Chapter Text
Sebastian stared at the empty chair across from him. The chair that used to contain Lily as she scribbled all different coloured crayons onto a white sheet of paper. The chair that was somehow not consumed by the flames that dreadful night. It barely had a char mark on it. You'd have to be looking for it to see it. Sebastian kept it. It made him angry sometimes, but other times, it made him happy. But most of the time, it made him sad. It made him wonder how the chair went untouched. Why did an insignificant wooden chair not catch fire but his daughter did? Sebastian didn't know when but he was crying. There were no muffled or choked tears. It was just one after another, sliding down his face like raindrops on a windshield. He didn't know why he didn't just throw the damned thing away. It was a reminder for him. A reminder that nothing in life is ever fair. And it still kept him felt connected to Lily. He'd only ever touched the chair a few times since the incident. Once because he was drunker than he'd ever been (that was when the disappearance of Myra was still fresh) and tripped over it and another because he had simply forgotten the feeling of it.
This night was silent. The power had been out thanks to a snow storm. So that meant no TV. He tried reading some books but he couldn't seem to focus on the words. He'd read a full page and not remember any of it. He also ran out of whiskey about an hour ago and there was no way he was even getting to his car. Over 4 feet of snow had accumulated the last he heard from his battery controlled radio. And that was almost a half an hour ago. So there was really nothing to distract Sebastian. He thought about calling Joseph but his silent fears gripped him every time he flipped open his phone. Sebastian groaned and wiped his hands over his face and through his hair, smearing the drying tear streams on his palms. There were too many thoughts running through his head. He couldn't even keep his mind on one to think about it before another one pushed that one out of the way and took the attention. There was one thing that connected most of these thoughts though. And that thing wasn't a thing. It was a who. And that someone was Joseph. Questions flooded his mind. If he wanted to talk to Joseph so bad then why didn't he? Why did Joseph give him that look the other day? What did it mean? He wondered if Joseph had someone special in his life. Joseph would tell Sebastian if there was a girl he liked, wouldn't he? Why does the thought of Joseph being with a girl kind of infuriate him? Why is he even thinking about Joseph so much anyways? Then it hit him. "Fuck..." was all that Sebastian could utter. Sebastian realized... He was in love with his best friend, his partner. Was he though? Sebastian instantly started second guessing that realization. He wasn't gay. At least, as far as he knew, he wasn't. He never really thought of it though until now. He never really thought of a guy the way he thought about Joseph until he was assigned his partner. He always did find Joseph an attractive person but that didn't mean he was gay. You don't have to be gay to realize someone's got good proportions and features. It wasn't just his physique though. It was... well... everything about Joseph. The way he talked, how smart he was, the way he looked at things, and how he was always there for Sebastian. Even whether he liked Joseph or not, Sebastian didn't even know if Joseph was into guys. Sebastian sighed and stood up. He had work in the morning and couldn't really afford being late. Joseph would have his ass if he was. That's another thing he liked about Joseph. He actually cared about Sebastian. Sebastian made his way upstairs and into his bedroom. Within minutes, he was passed out on his bed.
Sebastian woke up to his alarm going off. His arm flopped over and slammed on the snooze button. He was having a good dream. At the moment, he couldn't remember exactly what it was about but he knew it was good. It was a change from the nightmares he's had since STEM. He stood up and stretched a bit before going downstairs and getting some coffee. He loved the smell of coffee in the morning. It's one of his favourite things. After having a couple cups of coffee, he took a shower and got dressed into his uniform. For a quick breakfast, he had a bagel with cream cheese. Once he arrived at KCPD, he got yet again, another cup of coffee before going into his office and starting his paperwork. Two top priority cases were happening. One was about a "suicide" but the evidence was a little too messy for something else to not have been going on. Sebastian's first thought was a drug problem where someone didn't get payed or something but after investigating, there were no drugs found in the victims system nor a record of him ever getting busted for drugs. There also wasn't anything about mental illnesses or anything that would have caused the man to suddenly shut his lights out. It was a real mystery. For all they knew, they could have a murderer running around the city making murders look like suicides. This meant looking through old files to see if anything matched up. The other case was a rape incident. A 17 year old boy spoke up about being raped by an older women a few months ago. This one was a lot easier it seemed than the apparent suicide so he started with this one.
It was about a half an hour later when he heard knocking on his office door followed by a familiar voice.
"Seb?" Joseph spoke before opening the door. "You're already here?"
"Yeah, I came in early. I have a lot of paperwork and, well, that one case has been really wracking my mind." Sebastian answered not looking away from his paper work.
"Yeah. It's a tough one. We haven't had one of those in a while. It might be good." Joseph sat down in one of the office chairs, looking at Sebastian. After he didn't answer, Joseph decided to voice in. "Everything okay?"
"Hm." Sebastian looked at Joseph. "Oh. Yeah. Just... Rough night, I guess. I'm fine."
Joseph didn't look at all convinced and he had every single right to not be. "Seb... What's wrong? And this time, the truth, please." Joseph said, scooting the chair closer to the desk.
Sebastian sighed. He couldn't just come out and tell Joseph he liked him. Oh God, he really did like him though. He decided he should say something though. Inch to it. Figure out more before he decides whether or not to tell Joseph this stupid crush he has on him.
"Joseph, have you ever had a thought about something-" 'or someone' Sebastian thought, "that you never thought about before... And the realization kind of hits you." Sebastian wasn't looking at Joseph when he asked this. He was looking anywhere but at him.
Joseph furrowed his eyebrows but answered. "I think everybody has had something like that."
Sebastian simply nodded.
"Why? What is it?" Joseph asked, concern in his voice.
"It's...-" 'It's that I'm in love with you' is what he wanted to say. "It's nothing. Really. I just... thought of something." Sebastian rubbed his neck. A sign of a lie.
Joseph gave him a look. Both annoyed and worried. After Joseph realized he wasn't getting anything more from Sebastian about his situation, he sighed. "Fine. But if you change your mind, please talk to me. You know you can."
"I know." Sebastian finally looked up at Joseph. He felt his heart skip a beat. "I know." He repeated.
"Well, I also have a job too so I'm going to get to it. Some of us actually do their job around here." Joseph picked, earning a smile from Sebastian.
"Yeah, someone should really tell that Oda man about that." Sebastian teased right back.
Joseph glared at him playfully before smiling and shutting the door. Leaving Sebastian love struck. Sebastian wondered when exactly his feelings for Joseph rose above platonic. It was definitely before last night. He's known it for some time but hasn't let himself believe it. Until now.
It was almost leaving time when Sebastian had finally got a possible lead on the apparent suicide. There was one that dated back to 2002. Same manner, same method, and even the letters slightly matched up. Sebastian couldn't help but let out an ecstatic "yes!" as he finished scanning the files. Of course it wasn't final yet. He still had to have Kidman and Joseph take a look at it. So it wasn't closed but it was a start. Suddenly, Joseph walked in his office, concern on his face.
"Sebastian!" He exclaimed, looking at his partner. "I heard a yell... I wanted to make sure you were okay." He said stepping further into the room.
Sebastian blushed a little but threw a tiny chuckle out there. "I'm good! I think I finally have a lead on the apparent suicide case!" Sebastian smiled proudly, spinning the files so Joseph could skim them over. "A suicide back in 2002 had the same manner, same method of suicide and the letters even had similarities! And better yet, same month." Sebastian was smiling wide.
He was obvious very happy with himself which made Joseph smile, his heart warming and fluttering. He loved seeing Sebastian happy. And lately, it's been rare.
"Wow. This could actually be an amazing start!"
"You saying you didn't have faith I'd be able to solve it?" Sebastian joked. He knew it wasn't solved yet.
Joseph gave him a look. "I always have faith in you, Seb." Joseph said, looking at Sebastian seriously.
Sebastian scoffed a bit but then looked up at Josephs face. "I mean it. I always will too." Joseph stepped closer to the desk.
Sebastian didn't know what to say. Thank you? Before he could say anything, Joseph looked away and coughed. More out of awkwardness. "Sorry. Didn't mean to make you uncomfortable."
"No. You.. you didn't." Sebastian was quick to rebuttal that time. He was just so stunned. Even after all this time, he couldn't seem to understand why someone would think that way about him. Especially Joseph. Joseph had seen him at his absolute worst. And yet... He was still here.
"Well, it's past leaving time. Were you going home right away or to a bar as usual?" Joseph teased.
"I haven't decided yet." Sebastian replied. "I do need to stock back up on whiskey. I finished it off last night."
Joseph made a disapproving sigh. He knew Joseph didn't like him drinking. He was lucky if he'd let him smoke in front of him.
"You wanna drink with me?" Sebastian asked. Waiting for an immediate no. But instead, he was caught off guard by Joseph.
"Sure. Why not?" Joseph said. He did want to start being close to Sebastian again. Like he said, lately, Sebastian has been different. He hid it well. Well, to others. Joseph could tell. Read him like a book.
"Really?" Sebastian asked, surprise in his voice. He always did want to go drinking with Joseph again but he knew Joseph wasn't a big drinker.
"Yeah. I could use a few." Joseph partially lied. He did want to drink but he mostly wanted to be near Sebastian.
"Alright! Sounds good!" Sebastian said, standing up grabbing his keys and throwing on his trench coat.