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It all started a few months after the duo started dating. Around the time of their final Sports Festival at Yuuei. That's when it all began. When Katsuki started acting weird and avoided Izuku like the plague. Well, not as extreme as that, but he'd never really cling onto the green haired boy as much as he used to, and when they did hang out, it was mainly silence. It was almost like how the two were in that weird in between stage of enemies and friends. Midoriya—clueless as ever—couldn't understand why his boyfriend had distanced himself.
That had been two weeks ago.
So every day for two weeks, every time he tried to talk to Katsuki, he'd come up with a generic excuse. "I have to train for the Sports Festival. Last one, damn right I gotta win!" or "Hang on, Kirishima told me there's an emergency" or even "One sec, the old hag's calling" when his phone was clearly off. It made no sense to Izuku and annoyed him to no end.
Finally, deciding he'd had enough of that, Deku waited until he caught his boyfriend alone in the dorm kitchen.
The boy wore his signature black tank binder, a pair of navy sweatpants a size or two too big, and white loafers. Normally, Midoriya would've chuckled at how much of a fashion disaster the smaller boy was, but decided to hold back on the teasing until the issue had been resolved.
Izuku watched Katsuki reach into the fridge and pull out a soda can. The blond easily popped it open and took a sip, eyes moving to where Deku was as if expecting his arrival. Izuku inhaled slowly and cleared his throat before speaking.
"K-Kacchan." he paused, waiting for a response from the other. Once he heard a grunt from Katsuki, he continued. "We need to talk. A-alone, in my room."
The explosive hero-in-training turned slowly—Izuku caught a glimpse at Katsuki's face, of which displayed a shocked expression. Although it quickly disdained into his neutral face when he faced him, his shoulders were extremely tense. His eyes shifted uncomfortably to meet Deku’s for a quick second, and then to the floor. His lips pressed together for a moment, as if he was pondering a generic excuse to get out of it this time, but was also trapped since his boyfriend had seen him.
"Um, okay, Deku?" he asked more than replied.
"G-good."
With that, the green haired boy turned on his heels and walked to the stairs. Although Bakugou was only 6 steps behind, he was quiet. It almost disturbed Midoriya, as his boyfriend always found something to yell about—from an idiot in class to a villain with a powerful quirk he'd encountered while on his internship. The silence was deafening. It made Izuku fear that his loved one was hiding something or someone from him. The thought of his lover kissing and touching another made him want to gouge his own eyes out.
Once Izuku's dorm room was in view, the boy pulled out his keys, Katsuki glaring daggers at him in the process. He unlocked the door in one swift movement and let him and Bakugou in, closing the door behind him. He placed his keys on the counter while the other took a seat on his bed.
"S-so," Midoriya mumbled, voice trailing off at the end. He took his time to walk over to the bed and his eyes drift not to look at Katsuki. "You probably wonder why you're here."
"I'm pretty sure I know why."
His voice sounded uncharacteristically calm, prompting Izuku to quickly turn to face him and look into his eyes. He couldn't tell whether it was just his sick imagination, but it looked as though Katsuki was crying. His suspicions were confirmed when the other boy rubbed his arm across his eyes in a feeble attempt to stop the tears.
"Izuku," Katsuki said in a hushed tone. It had been the first time he'd used his real name since the duo had met. Even when they started dating, he never stopped calling him 'Deku' only because he knew Izuku now loved it and knew he respected him. "Are you breaking up with me?"
Izuku's eyes were as wide as saucers. Although he wanted to say something, his mind failed to comprehend what he was seeing. The room felt as though it was spinning.
'The Katsuki Bakugou believes I'm going to leave him,' his mind screamed. Although he'd just heard him say it, Izuku still couldn't believe his ears. This left the duo in silence for a few minutes, only adding onto Katsuki's anxiety.
The blond gripped up the comforter on Izuku's bed, balling his hands into fists. His eyebrows furrowed.
"If you're breaking up with me, just fucking do it already! I'm not some damn pissbaby who'll actually miss you! You don't know what the fuck you're missing out on! I'll admit—I was a shitty person back then, but I'm a better fucking person now, fucking Deku!" he spits Midoriya's nickname as if it were poison on his lips. "And, honestly, you aren't worth all that you think you are anyways! So go ahead, fucking break up with me already! I'm strong, I can handle any goddamn thing you send my way! Plus I'm fucking smart, handsome, work hard, and I can do anything! Go ahead and walk out of my goddamn life! I don't need you!” his voice cracked. "I don't need you and your adorable fucking face, or your wonderful fucking smile! Nor do I need your laugh that always seems to brighten my day! I don't need you at fucking all!"
Katsuki's rambling snapped his boyfriend out of his trance. Despite the fact that the words Katsuki was saying were screaming "I don't fucking care", his grip on the comforter had tightened to the point where his knuckles were snow white even in comparison to his pale skin. Deku knew that what he truly meant wasn't what he said. He had known the boy since they were in diapers—he knows that when Bakugou said one thing, it usually meant the complete opposite.
Just the fact that the two were boyfriends proves his point perfectly. He'd always told Midoriya that he hated him or some other hurtful thing that made him believe he hated his guts. Now, Deku knew better. He knew that was all a cover up of Katsuki's many insecurities and doubts that his love would be returned. But, boy, did Bakugou go more than out of his way to prove that to his current boyfriend—to prove that he didn't mean every harmful thing he'd done in the past—just to be by his side and love him.
Kacchan wasn't a bad person; on the contrary, he was the best person Izuku knew. He just didn't let himself feel anything besides anger.
The green haired boy looked back up into those crimson orbs he'd always loved so much.
"Hey, hey, hey," he gently cooed, placing his hand over Katsuki's fist. He noticed Katsuki's jolt, but realized the other boy had made no attempt to pull his hand away. "K-Kacchan, I don't demand for you to sell me on reasons to want you. A-and I don't need you to run yourself ragged on searching for the proof that I should. You don't have to convince me. You don't have to be scared you're not enough."
Katsuki had turned abruptly to look at his boyfriend, eyes filled with both terror and hope. Izuku gulped, trying to find ways to make his thoughts into words. He smiled his signature smile that'd always seem to calm anyone down.
"Because what we've got going is good—no, more than that. It's the best thing in this world to me," he continued.
Katsuki quickly moved his hand from under Izuku's, placing it on the side of the bed. His eyes wandered to the bit of All Might merch on the other side of the room. Although Deku felt a tinge of sadness from that gesture, once again, he knew Katsuki. He knew how he'd always try to bubble up and repress his feelings, even while showing them. It was almost as if he was embarrassed of them. Or even, dare he say, afraid of them.
The blond gritted his teeth. "Idiot," he mumbled more so to himself than the green haired boy next to him. He looked back at Deku. "What about how I treated you when we were younger?! Or when I nearly killed you in that fucking match freshman year?! Or the times I told you to piss off?! Or how I made you believe you couldn't be a hero?! Or in middle school when—" his voice trailed off in the end. His pulse and breathing quickened and tears fell from his eyes like waterfalls.
Suddenly, Izuku understood. He understood why he was avoiding him without the other having to tell him. Guilt. He was guilty. And he knew that, only a little bit over 3 years ago, Katsuki had fought him for that 'Villains Team Vs. Heroes Team' match with Iida and Uraraka. He remembered the feeling of being slammed onto the ground, the sensation of breaking his arm, the feeling of being charred by explosions—he remembered it all. The reminder that it was only two weeks and 3 years ago must've brought back every last bit of shame and regret Katsuki had had back. It's probably reminded him of all the other times as well. It must've been eating at him inside the whole time and Izuku didn't even think that could be why.
"I know about those times!" he yelled back. Katsuki's crying came to a halt at that statement. He looked to his boyfriend, wide eyed and fearful of what he'd say next. "I was there! I remembered all of it! But that was in the past and you have been proved yourself to be a better person! You've saved my life more times than I could count! You risked your life for mine! You helped me perfect my quirk and work out! And you've done so much more. Y-you're even feeling guilty about before! How could you possibly think that you're still not worth my love?!
"You honestly think I'd date you if I knew you were the same?! No!" Deku inhaled a nice big breath before continuing. "My point is," he said softly, "I'm not breaking up with you, Kacchan, and I hopefully never will. You're amazing and I could never not want you. So I don't need to be reminded of all that's been broken—because it's been repaired! You've apologized and I learned to ignore you before you did. You don't need to fix what I'd rather forget and just leave in the past now. Clear the slate and start over. Try to quiet the noises in your head," he places a soft, chaste kiss on Bakugou's forehead before flashing another one of his signature smiles, this one brighter than the last. "Because we can't compete with all of that. So let me help you, Kacchan. L-let me inside your mind and your heart. Tell me how you really feel."
Katsuki's lips quivered as if he were going to burst into tears yet again. He probably felt like it—with all the feelings he kept bottled up. Who knows what else he kept to himself. Only a matter of time before everything spilt over the edge.
He gently wiped the tears rapidly flowing from the blond's eyes with his thumb and let his hand rest there. With his other hand, he grabbed Bakugou's hand and placed it on his chest in hopes that he could get their heartbeats to sync. He knew that, if he could make that happen, it'll be a lot easier for Katsuki to calm down.
The two sat that way for a while until Katsuki's feelings broke through him before he could even consent, crashing down on him like a tidal wave—flooding his mind with nothing but regret, melancholy, and heartache. Everything he'd ever feared to show—everything he'd kept banished in the deepest abyss in his mind finally broke free. He was left powerless against all the emotions clawing their way out, so he dropped his defenses and laid down his double-edged sword.
He bawled grossly before practically screaming out his feelings.
"I never thought there'd be someone like you—someone as amazing, beautiful, smart, forgiving, kind hearted, and damn near perfect—would want me! E-especially after everything I've done. I'm scared you'll leave me; that you'll find someone better. So I give you 10,000 reasons and everything anyone would want to not let me go. But if you really see me. If you like me for me passed my shitty false personality and narcissism—nothing else—then that's all that I've wanted for longer than you could possibly know!" he yells, gasping for air in between sobs.
"I do, Kacchan! I do love you for you! I love you for what I've put together from knowing you, but you don't make it easy. I know you're a good person at heart and I love you for it. But, please, don't hide your feelings from me. I'm your boyfriend, I should know how you feel and I should know all of it. So what if it's us and only us? No faking, just real us. None of the past, just what we are now. What if it's just the real you and the real me? Because I don't need a strong guy who can fight me for me or a smart guy, I need you, Katsuki.
"So what if the real us is all that we need to be and the rest of the world falls away? Huh? What do you think?"
The blond moved his hand from Izuku's chest, placing it back on the bed. His eyes look out the window. Deku starts to feel his own eyes well up with tears.
'Please, Kacchan, I need us to work.'
As if he could see his boyfriend and read his mind, he replies.
"It can be us and only us. No faking, just the real us. And what came before won't count anymore or matter. We can try that." His voice trembles as he voices his thoughts.
The fact that Izuku's proposition wasn't met with denial was like a breath of fresh air. It took every last piece of inner Zen in Midoriya's body not to jump up in the air and kiss his boyfriend square on the lips at that moment. But he refrains from doing so in fear of startling him. Bakugou may’ve trusted him, but that still didn’t mean he’d hesitate to use his quirk out of reflex. Speaking from experience, he knows it’s never good to surprise a hero-in-training. Plus, he doubts that would be a good enough reason behind their first kiss. However, it doesn't keep his mind from racing with thoughts of joy.
"It's gonna be hard to do," Katsuki's voice interrupts his thoughts.
"Yeah," he agrees. "But it's not so impossible."
"Whelp, I'm willing to do it for you, fucking Deku!"
Katsuki tackles his boyfriend onto the bed, making him land over top of him. The duo laughs, both of which’s faces lighting up with pink hues that left lingering heat. If it weren't for school, they'd stay like that for forever—rosy cheeked and cuddling on Izuku's bed. Everything about it felt so surreal, so calming, especially after the events of which had taken place only minutes ago. But everything about it—the prolonged touches, the little bits of soft laughter, the feeling of his boyfriend’s skin—everything felt like home. He felt at a new sense of ease that was more comfortable than anything he’d ever felt. It was all a new and inviting feeling. And Midoriya wouldn’t change a goddamn thing about it. Wouldn’t stop looking at those beautiful wine red eyes that he was drunk on. Wouldn’t let go of the hand that’d always be used to spark the greatest explosions of all time. Wouldn't ever leave him.
The former laid down on Izuku, smiling softly. He rested his face in the crook of his neck, enveloping himself in Deku's scent and took a long inhale of it. He let himself close his eyes and start humming. Izuku wrapped his arms around Katsuki in an embrace.
Within his 18 years of life, Deku had never thought he'd see himself lying on his bed at U.A. with Katsuki lying peacefully on top of him. It made him laugh when he remembered how Bakugou was always taller and had more muscles than Midoriya growing up. Now that the duo were older, Izuku had gotten taller than Katsuki and had gained a lot of muscle due to being the next successor of One For All. If only he'd known before that things would get better. That he could be a hero and have Kacchan's heart.
"You know," Katsuki confessed, "I could watch the whole entire fucking world disappear until you're the only one I still know how to see. I could block everyone out and block out everything about myself that isn't the real me for you. I could lose everyone, but, god, not you. Never you."
"Same to you, Kacchan," he replied, caressing the spiky, soft strands of Katsuki's hair and humming to himself.
“And I’m fucking sorry about,” he paused. “Earlier. I promise I’ll make it up to you and I do need you very much.”
“Oh please, Kacchan. I’ve known you long enough to know that, when you said one thing, you usually mean the other.”
“Well, I did mean one thing. You’re not worth as much as you think you are,” he got up and looked him into the eyes, “you’re worth so much fucking more than that.”
Katsuki quickly pressed his lips against Midoriya’s. Although the action had surprised him and the duo wasn't really good with it, Izuku didn't pull away. He simply returned the kiss with as much passion as the blond did. He let his hands drift to Bakugou's hips as the other placed it in the unruly green hair that laid atop his head.
The boys had to have lasted 2 minutes when Katsuki finally pulled away to breathe, return his face to where it was on Izuku's neck.
"Goodnight. I love you, Deku."
"Love you too, Kacchan."
'I can stay this way forever. Just me and him. And it's only ever us.'