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Weeks after Jack Powell received his first assignment as a recognized pilot he still climbed into his plane as if he were racing to begin his first mission. Everything about flying excited him and he really didn’t have time to think about the chances that some day he’d go up and not return alive.
Maybe what contributed to this arguably naïve optimism was that David Armstrong was always by his side. Their routine of holding each other’s gazes for just a moment before take-off was so reassuring that to fly without David was unimaginable. Jack Powell and David Armstrong were the unstoppable duo that could only be separated by the ‘and’ between their names. Their confidence in each other was unbeatable; both believed that the other was capable of achieving anything he desired.
But Jack didn’t know what he desired. David did, he assumed. David knew what he wanted and how to get it. He mustn’t have needed anything—or anybody—else. Jack, on the other hand, did need something or somebody. He didn’t know who or what but he knew something was missing. He knew it wasn’t Sylvia. There was a hollow sensation in his chest whenever he imagined a future with the girl he had once believed he loved. In fact, the more accustomed he became to living beside David the less he was able to fathom a life with anybody else.
Jack wanted this to be known, but something told him that it was a thought that could never be shared. What made that difficult, though, was how easy it was to talk to David; Jack didn’t know how to keep anything from him. Every time night came and the two were alone, it was a constant battle between his words and his mind.
“David, are… are you in love with Sylvia?” Jack inquired hesitantly, breaking the strange silence of the night during wartime.
But the silence continued after its brief intermission and Jack found himself breathing just a bit heavier than he had been before he’d said anything. It was an innocuous question, he reminded himself. He quietly turned on his side to face David, who appeared to be sound asleep. Jack felt a subtle tug at the ends of his mouth, relieved. Eyes resting on David’s face, he had a warm feeling in his chest that caused a craving for somebody to hold. He held onto his chest and imagined that it was David’s arms touching him so softly as he drifted into sleep.
When the morning arrived with the sound of a bugle, Jack and David jumped from out of their beds in a synchronization unknown to the most well-trained performers. They shared a look before turning to grab their uniforms and neither of the two could mask his smile. Over a small portion of rock hard biscuits they discussed nothing in particular. A few remarks about the weather, teasing jokes, solemn remembrances of those who fulfilled the destiny of the fighter pilot in World War I. David remembered that the two had been granted leave beginning the next day. Jack didn’t try to repeat what David had missed him ask the previous night.
Soon it was time to lead the morning patrol and Jack and David jogged towards their planes side by side. David shouted the usual “all set?” and Jack was telling the truth as he yelled back affirmatively. The clouds grew grayer and grayer as the planes rose and the patrol was cut short. Jack and David found each other straight away once they reached the ground. As a light shower began to fall, they ran towards their tent. Jack felt the firm grasp of David’s hand on his back, guiding him to shelter.
“Bad luck,” David said with a hint of irony as he flopped onto Jack’s bed. Jack laughed and sat down next to him. A silence followed as Jack lay down and David did the same. The bed was barely a twin and Jack could feel warmth radiating from David’s close body. Subconsciously he moved his hand to the top of David’s head and let his fingers travel through the curls. He thought he felt David shift in his direction. He closed his eyes but his hand continued its way through David’s hair.
“David?”
“Mm?”
Jack opened his mouth but no words escaped. He removed his hand from David’s hair and heard a deep exhale. David turned on his side and his arm slinked over Jack’s stomach. Jack made sure to breathe steadily, focusing on the sound of the rain falling on their tent. Flying couldn’t have brought this much excitement, he thought. But he still craved something more. To be held tight, to feel the warmth of David’s entire body envelop him. He opened his eyes lazily and looked to his side. He had expected David to be asleep but he could see his eyes barely open, lost, faraway. This look faded as David shifted his gaze to Jack’s watchful eyes, his blank expression never changing. Soon Jack felt heat in his face and returned to his previous position, even more aware of his breathing than before. After some time, David spoke.
“Jack?”
“Yes?”
David paused, slowly and softly moving the fingers that rested on Jack’s side.
“Will we be separated during leave?”
A breath of laughter escaped Jack’s lips. “Of course not. Why would we be separated?”
The motion of David’s fingers stopped. “You could wander off in search of a sweetheart”.
Jack turned to face David. He felt relief at being able to reply to this statement. “Oh, David. I’m happy when I’m with you.”
A smile appeared in David’s eyes and followed into his mouth. He moved his hand up Jack’s body and onto his cheek. Jack eased into his palm and felt a serene sleepiness pass through him. The morning patrol had required a short night’s sleep but now that the rain washed the chances of flying away, he could catch up on what he’d lost. The sensation of David’s breath mingling with his and David’s hand keeping his cheek warm allowed him to fall into the best sleep he had in awhile.
When he woke up David was sitting at the table and scribbling on a piece of paper.
“Are you writing to Sylvia?” He sat up on his bed.
“No, this is for my parents. They haven’t heard from me for some time.”
“Oh,” Jack knew this was his chance but he was afraid. He held his breath and finally forced himself to blurt it out. “Are you in love with Sylvia?”
Jack could see David put his pen down. He didn’t move as he replied. “I… no. Don’t worry, I’ve forgotten her. Soon she’ll be yours. I won’t be in your way.”
“You mustn’t lie for my sake, David. I haven’t been keen on her since the moment we gave up our feud with each other.”
David picked up his pen again. “But it’s true. I haven’t been thinking about her.” He went back to his writing.
Jack smiled. “Bad luck.”
David turned to him with a grin on his face and repeated the words. They froze for a moment, their amused expressions fixed, their eyes locked, until David let out a small sigh and turned back to his letter. Jack echoed the sigh and lay down again.
The rest of the day was uneventful. The rain never ceased and no planes were flown. Jack and David spent the time under the shelter of their tent, talking, writing, playing cards. Jack’s inability to picture a life with anybody but David was reaffirmed. If this was a sample of what living after the war could be like, Jack wanted nothing else.
When night came Jack noticed that he felt something missing. There was an emptiness in his bed, a hollowness in his chest. David. David’s earlier affection managed to mess with Jack’s head. As he fell asleep, he placed his hand on his cheek and the other through his hair, his eyes on David resting alone in the opposite bed.
Day break was less intrusive than the previous morning, as those granted leave were able to ignore the early calls for their service. Jack and David arrived in Paris in the evening. The streets were full of men thanking those in uniform for their efforts, young cadets with battle wounds making the most of their injury induced freedom, and women looking to profit off the influx of deprived soldiers. Instead of pausing to take in the scramble of people, Jack and David set off to a hotel to secure a place to stay. A man at the front desk lit up at the sight of them and offered a welcoming smile.
“Ah, nos héros de la guerre. Bienvenue, bienvenue! Nous sommes honorés de vous accueillir. Deux…” He glanced at their uniforms and gave an apologetic smile. “Euh… that is to say two rooms, I’m guessing?”
Jack smiled and looked to the ground. “I guess so… we’re so used to sleeping in the same quarters.” The man nodded expectantly. Jack rushed to continue. “Yes, two rooms.”
They completed their transaction and were lead to their rooms. Jack’s room was a modest one with a double bed sat towards the side. He heard David walk in and speak.
“You’ll probably want to head out but I’m gonna stay here a while. I didn’t sleep yesterday as you did.” He turned the chair that sat under a desk to face Jack and sat down.
“No, I’ll stay too.” Jack propped a pillow up and rested on his bed. David raised his eyebrows. Jack wanted to go out, he wasn’t the type to be at rest so often. But something stopped him from traveling alone. He would be expected to seek out a woman to hold onto, he would cave and end up having to imagine that her soft body was a strong one, that her unfeeling touches were full of wanting. He couldn’t. While on his bed he absentmindedly rubbed his fingers against his stomach. David rose and lay down beside him. He let out a shaky breath.
“Jack, you mean the world to me, really.”
Jack was taken by surprise, but not taken aback, at the sudden sentimentality. “David, there’s nobody I would rather be with than you.” He didn’t know what to do then, so he remained unmoving. He considered that this could be his opportunity to let David know of his visions of their future, his desire to be held onto. He didn’t say anything.
“Could you hold me?” David’s voice was feeble.
Jack felt a burning sensation in his chest. He turned to David and saw that his eyes were cloudy. He looked helpless. Jack took him into his arms with a starving desperation, inching closer and closer until their bodies were pressed together. David’s head was cradled underneath his chin, his hands grasping at the back of his shirt, his legs bent between Jack’s. Jack let his nose warm in the curls of David’s hair before resting his chin and whispering.
“Please tell me what’s wrong, David.”
David squeezed Jack tightly, letting out a deep breath. “Jack—”
Jack laid a soft kiss upon the top of David’s head, not realizing as he did it.
“Jack. I can’t bare the idea of us apart… I…” He paused, sucked in a breath, and moved one hand to Jack’s chest. His fingers rubbed in gentle circles. Jack couldn’t discern the heat of David’s hand from the heat continuing to rise in his heart. “I need you, I need to be with you.”
Jack didn’t want to misinterpret. He didn’t want his desires to distort his perception. Yet he couldn’t keep his brain from telling his heart to beat faster or his hands to caress David’s back. “You... you are with me.”
“Oh, I am, I know I am. I’m with you more than I could hope for. But—”
They moved their heads to look each other in the eyes, and finally there was a wave of understanding between them. David felt the same way Jack did. Jack let out a soft sob through the grin he couldn’t keep down and let his hand fall onto David's cheek. His fingers traced his temple, his jawline, his parted lips. David’s hot breath sent a wave through Jack’s body. David moved his hand to Jack’s, intertwining their fingers and gliding them over his mouth.
He hesitated then spoke, each word leaving traces of affection on Jack’s hand. “I love you.”
Jack could hold back no longer, leaning in to press his mouth against David’s. It was a soft, loving kiss. He tilted his head away to watch David’s eyes. The cloudiness was gone and Jack could see what he had been too afraid to before. Desire. David desired him just as he desired David. He planted another kiss, this one on his jaw, before allowing his head to rest atop David’s again. He couldn’t contain his grateful laughter.