Chapter Text
He woke up with a pounding head, struggling to breathe.
It took a precious second to realise that Illumi was crushing him into the pillow- not with malicious intent, but rather with the weight of his prone body. He breathed steadily into Hisoka’s ear, slow and warm. His hand was palm up against the pillow beside Hisoka’s head, covered in tiny white scars he hadn’t noticed until now.
The night came back in pieces.
They had drank, and kissed. Then the police had visited, and then they had laughed for what seemed like a lifetime at the absurdity of it all. And then they had drunk more, and resumed kissing.
It was no wonder he felt like death warmed over. He wasn’t twenty anymore, and the alcohol sat heavy in his stomach and heavier in his skull. His mouth felt like dry powder, and he was painfully hard, fully clothed and pressed into the mattress.
Illumi’s hand twitched and he sighed into Hisoka’s ear, garnering shivers and raised skin. The hand curled into a fist before releasing, as if in sleep Illumi was holding something. Hisoka put his own hand there onto the waiting palm and watched the fingers clench again, though this time they didn’t loosen. Illumi sighed again, and Hisoka fell asleep despite his erection and the discomfort.
-
He woke again as Illumi shrugged into his coat and stepped into his shoes.
“I have been called into work.”
“Oh,” Hisoka said.
“I will return this evening, likely around seven.”
“Oh,” Hisoka said again, lighter this time. He shifted against the pillows. “Need a lift?”
“A car has been sent, so no. But thank you.” The polite ‘thank you’ was somewhat hastily tacked on, and for a second Hisoka thought that Illumi might blush, perhaps look away in embarrassment. But then he was reminded of who he was with, because Illumi held his gaze steadily, and his colour remained icy pale.
“Have a good time,” Hisoka said, unsure what else there was to say. Where were his shoes, his wallet? He didn’t dare glance around the room for them while Illumi was still lingering.
Illumi nodded. “I don’t have a key, so I will text you when I arrive. You will have to collect me from the foyer.”
“Alright. Stay safe.”
Illumi’s mouth twitched into a smile. “I intend to fuck you tonight, so rest assured that I will avoid harm.”
“Oh,” Hisoka said for the third time, an entirely different weight behind the word. He was left blinking at the door as it closed softly.
-
Then it was a rush to find his shoes and tie them. He scrambled for his wallet and car keys, the knife in his bag, thinking of the handgun in the glove compartment that he may need.
Then he followed Illumi.
The car outside of the hotel wasn’t so much a car as another hotel, this one on wheels. It was long and sleek and black, like Illumi’s hair, and the man that stepped out of the driver’s side to hold open the door looked somewhere between a butler and a soldier. The suit was nice, but it bunched and strained as he stretched his arms, as he bowed at Illumi and closed the door behind him. Hisoka watched from the foyer as the car pulled away, using the camera on his phone to zoom in on the licence plate.
In the parking lot he hotwired a car, just in case Illumi looked behind him and saw Chrollo’s distinct red car and knew Hisoka was following. Hell, maybe he would know anyway. Hisoka kind of hoped so. There was a pair of sunglasses in the door of the car which he put on as he pulled away, thankful to the gods he didn’t believe in, because the sun felt like it was carving into his eyeballs and ricocheting around his head.
He followed Illumi’s car into a small town full of high-rise business buildings, and parked in front of a steakhouse across the street from where the car pulled up to drop Illumi off outside of a bank. Hisoka watched him get out of the car, walk into the building, and then after a few minutes, walk out. It was all very mundane, and once he climbed back into the car, it pulled away.
Hisoka lingered for almost half an hour, just staring at that bank, rubbing his lower lip with his thumb in contemplation. Had he made a mistake? But that look- no, he couldn’t have.
On the twenty seventh minute after Illumi had exited the bank, someone inside began screaming. Then another. And another. People ran out. Someone was sick on the pavement, another was crying. A mother was clutching her child; a man fell to the floor in his struggle to run away.
Hisoka stepped out of the car and crossed the street, helping the gasping man to his feet.
“What on earth has happened?” he asked mildly.
The man looked up with the blind, horror stricken eyes of a civilian unused to death. “The- the manager. He’s dead.”
“Oh dear,” Hisoka said, patting the man’s shoulder in a cheerful mockery of pity. “Was he terribly old?”
“He was murdered. His throat was slit- oh god, I’m going to faint-“
Hisoka let him drop to the pavement. In the distance, sirens began to wail. He winced. He needed to visit a chemist and get some painkillers, maybe stop by a diner for some breakfast. He checked his watch and altered the plan. Stop for some lunch, instead.
He got back into the car and sighed, melting into the seat. His phone chimed just as he was about to pull away from the curb.
How goes your relaxing weekend? Asked Machi.
Hisoka grinned and replied, It’s exactly what I needed. How are my plants?
-
The rest of the day passed by in a pleasant blur that Hisoka could only name an absence of Illumi. Lunch was delicious, made better by the absence of pain from his hangover once he visited the chemist. Then he spent a few hours browsing local shops, ringing people and handling business safely away from home. His tattoo parlour was shut, but appointments were always being booked for the following months.
Kite was healing slowly but steadily, a local Gungi Champion had been reported missing, and Kurapika was keeping relatively quiet. Chrollo was plotting some extensive revenge, Hisoka knew, even if it wasn’t spoken aloud. Uvogin, despite his many character failings, was much loved within the Spiders. Hisoka changed his mind and dismissed the idea of revenge any time soon- it was much too early, he realised. At this phase in his grief, Chrollo would still be listening to Moonlight Sonata on repeat and crying.
He picked up some condoms in a small convenience store. He already had some at the hotel, but you could never have too many, right? He picked up some flowers too, for the sake of romance, and for what was no doubt going to be a picture of hilarity watching Illumi’s expression as he was handed a bunch of tulips, followed by strawberry favoured condoms and versatile lube.
-
Illumi returned to the hotel under a darkening sky, and Hisoka was outside by the pool when he received the short text. Here. He text Illumi to come around the back, and soon they were both sat on the sun-beds left neglected since summer, looking at the stars through the canopy of trees.
“I got you flowers,” Hisoka said, gesturing to the flowers between them.
“And condoms. How sweet.”
“Very sweet,” Hisoka agreed. “Strawberry flavoured, in fact.”
He felt more than saw Illumi’s reluctant smile.
“Have you eaten?” Hisoka asked. He was hungry again after his lunch.
“No. Shall we go for dinner?”
“I’ve heard of a nice restaurant in the nearby town. Shall we try it?”
“If you like.”
Hisoka leant over and pressed a chaste, lingering kiss to Illumi’s surprised lips. “I would like. Let’s go.”
_
They pulled up outside the steakhouse not after a short ride, and Hisoka made a noise of deliberation as he gazed at the menu on the outside of the building, ignoring Illumi’s furious stare. “I’m not sure what I fancy. Ribeye or sirloin?”
A harassed looking waitress came out to greet them. “Right this way, gentlemen, and I apologise for the chaos. There was some trouble at the bank across the street earlier today, but we promise to make your meal an enjoyable one.”
“Trouble?” Hisoka asked as they were led to a table. “Of what kind?”
“The manager had an... accident,” she said doggedly. “And sadly passed away.”
“If you don’t mind me saying, you don’t sound all that sad about it,” Hisoka told her with a wink to soften the blow. She smiled a little and handed him a menu.
“Just between us, he was a bastard. A terrible man that deserved whatever happened.”
“I’m sure you’re right,” Hisoka agreed warmly. “May I please have the sirloin? Rare.”
“Of course!” She turned to Illumi. “Sir?”
“Filet Mignon. Make sure that it is rare.” He glared at Hisoka. “I imagine by the end of the night I will be sick of tough meat.”
Hisoka almost choked on his laughter as the waitress gaped and made a hasty retreat.
“Do you not like the restaurant?”
“I don’t like you. Every time I think there is something in you worth my attention, you crush it.”
Hisoka waved a dismissive hand. “You’re just grumpy because you’re as hungover as I am.”
“I am not.”
“You are, but that’s okay. You can fuck me tomorrow instead, when you’re feeling better.”
Illumi looked like he wanted to strangle Hisoka or slam his own head repeatedly against the table. “You are the worst person I have ever met.”
“Now I know that’s a lie,” Hisoka replied, eying Illumi. How could he not? The man was artwork in its purest, primal form. Beautiful and furious like a vengeful god. “I love it when you wear your hair down, like a waterfall of silk. You’re stunning.”
“Shut up.”
“Why did you kill the bank manager, Illumi?”
And for once, honesty. “I was paid to.”
Hisoka smiled. “How much are you being paid to stay with me this weekend?”
Illumi blinked slowly. “Not enough, I assure you.”
“And how much to kill me before we return?”
“Not enough.”
“Do you think you’ll manage?”
Their drinks arrived and Illumi downed his brandy immediately. “I think that someone will die tomorrow.”
“A little death wouldn’t hurt either of us,” Hisoka replied, toasting the air with his own drink and sipping. “Did you like the flowers?”
“I liked the condoms more.”
“You must really like safe sex.”
“Or I just hate tulips.”
Hisoka put his hand on the table, palm up, and watched as Illumi slid his own hand atop and linked their fingers. “But you don’t hate me.”
Illumi’s fingers clenched, once, as if in reality he felt like he were meant to be holding Hisoka more tightly. “I wish I could.”
“No you don’t.”
“No,” Illumi said, “I don’t.”