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Damilton: Why the fuck do we live in the middle of fucking nowhere
NarrativeControl: We don’t live in the middle of nowhere we just live in a very secluded neighbourhood.
Pegarita: If by secluded you mean gated and racist then yeah, secluded.
ABurrSir: Is it so bad?
Angeli-kickyourass: Alexander was getting our stuff out of the car and our neighbour came over and asked how much it was to mow her lawn.
Pegarita: And then when he looked confused at her she literally said “Do you not speak English or something?”
Turtle.Boi: Ew oh my god let me fucking fight her
Damilton: Ikr like bitch first of all I am from the Caribbean, not Mexico, completely different area, and second of all I do fucking speak English like biiiitch
BenTolMadge: Please tell me you said that to her???
Pegarita: No that’s what Mamma said because she fucking heard and went OFF at her
NarrativeControl: R.I.P Karen 2k17 honestly
Damilton: Though iconic: “Honestly Karen just take your shitty potato salad and fuck off away from my son. Oh, and I heard Chad flunked out of Brown. Guess sports can’t get you through life, huh.”
Pegarita: Wait Chad flunked out of college?? Omg
Damilton: I know I was screaming
Angeli-kickyourass: Cue Karen spluttering and Alexander yelling “Suck it, Bitch!” in Spanish then running inside
NarrativeControl: The funny part is that her husband works for Dad so she cant even do anything back against us
BenTolMadge: Please pass on my utmost adoration to your mother because honestly parent goals
4SetsOfCorsets: I have met their mother exactly one (1) time and she terrified me
Pegarita: When was that????
4SetsOfCorsets: In Highschool when Alexander and I got into a huge fight with some Jackass and they called you mom because your dad was at work
4SetsOfCorsets: She walks into the office in like, full fancy senators wife attire, staring down the parents of this other kid, sipping a fucking latte or something
Damilton: I remember that actually it was fucking hilarious when we got home, she was just roasting the kid and his parents while we where getting ice cream
Angeli-kickyourass: BEN I PASSED ON YOUR ADMIRATION AND SHE FUCKING DABBED I HATE THIS FAMILY
BenTolMadge: GOALS
Angeli-kickyourass: NOT GOALS
NarrativeControls: GET OFF YOUR FUCKING PHONES I CANT FIND DAD WHAT THE FUCK
Damilton: He’s hiding bc Karen on a fucking rampage in the neighbourhood watch Facebook group
Pegarita: “Disgusting Comments” “A simple mistake on race” “Why did they adopt a child of a different race into a white family” etc, etc.
Turtle.Boi: ADD ME TO THIS FACEBOOK GROUP???!??!
Damilton: ON IT
NarrativeControl: Oh my god John no
Angeli-kickyourass: MOTHER IS ON HER PHONE KAREN GET FUCKING READY
Pegarita: J O H N
DangDiggityDosia: I sleep off my visit to family and y’all start suburban drama smh
BenTolMadge: UPDATE???
Angeli-kickyourass: THIS IS COPYPASTED FROM MY MOMS COMMENT
Angeli-kickyourass: “Karen, sweetheart, if your going to talk shit about someone, do it in a place where the person your talking about cant see, like the neighbourhood group chat that you added Phillip to, but not me. A couple points: 1) You are a racist fuck. That much is fucking obvious. Not because you assumed that Alexander was Mexican, but because you assumed that as a Mexican, he wasn’t apart of our family, and thought he was hired help. Which, news flash Karen, is fucking racist.”
Damilton: “ 2) Karen, dear, I know your blind, but surely those oh so expensive knock off glasses could show you that the only white member of my family is Phillip Senior. I’ll remind you that I am Chinese, which, last time I checked, wasn’t white.”
Pegarita: Me and Angelica both commented on this with “You realise I’m black, right?”
NarrativeControl: “Finally Karen, why did I adopt a child of a different race? Maybe, just maybe, its because I couldn’t give a flying fuck about where alexander is from, as long as he remembers his culture and grows up to be an outstanding human being, which, unlike your kids, he has.”
Pegarita: “Anyways, hope you and the kids are well, and we wont be seeing you at any of our block barbcues again, will we? Shame. Maybe at the Halloween bash, if Bethany’s out of rehab by then, off course. Bye bye, Karen.”
Damilton: I think the neighbourhoods on moms side which is hilarious because they are also all pretty racist
Angeli-kickyourass: They gotta back mom tho dad is most of these guys boss
BenTolMadge: Your mother is actually goals oh my g o d I aspire to have so much power honestly.
ABurrSir: Your mother is a terrifying women, truly
Turtle.Boi: Damn that’s so much better than what I was gonna put
DangDiggityDosia: okay a) goals and b) John what where you gonna put??
Turtle.Boi: Nothing as good as that so it doesn’t matter she’s already been fucking schooled.
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Damilton: Oh my god why am I not allowed to wear a ballgown y’all look fucking b o m b
NarrativeControl: Thanks, Herc actually made this one for me
4SetsOfCorsets: That the turquoise blue one with the poof skirt?
NarrativeControl: Yes it is actually
4SetsOfCorsets: Nice i’m very proud of that dress ngl
Pegarita: I am praying for death I can bet money one of these old dudes is gonna be like “So Margarita have you get a special man in your life yet?” and I’m just gonna crack and be like “Yes is name is Andrew he’s a purple silicone 10 inches he only cost $30 and my datemates are very good at using him”
DangDiggityDosia: Why would you mention Andrew when Frank is so much better??
MacaroniAndMe: You guys name your dildo’s?
DangDiggityDosia: you don’t?
MacaroniAndMe: I don’t own a dildo??
BenTolMadge: He’s lying he just doesn’t use it anymore because I am a living dildo
MacaroniAndMe: Oh my god
Damilton: FUCKING MRS SEABURY JUST CAME UP TO ME
Damilton: WHY ISNT SAM HERE HE MAKES THESE THINGS FUN
Pegarita: I already spoke to her apparently Sam has gotten himself a sweetheart and wanted to spend time with “her”
Pegarita: So obviously Sam’s fucking professor Lee, finally, and managed to get out of this function.
Angeli-kickyourass: DAD CAN SEE MY PHONE PLEASE SHUT UP FOR YOU OWN SANITY
NarrativeControl: Please save our fathers innocence its all he has left
Damilton: whO the f uC k ate a lL my V eGa n Optiodns
Pegarita: Me.
Damilton: Bitch???
Pegarita: It’s the only good food Alexander let me live
Damilton: true I forgive you
NarrativeControl: KAREN IS LOOKING OVER THE FENCE I REPEAT KAREN IS LOOKING OVER THE FENCE
Damilton: WAVING AT HER
Angeli-kickyourass: LOUDLY ASKING MOTHER WHERE SHE GOT THE POTATO SALAD BECAUSE IT IS SO MUCH BETTER THAN USUAL
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Pegarita: I’m crying I was talking to Dad about letting Maria and Theo stay over sometime to meet him and this old dude comes over and overhears “Theo” and is just like “Ah Maggie I’m so glad you found a young man you want to bring home” and I should of kept my mouth shut but I just
Pegarita: “Theo may be young but they aint no man”
Pegarita: Cue his horrified look and Dads sputterin
DangDiggityDosia: P E G G S I LOVE YOU SO MUCH OH MY GOD
Damilton: P E G G Y
Angelii-kickyourass: MAGGIE I’M SCREAMING HOLY SHIT WHHAT THE FUCK
BenTolMadge: I’m coming to your next fucking barbecue idec I need to witness this shit