shegoesbyjoy
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You hardened the parts of yourself that you could, and prided yourself on the stability it offered you. Hard enough to calcify only to be subjected to hit after hit after hit, the fractures later healing into something even tougher, even stronger, even more resistant. This became your armour, the cool exterior—tightly controlled and carefully calculated. This is who you became. This is who you are. Calm under pressure. Unflappable.
And ultimately, this is what people praised you for. For a person like you in a city like Revachol, this was a choice made for you as a prerequisite for survival. To earn the respect of others, a part of you had to be put to rest.
It had to be put out of its misery.
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Harry is released from the hospital after another close brush with death. Kim begins to break under the weight of all that he has built himself to be.
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Some people must find it strange, you think. That you don't miss them, or miss the idea of them, or wish that you could've gotten to know them. Your face is blank whenever the topic comes up, not because you’ve carefully crafted it to be (as so often is the case), but because you’ve long since ceased to feel any one way about it. Not a single stirring of emotion makes itself known during these moments—not in your face, nor in your heart.
It happened so long ago.
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The past cannot be changed. Kim knows this and has long since accepted the hand that he was dealt. So when it comes to the loss of his parents Kim feels nothing at all, not anymore. After all, “family” as a concept feels as foreign to him as Seol itself.
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Maybe it’s the fact that the sun has just started to crest over the horizon, casting a picturesque glow over the streets of Jamrock, tiny murmurings of life starting to make itself known as the earliest risers begin their day. Golden light has begun spilling over the nooks and crannies of a neighborhood that's long since been left to the dogs, rough edges blanketed by a temporary softness. On this day, dawn presents itself to Harry with a sense of delicate serenity that he rarely experiences.
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On the first sunrise, “Kim” is just the name of another stranger to an amnesiac who couldn't even remember his own. By the seventh sunset, Harry is shot and ends up owing Kim his life, while Kim himself starts to reckon with just how much he's being saved in return. This is the story of what follows—a bond that grows with every passing sunrise and sunset, becoming deeper and more vital than either man could have ever expected or dared to hope for.
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He spent the entire winter trying to make you love the snow just as much as he did. The more you resisted, the more he smiled—as if he could convince you just through sheer joy and boundless enthusiasm.
Stretched out in front of you were rows upon rows of gravestones topped with little piles that looked strikingly similar to dollops of meringue. Below, where there would usually be patchy grass and brown dirt, there instead was a glittering layer of white that concealed dying bouquets and broken twigs under smooth, nondescript mounds. Against the pristine surface, long blueish shadows painted the cemetery grounds in a pattern not dissimilar to zebra stripes—light, then dark, then light again. Everything, from the benches dotting the nearby walking path, to the surrounding trees and crumbling stone fences, to the tops of sodium lights and sloped rooftops further into the distance, was dusted in a layer of snow. Much of it still untouched and flawless.
It’s beautiful.
For the first time that morning, you began to feel the warmth of the morning sun on your face.
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HEARING – “It was the loss of my usual human furnace that woke me,” Kim reassures with a crooked smile. A moment passes. “Your whistling skills have improved.”
SIGHT – Neither are looking at the camera. Rather, their gazes are wholly fixed on each other, and in both their eyes—joy, admiration, love.
SMELL – It smells like the comfort of Harry’s shoulder, a sure and solid presence underneath Kim’s head as the drone of the bus engine behind them lulls his tired body to sleep. It smells like Harry’s side of the bed, on the days Kim wakes up alone and flips over to it to enjoy the last of Harry’s warmth as he gets ready for an early morning run. It smells like home.
TOUCH – Work remains as professional as ever, but here at home he and Harry are greedy for each other’s touch, always.
TASTE – He looks up just in time to see Harry's other hand absentmindedly reach toward him to swipe at the top left corner of his lip. Harry’s index finger comes away with a touch of whipped cream, which he promptly licks off.
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Tender moments between Kim and Harry, with each chapter based on one of the five senses.
Recent bookmarks
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state of emergency (how beautiful to be) by ghost999
Fandoms: Disco Elysium (Video Game)
30 May 2025
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His voices must be going at it, because you watch as he furrows his brow, looks at you and nods, steps closer, steps back, steps closer again.. and then he smiles a little bit. It’s small and unlike his usual brilliant grin or the sleazy grimace he once wore in Martinaise. It is kind, and open, and warm. For some reason, this ugly and imbalanced part of you has made his day better. You feel as though something is being given to you, even though you were the one who volunteered personal information. You feel as though you should hold it in your hands and learn to feel it without shying away. You feel the telltale shiver of a moment, as they say. You feel the undercurrent of a choice.
Will you try today?
Bookmarked by shegoesbyjoy
01 Jun 2025
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The lieutenant admits he hasn’t been smoking much lately. He stopped smoking out of boredom, and now not smoking is causing him boredom. You offer to break his streak with him.
He nods. “Mm. I would like that.”
While you speak, you notice Kim idly rotating the puck of pyrholidon in his gloved hand, admiring the deep purple color.
“Have you ever tried pyrholidon?”
Bookmarked by shegoesbyjoy
20 Sep 2023
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There is a swallow in the old cinema and we are all a part of it.
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Harry gets lost in a swallow. Kim and Jean follow.
Series
- Part 1 of Tell Me, Am I Dreaming?
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- English
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- 40,951
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Bookmarked by shegoesbyjoy
16 Sep 2023
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The dreams begin as soon as Kim returns from Martinaise, and at first they mostly make some sort of sense.
- Language:
- English
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- 11,847
- Chapters:
- 1/1
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- 1
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- 59
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Bookmarked by shegoesbyjoy
13 Sep 2023
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In a world where dead men speak, the pale grows in an empty church, and one man is twenty-six voices loosely wrapped in a disco blazer, why wouldn't love be destined?
A soulmate AU of Disco Elysium, with scenes spanning from the start of the in-game story to post-canon.
Bookmarked by shegoesbyjoy
08 Sep 2023