Work Text:
*Nursey*
Derek had originally thought that he could set Will up with someone who would just be happy with a friend-date and not worry about the difficulties of sorting a date out for someone he knew was closeted. Then, he had suddenly found himself a little worried that setting Will up with a girl for Screw might make him realize what he could be missing out on. Half an hour into the dance, it was clear that his worry had been unfounded. Will had apologized to Angie because he wasn’t interested in dancing with her and she had shrugged, pointed at one of the sophomores from the team and asked if she could have an introduction. Luckily, it was Will who did the introduction because Derek was now staring at the guy grinding against her, trying to think what his name was, apart from his hockey nickname of TiVo. Though another glass of vodka cranberry wasn’t going to help his memory, it was to the bar that he headed. He had lost his own date a while ago, but had no interest in looking for him.
Some amount of time, three drinks, and seven dances with different people Ransom and Holster had pushed him towards later, Derek was fed up. He was struck with the desire to dance with Will, to have him pressed against his body in the same way that Holster was pressed against his date. He wanted to pull him off to a quiet alcove and tell him that he couldn’t wait until they were back at their dorm — he just had to kiss him now.
A half-strangled noise left Derek’s mouth. The realization of what he was thinking, and the implication of such thoughts felt too heavy to be having in the middle of Winter Screw, even though he should have realized as such when he felt the surge of jealousy over Ransom and Dex dancing together. He and Will were just messing around. They hadn’t done more than cuddling and lazy kisses since August. Only a week ago, they had taken a break to become closer friends and let Derek sort his head out. That week had comprised of Derek spending every waking minute thinking about Will, and then finally calling his doctor to discuss whether his medication may be altering his libido. Derek wasn’t even sure how well the friendship thing was going, and yet…
And yet, Derek was already half in love with him.
He walked around the room with a purpose, now. He needed to find Will as soon as possible, before he burst out of his own skin. They had to get back to their dorm and talk. Every redhead turned his eye, but none of them were the right person, until, finally, he found him. Derek’s world slid to a halt. Will had found company in a girl after all, and the two were leaning into each other intimately. As Derek watched, the girl stood, and her hand rested on Will’s face for too long to be an accident before she started towards the bar. Derek’s heart plummeted. His only saving grace was that Will looked torn, and didn’t watch her go, but closed his eyes. Derek had seen that expression on his face so many times — from him mentioning coming out, to Will talking about his family — so he knew that all was not bliss in paradise with the girl, whoever she was. His head turned again to try and figure out what the issue was this time. Her being female should make it plenty easier for Will. Then again, Derek had thought female was completely divergent from Will’s usual type.
“Derek! Are you enjoying the dance?” A girl from his English class distracted his search for the girl who had stolen Will’s attention.
“Oh, uh, sure.” He didn’t look at Amy. He was instead scanning the bar. He found Chowder and Wagner talking to each other and— there. The girl appeared, the same hot pink dress which made her stand out, and she walked right up to Derek’s teammates and wrapped her arm around Chowder’s neck. Derek gasped.
“Derek, are you okay?” Amy’s voice drifted back to him. The truth was that he was the opposite of okay. His eyes returned to Will who was looking around the room. His eyes fell on Derek, just as anger and jealousy made a decision.
“I’m just getting a bit fed up in here. Do you want to get out of here? Go somewhere a little more interesting?”
He put an arm around Amy, making sure his hand was just low enough that it might be read as more than friendly, without being inappropriate.
“Derek, I’m sorry but I have a girlfriend. She couldn’t come tonight because she’s sick, but—”
Derek bit his lip. “Look, to be honest, I just saw the guy I’m totally falling in love with trying to wheel the girl my best friend came here with. I need to get away and if he sees me go with someone cute, all the better, but I don’t want anything else. I promise. I just. I don’t know. Forget it. I’m being an asshole.”
“You are being an asshole, but luckily for you, I’ve had enough, too, and I should go and check on Tina.” The look she gave him was far too pitying, but she let him keep his arm around her for a moment before she pulled away to take his hand as they left the building.
“I hope you figure it out,” she told him, amid a hug.
Derek just nodded and they parted ways.
*Dex*
Will had lost Angie a while ago, but he was hardly upset about it. She seemed to be having a good enough time with Ritvo when he last saw her on the dancefloor. Now, pushing Ransom back towards his date with a laugh, he cast his eyes around for Derek, but instead they fell on someone else, sat on her own at a table, so he approached and slid into the seat next to her.
“Caitlin Angelica Farmer. Long time no see.” He tapped her shoulder just in case she couldn’t hear him.
She jumped half a mile, then turned to him with wide eyes. “Billy?”
“Hi, Caity,” he said accompanying his words with some of the only ASL he remembered.
“Oh my god, what are you—”
“Did Chowder ditch you?” He frowned. It had been a long time since he had last had to choose where his loyalties should lie, and he didn’t fancy this being the first situation to ease himself back into such decisions.
“Chowder? Oh, you mean Chris? He said that the— Oh my god. You’re on the hockey team? Here? At Samwell?”
He nodded. “I got a full-ride scholarship so long as I’m on the team. Otherwise I wouldn’t be here.”
“Will!” she squeaked excitedly. “I’m so proud of you! You know, it kind of stuck with me, the whole hockey thing.”
“What do you mean?”
Caitlin laughed. “Let’s just say Chris isn’t the first hockey player I’ve been on a date with.”
“Oh my god.”
“At least this one isn’t a Kings supporter.”
“You’re definitely good on that front.” They looked at each other for a moment, then dissolved into giggles. Will reached out and wrapped an arm around Caitlin’s shoulder, making sure that she could still see his mouth. “I missed you a ton, you know?” She nodded, leaning into him. He nudged her after a moment and she pulled away again. “How about you, though? How did you end up at Samwell, of all places?”
“It’s the place mom stopped off on her way down to California. Did you remember that?”
Will shook his head slowly. He tried to think back over the story their moms had always told them when they were growing up, but that detail had slipped through the cracks of time.
Caitlin smiled. “I’m surprised your mom didn’t mention it when you applied.”
Will took in a sharp intake of breath. Of course Caitlin didn’t know. Who would have told her?
Her smile dropped. “Uh. You know… You all dropped off the planet a bit. What— What happened?”
Will dug his teeth into his lips. “Uh. Car crash.” Then, because he couldn’t bear to look in her eyes or answer any more questions, he said, “How’d you end up on the volleyball team? You were always more of a softball girl”
“Will—”
The look he shot her was clearly enough to stop her from pushing it, because she took in her own shaky breath and shrugged.
“I switched to volleyball when I moved schools to be at the same one as Ally. They didn’t have a decent softball team, and I’d already played volleyball enough to know I liked it.”
Will smiled. “It’s a shame you gave up softball, but if you hadn’t it never would have been you I’d run into that day and you wouldn’t have met Chowder. At least not then. Maybe at a kegster or something but that’s not the same.”
“Oh my God, I can’t believe you were the one who ran into me, and I never noticed.”
“Too caught up in Chowder?”
“He called you—” She frowned, clearly trying to remember the nickname.
“Dex,” Will replied, finger-spelling it to be sure. “It’s a hockey nickname. Short for Poindexter. The team have already been calling you Farmer or Farms whenever Chowder brings you up. Which is a lot.”
Caitlin laughed, a dark flush coloring her cheeks. “Talking of my date, I should go and look for him. It’s so good to see you, Billy. I’ve missed you. I— I’m really sorry.” Her hand cupped his cheek in a motion so startlingly similar to how his mother used to that Will almost flinched. When she had walked away, he leaned his head against the wall. It wasn’t easy seeing a reminder of what he used to have but at the same time he was glad that Caitlin was here.
He stayed like that for a minute and then sat up. He had talked to Caitlin and he had danced with all the Samwell Men’s Hockey team except the one who mattered, so now he scanned the room for him. When he finally found Derek, however, it was to see him heading to the exit, all wrapped up in in a girl. With a jolt of jealousy, Will thought about how he had never seen Derek hook up with anyone else their whole time at Samwell; about how he knew that he was the only person Derek had ever hooked up with at all. Of course he knew that wouldn’t last, and if it was going to happen anywhere, Winter Screw was the place to start, but it didn’t make him feel any better about it.
After that, the night passed in a bit of a blur. He ended up dancing the night away with those of his teammates who were still around, then walking halfway back to the Haus with them. They only made it as far as the South Quad before they took up camp on the rain-soaked grass, passing Shitty’s hipflask around.
Eventually, Will stood and announced that he was headed back, “So fingers crossed for me that Nursey’s not still hooking up.” The team jeered, half-heartedly with fatigue, and Wagner joined Will on the walk back towards the dorms. They parted at the turnoff to Wagner’s apartment which gave Will the last five minutes of his journey to fixate on whether he actually would find Derek in bed with the girl from Screw.
When his roommate was alone and unsuccessfully pretending to sleep, Will couldn’t help asking, “Did she go then?”
“She didn’t come back here.” Derek didn’t even open his eyes. “She’s got a girlfriend. We’d just both had enough and wanted to leave.”
“Oh. Sorry. That you didn’t— That I assumed—” After kicking off his shoes and jacket, Will ignored his own bed and settled down next to Derek. “I’m kind of relieved. It was weird seeing you leave with someone else.”
“What the fuck?!” Derek’s eyes snapped open and he pushed Will so that he rolled off the bed. From the floor, staring up in shock, Will could now see how red Derek’s eyes were.
“I’m sorry! I know I’m supposed to be getting over you, but it’ll take longer than that and I’m still going to worry about—”
“How fucking— it’s kind of hypocritical of you to be so worried about who I’m hooking up with, isn’t it?”
Will was confused beyond belief. “I know we said just friends, but I really don't… Hypocritical? I’ve not been with anyone else.”
“Okay, but it’s not for lack of trying, is it?”
“What?” The whole conversation made no sense to Will, who had not remotely looked at another guy in the past couple of months.
“Chowder’s date of all people. I saw you getting all close with her tonight, flirting and everything. He’s supposed to be your best friend.”
“Chowder’s—” The pieces started to fall into place. “Ew, gross, no. I mean — Ew. Not ew because she’s with Chowder or because— I’m sure objectively she’s a pretty girl and all not that she’s my type and it would be weird if she was because she kind of really reminds me of my mom and— ugh, ew.”
“What?” Derek looked like he was having a hard time believing that Will really had no interest in Caitlin.
“Caitlin’s my cousin. I just haven’t seen her in seven years; we have a lot of catching up to do. It doesn’t make me into incest.”
“Your— you looked— Oh my God.”
“You really thought—” Will wasn’t sure why he felt so hurt by Derek’s mistake. “I wouldn’t do that to Chowder. I wouldn't—” He took a deep breath. His relief earlier, and the truth that he was not thinking about anyone other than Derek, was burning in his mind. There was no point pretending when both of them knew how he felt. “I wouldn’t do that to you, Derek,” he forced out in a croak. Derek just stared at him so he made himself talk. “I mean it. I know I’m supposed to be letting this go but I’ve not even thought about anyone else in so long and when I thought you were wheeling that girl tonight— God, well you probably felt the same seeing me and Caitlin talking if this is how— But knowing that was nothing. You and that girl. I’m so relieved, Derek, because I want you. I want you all to myself and it feels so selfish because you deserve someone who doesn’t need to be in the closet. You deserve so much more than me, and I know you’re not even ready for all this, but—”
“But I changed my mind. I’m falling for you, so even if it’s crazy and stupid and I don’t have a clue what I want, I’ll go back in the goddamn closet for you, William Jacob Poindexter. I will fucking follow you to Narnia if that’s where you need to be.”
Will froze at the speech, eyeing him like he was unsure if he should believe it, but Derek put a reassuring hand on his neck and he relaxed into the touch. “Idiot,” he said, fondly. When he surged up to meet him, Derek caught him, and there was only a moment’s silent consent before they rolled back onto the bed, lips seeking each other.
“Want you,” Will muttered into Derek’s lips. “I don’t want to have to get over you. I want to know— I want you”
“You got me.”
“Mine. You mine, baby?” Will hated the desperation in his voice, but the words tumbled from his mouth without any restraint.
Derek stilled. Will pulled back.
“Not good? Me calling you baby?”
“Not that. That’s fine. Great, even. I—”
Will shifted onto his elbow, lying next to Derek on the bed. “It’s not a domination thing. I’m considering it equal. I’m yours, too. Does that make it better?”
“I don’t know.”
“Okay.” Will pressed his lips against Derek’s neck. “No possessiveness. But can I still mark you up and call you my boyfriend in my head?”
“I don’t have a name in your head?”
“I’m sorry, who are you?”
Derek bit his lip. “I… don’t know if I’m ready for boyfriend. I’m sorry. I— Is it selfish to want us to be exclusive but not know what I want ‘us’ to be?”
“Of course it’s not. But even if it were, you’re allowed to be selfish. You’re allowed to take time to figure things out. I’ll be right here.”
His words seemed to do nothing except send Derek’s mind into overdrive; his eyes wide and panicked, and his teeth digging into his lips. “I’m sorry. I don't— I don’t even think— But I don’t know what I want from this and— I should stop speaking so soon because—”
“Derek. Hey. You don’t have to apologize. Breathe, please. You know I don’t ever want to do anything you don’t. It’s okay. Can I hold you?”
As soon as Derek nodded, Will ran a comforting hand down his arm, and then pulled him onto his chest. He dragged the blankets over them and cuddled in close.
“Can I kiss you?”
Derek didn’t move, so Will took that as a no.
“On the forehead?” he modified.
“Okay.”
*Nursey*
The touch was light and reassuring. Derek finally let out a breath and wriggled so that he could get his arms around Will in return. “I’m not ready for sex, but I don’t want to feel like I’m making you be celibate for me.”
“You know, I didn’t want to be your boyfriend for the sex. It was great, don’t get me wrong, but I’ve known for months that you’re on the ace spectrum. I’m here right now because I’m…” There was a pause. “I’m romantically attracted to you. We could never have sex again and I’d still want to be with you, at least right now.”
“Sap,” Derek replied instantly, but there was a smile on his lips as he pressed them to the part of Will’s collarbone right in front of him. “Look at you using the split-attraction model. You’ve been reading.”
“It was important to you.”
“We only decided to get together two minutes ago.”
Will stayed quiet for a while, before finally saying, “I had to understand it. I guess a part of me was trying to get how it would work if we moved past the blurry friends with benefits thing because I couldn’t figure out what it would change. We’d still have sex only if both of us wanted to at the time, so possibly not at all, and we’d still be living together, and we’d still have Wednesday night bonding even if we ended up calling it date-night instead or something. And then I thought if some of the time you feel less attracted to me, would that mean that our relationship would end up on-and-off. That’s when I found the split-attraction model in that dictionary you made me.”
Laughter bubbled up in Derek’s chest. Will had gone through all of that to figure out how to make him comfortable in a relationship that neither of them had talked about properly yet, and he couldn’t help but feel touched by the thoughtfulness.
“Yeah, it’s— You know, it’s not even that the sexual attraction fluctuates. I mean it does a bit in the way that sometimes you’ll put on those jeans that make your ass look huge and I’ll think fuck you’re hot, but it’s more my feelings towards sex itself that changes. I don’t even know if that’s a bipolar thing or a medication thing more than a gray-ace thing. I didn’t find that happened before, but I never felt much sexual attraction at all. Not at Andover. So that’s why I’m hesitant about it. But I am… I’m pretty sure tonight confirmed for me that I am romantically attracted to you, too, and I don’t see that changing anytime soon no matter what shit my feelings about sex are doing. I just— I can’t use labels for it. Yet, at least.”
Will pressed his lips against Derek’s forehead again. “It doesn’t matter to me why that happens. You’re allowed to change your mind and feel different things. I’m here for you whatever you need, and we don’t have to rush to label it if you don’t want.”
Derek let his eyes flicker shut. “I wish I could give you more.”
“I’ve got all I want already. Go to sleep, now, baby.”
He smiled against Will’s collarbone as he drifted into dreams.