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Seungmin scoffs. “Spiderman is lucky I chose to be a law-abiding citizen and not a criminal mastermind instead.”
Jisung peers at him with an expression that’s hard to decipher, some secret code hidden in the crinkle of his eyes that Seungmin wants to smooth out like a note passed in class beneath hopeful fingertips. “You’re not wrong,” Jisung says as a crowd of college kids push past them on the escalator down to the station and Jisung’s hands find their way to Seungmin’s waist once again. Warm breath tickles against the shell of Seungmin’s ear. “Spiderman would definitely have a weakness for someone like you.”
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seungmin thinks jisung's boyfriend is kind of deadbeat, even though jisung's boyfriend so happens to be spiderman.
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Changbin freaks out. “Jisung, we can’t raise a baby. We can’t! What if we’re bad at it?”
“Don't be insecure, hyung.” Jisung takes a quick look around. It’s rare for him to be the more composed one in these situations but they’ve kept Sunwoo alive for a day and the sky outside hasn’t fallen down yet. He’s buoyed with optimism and the intrinsic drive to always make Changbin laugh. “Your boobs are probably bigger than half of the nursing moms here. I fully trust in your abilities to nurture and provide.”
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“This place should be condemned,” Minho says, peering around at the rotted crown moldings and water-damaged floorboards.
“But you can fix it, right? Make it better again?” He doesn’t want to go through a lengthy interview process or to juggle multiple contractors tackling multiple parts of the house. He just wants one person with the patience and expertise to fix everything that’s broken.
Minho looks at him meaningfully. “I can fix anything,” he says.
Seungmin hires him on the spot.
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Logically, Seungmin knows he’s drowning in the nectar sweet days of a honeymoon phase because he’s no longer horrified at waking up to a “goodnight ❣️” text from Hyunjin sent at 4:04 AM and doesn’t flinch after waiting to send a corresponding “good morning” text after Hyunjin's alarm goes off at 1:20, 1:25, 1:30, 1:35, 1:40, and 1:45 PM. Illogically though, Seungmin doesn’t know why. Because none of this is real.
>> russian translation available here
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“It was nice to meet you, Hyunjin-ssi.”
“I like your haircut,” Hyunjin says, because he should’ve said it before. The dark strands are mussed from where Hyunjin had enthusiastically run his fingers through them while they were making out. Which is—wow. What a sentence, huh? He can hardly believe it. He, Hwang Hyunjin, bookstore owner and part-time disaster, made out with movie star and reformed ending-spoiler-er Kim Seungmin!
How surreal. Surreal, but nice.
a notting hill au
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“You can go,” Minho dismisses, shooing Seungmin away with a wave of his hand. “You have better things to attend to, I’m sure. Mainframes to hack into or whatever it is you do in your free time.”
“It’s okay. You’re my favorite thing to attend to.”
Minho rolls his eyes. “I hope you enjoy unemployment after I report your ass to HR.”
“Are you going to tell HR about the other thing you did to my ass?”
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That earlier sense of mania returns. Untethered and a bit possessed, Jisung whips out his phone and pulls up Minho’s instagram. He clicks the ‘Message’ button on his profile and stares at their blank chat history. The blinking cursor prompts him to type something in.
So Jisung does.
hyung. can i call you hyung? i’m just gonna be honest. brutally honest. i like you. i like you a lot. i think about you all the time. i’ve diverted like 15% of my less-essential bodily functions just to dedicate more of my energy towards thinking about you. seeing you is always the highlight of my day. i want to be with you hyung. i want to lie with you biblically and give you atomic levels of head. i want you to do unspeakable things to me that the carnal community doesn’t have a name for and don’t even know exist. we can do it in the petland stock room. xxx-xxx-0914
Jisung.He presses send before he can really think through the consequences of his actions—then immediately yells, “Fuck!”
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It’s not sexting. She’s just giving Hyunjin advice.
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Days left before Christmas: 10
Daily shots of espresso consumed: also 10 (down from 12, a marked improvement and all thanks to a certain someone with too-kind eyes to temper his penchant for nagging)
Liters of water per day: nowhere close to 3, but Hyunjin’s trying his best
Flour in his diet: none (success!)
His crush on Kim Seungmin: raging, and it’s only getting worse
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“I’m out of clean clothes,” Minho grumbles in complaint. “I only packed enough outfits for a 2 or 3 day trip. How much longer is this going to take?”
“Believe it or not, Stockholming you into taking me back has proven to be a very long and drawn out process, hyung.”
Seungmin hops in the car after receiving his divorce papers in the mail. He types in the address on the navigation app on his phone. Destination: Minho or bust.
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“Should we tell someone? Channie-hyung?”
“No point in worrying him if there’s nothing he can do. Comeback season is already stressful enough on everyone as it is.”
“You’re so thoughtful, Seungminnie.” Hyunjin swoons. “How are you real? How can someone be raised so perfect and well?”
“Moving forward, can you refrain from saying such sickly sweet things when you’re saying it with my face?”
In the midst of promotions, Seungmin and Hyunjin wake up in each other's bodies one morning.
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The two of them get engaged the summer after graduation. The announcement makes front page news in the Korean Herald and Hyunjin’s mom puts a clipping of it on the fridge right next to a copy of Seungmin’s senior thesis paper and acceptance letter into Harvard Business School. It’s the first time Hyunjin’s ever been featured there post-elementary school, when his macaroni art was just slightly more advanced than the other kids in his class, and the sight of it leaves a bitter taste in his mouth because he did nothing to deserve the spot of honor. Unless the culmination of his life’s success is simply marrying Kim Seungmin.
Hyunjin’s tasked with picking out their engagement rings, a pair of golden Tiffany bands. He sends Seungmin’s to him in the mail. His mom has to text Hyunjin the address. He doesn’t have Seungmin’s number saved in his phone.
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“Cats have sensitive stomachs. You have to introduce them to new foods slowly and mix in bigger and bigger portions over time.”
“This would have been helpful to know two weeks ago,” Changbin complains. His bottom lip protrudes into a pretty impressive pout. Idly, Minho thinks Changbin doesn’t have any business being this cute for someone who looks like he could kill a man with a single headlock at only 65% strength.
“It’s okay,” Minho replies, strangely jealous of the man in this hypothetical situation, he would love for the last thing he sees before death is Changbin’s tits in his face, “because you have me now.”
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Chan says, “Hyunjin, I’ve volunteered to mentor a friend of a friend who’s been recently turned so you’ll be seeing him around the apartment a lot over the next few months. I hope that’s okay?”
Which, of course it’s okay. Hyunjin doesn’t mind. Hyunjin tells his roommate as much. “It’s not a problem, hyung.”
And then it becomes a problem. Because that newly-turned vampire that Chan is referring to, the one who is currently sitting in the living room and sipping on a blood pouch from a purple bendy straw? It’s Hyunjin’s former schoolmate and long-time unrequited crush, Rank #1, Class 4’s Kim Seungmin.
“Fuck.”
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“That’s just how they flirt.” Jeongin smirks, popping the lid back on after giving the drink a good stir, and then slipping the cup inside of a corrugated sleeve to prevent any third-degree burns.
“Minho constantly threatening to pour cement down Seungmin’s ear canal while he sleeps constitutes as flirting?”
"It’s his subtle way of bragging that they share the same bed.”
“You have such an active imagination, Yang Jeongin.”
“And you have a concerning inability to read the room.”
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Seungmin chuckles at Jisung’s sour expression before yanking at the protrusion of his childish pout. “Trying to concoct a love potion again?”
Jisung’s only been working at it for the better part of a decade, on and off and mostly as a joke since he’d never force anything like that upon Seungmin. Honestly, he’s just trying to prove he can formulate one in the first place. The exact science of it eludes him; Jisung grows more and more determined with every failure along the way. He’s trashed all sorts of aphrodisiacs and dopamine enhancers, facsimiles of love he swirls around in test tubes and Erlenmeyer flasks, but nothing that comes close to replicating the way that Seungmin makes him feel.
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“What happens if I say no?” Seungmin asks in a whisper that’s barely audible over the air conditioning blasting throughout the room.
“We retract our statement. The public will gossip, of course. Worse case scenario, people interpret this as Han-ssi misunderstanding the nature of your relationship, reinforcing his image as a perpetual loser in love. He becomes the butt of everyone’s jokes. We push back his album by a month while we wait for things to die down and any anticipation he’s built up thus far goes swirling down the drain.”
“And the best case scenario?”
“Kim Yuna announces her marriage and pregnancy in one fell swoop, goes on record promising a long lineage of future gold medalists for the Republic of Korea, the world economy collapses, and maybe – just maybe – this thing gets swept under the rug.”
Seungmin’s mouth goes so dry he can barely generate enough spit to swallow past the lump in his throat. “Oh.”
seungsung are fake dating for the sake of jisung's career. they're definitely not going to fall in love. definitely not.
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There’s a safe house near Itaewon that Seungmin frequents. He swings by at precisely 3:20 PM, but only on weekdays.
Further up the block is a playground. At 3:13 PM, a yellow school bus rolls past and comes to a stop.
Seungmin parks kitty-corner in his usual spot beside an electrical pole. The angle gives him an unobstructed view of the moment when the doors swing open and a familiar school teacher steps out onto the sidewalk.
Seungmin doesn’t know his name, just that everyone calls him Hwang-ssaem, and that he is the most beautiful man Seungmin has ever seen in his life.
The whole process of unloading the students takes about seven minutes.
So for seven minutes, Seungmin pretends. He pretends that he is the kind of man who can have beautiful things.
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from "my most interesting and precious friend" to "my own personal comedian": five titles that hyunjin has given seungmin throughout the years.
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“Isn’t he gorgeous? He gives me butterflies!” Jisung sighs.
“Are you sure that’s not a bowel movement?” Seungmin asks.
Hyunjin crosses himself. “Babe, I can literally hear his stomach rumbling from back here. I swear to God it’s speaking Korean!”
Jisung is lactose intolerant. Felix works at an ice cream store. The math works out somehow.
russian translation available here