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Hux has always been a man of science. So, though they were all right there in front of him, he hadn’t seen the signs of his rapidly growing affection for his…bed partner. At least, not until he was scrolling the holonet, bored late one evening while Kylo was away on a mission. That’s when he saw it.
13 Scientifically Proven Signs You’re In Love
At first he only snorted. How ridiculous. As though such a thing was worth the time of scientists.
But as he started to scroll away, he found himself curious. What could it hurt? If nothing else, it would be entertaining.
So he clicked the link.
He skimmed past the introduction and straight to the list in question, which was, to his distaste, accompanied by cheesy stock images of couples of various species. Under each item was a short paragraph of explanation.
- This one is special. When you’re in love, you begin to think your beloved is unique…
Well, that one was ridiculous. Of course Kylo was unique. There was no one as powerful with the Force in all the galaxy, aside from the Supreme Leader. And Kylo’s face, well…he’d never seen anything like it, and was sure he never would.
He shook his head as he caught himself beginning to zone out, imagining Kylo’s smile while one started to form on his own face. No. The point wasn’t to compare this to their partnership. It was simply to pass the time.
- They’re perfect. People who are truly in love tend to focus on the positive qualities of their beloved, while overlooking his or her negative traits…
Hux snorted. That certainly didn’t apply. He and Kylo were constantly tossing insults back and forth, even if perhaps they had lost their sting. Nevermind that he also, sometimes, not that often, really, gave just as many compliments..always in bed, of course, always about the sex, of course. Well, maybe not always…
He didn’t like that train of thought one bit so he moved on.
- You’re a wreck. As is well known, falling in love often leads to emotional and physiological instability…
Hux actually laughed aloud at that one. Now they’re making sense, he thought. Then his face fell as he saw some of the supposed ‘symptoms’
exhilaration, euphoria, increased energy, sleeplessness, loss of appetite, trembling, a racing heart and accelerated breathing
…all of those could also be the result of being in charge of a massive Star Destroyer, or that’s what he told himself as he scrolled on.
- Adversity made us closer. Going through some sort of adversity with another person tends to intensify romantic attraction…
An image comes to Hux’s mind, unbidden, a moment they don’t speak of: Kylo in the medbay after Starkiller, his eyes red-rimmed and watery, his trembling hand reaching for Hux. And Hux, shaken and lost, reaching back, holding on for dear life because nothing else in the galaxy felt right anymore except this…
Hux shuddered and skipped ahead without reading the rest of the paragraph.
- You’re obsessed with them. People who are in love report that they spend, on average, more than 85% of their waking hours musing over their “love object”…
Hux exhaled, relieved. He had much more important things to think about than to devote 85% of his waking hours to Kylo…
Then he cursed. The very fact that he was holding each of these points up like a magnifying glass to his and Kylo’s relationship didn’t help that argument much. He quickly moved on.
- You wish you could be together all the time. People in love regularly exhibit signs of emotional dependency on their relationship, including possessiveness, jealousy, fear of rejection, and separation anxiety…
Hux glanced forlornly at the empty space in the bed beside him. His chest felt tight, unpleasantly so, and so he turned away and kept reading.
- You hope you stay together forever. You long for emotional union with your beloved, seeking out ways to get closer and day-dreaming about a future together…
Well. Hux had certainly never daydreamed about a future with Kylo, like some smitten teenager.
Then he thought, suddenly, about the possibility of a future without Kylo. Such a thing was…was…
He shuddered again and kept scrolling, angrily wondering why he was even still reading this nonsense.
- You’ll do anything for them. People who are in love feel a powerful sense of empathy toward their beloved, feeling the other person’s pain as their own and being willing to sacrifice anything for the other person…
Another image: Kylo returned from training with Snoke, battered and pale and haunted. It made Hux’s heart ache in a way he didn’t know it could. He wished, sometimes, in some small, deep, hidden part of himself, that he could make it stop, that he could…could…
No. That’s treason.
This was no longer an enjoyable, mindless distraction. Yet for some reason he pressed on.
- Thinking, would they like this? Love is marked by a tendency to reorder your priorities and/or change your clothing, mannerisms, habits or values so that they better align with those of your beloved…
That’s more like it, Hux thought with a glance around his quarters. He certainly hadn’t changed anything about himself for Kylo…
He froze. Yes you have, a traitorous voice in his head reminded him. He’d rearranged his bridge shifts to allow them more time together. He’d started taking better care of his skin and nails. He even used a little less hair gel, knowing how Kylo liked to ruffle it free of its style at the end of the day.
Kriffing hell…
- You want to be exclusive. With love comes possessiveness, a desire for sexual exclusivity, and extreme jealousy when the partner is suspected of infidelity…
Even buried up to his eyes in denial, Hux couldn’t deny the rush of heated anger combined with a twisting in his gut at the very thought of Kylo with someone else.
And what would stop him? He could have anyone and anything he wanted, maybe Hux was merely convenient right now…
Hux shook his head and looked at the list again. Three more to go, then he could rid himself of all of this meaningless drivel and return to doing productive things, like…distracting himself from missing Kylo some other way.
- It’s not about sex. While the desire for sexual union is important to some people in love, the craving for emotional union takes precedence…
Hux had to sit back and think about that one. His gut reaction was to say it was untrue, what he and Kylo had was just about sex.
Except…that didn’t explain the nights Kylo dragged himself in, undressed only halfway, flopped onto the bed regardless of whether Hux was in it or not, and was out like a light. Nor did it explain why Hux could never quite make himself kick him out. Or why anymore they ate most meals together, or sometimes stopped to talk in the corridor even if there were no pressing matters.
Hux almost wished he’d been keeping tally of how many of these applied. It was probably best he didn’t, he decided.
- You feel out of control. Individuals who report being “in love” commonly say their passion is involuntary and uncontrollable…
Hux groaned at the frightening accuracy. He sought control in every aspect of his life, and yet he never felt less in control than when he was with Kylo. Not because Kylo ever made him do anything, quite the opposite, he was surprisingly docile when they were alone together. No, it was because when Kylo was around, Hux found himself doing and saying and thinking things that he normally never would, not in a million years.
With no small amount of dread, Hux scrolled down to the final item.
- You thought of them the whole time you were reading this, didn’t you? Alright, that one might not be science, but…
Hux scowled at the screen. He closed out the window with a firm swipe and tossed the datapad onto the bed beside him. Nonsense, all of it, stupid, meaningless…
Oh, hells.
He was in love with Kylo kriffing Ren.
He pulled his knees up to his chest and pulled the blanket around himself, suddenly feeling adrift and needing something to anchor him. (And oh how he wished it was Kylo and not this flimsy blanket which never seemed warm enough anymore.) What was he going to do with this new information? Should he say something? What if Kylo didn’t feel the same? What would he do then? And if he didn’t tell him, how long could he hold this thing, so warm and true, within him before it cut him in two from the inside?
Suddenly all Kylo’s talk of being torn apart didn’t seem so dramatic.
He was so lost in his thoughts on the matter that when the door to his quarters slid open he nearly jumped out of his skin. A moment later a familiar dark figure lurked in the doorway.
“You weren’t supposed to be back for two more days!” Hux snapped, though he was more angry with himself for being startled than he was at Kylo. It was hard to be truly angry when he was standing there in one piece.
“It’s good to see you, too, General,” Kylo replied as he removed his mask, his voice ringing with that playful tone that made Hux want either to kick or kiss him. “The mission went fine, thank you for asking…”
“Alright, cut it out.” Hux took a deep breath to calm his heart. As he exhaled he remembered everything he had just been reading, and thinking.
“Hux?”
“Hmm?”
Kylo was in front of him, looking concerned. Usually, after he returned from being away, it was the other way around.
“Are you alright? You got very pale just now.”
He pressed a warm hand to Hux’s forehead and as his thumb brushed lightly, soothingly across Hux’s brow, it was a lost cause.
“I love you,” Hux blurted out.
Kylo pulled back, startled, and stared at him. Regret welled up in Hux so quickly it nearly choked him. He was about to take it back, take back everything else he’d ever said along with it, kick Kylo out and live out his days hiding in this room.
He opened his mouth to speak, and Kylo covered it with his own, swallowing his words with a kiss.
Though their lips were still pressed together, Hux heard Kylo’s reply as clear in his mind as one of his own thoughts.
It’s about time, and I love you, too.