport. He developed a nail-biting habit so bad it disrupted his drunken late-night calls to Will about flower arrangements. It was a mistake in a big, obvious way, but as the person who had continued periodically jerking him off several months into the relationship that was now becoming a marriage, Will didn’t feel like the right vessel for this truth.
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there's only seven types of stories: man vs. man, man vs. dog, dog vs. zombie, james bond, stories of kings and lords, women over fifty finding themselves after divorce, and car commercial by goodbyechunkylemonmilk
Fandoms: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
02 Oct 2023
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Summary
It was a mistake, obviously, to take Mike to Thanksgiving dinner. It just felt wrong not to, when he’s had a standing invitation since kindergarten, and his family situation is more fraught than Jonathan’s, between coming out to his parents and the slow-moving fight he’s in with Nancy, which he insists is only tangentially related to his relationship with Jonathan. Jonathan talked to Will and El and his mother at length before extending the invitation, and everyone said it would be fine, and it inevitably, predictably was not.
“I’m not going to argue with every person who thinks this is weird. It is weird. We knew that going in.”
Mike throws up his hands with enough drama to briefly obstruct Jonathan’s field of vision. “Fine, yes, I know. I dated El and you dated Nancy and Will wanted to date me. You saw me cry when I lost my first tooth and I had a tiny crush on you when I was nine. It’s weird. Okay, sure, stipulated. I don’t see why that means I have to spend the rest of my life fending off your mom with her crazy bug eyes—“
“Hey, watch it.”
“Oh, so now you’ll stand up for something?”
Series
- Part 3 of mikejonathan
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that's like letting a dog drink water out of your mouth. you know, it's not great, but it's legal by goodbyechunkylemonmilk
Fandoms: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
24 Sep 2023
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Summary
Jonathan blinks. “Well, I'm definitely not straight.”
Mike freezes. "You’re not?"
"Mike, we literally just—“ Jonathan doesn't finish the sentence, and Mike is reminded of the excruciating safe sex talk his mother delivered before he left for college, which he’d only been able to bear because he'd already been the recipient of a much more excruciating talk double-teamed by Joyce and Hopper. When he turned red and begged her to stop, she said, “If you're not mature enough to talk about it, you're not mature enough to do it."
"Well, you were like, really high."
Jonathan scoffs. “I was the regular amount high. Anyway, weed doesn't turn people gay."
Series
- Part 1 of mikejonathan
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my first crush was on a batman cake, but my first sexual feelings were about teenage simba because he was really hot, and i still actually find him hot by goodbyechunkylemonmilk
Fandoms: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
01 Sep 2023
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If there’s one thing Mike knows about himself, that he can take to the bank without question, it’s that he is really, really good at annoying people. So he knows Jonathan is going to give in; it’s just a matter of when.
“Come on,” he says, trailing Jonathan through the halls of the Byers’ new house. He’s been working this one project for weeks, and he’s so close to victory he can taste it.
“No way. You’re a baby.”
“I’m fifteen. Eddie was going to let me but—“ He doesn’t need to fake the wobble in his voice. “He’s not around.” He and Eddie never actually talked about smoking together, but he’s pretty sure it would have been fine. They were at least sort of friends, and if he’s wrong about that, then Eddie was still a businessman and wouldn’t have turned down his money.
“Eddie Munson, R.I.P., was literally a drug dealer and not someone I’m interested in emulating.” Jonathan pauses halfway through pouring himself a bowl of mid-afternoon Froot Loops. “Uh, sorry for your loss. But seriously, Mike, I’m not going to give you weed. Drugs are…bad. Just say no. Like, D.A.R.E. and stuff.”
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chairs are colorcoded under chartreuse because it sounds like chair truths. salmon mongers are filed under fuchsia because i refuchsia to serve salmon at this wedding. the tuxes are under magenta because ma-gentlemen will be wearing the dope tuxes by goodbyechunkylemonmilk
Fandoms: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
15 Aug 2023
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Summary
Getting married was Mike’s idea. Nancy had lured them into a conversation about the demands of the patriarchy, which Will suspected was meant to communicate a) that women were full and autonomous beings and b) that she knew about the ring in Jonathan’s sock drawer and wanted someone to tell him more gently than she was capable of that she did not fucking want it. Somewhere in the middle of this, Mike turned to him and asked, “Hey, Will, do you want to get married?“ and because Will had by then made a study of indulging Mike Wheeler, he’d shrugged and nodded. This turned, predictably, into a screaming match between Mike and Nancy about who really got to be upset about the injustices of the institution of marriage, and that turned somehow, inauspiciously, into a wedding.
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every hour and in the oddest places by goodbyechunkylemonmilk
Fandoms: Supernatural (TV 2005)
05 Feb 2023
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Summary
Michael takes a breath and forgets to let it out, feeling like a balloon about to be punctured. He tries to remember the last time Raphael indicated a desire to see him, rather than the other way around. He has always thought of Raphael as like him, loyal and good. They are the two who understand what family costs, but he wonders now if he’s been clinging to something Raphael wants to let go of.
“I should leave.”
Raphael rolls their eyes. “Why? You’ve already ruined my night.”
Raphael is not a gentle person. Michael has never thought of himself as someone who requires gentleness, but now he wants someone to be kind to him. Unbidden, he thinks of Adam checking his temperature when he was sick, a cool hand pressed to his forehead.
Series
- Part 5 of priest!michael
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the routes we take in the dark by goodbyechunkylemonmilk for lumpy_space_princess
Fandoms: Supernatural (TV 2005)
03 Jan 2023
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Summary
Adam paces the living room, gesturing flamboyantly with the baton Michael manifested for him. Watching him, it feels impossible that Michael once believed he wasn’t built to love.
“Phase one,” Adam says, and raps on the whiteboard. He’s drawn an incomprehensible diagram in permanent marker; the only thing Michael can make out, even with his superior intelligence, is MOM HEIST. “Michael,” Adam points to a particular X, “will form a protective bubble around us so that Heaven’s force fields don’t evaporate Ghoul’s non-soul. Phase two, Michael sneaks us through Heaven’s backdoor, taking out anyone who stands in our way.”
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Despite all Sam’s talk about making a new life, the linen closet is full of knives and guns, which Adam only notices when he’s done hyperventilating. He needs fresh sheets, and being a crazy wreck doesn’t mean he can’t be practical, so he grabs for a set of the flannel ones he likes. The motion sends a serrated blade spinning off the shelf, and he moves his foot just in time to avoid being stabbed. This doesn’t spark a second fit, because apparently he’s only afraid of things like riding in cars and being patted on the shoulder.
He takes the sheets and the knife into the library where Sam has three books open at once, a highlighter between his teeth. “I almost died trying to get fresh bedding,” he says, setting the folded sheets down in the middle of Sam’s second book, the knife placed neatly on top.
Instead of looking horrified and apologetic, Sam gazes down at the knife tenderly. “This was Dean’s favorite knife,“ he says, picking it up and holding it with both hands like it’s something precious. His eyes glisten.
Adam doesn't groan because he isn't an asshole, but it's a near thing.
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and i feel god('s grandchild) in this chili's tonight by goodbyechunkylemonmilk
Fandoms: Supernatural
12 Dec 2021
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Summary
“I’m sorry, Michael’s what?” Sam asks, even though Adam knows for a fact that he broke the news clearly and precisely.
Adam pulls the phone away from his ear and lets it clunk against the tabletop, hoping this will communicate his dissatisfaction with Sam’s response. He is not being, he knows, completely fair, since Sam’s reaction maps pretty much perfectly onto his own.
Sam’s tinny voice asks, “But how is that even possible?” which is yet another question Adam asked but is now irritated to have to answer. Michael’s explanation was totally unscientific and relied a lot on claims about how fertile his grace has been made by Adam’s love. Adam would really prefer not to say any of it out loud.
“Well,” he says instead, “he is an angel. I guess most things are possible.”
“So he did it on purpose?”
Adam glances at Michael, who looked normal this morning and is now visibly, massively pregnant. “He says he didn’t.”
“I didn’t,” Michael says snippily. “I told you already, Adam; it’s because your unconditional love has made my grace so fertile.”
Series
- Part 4 of raised-by-wolvesness
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i’m only attracted to guys who are afraid of success and think someone famous stole their idea by goodbyechunkylemonmilk
Fandoms: Supernatural
10 Dec 2021
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Summary
“What did Michael do now?” Adam asks.
Ghoul keeps his eyes on the toaster. “Nothing. Barely seen him all day.”
That’s odd. Usually Ghoul and Michael jump at the chance to complain about each other, and Ghoul in particular loves to play up Michael’s misdeeds.
“Oh, shit,” Adam says, realization dawning. “He actually hurt your feelings.”
“No, he didn’t!” Ghoul exclaims. Then again, when Adam makes a skeptical noise. “He didn’t! I don’t even have feelings, basically. You know that!”
“Having feelings is nothing to be embarrassed about,” Adam says, wondering how he’s gotten himself into a situation where he has to express this or a similar sentiment at least once a week.
“No, yeah, totally, like it’s fine that you have feelings, and it’s even okay that Michael has his wimpy little feelings, I’m just saying that I don’t, so obviously he can’t have hurt them.”
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this place is fancy and i don't know which fork to kill myself with by goodbyechunkylemonmilk
Fandoms: Supernatural
08 Dec 2021
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Summary
Adam is drunk, and Sam isn’t, even though they’ve had the same number of drinks, weird veggie-forward cocktails from a vegan tapas place Adam can’t believe exists within a hundred miles of the bunker. Lantern-lit and full of heavily-pierced waitstaff bearing plates of vegan ricotta, it is definitely not the kind of restaurant they had back in Windom.
Adam gestures with the scallion that came poking out of his latest drink. Sam flinches away from a drop of tomato juice that goes flying across the table. It seems very unfair that Sam isn’t drunk, but of course he is a giant, and besides, Adam’s pretty sure most hunters are at least casual alcoholics. Sam isn’t, as far as Adam can tell, but Dean definitely was, and the gruff old guy Sam keeps trying to get Adam to hang out with, and some of the other ones who are always hanging around but whose names he hasn’t bothered to learn because he is, according to Sam, “depressed,” which is a dumb way to say, “extremely focused on rescuing his boyfriend from the secret angel afterlife no one will tell him about.”
Series
- Part 3 of raised-by-wolvesness
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sometimes i think i lost something really important to me, and it turns out i already ate it by goodbyechunkylemonmilk
Fandoms: Supernatural
06 Dec 2021
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Summary
“This is stupid,” Michael says with his entire arm inside a monster of a turkey while Adam lounges against the counter eating cranberry sauce out of a can. The little wax paper bag of giblets tore when Michael was wrestling it out, and now he’s convinced its tattered remains are going to set the oven on fire. Adam has no idea how likely that is, but he thinks it’s a pretty low-stakes problem when Michael will be standing guard the whole time with archangel grace and a turkey baster at the ready. He considers flicking a glob of cranberry sauce at the back of Michael’s head, but if his other attempts are any indication, Michael will just go incorporeal and let it splatter against the wall, and someone’s going to have to clean all that up at some point. Adam definitely isn’t going to be that someone—Sam is the older brother who damned him to Hell, and Michael is the life-partner who betrayed his memory to be with a genocidal maniac, so Adam’s basically excused from all chores forever, but he does try not to be inconsiderate.
Series
- Part 1 of raised-by-wolvesness
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a complaint about a crying doll from amazon that could also describe myself some days by goodbyechunkylemonmilk
Fandoms: Supernatural
05 Dec 2021
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Summary
It makes Adam feel cruel, how badly Sam wants this to work. Sam needs them to have something in common, even though the only something possible is the Cage, but even that doesn’t count, because Sam was there because he threw himself in to save the world, and Adam was there through a quirk of genetics and because he didn’t ask the right questions.
Series
- Part 2 of raised-by-wolvesness
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i keep making mistakes like looking at the sky and expecting to see stars when we all know all it really is is a dark cloth with holes by goodbyechunkylemonmilk
Fandoms: Supernatural
26 Sep 2021
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Summary
“You’re early,” Michael says when he reaches the table after an absurdly slow trip across the shop. His coat is half-unzipped, and he clutches it to his chest to keep it from slipping down his shoulders. “That’s unusual.”
“Yeah, um. I was in the area because of—errands.” Adam’s mind goes blank, obstinately refusing to come up with a single one of the many tasks involved in the making of an independent adult life. “Uh, you know. The bank, and so on. I just ended up getting here early.” He gestures, a bit desperately, to the mug sitting across from him. “I got you a matcha latte. It’s good you’re early too ‘cause it’s getting cold.”
“Well, I also had. Errands.” Michael hangs his coat over the back of his chair, checking to make sure it’s straight before he finally sits. He picks up the mug and examines it at length, even lifting it to his nose and sniffing the dark green foam. “It smells like grass.”
“If you don’t want it, I’ll drink it.” Adam tries very hard not to sound wounded.
“No, no, I’ll drink it.” Michael takes the smallest possible sip and holds the liquid in his mouth for a second before swallowing.
Series
- Part 4 of priest!michael
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As a matter of principle, Michael doesn’t believe in getting sick, which might be why he doesn’t accept his obvious illness until he parks outside Adam’s squat apartment building and and succumbs to the coughing fit he’s been holding in for five miles. He’s felt off all day, warm and slow and achy, but it’s this eruption that reminds him that a good person, as he is pretending to be, would not choose to infect his friend with an illness just to keep from being alone.
He calls Adam, who picks up on the first ring and says, “Oh, good, you’re not dead.” Michael doesn’t respond because he doesn’t understand this opener and because he has muted his phone to blow his nose. “You’re an entire two minutes late; I was starting to worry.”
“You’re always late,” Michael says, and then has to unmute his phone and repeat himself. It sounds even more childish the second time around.
“No, I know. It was a joke because you’re usually like, twenty minutes early. Is everything all right?”
“Yes,” Michael says, feeling the instinctive urge not to be a burden. “I mean, no. I’m sick. I won’t be able to make it today.”
Series
- Part 3 of priest!michael
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Summary
As the weather grows colder, Adam suggests they move their meetings from coffee shops to his cozy one-bedroom. This strikes Michael as dangerously intimate, but he can’t come up with a reason to refuse, so he walks up the four flights of stairs to Adam’s apartment like he’s headed to the gallows.
Adam opens the door in mismatched pajamas, hot air spilling into the hall. He tugs on Michael’s scarf, grinning. “Sorry to make you come out in the cold.”
Michael ducks lower into the mound of his scarf and upturned collar. “I don’t mind. I like winter.” This has never been true before, but in this moment, with Adam leaning into him, he finds that it is.
“Great.” Adam pulls Michael into the apartment by his coat sleeve. “Lemme give you the tour.”
The tour, it turns out, is just Adam pointing at the bathroom, gesturing to the refrigerator and telling Michael he’s welcome to anything in it, and tugging the bedroom door shut before Michael can get a look inside.
Series
- Part 2 of priest!michael
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you care about what i eat. that’s what a husband does. you cook for me even when i don’t ask. that’s what a husband does. when i pass out you comb my hair so there’s no knots in it. that’s what a husband does. by goodbyechunkylemonmilk
Fandoms: Supernatural
28 Mar 2021
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“We will most likely die,” Michael admits. He means to continue, to explain the doubtlessly brutal fate in store for them, but Adam nods and turns his full attention to his milkshake. He uses a butter knife to saw the candy bar apart, then slides one half across the table to Michael, who accepts it and takes a bite. Food doesn’t have a taste for him, which he’s explained over and over, but Adam insists on sharing. “Is that all?” Michael asks.
“Yeah, pretty much.” Adam rips open a ketchup packet and lets it spill onto his plate, then drags what’s left of his burger through it. “So, will you marry me?”
Michael freezes. “Pardon me?”
“Yeah, like. I guess this is kinda girly, but I always wanted to get married. I wasn’t planning my wedding day or anything, but, I don’t know, my mom never got to, and it was something she used to talk about. I just thought it seemed nice. Like, standing up in front of everyone you know and committing to loving someone for the rest of your life. I don’t really know anyone anymore, but this is the rest of my life, right?”