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To put it simply, Stiles was sad. Stiles was very, very sad and he had a… not so good coping method.
It started when Scott became a werewolf. Scott was his only friend. Like, seriously, it’s not even an exaggeration. He talked to no one outside of school and lacrosse besides Scott. And his dad and Scott’s mom but they were their family so it really didn’t count.
But then Scott became a werewolf and Alison came to town and Derek- Derek. Derek. Derek. Derek. Stiles… Stiles was hopelessly in love with the werewolf.
But back to where this terribleness started. Scott began to be with Alison all the time or dealing with Derek or Peter and all the while ignoring the fuck out of Stiles. All the while Lydia was ignoring him still. Basically, his life was a living hell.
By the time Scott decided to stop ignoring him, Stiles was utterly depressed, and hiding it from a werewolf was really hard. Like fuck it was hard hiding it from his dad who was barely ever home but hiding it from a werewolf, fuck that was nearly impossible.
So when new werewolves began to pop up Stiles was almost thankful for going back to being ignored. Mostly because at that point Stiles had taking up the skillful art of carving into his skin with the blades from pencil sharpeners- otherwise known as his not so good coping method.
Stiles continued going through the motions of loving Lydia and helping Scott and avoiding being killed and it all was going well. Until that stupid Alpha werewolf decided to slam him against his bedroom door and he had gotten half hard. Yeah, not easy hiding things from werewolves.
So yeah, along with being a self-harming nutcase, he also had a crush on another guy. Wasn’t his life just grand? He was most definitely still in love with Lydia but man… Derek has abs. And liked wearing no shirt. Score.
When the whole Kanima debacle was solved and Lydia told everyone that she was utterly in love with Jackson and it made him a werewolf instead of a giant lizard, Stiles realized he should probably get over his love of Lydia. It was easier than he thought it would’ve been, with Derek coming into his window all the time for no apparent reason.
He still self harmed, but it wasn’t like he would do it in his own home. He was smart enough to do it in the bathroom at some gas station where no werewolf friend of his would find him.
Now it was summer and Scott and Isaac seemed to be in fucking heaven with each other. Neither paid mind to Stiles existence.
But that was okay because he still had Derek which was pretty fucking weird but he seemed to like hanging out with Stiles which was even odder but whatever. At least he got to stare at Derek in tight shirts. And wow he also got to realize that he was in love with the dude. Who knew?
~
Let’s start in July when Scott had officially started ignoring Stiles existence and Derek was becoming his new best friend. Derek was over watching Sherlock with Stiles because, according to Stiles, it was the best show on earth along with Supernatural and Doctor Who. They were watching the last episode and Stiles was very close to crying his eyes out. Derek found it hilarious.
“Sherlock!” Stiles screamed when he jumped off of the building. Derek was laughing at him so hard that he was close to falling off the couch. “Shut up!” Stiles snapped at Derek then looked back at the tv, actual tears pouring down his face. “John!”
Derek finally stopped laughing at the end of the episode while Stiles was curled up into a ball on the floor crying and whispering “Sherlock… John…” over and over again. It was… a strange sight and Derek couldn’t help the small laugh that escaped from him as he watched the scene unfold before him.
Stiles sat up abruptly wiping tears from his face and pointing an accusing finger at Derek. “You’re not even a little torn up? I mean seriously do you have no feelings?” Stiles asked him bewildered.
Derek just shrugged and said, “Well first of all, it’s a tv show. Second of all, Sherlock’s still alive. Weren’t you watching the end of the episode?” Stiles gasped dramatically, putting his hand on his chest.
“Just a tv show? Just a tv show? That’s it you need to watch this entire series. It’s obligatory.” Stiles was pushing Derek towards the door. “And don’t come back until you do. You may call though.” Stiles said the last part as more of an afterthought and Derek laughed, slipping his shoes back on.
“Alright, alright. I’ll give you a call after I watch the first episode. Talk to you later.” Right before Derek closed the door… he winked at Stiles.
Stiles just kind of stared at the door dumfounded. After a moment he said “Did he just… wink at me?” A few seconds later he received a text.
From: Sourwolf
Yes. Call you later ;)
Okay so what was that supposed to mean?? Was it a joke? Or did Derek… like him back. Stiles was fucking confused. He ran upstairs to his room and plopped down on his bed, most likely over contemplating what the wink meant.
He was being so stupid. So, so stupid. Stiles sighed, getting up from his bed and grabbed his keys from his bedside table. He needed to find a gas station so he could… think this out.
~
When he got to the gas station he pulled his “tools” out of his glove box and walked over to the bathroom… which someone was in. He sighed and leaned against the wall and looking around to make sure no one her knew was- And that’s when he noticed the Camaro was parked outside the mini-mart. Fuck.
Stiles hoped that this dude would get out of the bathroom before Derek noticed him. He literally lived 5 minutes away from this gas station why would he be going to the bathroom here??? Fuck.
Suddenly the door to the bathroom opened and out walked… Derek. Shit. Derek, oh god Stiles was fucked.
“Uh… hey Derek!” Stiles said nervously. He was trying to control his heart beat which- fuck- was skyrocketing.
“Stiles… What… What are you doing here?” Derek asked, confused.
“Uh… I’m just... I’m-“ Derek cut Stiles off.
“What are those?” Derek asked suddenly, looking at the blades and bandages and gauze and peroxide in the Ziploc in Stiles’ hand.
Stiles hid the objects behind his back and he couldn’t hide his erratic heart beating inside his chest. “I-it’s nothing impor-important. I-it’s nothing! I w-w-was just… I-I was just leav-leaving! Y-yeah back t-to my house see you -you la-“ Stiles started to turn and walk away but Derek grabbed his shoulder.
“Stiles.” He ground out. “Give me them.” Derek demanded. Stiles looked up to see Derek’s face which he thought would be angry and mean looking… but Derek’s expression showed no sign of anger. All Stiles could see was confusion… and sadness?
Stiles shook his head and tried to get out of the Alpha’s grip on his shoulder. “It’s noth-nothing! I’m f-fine I have to-to go get ho-ome I have some su-summer reading I have to d-do and I have-ve to clea-clean the house! I ha-have to g-g-go!” Stiles was trying very hard not to cry and was failing.
The look on Derek’s face was so concerned. Stiles hated himself for putting it there. “Stiles…” he tried a gentler approach. “Just… please give me that stuff.” Derek’s voice was soft and reassuring. Stiles gave a shaky sigh thought, Fuck it, and gave Derek the bag, sitting on the ground and looking away from him.
Derek sat on the ground with the bag and opened it up. He first pulled out the bottle of peroxide, then the band aids, then the gauze, then, last but not least, he pulled out all five pencil sharpener blades one by one. “Stiles…” Derek sounded so sad the Stiles just started sobbing.
“I-I-I’m sor-r-ry…” Stiles sobbed into his hands. He was a bit surprised when he felt strong arms around him. He was pulled into a strong chest and Stiles turned around, crying into Derek’s shoulder and repeating “I’m so sorry…” over and over.
Derek just held the boy, still utterly confused by the situation. His Stiles- and that was a revelation for later- hurt himself and he never even noticed. He was angry at himself because of that. But most of all, he was saddened by the fact that Stiles would do this to himself.
~
After a while of crying, Derek brought Stiles to his car and drove them back to Stiles’ house. They both stayed quiet besides a few sobs that escaped Stiles. Once they got back to the house Stiles let Derek carry him inside and up to his room, laying him in his bed.
When Derek laid him down and moved to take off his shoes, Stiles grabbed Derek’s wrist. “Don’t leave.” He said and Derek could hear the desperation in his voice. He turned and saw the teen looking at him with wide, pleading eyes.
“I won’t.” He said softly, slipping off his shoes and jacket and climbing into bed behind Stiles.
~
The next morning when Stiles woke up, Derek was no longer there. He sat up quickly, looking around his room. What he found was Derek walking back into his bedroom. “Where did you go?” he asked the older man.
“I went to get rid of… uh… the things.” Derek gestured with his hands, and Stiles knew what he meant. Honestly, he was scared to death about what he was going to do without his sharps.
Derek noticed the worried look on his face and walked over to the bed, sitting beside him. “Stiles… I will always be here for you. Please, please, please, never hurt yourself again.” He pleaded.
Stiles looked away. “I don’t know if I can promise that.”
“You don’t have to promise me that you’ll never do it again, you just have to promise that you’ll try your hardest not to. If you have the urge to, I’ll be here. Call me. I’ll be here within 5 minutes, 10 minutes tops.” Derek reached out and took Stiles hand in his own, squeezing slightly.
Stiles looked up at the older man. “I just… I don’t get how you understand this so well.”
Derek couldn’t help but look away from the younger man’s gaze. “I… was in your place once.” Stiles eyes widened at this statement. “I would get angry at myself… I was the reason my family is dead. So I would let my claws out and dig and scratch at my arms for hours. The wounds obviously healed, but that was the only way I could get everything out. And it was also to punish myself for letting Kate… kill them.” Derek started rubbing his thumb across Stiles hand. “As soon as Laura found out, she made sure I knew that she was always there for me. That she would always be there and that if I ever felt like that, I was to go to her for help. And I did.” He looked up at the younger man. “And now I’m better. Or, at least, getting better. It’s been years.”
Stiles stared at the older man and threw himself around him in a hug. “I never knew that.” He said, his voice muffled in Derek’s shoulder.
Derek wrapped his arms around Stiles, hugging him tightly. As they both began to pull away from the hug, they looked into each other’s eyes and before they knew what was happening, they were kissing.
Stiles smiled into the kiss. A real, genuine smile. He began to have hope for recovery, hope that he would get better.
He pulled back a bit so their noses were touching. “Thank you, Derek.” And then they were kissing once again.