horrificaesthetic
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All The Useless Things These Hands Have Done by horrificaesthetic
Fandoms: The Heart Rate of a Mouse Series - Anna Green
20 Jan 2024
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Summary
He sits up once he’s done laughing, studying me. He settles a hand over my cheek, tracing the smile-lines I know I’m just starting to get around my eyes. (Good wrinkles to have, I say.) “Should I buy some rope, then?” he asks, hopeful, and I have never been able to say no to that face.
I lean into his hand, my mouth against his wrist, and say “Go for it.”
Series
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Domestication by horrificaesthetic
Fandoms: The Heart Rate of a Mouse Series - Anna Green
20 Nov 2023
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Summary
I am suddenly confronted with the feeling of bringing Brendon home to meet my family as I stare at it, stock still. I feel about a second from turning around to Brendon, gesturing to the piano, and saying ‘well, honey, here we are!’
Out loud, I say, “Holy fuck.”
Series
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Like You Would Do For One You Love by horrificaesthetic
Fandoms: The Heart Rate of a Mouse Series - Anna Green
07 Apr 2023
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Summary
I remember how my girlfriends used to like wearing my clothes in the past, something about feeling like it was a mark of our relationship, a part of me on them. I never got it, but I pretended to like it because that seemed like the right thing to do. I get it now. It feels like a physical manifestation of our relationship on my body. His things are my things, and I am his. His clothes and his smell are all over me. It feels like he wants to mark me, and that makes something warm spread through my chest. It’s like when he comes inside me. I feel claimed. Wanted.
“Are you smelling my fucking shirt right now?”
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Sequel to Lover Lover Lover, technically, and picks up right after that fic, (so, when they’re in Chicago right after the end of Volume 3, before the Chicago 1979 oneshot/dinner party at Jon’s) but can also be read as standalone smut, if you’re so inclined. (Ft. Even more “Ryan has some FEELINGS about bottoming,” because it’s my specialty.)
Series
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Come On Back to the War by horrificaesthetic
Fandoms: The Heart Rate of a Mouse Series - Anna Green
05 Mar 2023
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Summary
"I have something to lose. Something I could actually lose, because I’m no longer expecting it to leave. I’m standing squarely on the rug, staring right at him, and sometimes, when he looks at me, I don’t bother to prepare myself for him to pull it out from under me. My bare feet are no longer on their toes. I’m thinking about sitting down, actually. Someday I might even sleep.
Trust. I am so, so afraid of how much I trust him. It’s paradoxical, the fear I feel over my lack of fear. It’s like I’m not allowed to stop being scared."
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A collection of oneshots set in approximately the first year or so after book 3, focusing mostly on Ryan learning to trust their relationship and dealing with his trauma and attachment issues. (Not that he thinks of it in so many words, because it's Ryan.)
Series
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It'll Be Different This Time by horrificaesthetic
Fandoms: The Heart Rate of a Mouse Series - Anna Green
25 Feb 2023
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Summary
“Look, Ryan,” she says after a second, clearly deciding to stop beating around the bush. “I’m sorry about… everything. God, I shouldn't have left you there, I know that. I was young and it was a mistake. I wish I hadn’t. Every day I wish I hadn’t done that to you.”
“Well, you did.” The line goes quiet again as she waits to see if I say anything else. I debate hanging up, but since we’re talking about it now I might as well ask what I wanted to ask. “Why?” My voice comes out more hurt than angry, and I hate that, but I try to ignore it, setting my jaw tighter like I’m bracing for something. I am, I guess. I’m bracing for a hit I know is coming. That’s pretty ironic, considering if she had taken me with her I might not be so good at that.
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I had this realization that Ryan's mom and half siblings are still out there somewhere, and I thought, "hey, that could be interesting! Maybe Ryan would want to talk to her now that he's older and his dad's gone." Then it got way longer and more emotional than I expected, and I took a few liberties with the characters, but whatever. Here's about 20,000 words of Ryan (and me, vicariously) unpacking some feelings about family.
Series
Recent series
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[NAME REDACTED] Writes THROAM Fanfiction To Cope With Being An English Major by horrificaesthetic
Fandom The Heart Rate of a Mouse Series - Anna Green
20 Jan 2024
Summary
These are all canon to each other as far as I'm concerned, and I've made sure they don't conflict with THROAM canon to the best of my ability. (Seriously, I have the official timeline open on the wayback machine at all times right now.)
Just a bunch of post-canon mostly oneshots, because I relate to Ryan a TRULY unfortunate amount, and I find a lot of comfort in imagining that he can be ok. Lol.
(ALL CREDITS go to Anna Green for the characters. This is very obviously not real or about the actual people they're based on.)
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- Bookmarks:
- 16