littlerazorblade



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    When Paramedic Shane Hollander and EMT Hayden Pike start working nights, they expect to spend their shifts getting fucked over by Response Paramedic—and notorious asshole—Ilya Rozanov.

    Shane does end up getting fucked, just not in the way he was expecting.

    (shane just wants to do his job and ride the ambulance. ilya thinks shane should be riding him, instead.)

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    27 Jul 2026

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    Ilya had dismissed the feeling out of hand, except he has now just spent half an hour in the bicycle shop considering the difference between 190 gsm and 250 gsm merino wool and which would best keep Shane warm while wicking sweat during his morning commutes.

    This is yet another thing Ilya has never done before. The only person whose sweat he has ever contemplated the wicking of has been himself.

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    26 Jul 2026

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    Shane’s brain cycled rapidly through a half-dozen celebrities, porn actors, Grindr profiles, every attractive bartender who’d ever served him a beer, trying to find a comparison for this level of outrageously concentrated beauty in one person, but he was drawing a blank.

    The man—Ilya Rozanov, Facilities Attendant, his badge read—gestured around the supply closet. “I help you find something?”

    --
    Canon-divergent AU set during the 2017-18 MLH season. Shane Hollander doesn’t have a single Cup to his name when he meets a very hot and very annoying janitor who works at the Metros stadium.

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    05 Jul 2026

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    Jaw Man flicked his middle finger up at Ilya, who didn’t seem to mind, and gestured towards Shane and Hayden with raised eyebrows. “The f*** are you even doing right now, man.”

    Ilya said briefly, “Orgy.”

    “Uh,” said Shane, “no, that’s not—”

    Ilya grinned at him. It was a mean-edged grin but something about it seemed to suggest that he was joking with Shane, rather than about him. “Oh, he speaks.”

    “We’re not here for an orgy,” Shane said to Jaw Man. “We’re missionaries with the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.”

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    26 Jun 2026

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    Someone’s posted a shaky video from the stands, just behind the whole altercation. It’s close enough to catch the snarl on Rozanov’s face as he charges up the steps. He’s so pretty, Shane thinks faintly. The video starts too late to show what set him off, but it catches the tail end of what the man is yelling, the things he's saying about Shane, before pivoting to calling Rozanov a cunt and bitch and a pussy instead.

    Rozanov drops his gloves for Shane. He wishes he could just be grateful, but it feels a little bit like the end of the world.

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    21 Jun 2026

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