gothicastiel
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“You have been through so much, Dean. And somehow, nothing scares you more than letting yourself be happy. The world is still here for you, because of you. I hope one day you’ll finally reap that reward and stop punishing yourself. I’ll always be waiting.”
Losing Castiel is the worst thing that has ever happened to Dean. Somehow, it just keeps happening.
Castiel is saved from the Empty; Dean finally faces his own feelings – and has to suffer the consequences. He’s lost his angel more times than he can count, but this time, it could hurt more than ever.
How do you overcome a lifetime of repression and self-hatred when it’s been slowly rotting into your heart for the better part of 40 years? Dean doesn’t know, and he certainly doesn’t have time to work it out – not while the Empty is trying to reclaim Castiel.
Or
Dean and Castiel play gay chicken, but Dean is under threat of losing his angel forever unless Team Free Will save him for good.
beta read by @bulletTears the love of my life <3
updates every tuesday!
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Dean Winchester hates everything except writing, and after five extremely unfortunate bestselling Vatican-approved Catholic erotica novels, he's starting to hate that. After a couple of lawsuits and one North American book tour, he stops for the summer in Absofuckinglutely Nowhere, Newfoundland on a 6-month visa to try and pump out a final book in the series, and try to find a little room to breathe.
Father Thursday, by contrast, doesn't hate anything; not even really God anymore.
- Language:
- English
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- 167,542
- Chapters:
- 37/?
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Bookmarked by gothicastiel
17 Sep 2026