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Evan knew that he was going to fuck it up, he was sure of it. He had been keeping the small velvet box with the silver band in his pocket for almost a month now. It’s not like he wasn’t trying his hardest to propose to Connor or that he was uncertain of their relationship. It was more of a mix of anxiety, his depression and his self-hatred that kept telling him that he wasn’t good enough for Connor anyway.
But Evan blamed it on the fact, that there just hadn’t been a good opportunity since he bought the ring, which wasn’t true in any way. There had been at least three different opportunities that would have been perfect. Last week was their five year anniversary, Connor had made them a beautiful dinner at home because Evan had a stressful day and he really didn’t want to go out.
So they had stayed home, both still dressed up in their work clothes, eating homemade pizza and having the time of their lives. The whole time, the small black box seemed to burn a hole into Evan pocket.
They changed into their pyjamas afterwards and cuddled on their couch, falling asleep to an old Monty Python Movie that Connor had picked. When Evan woke up on Connor’s chest after a few hours and lightly tugged a strand of hair behind Connor’s ear, he basically wanted to scream “Marry me” at his boyfriend, but he didn’t. Instead, he poured his feelings into a small kiss onto Connor’s forehead.
The next time, that Evan wanted to ask, was two days ago, Zoe and Alana had asked them to babysit their daughter Lilly. They were in desperate need of a date night and they knew that both Connor and Evan loved Lilly. They spend a wonderful time with her, but in the evening, she just wouldn’t want to go to sleep.
“Can’t we just let her tire herself out?” Evan groaned, tired. His arms were around Connor’s neck with Evan lying on his back. Connor was playing with Lilly. Moving a small dog plush around and making barking noises now and again. Evan couldn’t help but smile at his boyfriend, but he was terribly tired and he wanted nothing more than to go to sleep.
“Let me get up real quick,” Connor said, waiting for Evan to move from his back, which he did, softly groaning again. Connor just huffed out a laugh and came back a few seconds later with his guitar. Evan’s eyes immediately went wide. He sat up quickly, a bright smile painted onto his face.
Connor set down carefully. “Hold her,” he told Evan and Evan did as he was told, holding Lilly in his arms.
Connor smiled before he softly started strumming the strings of his guitar.
He started to quietly sing their song, his eyes closed and his mouth in a soft and beautiful smile while singing.
Evan could have sworn that he almost started to cry at that sight. He loved Connor so much, that he thought he was going to suffocate by his own love someday.
Connor finished the song and opened his eyes to a love filled smile that Evan wore and a sleeping Lilly.
He took her and brought her to her bed while leaving Evan to sit on the ground. He was back about two minutes later and picked up the guitar again, with a soft smile, he started playing and singing again, while Evan sat down behind him, putting his arms around Connors' neck.
“I love you” Connor smiled out, and as Evan replied with “I love you more” while kissing Connors cheek.
The guitar was cast aside and Evan was pulled into a tight hug, while kisses were splattered around on his neck and a few on his lips.
“there is no way that you could love me more than I love you”
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It was around a week after they babysat Lilly and Evan was sitting at the breakfast table, he had made a big breakfast and was waiting for Connor to come back from brushing his hair.
Evan was reading the news on his phone while sipping on his orange juice when Connor walked in, they were both still in their pyjamas and Connor stretched, revealing a bit of his tummy.
“Good morning beautiful,” Connor smiled and walked over to give Evan a small kiss on the lips. Before going over to the kettle to make himself a tea.
“Good morning, gorgeous” Evan replied, watching Connor walk over to the kettle, thinking about how he could propose.
“Do you want some?” Connor asked softly while pouring the water into the kettle and putting it on the stove.
Evan shook his head, smiling warmly at his boyfriend. “I love you,” he said.
“I love you too,” Connor said, slowly making his way over to Evan. On his way over, he suddenly stopped and going down onto one knee. Before Evan could think, he screamed “No wait!” jumped up and ran into their bedroom, grabbing the ring from his jeans pocket.
He ran back into the kitchen to a still very confused Connor sitting on his one knee.
“Connor Murphy, I love you more than anything in this world and I want to ask you to be with me, I know I'm not that great and you could easily do better but please, marry me?” before Evan could continue rambling, Connor kissed him gently.
“There is nothing I'd love more than to marry you, Evan Hansen. You are the most amazing person in this world,” he smiled and after they exchanged a few soft kisses and Evan slid the ring on Connor’s finger, Connor started giggling.
“What are you laughing about ?” Evan asked.
“I bend down to pick up my hair tie. It fell” he admitted and Evan turned bright red.
“I thought you were gonna do it before I could. So I got scared” Evan admitted looking away from Connor.
“I kind of picked up on you wanting to pop the question for a while now,” Connor said pulling Evan into a deep and passionate kiss.
“I hate you,” Evan laughed out after it. Connor just pulled him back in and mumbled an “I love you too,” against Evans' lips before connecting them.
Evan smiled into the kiss, desperate to let Connor know that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with him. And Connor did the same.