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“It’s not dangerous, Mikey.” Silence. “It’s not.” Silence for a few more seconds and then a resigned sigh.
“All I’m saying is to be careful, Gerard,” Mikey said, pushing himself away from the fridge and leaving Gerard alone in the kitchen.
Gerard was being extremely careful; he always was. He was the most paranoid man alive, so he did everything with caution. After reassuring himself that he was most definitely not being reckless, he followed Mikey into the living room, expecting more lectures. Instead, he found Mikey sprawled on the sofa with Gerard’s phone, laughing at whatever he was reading.
“What are you looking at?” Gerard asked, leaning over to snatch his phone away.
“Nothing,” Mikey said, smoothly rolling off of the couch and out of Gerard’s reach. “Just you being such a dork with Frank!”
“Mikey!” Gerard squeaked, running around the sofa to catch Mikey.
“Why do you always have to do that?!” Mikey recited the messages, voice a pitch higher to mock Gerard and Frank.
“Stop!” Gerard whined, already breathless from circling the living room in a useless chase.
“It’s not me, it’s you! You always say nice shit and then you make me blush!” Mikey was struggling to read, not from running – that was just Gerard – but from laughing at each word. “Well I like the way you blush so I’m not sorry!”
“Mikey…I swear to God…” Gerard was really struggling to breathe now. He stopped running and bent over, hands on his knees, his side cramping from so much physical excursion. He was so out of shape.
Mikey hopped up onto the sofa, continuing to recite the messages. “You are such a jerk! Well you love this jerk. Only sometimes when you’re not being an asshole. Oh, I compliment you so I’m the asshole?? You’re an asshole because you compliment me to make me blush!”
Gerard just peered up at Mikey from behind his hair. Mikey was narrating every message with the exact same tone of voice, going through it all like it was one long paragraph. If any other person could hear him, they would not be able to figure out which statements belonged to Frank and which to Gerard, but Gerard knew. It wasn’t because he reread every conversation they had – he used to do that at the beginning, but the lengthier their conversations got, the harder that became. The reason Gerard could tell was because it was always Frank showering him with compliments, embarrassing him even though he was so many miles away.
Gerard was suddenly smiling. That happened a lot, whenever he allowed himself to think too much about Frank. He would drift off into the last conversation they had and recount the many things that had made him fall for Frank.
“Well, this is boring,” Mikey said, back to speaking in his own voice. “You’re smiling and not pissed. You’re so fucking in love, kill me.”
“Shut up,” Gerard muttered, awkwardly scratching his face as he felt it warm up.
“Just be careful, like I said.” Mikey tossed Gerard’s phone to him and Gerard barely caught it, still a bit distracted. “You hear me, lover boy?”
“Y-Yeah.” Gerard nodded. “I will. I am. I always am.”
“Dork, stop daydreaming and go get my noodles,” Mikey concluded his lecture, plopping down into a seated position and digging around for the remote.
Gerard went back into the kitchen. He scrolled to the bottom of the messages that Mikey had been reading from, making sure he had not missed a new message from Frank. Luckily, he had not. The last messages there were their good night messages from mere hours ago.
“Skype tonight?” Gerard hit send and the reply was almost immediate, not even giving him time to lock his phone.
“Like I’d ever say no.”
Gerard locked his phone and put it on the counter, far away from himself, or he would just stare at the screen and smile for the rest of the day. He chose to smile at the noodles as he poured them into two separate bowls, and then at the TV as he ate and watched with his brother.
Frank and Gerard had never met before. About five months ago, bored out of his mind, Gerard logged onto Omegle. Every time he had been on the site, the conversations he had with people were stupid and almost always ended with a request to share nudes, and if that request was rejected, the stranger left. It was a good way to kill time, though, so he went through a few chats, speaking like Yoda just to irritate some people. A few actually found it funny, and spoke back to him the same way, before the messages began to dwindle out and Gerard would leave because it was boring.
Gerard had gone through quite a number of strangers that night and was already yawning when he started a new chat. He told himself it would be the last one.
Stranger: “do not share or ask for dick pics I AM BORED CAN 1 PERSON PLEASE HAVE A DECENT FUCKING CONVERSATION WITH ME”
Gerard smiled. He liked this person already. Gerard typed, “are you saying your dick isn’t worthy of conversation? how insulting”
Stranger: “my dick is the absolute best topic of conversation, but any conversation that starts about dicks is only gonna go downhill”
Stranger: “like this one. you’ve started with my dick, so it’s bound to suck”
Gerard snorted a bit. He wondered if that pun was intentional. With the sarcasm coming off this person, he had a feeling it was. He replied with: “you started it, you fucking greeted me by talking about your dick”
“oh and putting your dick and suck in the same sentence is probably not helping the cause,” Gerard added.
They went on for about five minutes, arguing about whose fault it was that the stranger’s dick was still being mentioned and when they finally came to the conclusion that it was a draw, they had some great non-dick things to talk about. Surprisingly enough, they shared the same taste in music, so that gave them enough to talk about for a while. They literally went on for hours and it wasn’t until the sun started peeking through Gerard’s bedroom window that he realized how much time he had spent talking to this person.
Gerard typed, “fuck the sun is coming up”
Stranger: “shit same here…you talk a lot asshole”
Gerard shook his head, laughing lightly. “don’t start this fight again”
“I kinda don’t wanna stop talking,” Gerard decided to add suddenly. He figured since this person was still a stranger, there was nothing to fear when it came to embarrassment. If things went sour, he could easily run away from it all with the click of his mouse.
Stranger: “me too”
Gerard breathed a sigh of relief.
Stranger: “and I wanna know more about you other than the fact that you like talking about my dick and listening to awesome music”
They introduced themselves properly. The stranger’s name was Frank and he lived in Pennsylvania, though he had grown up in Jersey, where Gerard currently resided. That was an awesome coincidence; their entire encounter was. They exchanged emails, figuring that was the best way to keep in touch without giving away too much personal information just yet.
Long emails about varying subjects were sent back and forth for about a month before they moved onto Skype, but only spoke through instant messages. Neither of them had the courage to video chat just yet. When two more months passed and they realized that they were speaking to each other every single day, and that they had shared so many intimate details of their personal lives, they mutually decided that they had to see each other. Gerard suggested pictures, knowing he could take an attractive picture of himself at just the right angle, add a few filters to hide his flaws, and give Frank the illusion that he was attractive. Frank wanted to video chat, though, and after coaxing Gerard a bit, Gerard agreed.
The night they were supposed to see each other on video had Gerard shaking with nerves. He put on so many different shirts, and decided on a plain black t-shirt in the end, trying to exude effortlessness. His hair was hopeless. He had showered, hoping that ridding it of grease would make it easier to manage, but it was long and simply unmanageable. Frustrated with himself, he let it be. It only got messier as he continuously ran his fingers through it. How he looked was one issue he could overcome; however, his awkward nature would no longer be hidden behind cleverly typed words.
“Let’s cancel the video date,” Gerard texted Frank. They had just exchanged phone numbers a few days ago, making it easier to get ahold of one another.
“Fuck you! I’m logging on now,” Frank replied.
Gerard sighed. He turned on his webcam before logging on, checking to see how he looked and if any specific part of the room had more flattering lighting. He had settled for his bed but realized he would slouch a lot, and his multiple chins would make a guest appearance, so he went to his desk. He couldn’t stall much longer, so he logged onto Skype.
Once both their cameras went on, Gerard’s mouth dropped open. Gerard's life was unfair. Frank sat at a desk chair, hands folded in front of his mouth, looking a bit nervous. One of his arms was covered in tattoos and the other just had a few. Gerard knew about the tattoos, but they looked so good, so much better than he had imagined. And Frank’s face. His eyes were wide and curious, not looking directly into the camera because they were too busy looking at the screen, looking at Gerard. Gerard’s stomach churned. The lighting was not its best, but Gerard could see Frank’s hair clearly enough. The sides were mostly shaven and dyed a bright red, while the top was black, and grown long, falling over the side of his face. Gerard’s life was so unfair.
“The fuck,” Gerard breathed, his voice barely a whisper. “You’re hot.”
Frank’s eyes shrunk, wrinkling as he giggled – giggled. Gerard would surely lose his mind.
“I can hear you, you know,” Frank said, tapping the small white headphones plugged into his ears.
“So not fair,” Gerard whined, throwing his hands over his face. “You’re so not allowed to look like that.”
“Shut the fuck up,” Frank said, still laughing. “Would you move your hands so I can look at you? I liked what I saw so far.”
“No you don’t,” Gerard argued, hands still over his face.
“You can’t tell me what I like!” Frank scoffed. “Come on, you talked like a big dork, made yourself seem like you were a big dork, but you look nothing like a big dork. You look really good and I wanna look at you for more than five seconds.”
Gerard peered between his index and middle finger. Frank had moved closer to the camera now, eyes still on the screen. His hands were no longer over his mouth, leaving his nose and lip piercings in clear view.
“If you’re lying to make fun of me, I’m changing my number and we’ll never speak again,” Gerard warned him.
“Show me your fucking face, Gerard,” Frank said, rolling his eyes. Gerard’s whole body tingled with this weird sensation that rippled through him when he heard Frank say his name.
Gerard took a deep breath and moved his hands away, shyly biting at his lip. He looked at himself in the small square at the bottom corner and then back up at Frank; the comparison embarrassed him.
“Don’t ever hide from me again, asshole,” Frank said, smiling so fondly at him. “And don’t ever talk shit about yourself. You look so fucking good.”
“Whatever,” Gerard mumbled.
They were quiet for a moment, but it wasn’t awkward the way silence usually was. A moment was needed to really take in the face of the person they had grown so close to the last few months.
“You saying my name sounded nice,” Gerard finally cut off the silence, blushing a bit when he realized what he said.
One side of Frank’s mouth pulled up into a smile. Gerard liked when his mouth did that.
“Yeah, Gerard?”
Gerard nodded and then stared down at his keyboard. He felt warm all over and there goes his shower because he must have been sweating buckets.
“Oh my God, you actually blush!” Frank’s voice exclaimed in Gerard’s ear. Gerard peered up and saw that Frank had moved even closer to the screen. “Fuck, that’s cute.”
“I am so done with this conversation.” Gerard groaned, throwing a hand over his face.
“Hey, hey, no hands on your face,” Frank quickly berated him. Gerard reluctantly moved it away. “Now it’s your turn.”
“My turn for what?” Gerard asked, head tilted to the side.
“I wanna hear you say my name, too,” Frank said, finally looking shy as well. Gerard did not want to be the only loser having a heart attack.
“Um, okay.” Gerard paused to clear his throat. “Uh, yeah, Frank.”
Frank smiled immediately, like Gerard’s voice literally triggered it onto his face. Gerard’s nerves slowly but surely lessened after that and they eased into talking normally. Frank had to indulge a few times in watching Gerard blush after he complimented him. Gerard had not thought that he could carry on a very long conversation on video, but they went on for the entire night, just like they always did. They even passed their five AM mark, which was always the point when they were giggling and laughing at everything. Once it hit five AM, Gerard was too sleepy to be the least bit self-conscious, so he would unleash his stupidest jokes and watch Frank crack up at them. It was no different with a camera and a microphone capturing their stupid jokes. Gerard was surprised at his own ease and comfort.
They only talked to each other on video occasionally after that. Although Gerard loved seeing Frank, he preferred speaking through text and instant messages. Frank understood and Gerard appreciated it more than anything, so when Frank sometimes asked to video chat because he simply wanted to see him, Gerard could never say no.
Now, after knowing each other for five months, after confessing that there was something there, that there were undoubtedly some strong feelings between the two of them, they would be meeting each other. That was why Mikey had decided to give Gerard what he thought were necessary warnings. Mikey had known about Frank and did not have anything to say until he knew that Frank was actually going to visit; he probably had not really taken it very seriously before then.
Gerard was not worried. Well, that was a lie. Gerard was very worried, but not for the same reasons as Mikey. Gerard feared whether or not that spark that they felt during every late night chat session would be there when they met face to face. Would the casual silences that they had over Skype video calls suddenly become awkward and tense without the barrier of a brightly lit screen?
Frank was visiting some relatives for a few days and he would spend the last day of his visit with Gerard. Mikey threatened to stay and crash Gerard’s date, but at the end of the night, he wished Gerard all the luck in the world and left. Gerard had just a few more hours. He was going to die before then.
Gerard met with Frank on Skype as they always did, but this time Gerard actually suggested they have a video call, which was strange because it was almost always Frank who asked for it. Gerard hoped that actually seeing Frank smile and giggle at Gerard’s most embarrassing moments, would tame his worries.
It did well enough. They were up until nearly eight in the morning – their typical time – and they had far surpassed the five AM checkpoint of everything was hilarious even though none of it made sense.
“I swear that bird sounded like an alien, dude, I almost pissed myself!” Gerard wheezed, head buried in his pillow as he laughed.
“Everything makes you pee yourself!” Frank giggled, his own face barely in view because he was laying on his side, his laptop set in front of him.
“Irrelevant,” Gerard yawned, waving him off.
“Are you just as stupid after five AM in person?” Frank asked.
“I don’t think it’s possible to not be stupid after five,” Gerard said with a shrug. “Too fucking sleepy to think, but not sleepy enough to sleep.”
“Or just too busy talking to me to sleep,” Frank suggested, smiling smugly.
“Or that,” Gerard admitted with another yawn. “We should probably sleep.”
“I’m so mad I can’t spend all day at your place,” Frank sighed, lifting his head up, giving Gerard a better view of his sleepy face.
“Me, too, but hey it’s better than nothing. You sure you’ll be able to find your way here?”
“Yeah,” Frank said. “I’ll be fine. I’ll try and rush my uncle so I can come over earlier.”
“As long as you get here,” Gerard said with a nod.
“I can’t wait to see you,” Frank said, looking at the screen with longing in his eyes. It always took Gerard’s breath away when Frank said something like that and meant it so sincerely.
“Me, too,” Gerard agreed.
Unfortunately, they had to wait. Frank was stuck hanging out with his uncle for the entire day. Gerard received back to back text messages of complaints, apologies, and then more complaints from Frank. It was nighttime when he told Gerard he was finally on his way. Gerard paced the living room a number of times, going to the kitchen to drink water every once in a while for no reason in particular. Gerard’s doorbell rang and he felt like pissing. Frank was right; everything made him pee himself.
When Gerard opened the door, though, all his apprehensions were thrown to the back of his mind and all he wanted to do was hold Frank’s small frame in his arms, so he did. Frank returned the hug without any hesitance, wrapping his arms around Gerard’s back. Frank was so small. He had told Gerard how short he was, but Gerard had not anticipated how tiny Frank would feel when he held him, how Frank’s head would rest perfectly against Gerard’s neck. He was far too perfect for any computer screen to ever do him justice. Gerard was so gone for him and he had no problem with that.
“You’re so fucking small,” Gerard breathed into Frank’s hair.
“And you’re so much more of an asshole,” Frank laughed.
Gerard felt Frank’s breaths hit his neck, and he pulled Frank back by his shoulders, eyeing him like he was not real. It could not be real. Gerard could not believe that he was actually lucky enough to be experiencing that moment.
“Can I kiss you before I wake up from this dream?” Gerard asked.
Frank rolled his eyes and hopped onto the tips of his toes, pressing his lips to Gerard’s. It was a quick peck at first, but Gerard could not go on with just with that. When Frank pulled back, Gerard slouched a bit to catch his lips in another kiss. Frank smiled just before their mouths met again. Small, happy whimpers would escape them occasionally and they would laugh at one another before going back to this heated exchange.
They eventually had to stop since breathing was a necessity to staying alive, but there was never more than a few feet between them. Gerard showed Frank around his very small apartment, happy grins on their faces throughout the quick tour. Even while Gerard prepared coffee for the two of them, Frank remained attached to him. He held Gerard from behind, fingers playfully winding around the hem of Gerard’s shirt. They took their coffee to the bedroom, but it was soon forgotten on the floor as they cuddled up against each other.
Frank lay snuggled into Gerard’s side, hands splayed out against Gerard’s clothed chest. Gerard would trade between lightly trailing a finger over the tattoos on Frank’s forearm and then running through the long strand of hair Frank still had. He had dyed the rest of it black, but kept the sides shaven.
The atmosphere was so relaxed between them. Every fret Gerard had about whether or not things would be the same when they met were gone because everything was so much better. The conversation flowed effortlessly between them. They were even able to discuss how far they would go with each other physically, without it being the least bit weird or embarrassing.
“I don’t wanna feel like we rushed it, I guess,” Gerard said, a bit distracted as his finger traced the scorpion tattoo on Frank’s neck.
“I totally get it,” Frank said understandingly. “And we don’t need to rush anyways, you know? I’ll visit again soon. You’ll try to come see me. This isn’t, like, our last chance.”
“Exactly.” Gerard rested his chin atop Frank’s head. “And I don’t wanna feel like that’s all it’s about. I mean, just sitting here like this – it doesn’t feel wasted, does it?”
“Not at all,” Frank answered immediately. “I love this.”
“Me, too.”
“But you know,” Frank said, lifting his head so he could look at Gerard, “there’s no way we could have a sexless relationship.”
“That’s not what I’m saying!” Gerard squealed, eyes wide.
“So you want to, hm?” Frank quirked an eyebrow.
“Like you really need to ask.” Gerard rolled his eyes. “Shut the fuck up.”
“You’re right, you’re the guy that mentioned my dick when we first started talking.”
Gerard shoved at Frank’s shoulder. “You are not starting that argument now.”
“You’re the one obsessed with my dick, man, it’s cool I don’t mind.”
“You always bring it into conversations!” Gerard defended, smacking Frank’s shoulder again. “You did it now!”
“You never stop me.” Frank smirked, but then covered his mouth as a tired yawn escaped him. Gerard ended up yawning right back.
“It’s barely like one in the morning and we’re already acting stupid and sleepy,” Gerard said, smiling. “We haven’t even hit our five AM mark.”
“Five AM are the best conversations.” Frank laughed, getting comfortable against Gerard again, winding their legs together. Frank's feet were cold against Gerard's calves and Gerard couldn't find the will to mind.
“We won’t have the best conversations in person then since we’re already sleeping,” Gerard noted, taking Frank’s hand and threading his fingers between Frank's. He loved the feeling of Frank’s rough and calloused skin pressed against his own.
Frank lifted his head to kiss Gerard, only briefly, before nuzzling his face into the warmth of Gerard’s neck.
“It’s always five AM with you,” Frank whispered sleepily against Gerard’s skin.
Gerard felt that familiar sickeningly pleasant flip his stomach would do every time Frank did or said anything remotely sweet. It was so much stronger this time and so much more comforting. For once, Gerard had nothing to worry about. For once, he could let himself drift off into that five AM state without any uncertainties. The only things on his mind were Frank comfortably in his arms, and his steady breaths showering Gerard’s neck.