Work Text:
Canary: HO
Canary: LY
Canary: FUCK
Canary: guys
Canary: GUYS.
Wonder Woman: Ahem
Canary: …and girls
Wonder Woman: Better.
Canary: ~AN.Y.WAY~
Green Arrow: What is it? Something wrong??
Canary: if this is wrong i don’t wanna b right
Superman: ???
Green Arrow: @Canary ????
Canary: I JUST MET THE WOMAN IM
GOING 2 SPEND THE REST OF MY
LIFE WITH
Canary: OK SO WE HAVN’T TECHNICALLY
MET YET BUT SHE’S HERE AND
PERFECT I CAN TELL AND I
WANTED 2 SHARE THIS MOMENT
BCZ UR ALL V IMPORTANT 2 ME
Canary: SORRY WE CAN’T INVITE MOST
OF U 2 THE WEDDING BCZ
~SECRET IDENTITIES~
Green Arrow: Oh, so ur fine then
Green Arrow: Any suggestions on what I
should get the wife for our
anniversary?
Canary: OMFG NO @Green Arrow I AM
NOT FINE!
Canary: I REALIZED I HAVE 2 TALK 2 HER
EVENTUALLY AND IM FREAKING OUT
HOW DO U CASUALLY TELL SOME1
THAT UD CONQUER EMPIRES IN HER
NAME????
The Atom: Uh @Green Arrow isn’t your
wife in this chat?
Vibe: @Black Canary rotfl
Cyborg: Wait, I thought…
Cyborg: I’m so confused
Vibe: lol newbie can’t tell the canaries apart
Canary changed name to White Canary
White Canary: NOW CAN WE PLZ FOCUS
White Canary: SHE’S MY HELEN OF TROY
Wonder Woman: @White Canary have you
been approached by any strange men
lately? I fear Ares may be responsible
for your unusual behavior
Green Arrow: Unusual? Have you met White
Canary?
Black Canary: Wait wait wait. Everyone back
up a second. @White Canary what’s
happening? @Green Arrow I already
told you what I want
Green Arrow: What? When?
White Canary: I FOUND MY SOULMATE
Green Arrow: Babe I need a hint?!
Black Canary: I meant context WC
White Canary: OH RIGHT
White Canary: Sorry. 4got 2 turn off caps
White Canary: I’m in a class @ the gym
and the kickboxing instructor is the
most amazing humanoid i’ve ever seen.
I want 2 make ninja babies with her
Black Canary: I thought you had a crush on
~you know who~?
White Canary: Well that’s obvs not gonna
pan out so I’m being more realistic
Black Canary: you know what I’m just gonna
PM you
The Atom: Wait, why are you in a kickboxing
class? Aren’t you a pro or whatever?
White Canary: Bcz @The Atom it never
hurts to revisit the basics. judgy much?
Vibe: ^ translation: homegirl walked into the
wrong class but stuck around 4 the
hot teacher 😂
White Canary removed Vibe from the group
White Canary: Fate led me here obvi
Green Arrow: @Black Canary ?
Green Arrow: Am I in trouble?
Zatanna: lol yep.
The Atom: @White Canary tell me she’s not
wearing one of those “superheroes wear
spandex” shirts? I hate those.
Zatanna: Hey, that’s my girl’s fiancée you
might be dissing
Flash: While ur all here, what do u guys think
of the whole asking ur SO’s parents 4
their blessing thing?
Wonder Woman: I find that practice to be
antiquated and misogynistic.
Flash: OK yeah but I’m just trying not to get
killed by her dad…
Superman: I guess it depends on your
relationship with him. And her.
White Canary: Um, xcuse me we’re talking
about *my* future wife right now. Wait
ur turn speedy gonzalez
Flash: U haven’t even spoken 2 her yet
White Canary: Exactly! smol window of
opportunity. Ur weird family dynamics
can wait
The Batman: As a reminder, this group is for
urgent, official Justice League matters
only.
Flash changed name to The Flash
White Canary: UH YEAH NO DUH BATMAN
THE FUTURE MOTHER OF MY
CHILDREN IS LESS THAN 20 FT AWAY
AND I STILL DK WHAT 2 SAY 2 HER.
IF I SCREW THIS UP IM GOING TO DIE
AND THEN WHO WILL PROTECT STAR
CITY?? THIS IS CLEARLY AN URGENT
LEAGUE MATTER. SEND HELP
Green Arrow: I mean, there r 3 other league
members based in star, so we’ll probs
b fine
White Canary: gee robin hood, ur such a gr8
friend thnx
Superman: Just be yourself, @White Canary
White Canary: R u crazy?! i can’t do that i’m
a total dork wtf
White Canary: like fml my sox don’t match
Superman: If she doesn’t like you for who
you are, she’s not worth your time.
Zatanna: Hctam reh skcos
Zatanna: Did that work?
White Canary: No still 1 white 1 red but thnx
4 trying Z
Batgirl: Wow ok give me a sec 2 catch up
The Flash: Hey, ok so back 2 getting
approval from the future in-laws…
Supergirl: On Krypton, it was customary for
suitors to write a thesis paper on their
worthiness. As a sign of intellect and
dedication 📜
The Flash: um
Cyborg: Really?
Supergirl: No. That would be ridiculous. Just
like this. He isn’t marrying her dad.
Zatanna: Lmfao. Preach, girl!
Superman: Food for thought: following
tradition to please her dad won’t
matter if it pisses her off enough to
say no herself, Flash.
The Flash: Shoot I didn’t think of that
Lois Lane-Kent: @The Batman your child is
definitely a sociopath
The Flash: !
Cyborg: !!
Cyborg: Who added Lois Lane to the group?!
Superman: Lois?!
Lois Lane-Kent: Oh, relax. I’m the JL’s
greatest ally. Your texting habits are
safe from the headlines.
The Batman: What did he do this time?
Lois Lane-Kent: He used his sai to make
puppets out of the backyard squirrels
Lois Lane-Kent: Come get him. I am not a
babysitter.
The Batman: I’ll send a car.
Lois Lane-Kent: Send bleach, too.
Cyborg: Still waiting on an explanation for
how a reporter got into our chat
Superman: Lois.
Lois Lane-Kent: Fine.
Lois Lane-Kent left the group
Green Arrow: Guys I can’t find Black Canary
Green Arrow: I looked everywhere
Batgirl: Ok, I’m up to speed
Black Canary: *apparently “everywhere”
doesn’t include the laundry room
Green Arrow: !
Green Arrow: We have a laundry room?
Zatanna: omfg DEAD
Batgirl added Nightwing to the group
Batgirl: @Nightwing your skillz are needed,
Casanova
Zatanna: How did I not think of that?!?
@Batgirl you’re a genius.
Nightwing: Hahaha yeah just saw your text.
also wOw GA
Batgirl: @White Canary you still with us?
Captain Marvel: Guys the ice cream truck
driver gave me a free rocket pop!
White Canary: whatyesbarelyistopped
breathingtenminutesagowhenshe
madeeyecontact
Black Canary: Please continue breathing
Zatanna: Deep breaths, honey
Green Arrow: @Black Canary can you tell
me where the laundry room is??
Black Canary: Not the time 4 this, O
Nightwing: I got ur back, WC. U trying 2
get laid or date her?
White Canary: I’m trying to find the nearest
courthouse. decided 3 sec ago a
ceremony will take 2 long 2 plan
Nightwing: lol what changed 3s ago?
Black Canary: EXCUSE ME YOU ARE NOT
ALLOWED TO GET MARRIED WITHOUT
ME PRESENT
White Canary: She bent over 2 pick up her
water bottle. Damn.
Nightwing: 😂 That hot?
White Canary: Total smokeshow
Black Canary: OMG ew pls stop
The Batman: Why is this still going on?
Nightwing: Wait, do u know if she’s queer?
White Canary: What kind of cruel universe
would make my soulmate a straight
girl?
Green Arrow: Ok WC you still haven’t even
spoken to her yet, so…
White Canary: Shut up GA
Batgirl: wtf GA? Let her live
Black Canary: Yeah, don’t be mean
Green Arrow: I’m just saying
Zatanna removed Green Arrow from the group
Aquaman: Is anyone near here📍? I could
use assistance.
Superman: On my way.
Nightwing: @White Canary r u going 4
subtle or forward? Sweet or seductive?
White Canary: All of the above?
Nightwing: I may b skilled but it’s def not
possible 2 b subtle and forward @ the
same time
White Canary: idgaf boy wonder just make
her love me
Nightwing: …let’s start with subtle. U know
her name?
White Canary: No I couldn’t hear the 1st few
min of class over the sound of my ❤️
growing 3x
Zatanna: Wow bb girl, you are a hot mess
Nightwing: No actually that’s perfect!!
Nightwing: Just say that!
White Canary: U want me 2 tell her i’m the
grinch?!?
The Heir: If I may…
The Heir: I, too, am in need of advice.
Batgirl: What’s going on?
Nightwing: @White Canary no, ask 4 her
name and say ur sorry if she said it
earlier, but u were overwhelmed by her
presence
The Heir: How do I get the young woman
in the back of my class to put her phone
away and pay attention?
Batgirl: Ask nicely?
White Canary: GUYS WHAT SHE WINKED
AT ME WHAT DOES THST MEAN?
The Heir: Perhaps it means she would
appreciate if you postponed your
updates to the group until her class is
over
White Canary: 😱
Nightwing: 😱
Black Canary: 🤯
Batgirl: oooohhhh
Zatanna: Holy shit, plot twist!
Black Canary added Green Arrow to the group
Green Arrow: SUCCESS!
Green Arrow: (I found the laundry room!)
Green Arrow: What’d I miss?
Nightwing: …
The Batman: I tried to stop you, White
Canary.
Green Arrow: WTF WC’s fiancée is the Heir?
Green Arrow: I did not c that coming
The Flash: Ok they’re not actually engaged
jesus
Green Arrow removed The Flash from the group
Green Arrow: I learned my lesson
Black Canary: Good boy
Green Arrow: 😋
Black Canary: 😉
Zatanna: EW TAKE THAT OUT OF THE
GROUP CHAT GROSS
Batgirl: I need an update on WC and Heir
Batgirl: Nvrmd she texted me an audio clip
of I Swear by all 4 one
Batgirl: Pretty sure they gucci
Zatanna: YAS LOVE WINS
Nightwing: Am I allowed to take credit here?
Nightwing: Eh, whatevs
White Canary: Yep yep yep thnx guys
White Canary: Ttyl got a date with destiny
White Canary: As you were
Nightwing: 👍
Nightwing left the group
The Batman added The Flash and Vibe to the group
Vibe: Ok ouch who removed me????
Black Canary removed Vibe from the group
The Batman: …acceptable.
Green Lantern: Uh guys I forgot the access
code to the watchtower. Can someone
let me in?
Green Lantern: Anyone?
Green Lantern: Come on guys I know you
were all just checking the chat wth
Green Lantern: Ew nevermind I think WC and
the Heir are having their “date” here
The Heir: OMG GTFO HAL!!
The Heir: oops this isn’t my phone
The Batman: sigh.