Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Sharpshooter has added keith.k, pidgerino, tshirogane, hunkindonuts, Allurable to take me to funky town.

Sharpshooter: what is good my dudes and princess?

tshirogane: Lance, what is this?

pidgerino has changed the chat name to take me to flavor town.

hunkindonuts: thanks, i hate it

Sharpshooter: i like the way u think pidge

pidgerino: thanks i got it from my dad

Allurable: Shouldn’t you all be in classes?

pidgerino: idk shouldnt you be???

Allurable: ....Maybe so.

tshirogane: You all need to get to class.

Sharpshooter: not until keith logs in

keith.k: what do you want from me?

Sharpshooter has changed keith.k ‘s name to queef.

queef: CHANGE IT BACK LANCE

Sharpshooter: nah im good lmfao

pidgerino: oh man do you really not know how to change it back?

hunkindonuts: i’d feel bad, but this is really funny

tshirogane: What’s a queef?

pidgerino: why are the broganes so internet illiterate

queef: lance i will count to 10 and if my name is still queef i will kill you with my pinini

Sharpshooter: a good way to die

tshirogane: That’s enough of that. Get back to class, guys.

Sharpshooter: o would ye look at the time aye gotta get back tae class er shiro is gonna fuck me up yeah?

pidgerino: wow what a coinkidink!!!

hunkindonuts: yup i suddenly gotta go too, wow

Sharpshooter: bye @queef

queef: l a n c e

Chapter Text

4:37

take me to flavor town

queef: lance i will murder your family

Sharpshooter: bet

tshirogane: Boys.

pidgerino: oh shit its the dad voice

tshirogane: Pidge.

hunkindonuts: hunk!

tshirogane: And Hunk. Enough bickering. Be civil about this if you are going to be civil about anything… please.

Allurable: Bet.

tshirogane: Allura, this isn’t the time to adapt to Lance’s way of English.

Sharpshooter: r00d, its my second language :( i dont know any better

queef: lance change my name back

Sharpshooter: cant lol sry pal

queef: pidge

pidgerino: sorry my brother is calling me gtg

queef: hunk

hunkindonuts: sorry i have… a date.

queef: stop lying

tshirogane: Somebody change his name back before he throws a tantrum, please?

4:49

keith.k > Sharpshooter

keith.k: lance change it back

Sharpshooter: woah u care enough to dm me yikes ur really mad huh

5:12

Sharpshooter > keith.k

Sharpshooter: fine ill change it

5:17

take me to flavor town

Sharpshooter changed queef ‘s name to spacecowboy

Sharpshooter: there

spacecowboy: you know what i meant cut the shit

tshirogane: What did I just say?

hunkindonuts: so guys can i add my friend to this shes really cool and said she knows pidge?

pidgerino: ask her for the password

hunkindonuts: she said “did pidge ask that?”

pidgerino: let her in

hunkindonuts added balmerina to take me to flavor town

balmerina: hey guys! :)

pidgerino: wasssup new buddy

balmerina: oh! by the way i’m shay! i’m hunk’s partner in physics class.

Allurable: Hello Shay! I’m Allura… pardon me if I’m wrong, but I believe our families work together in business trade, right?

balmerina: !! yes we do! wow, it’s such a relief knowing that i’m friends with several people here already!

hunkindonuts: its super cool!

5:34

Sharpshooter > hunkindonuts

Sharpshooter: how whipped?

hunkindonuts: yes.

Sharpshooter: hunk my buddy my bro

hunkindonuts: you have no idea how sweet she is lance i swear.

Sharpshooter: ask her out bro this is legit

hunkindonuts: lance we just met each other at the beginning of the school year. She just moved here.

Sharpshooter: i think thats long enough idk fam at least give it a shot

hunkindonuts: someday.

5:40

take me to flavor town

pidgerino: speaking of adding people i got a rule here

Sharpshooter: this is   m y   c h a t   you cant make rules

pidgerino: either u make the rule matt cant be here or i do lance its your choice

tshirogane: Wait, why can’t we add Matt?

pidgerino: his meme game weak bruh

tshirogane: His meme game is great, Pidge.

pidgerino: thats because youve dealt with it for so many years that its ur meme game too shiro

Sharpshooter: toasted grilled burnt to a crisp

Allurable: Shiro, you’re doing amazing sweetie!

tshirogane added mattack take me to flavor town

pidgerino: we had one rule

pidgerino: one

pidgerino: (1)

pidgerino: one rule

Chapter Text

5:43

take me to flavor town

mattack: it is wednesday my dudes

tshirogane: It is Thursday.

pidgerino: shiro you did this to us

pidgerino: you ruined the good of this chat

hunkindonuts: what good is there when lance and pidge are in the same place?

Sharpshooter: HUNK?!?!?!??!?!!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

Allurable: Toasted, grilled, burnt to a crisp.

spacecowboy: and here we see lance in his natural habitat: pain

Sharpshooter: wow after all i did for u keith

spacecowboy: you changed my name to ‘queef’

Sharpshooter: speaking of

Sharpshooter changed spacecowboy ‘s name to queef2.0.

queef2.0: l a n c e

Sharpshooter: yeah babe :*

queef2.0: die

tshirogane: Will you two knock it off?

mattack: yeah listen to ur daddy

tshirogane: Matthew.

Allurable: So your name IS Matthew and not Mattington!

pidgerino: wait did u actually believe him?

balmerina: mattington.

pidgerino changed mattack ‘s name to mattington.

mattington changed his name to mattress.

mattress: quality

tshirogane: That name sounds like the name of a seductive sorceress.

pidgerino: or a mattress

Sharpshooter: that you sleep on

hunkindonuts: shiro?

queef2.0: i heard his sigh from my bedroom

queef2.0: wait he just came in

queef2.0: “you better not be live-texting this”

Sharpshooter: keith oofmg

queef2.0: “ill make sure lance never changes your name back from queef”

queef2.0: lance im doing this for entertainment change it back quick

Sharpshooter changed queef2.0 ‘s name to kagome

mattress: inoyasha!!!!

Sharpshooter: kagome!!!!!!!!!

kagome: bye lance

kagome removed Sharpshooter from take me to flavor town .

balmerina changed the chat name to take me to church .

balmerina: church is free!

5:56

tshirogane > keith.k

tshirogane: Keith, if you spill this, you will go find another Brogane.

keith.k: shiro wait how serious is this

tshirogane: Kind of a lot.

keith.k: woah now im not ready for that kind of responsibility

tshirogane: I’m not entrusting you with the taxes, calm down.

tshirogane: It’s about Matt.

keith.k: weve been over this go bone him?

tshirogane: Stop.

keith.k: you know you want to

tshirogane: Keith.

keith.k: shiro.

tshirogane: I’m not going to bone him. But I am gonna ask him to come over.

keith.k: oh shit one step further in the realm of fuck

tshirogane: But you need to keep your trap shut about it. It’s not a date. We are hanging out.

keith.k: have you even asked him to come over?

5:59

tshirogane > mattack

tshirogane: Matt, I have to ask you something.

mattack: yes

tshirogane: No, just. Wait. Let me ask first.

tshirogane: Would you like to come over and hang out for a while? Tonight or tomorrow. Whichever works best for you, at least. I don’t have work until Sunday.

mattack: nani kore?!?

tshirogane: うるさい、バカ。

mattack: shiro im offended

mattack: but also ill be there in like 20 minutes

tshirogane: what

6:02

tshirogane > keith.k

tshirogane: He’s coming over, I’m ordering take out.

keith.k: youre ordering chinese food when this is a house of a japanese man and a half japanese half korean man

keith.k: fake chinese food

6:03

keith.k added Sharpshooter, pidgerino, hunkindonuts to shiro is gay.

Sharpshooter changed the chat name to Shiro is pansexual .

keith.k changed the chat name to shiro is gay

keith.k: shiro is pining after matt?

Sharpshooet: he has been since they met

keith.k: yeah but this time its real and hes making moves

hunkindonuts: aww

pidgerino: if i hear about shiro having. intercourse. with matt i will never talk to either of them again

Sharpshooter: hey we dont kinkshame

hunkindonuts changed the chat name to anti-kinkshaming shiro party

hunkingdonuts: we are good people here.

Sharpshooter: this is why were best friends

pidgerino: unbelieveable

hunkindonuts: keith, what made you gather us here other than the obvious fact that shiro is completely whipped?

keith.k: matts coming over

pidgerino: HE LIED TO ME

6:38

take me to church

hunkindonuts: why are we all dead

pidgerino: free choice

hunkindonuts: oh wait...

hunkindonuts added Sharpshooter to take me to church.

hunkindonuts: there we go.

kagome: shiro got chinese take out

Allurable: Aren’t you both Japanese?

kagome: im half korean too

Allurable: Right.

Sharpshooter: wheres shiro at tho

kagome: ill tell you if you change my name to keith

Sharpshooter: done

Sharpshooter changed kagome ‘s name to kieth.

kieth: fuck you

Sharpshooter: youd want to ;)

kieth: die

hunkindonuts changed Sharpshooter ‘s name to i love keith

i love keith: hunk,

hunkindonuts: :)

balmerina: how sweet <3

i love keith: i hate

pidgerino: gays???? in front of my good christian hunk???????

hunkindonuts: and in front of my salad??

balmerina: unacceptable.

i love keith: im bi tho

kieth: and im anti-lance-sexual

pidgerino: all these lies all this slander oh my geez

balmerina: geeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeezz…

hunkindonuts: geeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeez.

balmerina: geeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeez.

hunkindonuts is typing…

i love keith: okay i get it

pidgerino: geez.

Chapter Text

2:32

take me to church

hunkindonuts: by the way lance, i have a question?

i love keith: yeah

i love keith: wait,

i love keith: hold that thought

i love keith changed their name to Sharpshooter.

hunkindonuts: YEAH, so like, why is your name sharp shooter exactly?

Sharpshooter: because my aim is impeccable

pidgerino: you won one game of laser tag and it was by 200 points only

Sharpshooter: 200 is a high number

pidgerino: thats only 2 more hits

Sharpshooter: 2 more hits than u got

mattress: toasted grilled burnt to a crisp

pidgerino: matt i thought we were friends :(

mattress: ur my sister we arent friends we are comrades fighting for a common cause

Sharpshooter: whats ur cause

mattress: robots at the table

pidgerino: robots at the table

hunkindonuts: why do you need robots at the table?

hunkindonuts: that’s where the food goes…

pidgerino: to pass me the salt

mattress: how else will i get a napkin

tshirogane: You’re both awful.

mattress: if i dont fight for my right then soon i wont be allowed google glasses at the table

kieth: you bought,

Sharpshooter: google glasses

mattress: false

tshirogane: He made them.

pidgerino: dad was mad because he broke the capitalist system

pidgerino: mom told him to capitalize off the idea

pidgerino: and matt was offended that they didnt even acknowledge his genius anymore

mattress: its not fun if its typical

Sharpshooter: i would pay to have a holt brain shut the fuck up

mattress: how much will u pay me for my brain

tshirogane: Matthew.

mattress: Takashi.

tshirogane: h

2:54

anti-kinkshaming shiro party

keith.k: whipped?

Sharpshooter: whipped.

2:57

pidgerino added tshirogane, mattack to does lance is gay?

pidgerino: youre probably wondering why ive gathered u here today my comrades

mattack: salute comrade

tshirogane: Does Lance is bi?

pidgerino: pFH

mattack: cut out that proper typing its just me n k8

tshirogane: fine

pidgerino: shiro? normal? in my christian chat?

mattack: LMFAO u dont even kno him

pidgerino: but he goes here??

tshirogane: i g o here

pidgerino: anyway keith and lance. Discuss.

mattack: 5$ keith has a shrine 2 lance

pidgerino: 5$ lance has one for keith

tshirogane: $10 says they both have one for each other

mattack: im talking digital shrine are we all on the same page?

tshirogane: yup

pidgerino: yeehaw

mattack changed pidgerino ‘s name to Texan!Pidge

Texan!Pidge: WH

Texan!Pidge changed mattack ‘s name to boutta lose 5$

boutta lose 5$: wow,

tshirogane: lol

Texan!Pidge changed tshirogane ‘s name to OUT 10 BIGGIES

boutta lose 5$: 10 what ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Texan!Pidge: 10 ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) whole ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) biggies ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

OUT 10 BIGGIES: no

boutta lose $5: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

boutta lose $5 changed OUT 10 BIGGIES ‘s name to desukun

boutta lose $5 changed their name to howdy

boutta lose $5 changed Texan!Pidge ‘s name to yeehaw

desukun: so keith and lance are whipped

yeehaw: yee(haw)

howdy: yaint ready to lose $$

desukun changed their name to keikaku

howdy: translators note: keikaku means plan

yeehaw: tn: keikaku means plan

howdy: w8 k8 why did we let him in on a good ol hot (holt bet)

yeehaw: a H o t.

howdy: A HOT.

howdy: no but like what if we both lose and the holts are out 40 biggies

yeehaw: darn?

keikaku: all according to keikaku

howdy: djjdjfjfjjfjsfjslf SHIRo

Chapter Text

9:30

hunkindonuts > Sharpshooter

hunkindonuts: shay made me get a snap so we could send pics.

Sharpshooter: HUNK

hunkindonuts: I KNOW!

Sharpshooter: u sendin dicc piccs

hunkindonuts: n o t  those kinds of pics,

Sharpshoote: *yet

hunkindonuts: no.

9:33

hunkindonuts > balmerina

hunkindonuts: hey i have a question for you.

balmerina: shoot!

hunkindonuts: what are you planning on doing next week while we have school off?

balmerina: uhm? stay home probably. my family doesnt celebrate thanksgiving since, yknow

hunkindonuts: yeah! i mean. not yeah as in yeah genocide, i mean yeah as in i get what youre saying.

hunkindonuts: my family doesnt really celebrate either. my family thinks its weird that people spend a day dedicated to eating a lot.

hunkindonuts: because we always eat a lot.

hunkindonuts: clearly.

balmerina: hehe :) yeah, but its not a bad thing!

balmerina: anyway! what was your question?

balmerina: unless you are just wondering what im doing next week

hunkindonuts: oh! i wanted to ask if you wanted to hang out?

balmerina: sure!! id love to!

hunkindonuts: cool. we can talk about it when it gets closer and plan stuff out.

balmerina: right on hunker.

9:48

hunkindonuts > Sharpshooter

hunkindonuts: shay and i are gonna hang out over the break im hype?

Sharpshooter: NICE

4:28

take me to church

kieth: yelk

mattress: wtf its 4am

tshirogane: matt put the phone away

mattress: ssshirorrieooeoseodsoflsvcvcxnvnnvc,cx

tshirogane: confiscated.

tshirogane: go to bed keith.

6:46

take me to church

Sharpshooter: what the actual fuck?

6:47

anti-kinkshaming shiro party

Sharpshooter: did shiro and matt sleep together????

7:28

take me to church

hunkindonuts: oh.

pidgerino: oh.

kieth: oh.

Allurable: oh.

balmerina: oh.

7:53

anti-kinkshaming shiro party

pidgerino: oh

hunkindonuts: oh

Sharpshooter: keith???

keith.k: i had no idea he was here??

keith.k: wait,

Sharpshooter: huh

keith.k: shiro left me a note on the counter???

(keith.k: 1 image)

pidgerino: HWAT

pidgerino: gtg im running back upstairs

Sharpshooter: waIT PIDGE

pidgerino: im aware i might see a schlong or two

Sharpshooter: no. film it

pidgerino: even better idea

8:00

anti-kinkshaming shiro party

(pidgerino: 1 video)

Sharpshooter: jdklafjldsajfdsalfdsl

Sharpshooter: YOU RECREATED MY FAVORITE VINE

pidgerino: its times like these where i am forever glad that matt has a loft bed

keith.k: what do you sleep on?

Sharpshooter: stop this is a group question

8:05

take me to church

Sharpshooter: what kind of bed does everybody sleep on its important

pidgerino: the new mbti

Allurable: a normal queen size

kieth: a? bed.

hunkindonuts: same keith

mattress: finally a topic my name correlates to

mattress: i have a loft bed

pidgerino: i have one of those beds with all the drawers under it because i need all the storage i can get

tshirogane: me too. but mine has a door and its empty underneath.

Sharpshooter: w h a t ?

(tshirogane: 1 image)

pidgerino: cursed underbelly

Sharpshooter: anyway i sleep on a bunk bed

balmerina: oh oh!!! Oh! i have a water bed

Allurable: Why would you Ever.

Chapter Text

10:17

take me to church

Sharpshooter: wait i just noticed shiro broke character

kieth: what character

Sharpshooter: hes not using caps OR punctuation

Sharpshooter: we broke the dadsona

Allurable: Only the strong will remain at the top.

Sharpshooter: words of wisdom from the queen herself im bless

kieth: dam

tshirogane: get to class guys what are you doing

Sharpshooter: suffering ™

tshirogane: shoo!

11:49

pidgerino > mattack

pidgerino: howdy pardner i got a question for yew ta answer when yer up an moving

pidgerino: what was shirogane takashi doing in your bed last night

11:53

anti-kinkshaming shiro party

pidgerino has changed the chat name to operation desert storm

pidgerino: im debunking why shiro and matt were sleeping together ill fill in the blanks soon

12:43

mattack > pidgerino

mattack: wtf i just woke up why are u hitting me with the texan habits AND the real questions at the same time

pidgerino: hola matt ive been expecting you

mattack: that concerns me

pidgerino: alas, tis no biggie. just wanna know why shiro is in ur bed

pidgerino: care 2 explain dearest brother of mine

mattack: we were sleeping? u think imma fuk when mom and dad are downstairs?? nah boy i aint got time for that

pidgerino: yaint

pidgerino: no but like actually what were you doing

pidgerino: before you went to sleep? like why was he even here noah fence

mattack: full fence

mattack: my privacy is valid please let me

pidgerino: i mean okay buuuuuuut i got that video from this morning and unless u want me to ask shiro in the gc u better cough it up brotherly comrade

mattack: jfjdjfj ask the gc idc we didnt get dirty but im too embarrassed to confess what ive done

12:59

take me to church

(pidgerino: 1 video)

pidgerino: yo shiro i gotta question

mattress: p i d g e r

Allurable: :O!

hunkindonuts: omfg pidge

Sharpshooter: I JUST SNORTED

kieth: ur gonna get killed for posting that im calling it

balmerina: rip in pidge

Sharpshooter: RIP IN PIDGE

hunkindonuts: she will be missed

Allurable: Not by Shiro.

pidgerino: LDJKS

pidgerino: bye guys !

1:00

pidgerino added Sharpshooter, hunkindonuts, keith.k, Allurable, balmerina to dont talk in the gc

pidgerino: i want shiros raw reaction and i want to know when he sees it and when he decides to respond so dont speak my hushkins

pidgerino has locked the chat

pidgerino has unlocked the chat

pidgerino: wait i wanna discuss possible reactions

Allurable: Shiro will probably act very calm about it but if I talk to him privately I feel he will blow up… Or at least be extremely embarrassed.

keith.k: if i come home to anything broken u gon die pidge i s2g he never gets mad im scared now

pidgerino: im sorry ahead of time

Sharpshooter: youre all so cautious shiro will probably laugh

keith.k: youre just expressing your reaction shut up lance

hunkindonuts: i feel like he will… leave the gc??

balmerina: but for what emotion?

hunkindonuts: anger. hed leave to cool down?

balmerina: my theory is that he will leave the gc as well but i think it will be because he doesnt want to face reality of the fact he and matt got busy ;)

pidgerino: THATS THE THING THO

pidgerino: I ASKED MATT AND HE SAID THEY DIDNT DO ANYTHING YET HES TOO ASHAMED TO TELL ME WHAT THE DID

Sharpshooter: n00ds ;)?

keith.k: oh my gdo

Allurable: As long as they don’t share them I’m fine.

pidgerino: fjdjfdjsj allura how are you so calm  im about to d i e

Allurable: Who said I was calm?

Allurable: I’m very excited, really.

7:00

take me to church

tshirogane has left the chat.

pidgerino has added tshirogane to the chat.

tshirogane has left the chat.

pidgerino has added tshirogane to the chat.

tshirogane has left the chat.

mattress: pidge.

pidgerino: matthew.

mattress: Katie.

Chapter Text

8:00

keith.k > tshirogane

keith.k: so i know that youre not all too keen right now and stuff but do you want to talk about anything?

keith.k: maybe that whole spillage of you and matt basically having an affair?

tshirogane: im not upset im just spiting pidge

keith.k: oh my fucking god

8:12

take me to church

mattress has added tshirogane to the chat

tshirogane: if you want an answer ill give it to you

tshirogane: we marathoned the office until we passed out

mattress: THE PLAN WAS TO SAY WE WERE WATCHING SOMETHING GOOD

mattress: WHY ARE YOU CHEATING ME OUT LIKE THIS

tshirogane: first of all,

tshirogane: the office is magnificent

mattress: call me michael scarn

mattress: matthew scarn

mattress changed their name to matthew scarn

tshirogane: you just said the office was bad

matthew scarn: i lied i love the office can we binge it more later

tshirogane: yeah

8:17

tshirogane > keith.k

tshirogane: also its not an affair

tshirogane: its nothing

keith.k: i cant believe you

8:20

take me to church

pidgerino: I WENT THRU ALL THIS STRESS TO FIND OUT U WERE WATCHING THE OFFICE?!?!?!?!!?!??!?!?

pidgerino: bye

8:33

matthew scarn: ha

Sharpshooter: the office is GREAT

Sharpshooter changed their name to Jim

Jim: u know what it is

Jim changed kieth ‘s name to Pam

Pam: W H

Pam: I AM NOT PAM

Jim: shit u right

Jim changed Pam ‘s name to dwight

Jim: better

Jim changed tshirogane ‘s name to Jan

Jim changed Allurable ’s name to Angela

Jim changed hunkindonut ‘s name to Kevin

pidgerino: im gonna stop u right there my friend

Kevin: do you really think i am at kevin’s level?

Jim: no of course not

Jim: he can actually play basketball

Kevin: rude???

Jan changed Kevin ‘s name to hunkindonuts

Jan changed Angela ‘s name to Allurable

Jan changed their name to tshirogame

Jim: SHIROGAME

matthew scarn: grind never STOPS

tshirogame: grind stops for sleep and good health

dwight: stop sounding like a dad when youre in your 20s

tshirogame: i could and therefore i am

Jim: oh my fcgod

pidgerino: anyway

tshirogame: pidge

pidgerino: i hate to gossip but

tshirogame: Pidge

pidgerino: shiro do u and matt rlly get busy ;)tm and just dont wanna admit it?

matthew scarn: gtg

tshirogame: wow would you look at that my boss just keened over and fucking died i gotta work all of a sudden!

pidgerino: unholy

matthew scarn: we doNT

8:57

tshirogane > mattack

tshirogane: but like.

9:04

mattack > tshirogane

mattack: like what

Chapter Text

10:32

take me to church

Jim: hey whats everybody doing today

tshirogame: i had work i just got off 2 minutes ago

Jim: in what world do you get off at ten thirty in the morning on a sunday

tshirogame: when you have 10 hour night shift

dwight: dont fall asleep when you get home we have to do something

tshirogame: then can we all congregate here because thatd be much easier than me trying to drive elsewhere

dwight: i could totally drive

tshirogame: illegally yes

pidgerino: wtf shiro go to bed who said we have to hang out

Jim: shiro did

hunkindonuts: ^^

Allurable: I think this is a good idea. What time would you like us to begin coming over?

tshirogame: im fine with anything after 11. i at least want a power nap if its not too much to ask

balmerina: yeah! if you dont mind, though, some of us arent sure where your house is…

hunkindonuts: oh if you want i can come pick you up?

hunkindonuts: im sure its on my way since i live exactly across town from them.

balmerina: sure thing! thanks  :)

dwight: wait why am i still

Jim changed dwight ‘s name to chief keef

Jim changed their name to lanceylance

lanceylance: better

chief keef: when will you stop

hunkindonuts: sooo, anybody else need to be picked up?

10:45

pidgerino > mattack

pidgerino: WAKE UP SLEEPY HEAD WE GOING TO THE BROGANE PLACE

mattack: I NEVER WENT TO SLEEP

pidgerino: again jfc?

mattack: yeah same but also come in here i need my comrades assistance

pidgerino: is this about shiro

mattack: no

pidgerino: cool

11:01

take me to church

chief keef: just letting you all know that shiro is still asleep because im just gonna wake him up when everybody is here

Allurable: How out is he?

chief keef: possibly dead

pidgerino: matt and i are gonna stop and pick him up some coffee from the bucks do you know what he drinks

pidgerino: if he drinks black we arent friends anybody btw

Allurable: Last I was there with him he tasted my caramel macchiato and really enjoyed it.

Allurable: I don’t recall what he got for himself however

pidgerino: matt suddenly thinks he knows so we gucci thanks queen

pidgerino: also keith can we dogpile shiro or would he kill us

chief keef: dm

11:06

pidgerino > chief keef

pidgerino: do you have some twisted plan

pidgerino: a keikaku mayhaps

chief keef: yes actually

chief keef: i was thinking matt could wake him up

chief keef: but thats all pending on if you guys get here fast because as soon as hunk shows up with lance and shay everythings going to hell

pidgerino: i like it but we just pulled up to #$tarbux

chief keef: so probably wont happen then?

pidgerino: alternative: movie

chief keef: what movie would everybody want to watch though?

11:10

take me to church

pidgerino: alright nerds its time for a movie poll

lanceylance: DISNEY ANYTHING

lanceylance: hunk said he doesnt care as long as its not horror

balmerina: i like lance’s idea! disney/dreamworks is great!

pidgerino: okay well that helps a lot

pidgerino: NAMES PEOPLE I NEED NAMES

pidgerino: also matt said the incredibles

lanceylance: nah you gotta go classic didney princess

lanceylance: call me cliche but i love moana so thats my vote

balmerina: UGH you and matt picked 2 of the best movies can i have 2 votes?

pidgerino: only for you shay

Allurable: I also like the idea of those movies but I’m afraid I must give my vote to Princess Diaries.

pidgerino: JFJFJHF ALLURA

Allurable: I relate.

chief keef: well i want an action movie. like... edge of tomorrow or something?

lanceylance: get outta here

pidgerino: me too keith but like what about ant man

chief keef: NOT AGAIN

pidgerino: LMAO okay but like im down for anything im the judge and i like all options so yeah

lanceylance: theres no judge if this is a vote?

pidgerino: ANYWAY

pidgerino: your options are: moana, princess diaries, the incredibles, or edge of tomorrow

pidgerino: in order to practice democracy best i want ur votes dmed to me for privacy sake

lanceylance: wow

pidgerino: ;)

11:17

Allurable > pidgerino

Allurable: I’m actually changing my vote to Moana, please.

11:17

Sharpshooter > pidgerino

Sharpshooter: you know what i want

11:17

keith.k > pidgerino

keith.k: hit me with the incredibles

11:17

balmerina > pidgerino

balmerina: put hunk and i both down for moana!

11:18

take me to church

pidgerino: the results are in

pidgerino: and with a vote of 4:2 not counting me or shiro

pidgerino: we are in for moana

lanceylance: NAILED IT

chief keef: so when are you guys gettng he

chief keef: nvm somebody just knocked

Chapter Text

Keith sighed as he opened the door to reveal Hunk, Lance, and Shay with smiles on their faces and multiple bags of snack foods in their arms. “These are good movie snacks,” Hunk hummed, smiling.

Lance beamed at Keith and then stepped inside, kicking off his shoes and halfway shrugging off his jacket. He watched Lance with slight annoyance but looked back to the other two and greeted them. “Shiro’s in bed, so you can make yourself comfortable until he wakes up.” He lead them in and pointed toward a distant wall. “Kitchen is over there, obviously this is the living room, and the bathroom is halfway between the two.” Shay smiled and followed Hunk into the kitchen to set down the food. Before Keith had a chance to open his mouth at Lance, there was a soft tap on the door frame and Allura standing in it.

“Good almost-afternoon, Keith, Lance,” she smiled, letting herself in. She took off her coat and hung it up on one of the empty wall hooks. “Are Pidge and Matt here?” Keith simply shook his head and plopped himself down in the lone chair.

When Hunk reemerged from the kitchen, he looked between the gathered group and the seats. “Who’s gonna sit on the floor?” The question caused everybody to look at one another. “I can totally sit on the floor, I don’t mind,”he offered, shrugging.

Shay nodded and gave a cheery “I can too!” while she was in the process of sitting down. Allura smiles at the pair and hesitantly took a seat on the sofa beside Lance.

“I guess I can get blankets and stuff. I can always join you guys on the floor too. I don’t really care that much.” Keith shrugged as well and stood up. He walked into and past the kitchen off to some other realm in the house which left the other four to their own devices.

“Are you going to cuddle with Keith?” Allura smiled to Lance knowingly, it was basically a smirk. It would be if her eyebrows didn’t have their natural sympathetic angle.

Lance grimaced. “Ew, with Keith? Never.” But at the same time he was very slowly sliding down onto the floor. Hunk raised his eyebrows and gave Lance a look as well, but as soon as they heard footsteps they went silent. “Yo, mullet, pass me the thickest bih you got there,” he laughed at his own joke, holding his hands up from his new spot on the floor.

Without hesitation, Keith dropped the giant comforter on top of Lance’s head and then dealt out two more blankets to Shay and Hunk, tossing one to Allura, and then taking the last one for himself.

Keith turned to Allura again and opened his mouth, but he didn’t say anything. That was because she got to it before him. “Will Pidge be joining you on the floor?” She smiled, already standing with her blanket. She moved from the sofa to the chair, watching as Keith simply nodded. He still had no idea how Allura could so easily read his mind. It was insane.

And, like Allura does sometimes, just as she sat in the chair there was a knock on the still open door and two Holt’s with their hands full. Lance perked up again and grinned at the site of the final two arrivals. He stood almost immediately and grabbed Hunk, yanking him up to his feet as well. The two made a mad dash past the kitchen while giggling like school girls. Before Matt could blink his sister was rushing after them, snickering eagerly.

Matt shrugged and kicked off his shoes, setting a 2 liter on the coffee table while taking a sip of the large coffee in his other hand.

“SHIRO!”

The four in the living room jolted, looking at each other with wide eyes. Suddenly there was a loud groan and the sound of something hitting a wall. Keith and Matt stared at each other with slight fear as they both looked toward the kitchen. Before Keith could go solve the problem, Matt was halfway to the kitchen and on his way to Shiro’s room.

“We’re watching Moana, get up,” Pidge groaned, standing with Hunk and Lance above the older man. Shiro just sighed and tugged the covers over his head. Matt cleared his throat, making the three teens look to him. He offered a gentle smile, and came into the room. The other three parted to make room for the eldest Holt, watching as he slowly sat on the bed.

“Takashi,” he whispered, patting the lump that was Shirogane Takashi. Hesitantly, Shiro peeked out from under the covers at Matt, smiling at the sight. “If you want this coffee you better climb the fuck outta bed,” he smirked and stood up, leaving the room. In the process he made sure to make a very exaggerated slurp of the coffee. Almost immediately, Shiro was up and rushing after him.

By the time Matt was in the living room, Shiro was right behind him with tunnel vision for the cup. He went in to tackle Matt, hands wrapping around his waist. But instead of taking down the Holt, he grunted and rested his forehead onto the other’s shoulder. Matt, in reaction to the odd display of affection, turned bright red across his face, staring straight forward. “Hi Shiro,” he whispered, coming back to his senses and touching the cup to a hand on his stomach.

As Shiro took the cup, his head popped up with a small smile on his lips. “Thanks, Matt,” he replied, taking a sip. From below them Lance coughed out a comment. In reply to that, Keith kicked him, and Lance yelped.

“It’s true!”

“What’s true?” Shiro looked down to Lance, still not releasing Matt from his grasp. Not that Matt wanted to escape, though, he seemed awfully content where he was at.

“Nooooothing,” he hummed, curling up in the blanket he was given. “But you guys should sit down and stop cuddling, the rest of us want to watch Moana.” The boys looked at each other and finally realized the position they were in, both of them gaining a pink hue to their cheeks. They split and Matt took a seat on the sofa, Shiro going in the opposite direction back toward his room.

Much to everybody’s relief, he returned with the comforter from his bed and sat down beside Matt, leaning on the arm rest. “Who has the remote?” Allura held it up with a smile and played the movie.

Of course the movie was amazing. Lance cried twice, like always. Keith somehow ended up a lot closer to Lance by the end than where he started. Hunk and Shay were watching the screen intently and making soft comments to each other. Pidge and Allura where both relaxed and content with their respective snacks and drinks. As for Matt and Shiro, they ended up asleep with Matt leaning against Shiro’s front side, wrapped together in the blanket.

Lance was very, very sure to take as many pictures as possible for future embarrassment. But he had no idea that Pidge had the perfect angle that made it appear as if he and Keith were also snuggling together. The girls deemed that would be perfect blackmail.

Chapter Text

8:12

take me to church

lanceylance: now that we are all back in our respective bungalows

tshirogame: bungalow

lanceylance: now that we are all residing in our bungalows

lanceylance: keith and i have an announcement

cheif keef: do it

(lanceylance: 4 images)

pidgerino: SO CUTE??

hunkindonuts: why are shiro and matt so adorable???

pidgerino: i wanna PUNCH something

tshirogame: why

matthew scarn: oh y dod

matthew scarn: my bad boy rep please stop delete those

tshirogame: “bad boy”

tshirogame: the worst thing you ever did to get in trouble was you wrote and submitted your own retake and the only question was “did i write this test?” and your answer was no

pidgerino: JFLDLJKFDSJLFL ITS HANGIGN ON THE FRIDGE

matthew scarn: FUCK OFF SHIRO IM PROUD OF THAT

tshirogame: remember when you convinced your english teacher freshmen year that you were legally blind

matthew scarn: good times

hunkindonuts: lance convinced a girl he was moving to europe so she went out with him. i think they kissed twice

lanceylance: hunk i convinced her i was moving back to europe please get the story right

chief keef: youre so straight it hurts

lanceylance: hi im bi

chief keef: youre only half the gay i am

lanceylance: at least im not a PUSSY

Allurable: You are what you eat.

matthew scarn: FIDHSAFDUF CK

chief keef: yeah you dick

tshirogane: are you implying lance is getting it

pidgerino: tea? :)

chief keef: he has a hand i guess

pidgerino: TOASTED GRILLED BURNED TO A CRISP

lanceylance: my own friends and family

Allurable: I am your second cousin that means nothing to me.

lanceylance: MY OWN BLOOD

Allurable: Your own partial, hardly the same, blood.

chief keef: wait what

lanceylance: what

lanceylance: OH PFF did none of you know we were related

Allurable: My father is Lance’s father’s cousin.

pidgerino: what,

Allurable: My father is the cousin to Lance’s father. They are first cousins which makes us second cousins. We’ve only ended up at the same family gathering one time when we were both young.

Allurable: We are hardly related.

lanceylance: again, my own blood

Allurable: Again, my hardly qualified to be related to me second cousin.

tshirogame: weird.

tshirogame: keith and i are regular cousins

chief keef: true family

matthew scarn: thats cool

matthew scarn: katie and i are brother and sister.

pidgerino: ACTUAL family

matthew scarn: my own blood

pidgerino: i hope you vanquish softly my comrade

8:33

pidgerino > lanceylance

pidgerino: i have valuable information pertaining to you

pidgerino: if i want to know speak now or forever hold your peace

lanceylance: tell m

(pidgerino: 1 image)

lanceylance: wtf keith and i are so cute we should date

pidgerino: do you mean that?

lanceylance: i mean

lanceylance: im cute

lanceylance: keith is keith

pidgerino: bet

lanceylance: how much we talkin

pidgerino: if i convince you to call keith cute in the gc u owe me 20

lanceylance: whats the timeline here

pidgerino: a week

lanceylance: so if i dont call him cute in the gc in a week i get 20 im down

pidgerino: throw hands mcclain

lanceylance: throws hands

pidgerino: its on

8:40

pidgerino > Allurable

pidgerino: how many pictures do you have of keith being cute

Allurable: What are you getting at?

pidgerino: if i can get lance to call keith cute in the gc i get $20

Allurable: And what’s in it for me?

pidgerino: 2%

Allurable: A dime?

pidgerino: 20%

Allurable: Better.

(Allurable: 7 images)

8:47

pidgerino > tshirogane

pidgerino: i need any and all cute pics u have of keith

tshirogane: why

pidgerino: bet against lance to get him to call keith cute

tshirogane: what do you get if you succeed

pidgerino: $ 20-2 for Allura

tshirogane: i want 3 of that remaining 18

pidgerino: BS

tshirogane: ill send you baby/toddler keith

pidgerino: deal

(tshirogane: 26 images)

pidgerino: THESE ARE ALL BABY TODDLER KEITH WTF

tshirogane: thats not even half

8:53

take me to church

pidgerino: @ lance

(pidgerino: 1 image)

lanceylance: ew whos that ugly kid

cheif keef: why the hell do you have one of my baby pictures

8:55

keith.k > pigerino

keith.k: you have 10 seconds to explain yourself

pidgerino: i get $15 if i get lance to call you cute in the gc

keith.k: where did you get that picture

pidgerino: shiro

keith.k: and how much did you give shiro

pidgerino: $3

keith.k: so you get 12 or you get 15 and shiro gets 3

pidgerino: it started as 20

keith.k: where the hell did the other 2 go then

pidgerino: allura

keith.k: why

pidgerino: i know u like lance im trying to hook you two up

keith.k: i dont,,

8:57

take me to church

matthew scarn: aw i remember seeing that pic u were such a fat baby keith :)

chief keef: st

Chapter Text

11:00

keith.k > Allurable

keith.k: i have to ask you something

Allurable: Oh? Go right ahead.

keith.k: its been kinda eating me since earlier today but i didnt know if it was my place but im making it my place for a bit so im gonna ask

keith.k: wasnt the last time you went to get coffee with shiro when you

Allurable: Ah…

Allurable: Yes, that was the last time. Why do you ask?

keith.k: i was curious

Allurable: We both know that’s not your only reason, Keith.

keith.k: aaand because. i dunno. it just. struck me a weird way?

Allurable: I see. Well, if it makes you feel better, we are still good friends even if we don’t go on dates anymore. We both talk and spend time together when I’m not in classes.

keith.k: i know its just. weird?

keith.k: because i know shiros side of that stuff from an outsider experience

keith.k: it doesnt matter i was mostly just curious

Allurable: You don’t have to worry about Shiro and my past together.

Allurable: He told me he felt the same way.

Allurable: And time heals all wounds.

Allurable: It’s been months since we made the decision, Keith.

Allurable: I think he’s okay to drink coffee from Starbucks, especially when it was brought to him by his boyfriend.

keith.k: wait ar ehtey acutlaly togehter/???

keith.k: allura pblease

keith.k: im like frekaign out are they legit together?

11:21

keith.k > tshirogane

keith.k: ARE YOU AND MATT DATING FOR REAL

tshirogane: keith go to bed you have school eventually

keith.k: irrelevant

keith.k: are you dating matt holt

tshirogane: idk a matt holt srry

keith.k: im not going to bed until i get an answer

tshirogane: why are you suddenly so curious anyway keith

keith.k: irrelevant

keith.k: information is exchanged for information

keith.k: and i asked first

tshirogane: oh my god youre a first grader

tshirogane: yes, we are dating.

tshirogane: i think.

tshirogane: we went on a date together.

tshirogane: but it wasnt a true date.

keith.k: what do you mean

tshirogane: it was when i stayed at matts house

keith.k: your date was marathoning the office at 1am?

tshirogane: if theres anything i learned from previous relationships its that dates dont have to be extravagant to be meaningful, keith

tshirogane: now go to bed.

2:35

take me to church

(pidgerino: 1 image)

3:43

lanceylance: ewtf he s cute?

8:12

pidgerino: hey lance

lanceylance: what

lanceylance: WHA T

pidgerino: caching

lanceylance: u fucking wot

pidgerino: pay up mcclain

lanceylance: i will at school

tshirogame: pay up pidge

Allurable: I believe you owe me a share as well

lanceylance: DJDJJSJ

8:13

pidgerino > lanceylance

pidgerino: if you ask keith out ill call off the deal and pay allura and shiro with my own hard earned allowance

lanceylance: isnt ur allowance just u not setting shit on fire

pidgerino: which is a chore in itself

lanceylance: fjjjsjjs okay fine

pidgerino: on one condition

lanceylance: no,

pidgerino: do it in the gc

lanceylance: h

pidgerino: ill give you 5$ also

8:20

take me to church

lanceylance: hey keith

lanceylance: do you wanna go out with me like on a date sometime?

chief keef: waht

lanceylance: you

lanceylance: me

lanceylance: your favorite restaurant

lanceylance: date?

chief keef: lanc e this is the gc

lanceylance: OH IS IT??

lanceylance: haha oops big miss steak huh

pidgerino: ya dont think hurr durr

lanceylance: pid ge

8:25

keith.k > lanceylance

keith.k: were you being serious

lanceylance: ok heres the deal

keith.k: thats enver good

lanceylance: pidge said if i asked you out our bet would be off but then she said shed pay me 5$ to ask you out in the gc so i did

keith.k: so its for money okay cool

lanceylance: keith wait

keith.k: what

lanceylance: we both know im a huge player at school and ask girls out like second nature. but like i actually like you. and i wouldnt have agreed to the bet if i didnt. because i may try to go out with like any pretty girl ever. but im not an asshole. i dont ask people out as pranks because i know how it feels and i know how much it sucks. so yeah i was serious. i wanna take you out on a date. and i wanna hold your hand. and i wanna try to have quick make out sessions with you in between shiros trips to the bathroom because hes watching us so carefully to make sure we dont make any mistakes or do things we regret and being a good guardian to you. i wanna run my fingers through your ugly mullet and learn how to make you smile. if were putting this simply tho i like-like u keith please go on a date with me

keith.k: okay

lanceylance: THATS IT?

lanceylance: I POURMY HEART OUT

keith.k: im not. good with words

keith.k: sorry

keith.k: i promise i can show you how i feel though

keith.k: if youll let me?

lanceylance: you can start showing it tomorrow at 6

keith.k: deal

Chapter Text

2:10

keith.k > tshirogane

keith.k: by the way im hanging out with lance tonight

tshirogane: so you are going on that date

tshirogane: do you need money

tshirogane: do you need a ride

tshirogane: can lance drive

keith.k: relax oh my god.

keith.k: lance is covering me but i do need a ride

keith.k: since he took off work, his mom took the car to get groceries

tshirogane: is he coming over here first or are we picking him up?

keith.k: hell probably come home with me

tshirogane: okay see you soon

keith.k: thanks shiro

2:23

tshirogane > Allurable

tshirogane: keith and lance are going on a date tonight

Allurable: I told you they would.

tshirogane: when do you want the money

Allurable: I don’t have classes on Tuesdays.

tshirogane: then ill see you then

3:00

take me to church

lanceylance: tfw no gf

chief keef: wtf

lanceylance: because i have a possible bf

tshirogame: tfw

matthew scarn: tfw

balmerina: tfw

lanceylance: SHAY?!?!?

balmerina: lance?!

lanceylance: are

3:02

lanceylance > balmerina

lanceylance: are you and hunk a THING!?

balmerina: nah.

balmerina: we havent gone on a date or anything but im vagueing him in hopes he gets it.

lanceylance: yes bitch drag her

balmerina: the bigger the hoops the bigger the hoe.

lanceylance: ur hoops were pretty big today

balmerina: theyre big every day lance.

lanceylance: tru tru same same

3:03

tshirogane > mattack

tshirogane: are you busy right now

mattack: nah why

tshirogane: do you wanna come over???

mattack: no im busy descending to hell on an inclined plane at 250 degrees

tshirogane: the door is unlocked

3:51

take me to church

lanceylance: im scared

chief keef: were scared

pidgerino: ??

chief keef: we walk into my house and the pet gate shiro uses to block me off from the kitchen / rest of the house was up

chief keef: which means something is happening with him and he doesnt want me to fuck it up

lanceylance: and we were like “yo lets give him space it must be some flashback episode thing again thats fine we respect him ok”

chief keef: but then we took off our shoes and

(lanceylance: 1 photo)

pidgerino: yoo wtf the fuck those look like matts kicks lmaoooooooo

pidgerino: wait

lanceylance: were scared

pidgerino: YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

chief keef: i mean we dont hear anything but

chief keef: HJHJHJ lance just went over the gate

chief keef: lance live-text it

lanceylance: ok um so im in the kitchen and still hear nothing

lanceylance: theres nothing on the doorknob sooo like

lanceylance: im not gonna open the door

lanceylance: omfg i just heard something sound like it broke

lanceylance: “SHIRO”

lanceylance: do i take a video of this?

lanceylance: a voice memo?

lanceylance: DO I VOICE TEXT THEM BOTH

lanceylance: i just heard shiro go “you won this time”

lanceylance: matt just asked for round two

lanceylance: update: why do i think theyre playing mario kart

pidgerino: impossible i have the wii and the broganes dont own one

lanceylance: what systems do the broganes have

chief keef: we got ps4 and each a 3ds

chief keef: mine is the blue one

lanceylance: cute

chief keef: ew

lanceylance: UPDATE something hit the wall?

chief keef: I HEARD THAT

lanceylance: does shiro have a wall sex kink somebody confirm

lanceylance: allura

chief keef: KGDJSJLGJ DONT ASK ALLURA ABOUT SHIROS KINKS

pidgerino: this is more than i ever planned to discover

lanceylance: im done i cant stand here im just gonna tackle keith and screech like a banshee because i just heard one of them moan i think

chief keef: wai,t

pidgerino: sugar were going down down in anahnananah

hunkindonuts: wtf did i just open up to

chief keef: shiro and matt have wall sex while lance and i are in the house the first of many installments

lanceylance: this is our chance

chief keef: TO HAVE WALL SEX?

lanceylance: NO FUCK FJJFDJ to blast meme songs you PRICK

pidgerino: id like to request the yee song

lanceylance: nah im starting with jizz in my pants or shia labeouf

lanceylance: nvm keith put on shia labeouf bc “its cryptic in a sense”

pidgerino: ITS CRYPTIC IN A SENSE

chief keef: update, lance is dancing like hes in a club but its badly done, and shiro just screamed and something sounded like it fell

pidgerino: matt probably

balmerina: i was told to not log in and yet here i am

balmerina: i feel like that kid in the minigolf vine jumping into the water

pidgerino: me logging in every day

chief keef: shiro just tried to yell at us and tripped on the gate

chief keef: he just shrieked

chief keef: were turning the music off because lance doesnt wanna walk to olive garden

pidgerino: oh thats right u have a date

balmerina: omg

lanceylance: shiro stood up yeah? and he points at keith and he goes. “the gate means rats like you dont get to cross”

lanceylance: i feel bad because i crossed the gate

lanceylance: update matt is out here and hes just trying to get shiro back in the mood to finish their fuck

lanceylance: i s2g why are gay people so gross

lanceylance: kkdkkfdkkd nvm shiros bi i cant talk

chief keef: and so it begins

pidgerino: wait werent you the one who was so sure shiro was pan

lanceylance: hes ban

chief keef: b a n

Chapter Text

5:30

keith.k > tshirogane

keith.k: get up you have to take us to olive garden

tshirogane: youre going to olive garden?

keith.k: we love us some fake italian

keith.k: also lance wants to stop at home and get a nicer shirt he feels like im outdoing him

tshirogane: fine here i come

6:19

tshirogane added Allurable, mattack, balmerina, pidgerino, hunkindonuts to Operationg Klance

tshirogane: operation klance is a go

mattack: operationg

pidgerino changed tshirogane ‘s name to operationg

operationg: gee thanks pidge

mattack: its only whats right

Allurable: Anyway, details on klance?

operationg: they both sat in the back which is something keith usually refuses to do

operationg: and they were laughing to each other and being like teenage girls or something it was odd

hunkindonuts: AW theyre happy.

balmerina: im so glad <3

balmerina: klance deserves the world

Allurable: I’m glad they’re having a good time.

Allurable: When are you picking them up?

operationg: whenever keith texts me, i dunno

operationg: theyre at olive garden so theres the mall and other neat shops around so im probably gonna be up pretty late

mattack: do you want company?

operationg: i put in a movie so i think ill be good?

mattack: too late pidge just screamed “LETS GO GET SHIRO” from her room

pidgerino: did you not hear dad just yell “if you bring takashi here you have to bring him home before midnight”

mattack: FUCK bedtime im an adult

pidgerino: who still lives at home

mattack: whats the point of getting a house

Allurable: I thought you did have an apartment?

mattack: for like three months yeah

pidgerino: he missed a payment so mom and dad made him come home so he could save up enough money to cover like ~a years rent

operationg: matt if you really want to move out i dont think keith would kill me if we took you in as long as you contribute to the rent

mattack: what about keith

operationg: we agreed he has to help pay as soon as he turns 20 because he should have a job by then to help pay for college and stuff so

operationg: im letting him save some money first

pidgerino: LETS ALL MOVE IN WITH SHIRO

mattack: YES

operationg: n o

Allurable: I would agree but I prefer my house without men.

mattack: allura you wound me

hunkindonuts: lance and i already agreed to get a place together

hunkindonuts: pidge is invited so long as she “stops being a rat”

pidgerino: nah im living on campus when i shoot to IVY LEAGUE

mattack: WHAT

pidgerino: shush not yet i mean junior year

Allurable: You’re going to go Ivy??

pidgerino: idk maybe so i was joking but if i get in im down

mattack: its been fun comrade but i like my debt in small amounts so rip

operationg: your debt is higher than mine and you took less classes than i did

mattack: because im SAVING for a HOME shiro

operationg: this is a conversationg for a different time

pidgerino: conversationg

operationg: shut the up

mattack: “shut the up”

balmerina: shut the up

operationg: family friendly

8:00

keith.k > tshirogane

keith.k: hey come pick us up

tshirogane: done already??

keith.k: yeah we went out to eat not scream at the moon

tshirogane: are you parting ways?

keith.k: no

tshirogane: what are you doing then?

keith.k: we want to play guitar hero

tshirogane: oh nice okay are you at olive garden?

keith.k: yeah

tshirogane: see you soon

8:05

operationg klance

operationg: theyre coming back here i have company

Allurable: To do what?

operationg: guitar hero

Allurable: Fun!

balmerina: which one do you have??

operationg: i have no idea

hunkindonuts: or is it off brand?

balmerina: if they have off brand im blocking the broganes

hunkindonuts: tbh same tho

mattack: m e

pidgerino: we have off brand

balmerina: GASP

mattack: BECAUSE MOM DIDNT KNOW

mattack: IT WASNT OUR FAULT

mattack: she got the cheapest game

operationg: ITS ON BRAND GEEZ

operationg: i have to get them goodbye get good sleep everybody

balmerina: its 8

operationg: goodnight! :)

2:37

mattack > tshirogane

mattack: what if i made a salad called protons neutrons and croutons

tshirogane: i will strangle you

mattack: it can be one part of the alkaline earth meal

tshirogane: im single suddenly

4:02

mattack: wait did you mean that

4:20

mattack: haha blaze it

4:21

mattack: shiro were you serious are we single guys

mattack: is allura into boys then

mattack: takashi please

5:01

take me to church

matthew scarn: shiro broke up with me

tshirogame: yes

5:32

lanceylance: what he fuck

pidgerino: matt and shiro are too gay thats false

lanceylance: r u sure

pidgerino: as sure as jan

lanceylance: wait,

6:00

tshirogame: hes single

tshirogame: temporarily

tshirogame: until he ditches the restaurant ideas

matthew scarn: PROTON NEUTRON AND CROUTON WAS FUNNY AS HELL

pidgerino: CROUTON

lanceylance: calling hunk rn so he gets up

tshirogame: no… this. this is not possible. this. this cannot be.

hunkindonuts: i heard food and possibly puns?

matthew scarn: JFJJFJ proton neutron crouton hunk tell me what u think

hunkindonuts: im

hunkindonuts: very hungry and also happy i love it lets do it

matthew scarn: and how do you feel about

matthew scarn: alkaline earth meal

matthew scarn: its like a happy meal but its nerdy

pidgerino: I JSUT CHOKED, ONMY CEREAL MATT

(matthew scarn: 1 image)

matthew scarn: then perish.

pidgerino: D:

Chapter Text

8:03

take me to church

Allurable: I’m surprised this place isn’t alive, which makes me proud since most of you are in class.

pidgerino: hi

Allurable: NO!!!!

lanceylance: i just watched keith naruto run

Allurable: What are you doing?!

lanceylance: i hurt myself in gym so have to sit out

hunkindonuts: on purpose

hunkindonuts: he twisted his ankle and melodramatically collapsed onto the floor

Allurable: Then what are you doing, Hunk?

hunkindonuts: we just got back from the nurse but i gtg now and actually participate

Allurable: Stay focused!

matthew scarn: patience yields focus

lanceylance: hi shiro

matthew scarn: hi lance

tshirogame: matt you have work in 20 minutes

matthew scarn: I JU SAT OWOKE UP

tshirogame: MATT

Allurable: I spoke too soon.

11:55

chief keef: why did you just expose me to the gc

lanceylance: because its my new duty as the guy who took you on a date

chief keef: it was one date

lanceylance: and there are more to come ?

pidgerino: STOP

lanceylance: wait shiro i need ur help and it has nothing to do with keith

tshirogame: i heard my name and not keith im listening

chief keef: wow

lanceylance: anyway shiro you were a band geek right?

tshirogame: why must you make me remember my dark past

lanceylance: ive seen pics of u

matthew scarn: THROWBACK TO SHIRO THE BAND NERD

Allurable: He was such a dork.

tshirogame: you say that but youre the one who always hung out with me

tshirogame: both of you

pidgerino: thrashed

tshirogame: anyway lance what is it

lanceylance: WELL

lanceylance: how do i get allowed to play the drums

chief keef: oh my god his drummer days

tshirogame: somebody in the band would have to join you

tshirogame: or me

tshirogame: because the director loved me even though i hardly cared

tshirogame: probably because i was somehow good at it?

Allurable: You have a mild musical inclination, don’t act like you aren’t aware.

tshirogame: i mean i guess

lanceylance: then come with me shiro i wanna play drums

tshirogame: why

lanceylance: pidge said i had no rhythm

pidgerino: its true

tshirogame: im not taking you to the band room you can just tap on your leg

lanceylance: fcj

2:18

matthew scarn: guys im at work and i just slipped because somebody forgot a wet floor sign and im in extreme pain but my phone isnt broken so dw

pidgerino: ofmg

2:24

pidgerino: yo i just got called to the office matt what the fuck did you do

2:30

Allurable: Where is Shiro in all of this? Matt is seriously hurt?

pidgerino: I DONT KNOW HES USUALLY HERE BY NOW? MOM AND DAD AND I ARE LEGIT JUST WALKING INTO THE LOBBY

pidgerino: hes usually like waiting for us so he can at least let us check on matt before he does

Allurable: I’m quite concerned right now.

pidgerino: wait maybe hes already in the room

pidgerino: were heading there now and like? maybe he thinks he has boyfriend privilege now?

2:34

Allurable > pidgerino

Allurable: Wait, pardon my asking, but what do you mean “usually”?

pidgerino: well one time matt fell off the roof

pidgerino: and hes also jumped off the roof onto the trampoline

pidgerino: which is why we dont have a trampoline anymore

pidgerino: he also got decked in the cheek with a saw thats why he has a scar

pidgerino: also there was one time a few years ago when shiro accidentally sliced matts leg open and he had to get stitches which was a BLAST

pidgerino: anyway shiro has spent a lot of time in the hospital because of matts own stupidity

Allurable: His spirit is awfully drawn to hospitals, huh?

pidgerino: yeah

Allurable: Maybe he was a sort of doctor in a past life?

pidgerino: idk but i gtg we just got to his room

Allurable: Tell him I wish him well.

2:54

take me to church

Allurable: Why do you all choose now to be silent?

3:01

chief keef: shiros

chief keef: shiros been at work since noon

pidgerino: hes gonna fucking freak out somebody tell him?

chief keef: i can try to call his work?

chief keef: idk if theyll let him go tho because its not family matters

pidgerino: say its his fiance matt is so concerned even tho hes the bitch with the broken leg

lanceylance: wow i never thought id see the day somebody actually slips and hurts themself on a wet floor sign

pidgerino: funny story

balmerina: thats not good.

balmerina: i hope matt is still okay!

pidgerino: he is but hes like drugged up because he kept yelling over “how it hurts”

pidgerino: which is weird bc hes never been this crybaby about broken bones

balmerina: hunk says hell make get well soon treats! ask matt what he wants!

pidgerino: i will later thank u hunk

pidgerino: anyway hes being a baby and idk why but like the doctors wont let me see the x ray

pidgerino: but mom and dad are looking at them right now in a different room so idk

chief keef: i just called shiros work and they said he has break in 3 minutes

pidgerino: matts gonna YELL

3:15

tshirogame: what the ufck is going on

tshirogame: is matt okay

tshirogame: what happened

tshirogame: pidge

tshirogame: im on break i have 45 minutes somebody better tell me whats going on

tshirogame: never mind im on my way

3:24

lanceylance: boyfriend goals

pidgerino: ANYWAY like he didnt slip on a wet floor sign but he said he wants to tell the story because he told me and hes been laughing for 10 minutes

4:00

matthew scarn: holy fuck guys

matthew scarn: lemme tell you all a story

matthew scarn: i was at work in the back right

matthew scarn: on the ladder stacking shit

matthew scarn: and below me this coworker she comes up and she says

matthew scarn: “shiro isnt gay stop lying on instagram”

matthew scarn: I FUCKING SNORTED

matthew scarn: OBVIOUSLY THIS GIRL IS ONE OF THE GIRLS WHO USED TO FANTASIZE OVER HIM WHILE HE WAS PINING AFTER ALLURA????

matthew scarn: idk if shiro even KNOWS her ill ask him later lmfao

matthew scarn: she goes.

matthew scarn: “shiro is too good for you”

matthew scarn: i fucking YELL in my head

matthew scarn: laguhing my fucking ass off

matthew scarn: and i lean over to catch my breath im fucking wheezing at this point

matthew scarn: and i fall

matthew scarn: off the ladder right

matthew scarn: onto the warehouse floor

matthew scarn: and i shattered my ankle like

matthew scarn: u kno she ded

(matthew scarn: 1 image)

matthew scarn: pics or im lying

lanceylance: shiro is too good for you

lanceylance: hes too good for all of us

lanceylance: smh

pidgerino: nah thats allura

lanceylance; TRUE

matthew scarn: lmfao anyway im omw home and shiro is holding my hand hardcore

pidgerino: mom took pics

lanceylance: cute

Chapter Text

5:12

take me to church

Allurable: Well, now that I believe we’ve all calmed down from Matt’s incident, I feel as if I should propose if anybody wishes to get together tomorrow as it is another weekend?

lanceylance: where we talking princess

Allurable: My home, of course. That’s why I am the one suggesting it.

Allurable: I’ve already cleared it with my father and Godfather, so all that is left is you guys.

lanceylance: oooh whos gonna be watching us tho queen

lanceylance: you know how we get

Allurable: Yes, I do, my bad…

Allurable: Very far from each other.

pidgerino: ice cold

cheif keef: same allura

lanceylance: :D

lanceylance: D:*******************

tshirogame: aw hes so happy

lanceylance: D:******************************************

hunkindonuts: ANYWAYS allura i gotta ask my mom which will result in me consulting my other mom which will result in me consulting my first mom until both moms have discussed and agreed so i will go do that right now bye

lanceylance: I LOVE HUNKS MOMS

pidgerino: WE ALL LOVE HUNKS MOMS

balmerina: moms???

lanceylance: his moms are gay like keith

balmerina: THATS SO SWEET?? he never told me he had MOMS he always just says mom...

balmerina: im calling his MOMS

balmerina: we have a lot to discuss.

pidgerino: like why their son is such a pussy?????

balmerina: I WAS THINKING WUSS BUT OKAY?

pidgerino: a play on words. ironic. he is the only one in the household without a vagina and yet he, hunk garret, real first name still unknown, unless it truly is hunk, is the one with the biggest of the vaginal canals. good doses of irony are appropriate. amen.

balmerina: gtg

lanceylance: same bye pidge

tshirogame: suddenly i have to work all of a sudden

chief keef: shiro suddenly has to work all of a sudden

allurable: I have to…

pidgerino: ONLY THE STRONG REMAIN

matthew scarn: amen

pidgerino: shiro suddenly has to work all of a sudden

6:00

hunkindonuts: wow okay a LOT just happened, but i managed to ask both of my parents at once and they consulted and agreed so I AM IN allura

hunkindonuts: also i can provide matt with his dessert tomorrow if he goes

matthew scarn: YES im going

pidgerino: welp im in

lanceylance: “welp”

pidgerino: wellfuck help

lanceylance: understandable have a nice day

chief keef: i dont know if shiro ACTUALLY has work or not so i cant confirm or deny that we are going but im going its just him

tshirogame: I just Told you We Are Going Stop Lying

Allurable: Splendid!

Allurable: My father won’t be home because he is out on business, leaving at 12 actually, but Coran will be there so you should prepare yourselves for… Him.

tshirogame: wait, which 12?

Allurable: Noon the day of.

tshirogame: i see

6:10

Allurable > tshirogane

Allurable: I understand if you don’t want to come until after he leaves, if you desire to do so, Shiro.

tshirogane: i like your dad. i have no problem seeing him

tshirogane: i was curious because i wanted to see him, actually

Allurable: I see! He should enjoy seeing you before he leaves, too.

6:13

take me to church

pidgerino: sooo

pidgerino: what time should we all show up??

Allurable: Anytime after 12 is good so my father can get out before it gets chaotic.

pidgerino: got it

6:17

tshirogane > keith.k

tshirogane: unless you want to ride with your boyfriend we are going around 11:30

keith.k: HES NOT MY BOYFRIEND???

tshirogane: yet

keith.k: but also why

tshirogane: i want to catch up with Alfor

keith.k: k

8:12

take me to church

lanceylance: keith why is ur music taste so edgy

chief keef: ill tell you if you change my name back

lanceylance changed chief keef ‘s name to keith.

lanceylance changed pidgerino ‘s name to pidge.

lanceylance changed hunkindonuts ‘s name to hunk.

lanceylance changed balmerina ‘s name to shay.

lanceylance changed tshirogame ‘s name to shiro.

lanceylance changed Allurable ‘s name to allura.

lanceylance changed their name to lance.

lance: there are you happy?

lance: no fun keith

lance: wait i forgot matt

lance changed matthew scarn ‘s name to matt

keith: i just asked for mine???

keith: also im not telling you unless you stop being a sour bitter boy

lance: UGH why do i date u

keith: idk

pidge: yeah why is it so edgy tho

pidge changed their name to pidgerino.

keith: shiro

lance: hwat

keith: who do you think i learned literally everything from

lance: ohmg

pidgerino: SHIRO GET IN HERE

shiro: what

shiro: oh

shiro: it wasnt All from me dont lie

keith: most of it

shiro: all i did was show you panic

lance: SKFKJJFJF

matt: wow you could say

matt: things are shaping up to be

matt: pretty odd

shiro: Please No

lace: ugh this is a group of EMOS i gtg

hunk: you recreationally listened to taylor swift and katy perry as if it was your religion all through middle school and some of elementary school dont talk to us like that

lance: hunk are you emo too

hunk: pff, no im not a fool.

lance: OFMGJFJJ

shay: guys this is boring

shay changed thier name to ROCKHARDCORE.

ROCKHARDCORE: better!!

hunk: oh my gdo…

8:42

hunkindonuts > lanceylance

hunkindonuts: how do i get her to b my gf its important lance

lanceylance: ask her out how many times do i have to tell u

lanceylance: DO IT TOMORROW @ ALLURAS

hunkindonuts: THATS /WEIRD/

lanceylance: does she need a ride there??

8:45

hunkindonuts > balmerina

hunkindonuts: her just wondering but uh, do you need a ride to Alluras?

balmerina: actually now that i think about it, yeah i do. i think.

balmerina: lets just go with yes because my family is PROBABLY working

balmerina: if you want i can meet you at your house since i know Allura lives out of town in the opposite direction that the broganes do

balmerina: youre the midpoint between us so it only makes sense

hunkindonuts: are you sure?? its kind of cold out

balmerina: i have a huuuuge natural body heat?? my whole family does

balmerina: nana always raves about us being able to channel it from earth or something

balmerina: its nice though

hunkindonuts: how are you gonna get here?

balmerina: i have a bike, hunk

hunkindonuts: just checking!!

balmerina: plan on me being there at 10

hunkindonuts: t e n

balmerina: i wanna meet your moms duh!

8:51

hunkindonuts > lanceylance

hunkindonuts: she wants to meet my moms

hunkindonuts: shes coming over at 10 and allura said to get there at 12

hunkindonuts: what is she plotting???
lanceylance: shes plotting to talk to your moms as in ask her out and then ou can introduce her as your GIRLFRIEND instead of just “this is my science class lab partner”

hunkindonuts: SHES A FRIEND NOT JUST A LAB PARTNER LANCE

lanceylance: IS SHE

lanceylance: or is she

lanceylance: ~more~

hunkindonuts: L ANCE,

Chapter Text

9:02

take me to church

ROCKHARDCORE: good morning everybody today is the day we TRASH alluras house!

hunkindonuts: SHAY NO!!!!!

ROCKHARDCORE: shay YES!!!!!!!!!

pidgerino: omfg get married bye

hunkindonuts: wh

ROCKHARDCORE: at

keith: pidge you cant talk

pidgerino: speak

keith: n,o

lanceylance: does keith is gay

tshirogane: too early

Allurable: I didn’t even notice that all of our names were changed back.

keith: i threatened to punch lance if he didnt fix it last night so he did

Allurable: Oh, thank you, Keith.

Allurable: I just asked because I wasn’t bombarded with notifications.

keith: oh weird

tshirogane: i dont think anybody was

hunkindonuts: good

ROCKHARDCORE: Allura! Do you want us to bring anything??

Allurable: Just yourselves! And perhaps movies if we get to that point.

ROCKHARDCORE: roger that!

hunkindonuts: over and out!

Shiro’s car pulled up into the long driveway that lead to the castle that was the Altea residence. Keith stared out the window, brooding as usually a blast of cold air hit him. “What,” he began before he realized the car was off and Shiro was out and waiting for him. He climbed out, shut the door and made his way to the front of the huge house. It wasn’t exactly a castle, but the Altea family was much too rich to be living in this area. They could easily be living it up in California or in the heart of New York City and still have extra money to spare. Keith honestly had no idea how they were so rich, all he knew is that Alfor was a very talented business man if he was anything else.

Speaking of Alfor, the door swung open to reveal the old man with a smile on his face. “Takashi! It’s been far too long since I’ve seen you. And Keith as well. It’s good to finally see both of you.” Both boys smiled and greeted Alfor before following him to the lounge just inside the home. “I must say, you have great timing, I was just about to leave in a few minutes.”

“Allura told us you were leaving, and I thought it would be nice to say hi before you left,” Shiro radiated his usual strong presence and good-guy attitude, something everybody knew he used whenever he talked to people older than him.

“Well, Takashi, how have you been then? Good, I assume.” Allura came into the room and waved, a smile on her face and Coran at her side. They all exchanged pleasantries until it was five before noon which was when Alfor stood back up, shook the boys’ hands, gave Allura a hug and Coran a firm pat on the shoulder. “Behave now, Allura, I don’t want the entire house a mess, just some parts, please.” He chuckled, gave Allura one last hug, and then was out the door just in time to watch two more cars pull into the driveway.

The others came into the house a few minutes later, chatting one another up excitedly. That all stopped when Lance melodramatically gasped. “Allura! That skirt is so cute, where did you get it?” He rushed over to her and she grinned, looking down at the lacey off-white skirt, twisting her hips and watching it wave around a bit.

“I’m not quite sure,” she shrugged, looking over to Shiro with a shrug. She lead them all through the house into the large living room, her shoes clicking on the tile with every step. That was the one thing that could be considered odd at the Altea home: you always wear your shoes. All the floors were tile so it wasn’t like they were destroyed the carpet, but it was still a little odd.

Coran was following them, but he took a detour to the kitchen. Hunk followed him, holding the pan of fudge in his hands. They were chatting to themselves, smiling and having a generally great time. Lance took the chance and “slid” up to Shay. “Are you and Hunk dating?” He whispered, eyebrows raised as he anticipated an answer.

“Actually,” she looked down for a second and then over her shoulder to Hunk, tucking some of her dark brown hair behind her ear. “Yeah, we are,” a light pink dusted her cheeks. She went to adjust one of the two buns in her hair in an attempt to cover it up, but it was to a total failure as Lance squealed in delight.

“Hunk!!” He rushed into the kitchen and threw himself at his friend, arms raised in joy. “I’m proud of your buddy!”

There was no question that his outburst attracted everybody else’s attention. Lance was way too excited about this for his own good, leaving Hunk and Shay both bright red and trying to hide from the ominous stares of the rest of the group.

“Yeah, yeah, it’s great, Lance, believe me, I know,” he started, trying to pry Lance off of him. “But, you don’t need to shriek? It’s not like you just won the lottery.”

Pidge squinted at Hunk “What…” And then she looked to Shay and it all clicked. “Wait, you did it?!” She threw her arms up in triumph. “I don’t have to suffer through your dumb tension anymore!”

Allura laughed, looking between the four kids. “Are they finally a couple?” Lance enthusiastically nodded, still not off of Hunk.

Coran suddenly had a lightbulb go off in his head, “Oh!” He turned to the fridge and pulled out a large tray of sugar cookies. “Allura made these to congratulate you two when you finally began your relationship,” he proudly set the platter onto the island counter. Allura sighed, rolling her eyes and muttering to herself. Shiro and Matt looked to each other and then to Coran, eyebrows raised. “Lance and Keith, too,” he added, making Matt and Shiro squint and side eye Coran. “As well as Shiro and Matthew,” he finished, making the boys sigh in relief.

Pidge looked at the tray and then to Allura. “Am I allowed to devour at least one of those?”

“Of course,” Allura giggled, “They are for all of us, I just needed cause to make them since we only had pink frosting at the time.”

“Slay, Queen,” she cheered, plucking the first one off the tray.

Shiro shook his head and laughed to himself, looking over to where Matt was standing just a second ago. He was surprised to see him hobbling over to the cookies, crutches on the floor. “Matt.”

Matt looked back to Shiro, cookie shoved in his mouth. He signaled Shiro over with a finger, smirking. That was much too mischievous for Shiro’s liking, but he proceeded anyways, with caution of course. Matt thrust his face out toward his boyfriend and Shiro immediately knew what he was trying to do. “Stop,” he whispered, stepping back. Matt took a step forward, wiggling it with his tongue. “Matthew.”

Matt grinned and grabbed Shiro, shrieking in his mouth at the other. Finally, Shiro heavily sighed and took the other end in his mouth, taking a bite of it. “Thank you.”

“GAY,” Pidge yelled, diving over the back of the couch in the living room.

“Me,” Keith mumbled, making Lance wheeze and choke on the cookie.

Finally everybody settled down and slowly made their way to the basement where all the tabletop games were. Everybody but Matt at least. He was still figuring out how to get down the stairs since Shiro refused to let him have help. Allura and Shiro were busy playing a game of billiards while Lance, Pidge and Shay duked it out in a dance dance revolution brawl. Keith and Hunk were enjoying watching them between menacing games of air hockey.

It was all peachy keen until there was the sound of duct tape followed by a zipper and a loud thud. Everybody stopped immediately and looked to the stairs. Low and behold, just in time for them all to look, Matt hold was sliding down the second half of the stairs in a bright blue sleeping bag. Pidge instantly took her phone out and filmed her brother, snickering the entire time.

When Matt pulled himself out, he sighed. “Not today, natural selection.” Once he was out, the gigantic bulge that was his foot was exposed. The orange cast was wrapped to with bubble wrap and sealed with duct tape, making his foot 20 times larger than it was with the cast on.

Matt pulled a scissors our from inside the wrap and began snipping away in order to unwrap his foot. “Coran?” He called up, waiting for an answer. “Can you toss my crutches down? Thanks,” he grinned and then watched as they slid down the first half of stairs and hit the wall. He leaned up the stairs and grabbed them, placing the crutches back under his arms again.

He looked at the group, relishing in their faces. “You guys said you wouldn’t help me, so I helped myself, bye Felicia.”

Keith looked at Matt, Shiro, Lance, and then Hunk. “Who is Felicia?”

Matt and Lance wheezed in unison and burst into laughter, grabbing onto each other to stay standing up.

“Hey, Allura, why is your house so… big?” Shay smiled and looked at her. Allura opened her mouth, paused, and then gave her an answer.

“It’s been passed down through, generations, actually. I’m not quite sure when it was originally built.” She thought for a second to see if maybe she did have an answer, but shrugged when she came to the conclusion that she didn’t. “But I can show you around? You haven’t been here like everybody else has, right?” Shay nodded. Allura took one last shot at the 8 ball and pocketed it, putting her stick back in the rack and smiling to Shiro before leading Shay back up the stairs.

The girls walked past the living room and down a hall which lead to a large staircase. “You saw all of the middle level, it’s just the living room, kitchen, lounge and then a bathroom and storage room,” she looked back with a polite smile. Allura lead Shay down a hallway to a door, and she opened it slowly. “This is my bedroom… I only let girls in here, but Lance found his way in and Shiro’s been in here a few times.”

It was just as elegant as Allura’s wardrobe. Her room looked way too rich to belong to a 20-something year old. Her bed was against one of the walls and across from it was a large fireplace and a flat screen mounted above it. Off to one side of the bed was a work desk and filing cabinets. Beside the door that lead into her room was another door which Allura promptly opened to reveal a walk in closet half the size of her bedroom. Shay was gaping at the wall to wall clothes. One wall was lined with all of her dresses and skirts and other extravagant and elegant clothing, another had pants and normal shirts along with a small cabinet which held her accessories inside. On the back wall she had a floor to ceiling rack of shoes that sat beside a large vanity. If that wasn’t impressive enough, she had a large round stool in the middle of the room to tie it all together. Even packed with clothes and such the room appeared so big.

“This is as big as my bedroom,” Shay whispered, looking around at everything. Allura smiled, clasping her hands. “Are you sure you aren’t a Kardashian?”

Allura giggled and shook her hair, “Thankfully, no, I’m not. These used to be two different rooms until my father remodeled it. I’m very grateful to have such spaces.”

“I’d give anything to have such an extreme wardrobe,” Shay smiled, looking back to her host.

“You, Pidge and I should all have a girls day. We can all hang out in my bedroom so we don’t have to deal with the boys. We can do all sorts of girl things,” She grinned, watching as Shay grew more and more delighted.

“Yes! I’d love that, we should talk to Pidge about it. She’s not the most feminine, but I’m sure she’d love to spend time away from the boys, too.”

Allura nodded, beaming, “I’m sure she would, but speaking of the boys, we should get back to them.” Shay agreed and the two made their way back to the basement.

Upon their return, it was evident that the boys had their way with the layout of the room. All the tables were pushed to the walls of the room and they had laid out four twister mats in a square. “Right hand yellow,” Matt called out, watching as Lance and Keith struggled to not touch too much.

“What…”

Shay immediately sat down beside Matt, “I want next game,” she grinned, looking back to the board where Shiro, Hunk, Pidge, Lance and Keith were all twisted into one another awkwardly. “Left foot purple,” she added, watching as Keith twisted to try and find purple, results in him crashing to the floor under lance. “HA.”

“Keith, you dumdum, there is no purple!” Lance snickered and got more comfortable.

“I knew that,” he grumbled, sitting on the opposite side of Shay. He took out his phone and took a picture, typing out a message probably to send to the group.

Matt called out another position, and watched as Hunk fell, causing Lance to call. ”Suck it, nerds,” Pidge smirked, turning her head to looked at them.

“You’re next,” Shiro added, a smirk on his face. Matt spun the wheel again and gave them a new move. It resulted in Shiro in a very sexual-looking position and Pidge spread out like a starfish across the floor. “It’d be a shame if you were to…”

“Don’t,”

“Slip.”

Shiro violently fake-coughed causing Pidge to fall onto her stomach. “Get your germy ass OUTTA HERE, SHIROGANE!”

Shiro stood up, folding his arms in triumph. He looked down at Pidge and stepped off the mat. “Got ‘em.”

“Got what?” Lance asked.

Suddenly the spinner flew by his face as Matt yelling “DEEZ NUTS,” at the top of his lungs.

The rest of the day went similarly, a multitude of memes and a collection of “I hate you” being said in every way possible. They all ended up tired out before 6 which was just in time for them to put on a movie in the dining room and have a nice meal courtesy of Coran.

Chapter Text

10:37

take me to church

ROCKHARDCORE: thanks for having us all over allura!

Allurable: You’re welcome; it was my pleasure!

lanceylance: what a queen in her palace i love

matthew scarn: MOOD LANCE

Allurable: gtg

matthew scarn: wait,

pidgerino: WAIT how have we not done this before

pidgerino changed matthew scarn ’s name to matthews scar.

matthews scar: I CANNOT BELIVE

pidgerino: im not done yet

pidgerino changed tshirogane ‘s name to shiros scar.

matthews scar: oh nice

lanceylance: pidge establishing new couple goals wtf wheres keith and what do we have in common

pidgerino: you both SUCK at ddr

lanceylance: is that rlly it

ROCKHARDCORE: OH um you both?? youre both seniors

lanceylance: wow im shook thank you

10:52

keith changed lanceylance ‘s name to hard boiled.

keith changed their name to scrambled.

hard boiled: keith what the fuck

scrambled: we both like eggs?

hard boiled: .

hard boiled: this is the DUMBEST yet most HILARIOUS idea youve ever had

shiros scar: go to Bed

8:23

scrambled: i just woke up to shiro gagging so hard?

scrambled: he has a super sore throat uh oh

hunkindonuts: keith

hunkindonuts: for everybody elses health

hunkindonuts: run

scrambled: good thing pidge and i are gonna conspire today

shiros scar: im not sick its just a sore throat

Allurable: Drink plenty of water and try medicine and cough drops. Get a lot of rest, Shiro.

Allurable: Call Matt to take care of you.

shiros scar: hes a huge germaphobe with this sort of thing

shiros scar: plus he has a broken leg

shiros scar: he can stay home ill be fine

Allurable: Okay. If you’re ever interested, I know a few home remedies that have saved me.

shiros scar: thanks allura, if i feel awful later ill talk to you

9:35

hard boiled: wait shiro is sick??

hard boiled: since when does that ever happen

shiros scar: this is the second time this year actually

shiros scar: working at a place that has so many different customers was a bad idea

ROCKHARDCORE: wait shiro was with us all day yesterday

hard boiled: FUCK?

ROCKHARDCORE: fuck indeed

10:22

hard boiled: why is it so QUIET stOP

10:30

hard boiled: im genuinely concerned here?? yoink

10:49

scrambled: shiro went to sleep idk where everybody else is sorry

scrambled: also

scrambled: WHY YOINK

11:02

matthews scar: i just woke up and UM sweaty :)?

scrambled: its 11??

matthews scar: im coming over

scrambled: shiro is still asleep?

matthews scar: good then i can surprise him with some fucken

matthews scar: some

matthews scar: some good flavored water

matthews scar: some good ass flavored hot water

Allurable: Soup.

matthews scar: sure

Allurable: No, I’m 100% sure you are thinking of soup.

matthews scar: thats what they all say

Allurable: !?!?!?!?!

11:39

pidgerino: ah, good morning matthew, brother of mine

hard boiled: what did he do

pidgerino: he nabbed the wii

hard boiled: im going to the shirogane household

scrambled: brogane*

hard boiled: who pays the rent bitch

scrambled: .

pidgerino: bLANCE

pidgerino: Bance

hard boiled changed their name to Bance.

scrambled: .

scrambled: your name was hard boiled for a REASON?

Bance: sorry idk why it was hard boiled

scrambled: WE HAD A MOMENT

scrambled: I GAVE US COUPLE NAMES

Bance: NOPE

Bance: sorry dont remember

scrambled changed their name to IHATELANCE

pidgerino changed IHATELANCE ‘s name to ILOVELANCE

ILOVELANCE: GO AWAY

Chapter Text

3:06

take me to church

shiros scar: i woke up to chicken noodle soup all over my lap but there werent any noodles or chicken

Allurable: Matt was trying his best, Shiro.

shiros scar: he spilled it on me

shiros scar: and said “stay WOKE” as he did

Allurable: I suddenly take back every nice thing I’ve ever said about Matthew.

matthews scar: first of all

matthews scar: BITCH

matthews scar: I DID NOT SAY STAY WOKE

matthews scar: I SAID WAKE UP SLEEPY HEAD GET WOKE

shiros scar: same thing

ILOVELANCE: you still poured soup onto his sleeping carcass

shiros scar: thanks for referring to my body as a carcass

matthews scar: translation: thanks i hate it

Allurable: This is a mess

ILOVELANCE: wait my name is still

ILOVELANCE changed their name to keith.

shiros scar: wait that wasnt lance????

keith: NO pidge did that

matthews scar: gay?

Allurable: Gay.

matthews scar: the fault in our klance

Allurable: Pretty much your average love story.

keith: fuc

3:23

Allurable: Shiro, I never did ask, but would you like somebody else to help take care of you after what occured earlier?

matthews scar: nah that b passd out he ded

Bance: he died?

hunkindonuts: i TOLD YOU shiro would die first for a stupid reason

Bance: UM? you told me KEITH would die first

Allurable: I’m coming over.

4:21

shiros scar: somebody. anybody. take a guess as to why I am Awake

pidgerino: matt screamed out 420 and then exclaimed “YEET” as he threw himself onto your bed?

shiros scar: to a pinpoint

pidgerino: same

pidgerino: also im coming over. lance and i have a project to do

shiros scar: why are you telling

shiros scar: WHYA RE YOU CMING HERE

pidgerino: keith is in our group

pidgerino: also matt is my ride home

shiros scar: then how are you getting here?

pidgerino: hold on

shiros scar: did you just ring my doorbell?

Bance: im here too

4:34

pidgerino has added keith.k, Sharpshooter to FUCK PUSSY

pidgerino: hello boys

keith.k: we are sitting right next to each other

pidgerino: i dont want to piss off shiro stfu keith

Sharpshooter: yeah stfu keith

pidgerino: anyway lets get to work on the project thx

4:43

mattack has added Allurable, tshirogane to sick boi

mattack: shiro is sick

Allurable: I am aware. And I am also right beside you

mattack: and?

Allurable: Good point.

mattack: wait can we wake up shiro i have a good idea

Allurable: Which is?

mattack: bls hold

5:03

mattack has added Sharpshooter, keith.k, Allurable, pidgerino, hunkindonuts, balmerina, tshirogane to truth or dare question mark

mattack: buenos dias muchachalatas

pidgerino: WHY

Sharpshooter: YES

keith.k: NO

balmerina: YES

hunkindonuts: oh boy

Allurable: Oh dear…

mattack: allura with you please…………………….

mattack: release the kraken

Allurable: Got it. Waking up Shiro.

mattack: RELEASE THE CRYPTID

Chapter Text

5:14

truth or dare question mark

tshirogane: matthew samuel holt what are you doing

Sharpshooter: HIS MIDDLE NAME IS SAMUEL?

pidgerino: and our dads middle name is matthew. its a tradition

Sharpshooter: so whats your middle name?

pidgerino: anne

Sharpshooter: Pidge Anne holt? seems fake

pidgerino: DID YOU LEGIT FORGET MY NAME IS KATIE

pidgerino: fjksljflksdjflksdjflksjflsjfkljLJLKJLKLK

keith.k: Lance Mcclain

Sharpshooter: before be begin we should expose our middle names

Sharpshooter: i am Lance Anton Mcclain

hunkindonuts: i dont have one thanks for the conversation

balmerina: I’m Shay Amelia!

hunkindonuts: CUTE?

hunkindonuts: i mean nice

keith.k: i also dont have one

tshirogane: yes you do its oliver

tshirogane: Keith Oliver

mattack: KOK

tshirogane: yes, he is kok

mattack changed keith.k ‘s name to kok.

kok: fuck you takashi shirogane

tshirogane: its nice not having a middle name

Allurable: I am Allura Alice.

mattack: a goddess

mattack: anyway lets play truth or dare

pidgerino changed mattack’s name to ms.

pidgerino changed their name to ka.

pidgerino changed tshirogane ‘s name to ts.

pidgerino changed Sharpshooter ‘s name to la.

pidgerino changed Allurable’s name to aa.

pidgerino changed hunkindonuts ‘s name to hg.

pidgerino changed balmerina ‘s name to sa.

ka: yes. lets.

ms: aight kok t or d

kok: truth

ms: do you have a crush on lance

kok:  no. next.

ms: you cant lie so um whats the punishment

ka: take off an article of clothing

kok: WHAT

ka: shirt. off. now. you cheated.

la changed the chat name to strip or dare

ms: YES

kok: fine there screw you lance are you ready?

la: always ;)

kok: i dare you to put one of pidges toes in your mouth

la: suddenly my shirt is off????

ka: weak but anyway

la: hey allura ;)

aa: What do you want me to do?

la: i dare you to kiss my cheek?

aa: It seems as though my sweatshirt has vanished?

kok: HIS ISNT FAIR SHE ALWAYS WEARS 2384937250 LAYERS

la: SHE ATES ME </3

ts: you guys cant spell and youre seniors in high school? sure jan.

ms: my boyfriend

aa: Anyway… Matthew’s boyfriend?

ts: im scared

aa: I dare you to…

ms: why must she always call me matthew

aa: Lock Matthew outside.

ts: SOLD

ka: the evil is defeated

5:32

hunkindonuts > balmerina

hunkindonuts: if we stay quiet they cant get us

balmerina: deal.

5:35

strip or dare

ms: how long am i gonna be out here?

ka: good question. i only have so much time to permanently lock him out

aa: I didn’t consider that thought.

aa: Until 1800

ms: FUCK

ts: lancugage

ms: spelling.

la: suck my ass shiro

kok: LANGUGAGE

ka: WHY CAN NONE OF YOU SPELL

ms: bc theyre all gay

ka: youre gay too?

ms: FAKE NEWS im bi

ka: half gay

Chapter Text

5:40

strip or dare

aa: Anyway, whose turn is it?

ka: it me -_-

ms: die

ts: bye

ka: hi shiro

ts: die

ms: bye

ka: expose to us via censored picture how big ur dick actually is

ts: THATS

ts: YOURE 14

ts: that is illegal???

ka: duh thats why youre censoring it

la: omfg,

(ts sent 1 image).

la: LI ES??????

aa: I’m afraid not.

ms: ^^

ts: I hate you Katie Anne Holt.

ts: but anyway i dare keith to say his favorite thing about lance

kok: thats a truth question put into dare form you cant do that

la: then strip coward

kok: oWOW

ms: OWO?

ts: NO

kok: but uh… lance is. lance is really smart and considerate and he always cares even if nobody else does

la: omg

5:51

Sharpshooter > keith.k

Sharpshooter: ARE YOU LYING?

keith.k: no?????

Sharpshooter: that was

Sharpshooter: really sweet

Sharpshooter: thank you :,)

keith.k: who the fuck types smiley faces like that

keith.k: never mind dont answer that

Sharpshooter: IM TRYING TO BE GENUINE AFTER YOU WERE SO NICE TO ME WT F

Sharpshooter: oh

Sharpshooter: anyway uh. its youre turn to go and they might get sus so

keith.k: right

5:53

strip or dare

kok: whatever k pidge

ka: spineless curr

kok: WHY ME

ka: i only tell the truth

kok: ok then i dare you to tell us all what matt and shiro talk about during sex

ka: easy

ka: matt called him daddy once and then

ms: DONT

ka: it went dead silent and i heard shiro whisper “if you call me daddy again imma fucken rip your face off bithc” and slap his chest like in the vine

la: LJSDLKFJDGJLJJJJFJFJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJ

kok: ASJFLK

ms: ARE YOU GONNA FINISH THE SOTRY

ka: i wasnt but i will

ka: and matt goes “what did i do”

ka: so shiro YELLS AT THE TOP OF HIS LUNGS

ka: (parents werent home)

ka: “ IM NOT YOUR DADDY”

ka: and i think matt fell off of somethign after that idk

ka: anyway matt i dare you to tell us your biggest kink

ms: IM OUTSIDE I CANT STRIP ITS C O L D YOU BITCH

ms: but im shirtless suddenly now idk help

aa: Actually, it’s currently 1801, so you can let him inside.

ms: freedom

ms: hey queen b i dare you to uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh fucken

ms: call a pizza joint and order boneless pizza

ms: and use the voice

aa: Oh dear…

ms: wait errybody group up so we can all hear it

6:12

aa: I am embarrassed. My family is embarrassed. I’ve disgraced my lineage.

la: HOW DID THE PIZZA GUY KNOW YOU

aa: We go to school together.

la: wtf but u go to school so far away?

aa: His father is also a brilliant entrepreneur. His father and mine used to work together before parting ways due to conflicting ideas.

ts: EW THAT WAS HIM?

aa: Yes, that was him.

Chapter Text

6:15

strip or dare

la: m gonna fight him who is HE

aa: Do you want his username so you can talk to him yourself?

la: bls

6:17

Allurable > Sharpshooter

Allurable: His username is Lotor.Daibazaal

Sharpshooter: thank

6:20

Sharpshooter > Lotor.Daibazaal

Sharpshooter: LOREAL DRAGONBALL

Lotor.Daibazaal: Who are you

Sharpshooter: mnames lance

Sharpshooter: n im here to tell YOU

Sharpshooter: mind you DAMN MOTHAFUCKEN BUSINESS BITCH

Lotor.Daibazaal: Before you continue quoting Kevin Hart

Lotor.Daibazaal: What is this about

Sharpshooter: Allura

Lotor.Daibazaal: Allura

Sharpshooter: stay away from my KWEEN

Lotor.Daibazaal: She is in my courses I can’t just stay away

Lotor.Daibazaal: And who are you to demand such

Sharpshooter: I am Her Second Cousin and bff

Lotor.Daibazaal: I see

Lotor.Daibazaal: Anyway. I won’t bother you again, Lance

Sharpshooter: Betta naht

Lotor.Daibazaal: Goodbye, 6th Grade Boy

Sharpshooter: UM!?!??

6:28

Strip or dare

la: HE CALLED ME 12 IN A SOPHISTICATED WAY

(la sent 1 image)

ka: LMFAO

kok: “betta naht”

kok: it all makes sense now

la: gkkfjfjjfjjjjj YOU WERE NICE 20 MINUTEA GOES

kok: dont remember

ka: omg yknow what this game is over i dare keith and lance to FUCK

ka: RIGHT NOW

kok: YOURE IN THE ROOM

hg: did you just imply you would if pidge wasnt there ?

sa: hehehehehehehehehehe

la: keith

kok: lance

ka: gross

7:23

ms changed the chat name to take me to church

ms changed ka ‘s name to pidgerino.

ms changed ts ‘s name to shiros scar.

ms changed aa ‘s name to Allurable.

ms changed la ‘s name to Sharpshooter.

ms changed hg ‘s name to hunkindonuts.

ms changed sa ‘s name to balmerina.

ms changed their name to matthews scar.

shiros scar: did they make out?

matthews scar: go check im scared

Allurable: You are his guardian.

siros scar: youre lance’s second cousin

Allurable: I don’t have legal ownership over him.

pidgerino: yeah shiro go see if they banged

tshirogane: awful, all of you.

7:31

shiros scar: @klance get UP stop DOING IT

matthews scar: oml

Sharpshooter: STOP WE AINT BANG BANG

kok: why didnt my name change?

matthews scar: its what she deserves

kok: we didnt make out

kok: or anything like that

pidgerino: did yallst hold hands

kok: stop mocking the texan way

pidgerino: so you admit your roots?

shiros scar: hes Not Texan he’s korean keith stop trying to make me a cowboy

pidgerino changed shiros scar ‘s name to COWBOY.

COWBOY: N o,

COWBOY SHIRO changed their name to shiro.

shiro: awful

Chapter Text

9:24

take me to church

Sharpshooter: wait so hold on matt

Sharpshooter: Why Did you get your Eyes Fixed ™

matthews scar: OH lmao

matthews scar: when i went to uni i was like “yo pappi im gonna go into space”

pidgerino: like a nerd

kok: like lance

matthews scar: AND MY DAD GOES “NOT WITH THOSE GLASSES YOU AINT”

matthews scar: next thing i knew i was in a chair at lasik plus

kok: what a thrilling story with a stunning conclusion

matthews scar: you act like im joking but im not

pidgerino: its tru one day he came home blinder than ever and then he was fine

hunkindonuts: i love how fast you guys change conversation

hunkindonuts: its like lance and keith didnt just make out or something

Sharpshooter: bc we didnt?

Sharpshooter: im a GOOD CATHOLIC BOY

hunkindonuts: when was the last time you were in a church

Sharpshooter: .

pidgerino: owned by the guy who avoids the chat in one slay lance is Deceased

hunkindonuts: he calls himself a catholic but ? his family isnt very religious

hunkindonuts: one time his grandma was at his house and his entire family faked a dinner time prayer so they wouldnt get busted by an old lady for not going to church

pidgerino: LFJDJFJJ HIS PARENTS?

hunkindonuts: THEY STARTED IT AND WARNED ME NOT TO SAY ANYTHING

balmerina: the mcclains are WILD

hunkindonuts: marco almost blew the cover too omg

hunkindonuts: lances lil bro almost straight up asked why jesus ate with only 12 people

hunkindonuts: he said “jesus ate with 12 people but”

hunkindonuts: and then idk i think veronica smacked him because he shrieked and shut up

Sharpshooter: stop exposing my family

Allurable: The Mcclain family is a wild one according to my father.

Allurable: I’ve heard tales from my father’s childhood about his cousin (Lance’s father).

balmerina: wait if your dad and lances dad are cousins how come they dont have the same last name

Allurable: My grandmother was and Lance’s grandfather were siblings I believe.

Allurable: My grandmother married into the Altea family and, funnily enough, I am the first born daughter in the bloodline after 4 generations.

balmerina: ????

Allurable: It’s sort of a tradition in my family to only have one child? Strange sounding, I know, but there’ve always been boys, so there was no need to continue.

Allurable: When I was born, my mother grew greatly ill and couldn’t have another.

Allurable: Even if the rest of the family wanted a boy to carry the name, it was hardly possible.

balmerina: so whatre you gonna do?

Allurable: Marry somebody who will adopt my surname instead.

balmerina: ICON

matthews scar: man shiro bit a fucken bullet hes gonna b stuck with HOLT now smh

shiro: thats gay culture right there

matthews scar: ur bi

shiro: thats gay culture right there

Sharpshooter: i just watched allura explain her entire HISTORY and shiro just comes in with gay culture and honestly?

kok: thats gay culture

pidgerino: its brogane culture at this point

Sharpshooter: BROGANE CULTURE IS POINTING OUT WHAT GAY CULTURE IS

kok: also i logged in to tell everybody some news but you were all talking about gay culture so its not important anymore

Sharpshooter: news??????? tell us!!!!!

hunkindonuts: dude keith please we are. im done with this gay culture

shiro: thats straight culture

hunkindonuts: WHY SHIRO

kok: ok um well

kok: i have a job? interview.

kok: at taco bell (oops)

pidgerino: TACO BELL IS GAY CULTURE?

kok: yeah

Sharpshooter: KEITH HAS A JOB???

Sharpshooter: im gonna work at tb too bye

shiro: since when WASNT taco bell gay culture

pidgerino: taco bell is queer culture

matthews scar: im quitting my job and as soon as my leg is healed im gonna go work at tb fr

matthews scar: shiro u too quit ur job for tb

shiro: no thx i make 12 an hour

matthews scar: FUCK man WORK AT TACO BELL TOO

shiro: 2 jobs? no thx

matthews scar: thats 12 an hour PLUS whatever u can bank at tb during night shifts with m e

shiro: somebody has to watch keith and it will Not be Lance

Sharpshooter: cursed

shiro: im staying at my job. let the high schoolers work fast food, im good

matthews scar: Hey. Allura?

Allurable: Never.

matthews scar: NO i mean tell pizza boy to join the gay culture

pidgerino: im quitting

matthews scar: quitting what ya fucken corn fungus

pidgerino: the holt family probs

Sharpshooter: if loreal paris ever steps foot into the taco baco i will slaughter

kok: “taco baco”

Sharpshooter: its a meme

matthews scar: he doesnt even know taco baco i wont allow you to date such a fiend

kok: we arent dating

pidgerino: YOU LITERALLY WENT ON A DATE LIKE NOT EVEN 2 WEEKS AGO?????

kok: That was. A dAte?

Sharpshooter: I actually hope you get mauled by a cryptic and dont live to tell the tale

kok: D:

matthews scar: a gay culture equivalent of “then perish”

Chapter Text

11:39

take me to church

Sharpshooter: i love

pidgerino: keith

shiro: Go to Bed

Sharpshooter: ramen noodle

shiro: same

pidgerino: moderino

Sharpshooter: what is it with you and the suffix -ino

pidgerino: casual ambiance

shiro: sleep its almost midnight

Sharpshooter: the night is young and same

pidgerino: did you jsut use same in place of ‘so am i’

Sharpshooter: it means the same thing

pidgerino: i fucking hate you lance mcclain

Sharpshooter: keith doesnt

pidgerino: its different hes ur boyfriend

Sharpshooter: he is my BF!

Sharpshooter: best friend

shiro: one sec

11:48

tshirogane > keith.k

tshirogane: is lance your boyfriend

keith.k: go away

keith.k: what are you waking me up for

keith.k: if this isnt important im leaving this house

tshirogane: if you tell me the truth i will buy you new gloves

keith.k: why gloves and not something cool

tshirogane: the switchblade from that pawn shop?

keith.k: hes my,

keith.k: hes.

tshirogane: you can say boyfriend its okay

keith.k: i dont know what we are we havent ever talked about it

11:50

keith.k > Sharpshooter

keith.k: lance

Sharpshooter: yeah?

keith.k: did i wake you up?

Sharpshooter: nah, the nights an infant

keith.k: then.

keith.k: stop being dumb for a second

Sharpshooter: wh

keith.k: what are we?

Sharpshooter: what do you mean

keith.k: i mean what are /we/

Sharpshooter: Oooh

Sharpshooter: i dont know

Sharpshooter: what do you want us to be?

keith.k: thats what i was gonna ask you

Sharpshooter: well keith

Sharpshooter: i hope were at Least friends

keith.k: we are but i mean.

keith.k: what about being …… like.

Sharpshooter: more?

keith.k: yeah.

Sharpshooter: do you

keith.k: i mean

Sharpshooter: can you

12:04

keith.k: lance?

Sharpshooter: hey

keith.k: can i what?

Sharpshooter: unlock your window?

keith.k: what

(Sharpshooter sent 1 image)

keith.k: yeah

keith.k: ill unlock my window

Chapter Text

12:12

Sharpshooter > keith.k

Sharpshooter: its open?

keith.k: yeah just come around back

Sharpshooter: thanks

When Lance reached the back end of the house, he noticed the blinds of one window pulled up halfway, a dim light peeking through the exposed glass. There was also a small slit between the window and its frame. With a sigh of relief, Lance pushed his phone into his back pocket and approached the window carefully. As his finger tips slid under the crack of the window, he heard footsteps and stopped breathing. He didn’t move until he felt the pressure of the window leave his fingers, seeing Keith’s face on the other side.

“Hey.” His voice was a mere whisper in the night’s air. A breeze nipped at Keith’s nose, turning it a dusty pink which made Lance smile. Neither of them spoke or even moved. Instead, they settled on the eye contact and relishing in each other’s presence. The back of Lance’s mind was screaming at him to not make this awkward, to crack a joke, climb in the window, something. Anything that would ease the tension filling the space between them.

It was in this silence that Lance began hearing the soft music coming from inside the bedroom. The tune was gentle and sounded like a love song. He’s never heard of it before: the melody was slow like a ballad, but the drums filled up the empty spaces to give it more of a rock feel. The first song he connected it to was a more energetic version of Hey Jude . Keith’s eyes were searching Lance’s face for any possible way to start a conversation. The longer Lance stood here, though, fingers on the sil, Keith bent over to be just above eye level, the less it felt natural to speak. A moment like this was screaming for actions to take the place of words.

One word came into Lance’s mind. His heart yelled at him, but whatever remaining logic inside his brain was saying not to do that. If Keith doesn’t feel the same it wouldn’t be a good idea to--

Before he could stop himself, Lance’s hands were grabbing hold of the black hoodie, pulling Keith’s torso out of the window and slamming his lips against the latter’s. It wasn’t romantic, it wasn’t smooth, it wasn’t with the climax of the song like a movie would do. It was sloppy, desperate, fast, and startling. The silenced yelp of Keith proved that to be true, and it took the man a few more seconds to register exactly what was happening. But, oh, could Lance tell when he did. The way Keith melted right beneath his lips, turning from glass to water in his hands like bath bomb on a winter evening.

The two settled out of the kiss with sighs of bliss, not moving further than an inch from one another. Their breaths were connected by the gaze in their eyes. Lance was the first to move. He leaned backwards to stand upright, a small, shy smile crossing his lips. Keith reacted slowly, adjusting to be back inside of the window.

Again, they went into a stalemate of stillness. Neither of them had any idea what to say. They were in the middle of a moment; words would only make them fumble and be nervous. Words would interrupt the peace of the silence with estranged noises that weren’t necessary. Any sort of outside noise would break the intimacy of their time. These few minutes were treasured even if it was brimming with so many contradicting emotions.

Before Lance could try to consider formulating a sentence, his phone beeped from his back pocket, prompting him to look at it.

12:20

Mom

Lance? Where did you go? Please come home right now. You need to warn me before you leave.

His eyes glanced between his blinding screen and Keith’s dark eyes. They were a lot more calming than the obnoxious white of his messenger app. However, his mother was probably extremely worried. For him to even contemplate if staying here, outside of Keith’s bedroom window, was the better option was to commit unspoken felonies.

With sadness in his expression, Lance backed away from the window. Keith seemed to understand, even though he probably didn’t. He was quick to leave, not wanting to give himself time to turn back. Now, when it’s almost half past town curfew, was not the time to be second guessing decisions and regretting the past hour. Now was the time to return home for the night and apologise to his mom.

Keith, on the other hand, watched Lance round the corner with a tinge of pain in his heart. He knew Lance would have to go home, but he didn’t expect it so soon. At the same time, he felt it was right. Lance’s departure eased him greatly.

He backed away from the window, pushing it shut with one hand as the other reached for his phone on the nightstand. As Keith pulled the blinds shut, his thumb unlocked his phone which opened to his own messaging app. He paused to study the message sent not too long ago by Lance about his oncoming arrival. It was hard for him to imagine that moment only lasted 10 minutes. After all, it felt like an eternity.

Once more, Keith scrolled their conversation before returning to the main screen of all his messages. Right below Lance’s contact was Shiro.

His fingers padded across the keys while a tiny smile settled across his lips, reaching his steady eyes. For at least a minute, Keith stared at the text on his screen. This message could either bring a lot of chaos or nothing at all depending on how Shiro would react.

While he thought about what reaction would come from this, the image of Lance’s smile appeared in his mind. The way his lips curled in the corners which matched the creases in his eyes as they reflected the colors of the night sky just before the sun began rising. His heart skipped a beat inside his chest and reminded him of the pull on his lapels as he was kissed with the force of an army.

Keith shook his head out of the zone and reopened his phone. He released a slow breath and reread the three words on his screen. With a final press of his thumb on a button and the message transferred from the text box to the chat where Shiro would eventually see it for himself.

12:27

keith.k > tshirogane

keith.k: i think so.

Chapter Text

5:33

take me to church

balmerina: good morning world and all who inhabit it!

pidgerino: good morning shay

Allurable: Good morning.

balmerina: i hope you all have good days since its monday and monday is worst day

pidgerino: on more week until spring break!!!!!!!

balmerina: :O!!!

pidgerino: :O!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Allurable: My break started today, actually.

pidgerino: BUT GIRLS NIGHT?!?

Allurable: My university does two weeks of spring break. There is plenty of time for girl’s night.

pidgerino: @ god thank you for giving allura such a good life

balmerina: bless up

pidgerino: BLESS UP I N D E E D

hunkindonuts: you guys woke me up an hour before my alarm >:(

balmerina: oh im sorry!

hunkindonuts: no its fine

pidgerino: cute

hunkindonuts: not this early please pidge

pidgerino: IT IS

6:01

Sharpshooter: fuck you guys

pidgerino: good morning lance

Sharpshooter: you need to stop spamming the gc at asscrack in the morning

pidgerino: im? sorry???

6:02

pidgerino > Sharpshooter

pidgerino: are you okay?

Sharpshooter: woke up grouchy idk

Sharpshooter: my bad for snapping at you

pidgerino: i was scared bc you sounded like keith for a second

Sharpshooter: oh my dog

pidgerino: yeah same

Sharpshooter: nonono you dont get it

6:05

Sharpshooter > keith.k

Sharpshooter: sorry i bailed out last night

6:13

keith.k: no it s fine i understand?

Sharpshooter: my mom was worried… i got chewed out as soon as i walked in the door

keith.k: at least she knows youre okay

Sharpshooter: yeah.

6:29

Sharpshooter: but it was worth it.

6:41

tshirogane > keith.k

tshirogane: what?

keith.k: nothing

keith.k: also, im leaving for a school a little early so im heading out like in 3 minutes

tshirogane: ok goodnight

keith.k: good morning

7:20

take me to church

matthews scar: lance comes in and tells yall to shut up and you listen?

matthews scar: what is this darwinism?

Allurable: I have no idea.

tshirogane: its betrayal

matthews scar: LMFAO

Allurable: Now, please, both of you, shut up. They’re all in class soon and don’t need to start a conversation on here.

Chapter Text

8:43

take me to church

hunkindonuts: hi. not to be a worrier and all but

hunkindonuts: has anybody seen lance?

Allurable: What do you mean?

hunkindonuts: he wasn’t in first period and the teacher said he wasnt excused…

Allurable: That’s odd. Lance is usually the one who complains about school. For him to just not show up is out of the ordinary.

hunkindonuts: yeah. its got me confused a little since his first three periods are astro, study hall and then physics

hunkindonuts: if hed ever skip school itd be the second half of the day

Allurable: Well, he could be ill. It is only early-mid March.

hunkindonuts: i guess? he doesnt get sick a lot though

kok: if hes not in calc hes going to get his ass kciked

hunkindonuts: keith pleas

kok: no i mean there’s a test today.

kok: if hes not in calc hes gonna have to make it up and our calc teacher is a dickwad

kok: he always makes tests harder if you have to take it on a different day

kok: unless youre redoing it for a higher grade then its easier

kok: basically the calc test is gonna be 20% harder for lance

hunkindonuts: damn

pidgerino: its tru hes a weedass

pidgerino: the only reason i had perfect attendance in 8th grade was that class

hunkindonuts: WE GET IT UR SMART

pidgerino: IM IN THE SAME LEVEL OF MATH AS YOU

hunkindonuts: YOURE IN CALC 2 AS A FRESHMAN

kok: i hate being friends with smart people

pidgerino: wtf you called us ur pals something is hella wrong

pidgerino: lace told me to stfu and typed it all out

pidgerino: now ur saying u have friends?

pidgerino: spooky

hunkindonuts: yikes

shiro: ge tto class kids

shiro: if you guys want to know about lance i can give him a call or something and fill you in

hunkindonuts: thanks shiro :-)!

8:50

tshirogane > Sharpshooter

tshirogane: are you doing alright bud?

9:39

Sharpshooter: yeah im just at home today.

Sharpshooter: i got a runny nose and my throat barely hurts but my mom said i have to stay home today.

Sharpshooter: ya feel?

Sharpshooter: its just overprotective mom stuff

tshirogane: right

tshirogane: so youre not actually sick?

Sharpshooter: nah

tshirogane: howd you get a runny nose anyway?

Sharpshooter: last night i was outside and not dressed properly ig

tshirogane: huh.

tshirogane: make sure you bundle up next time

tshirogane: hunk just about had a heart attack an hour ago

11:16

keith.k > Sharpshooter

keith.k: where are you

Sharpshooter: home.

keith.k: calc test is gonna suck for you

Sharpshooter: im over it tbh

keith.k: well suit yourself

keith.k: why are you home anyway?

Sharpshooter: woke up with a runny nose and mom freaked out you know how it is

11:32

Sharpshooter: keith??

keith.k: i mean i guess

keith.k: shiro doesnt do that stuff though

Sharpshooter: oh yeah

Sharpshooter: are you in class?

keith.k: lunch

Sharpshooter: ok then can i ask you smth?

keith.k: shoot

Sharpshooter: how long has shiro been your guardian?

keith.k: since i was 11?? around there

Sharpshooter: so where exactly are your parents?

keith.k: i dunno… all shiro ever told me was that one day my dad showed at shiros college apartment with me in tow and said “here”

keith.k: i bet theres more to the story than that but ever since shiro was 18 ive been in his care

Sharpshooter: maybe you should talk to him about it?

Sharpshooter: if you want to that is

Sharpshooter: i mean, you are 18 now

Sharpshooter: hes not technically your guardian anymore is he?

keith.k: beats me i dont know what the law is

Sharpshooter: well. doncha think that since youre 18 now you can find out?

keith.k: should*

Sharpshooter: yeah.

keith.k: can i ask you a question?

Sharpshooter: go for it

keith.k: why are you so curious?

Sharpshooter: it just suddenly came up?

Sharpshooter: like a day or two ago i realized ever since ive known your “parent” was shiro

Sharpshooter: and as somebody with a huge ass family to even imagine it being like.

Sharpshooter: me and my cousin

Sharpshooter: its kinda unimaginable in my life

keith.k: polar opposites huh?

Sharpshooter: complete north and south

Sharpshooter: but hey… opposites attract right?

keith.k: wow

keith.k: gtg suddenly

Chapter Text

3:26

take me to church

pidgerino: sup sluts

Sharpshooter: stop kinkshaming me

hunkindonuts: what

matthews scar: im greatly fearful of you all

hunkindonuts: WAIT LANCE

hunkindonuts: WHERE WERE YA BUDDY

Sharpshooter: did shiro not tell you?

hunkindonuts: no?

Sharpshooter: wOW ok no im home bc my mom

hunkindonuts: be there soon tell ur fam

Sharpshooter: i think lil marco is outside be careful

hunkindonuts: im down to be dogpiled by a bunch of mcclains today

Sharpshooter: a BRAVE soul

shiro: hey lance

Sharpshooter: yes mr responsible

shiro: i dont need the sarcasm but i need you to do something

Sharpshooter: ???

3:30

tshirogane > Sharpshooter

tshirogane: can you analyze keith for me?

Sharpshooter: what

(tshirogane sent an image)

Sharpshooter: Ah.

tshirogane: ah?

Sharpshooter: Ah.

3:32

Sharpshooter > keith.k

Sharpshooter: DID YOU TELL SHIRO

keith.k: ARE WE

Sharpshooter: damn u right

keith.k: oh my god

Sharpshooter: PICK UP UR PHONE RN BUT GO PRIVATE IM EMBARRASS

keith.k: bet im staying right in the living room

Sharpshooter: u got headphones in?

keith.k: i thought you knew me better than this

Incoming call from Sharpshooter 3:33

Call ended 3:38

Sharpshooter: u is my bf

keith.k: not if you keep talking like that

Sharpshooter: D:

3:42

take me to church

Sharpshooter changed kok ‘s name to queef

queef: YOURE SINGLE

Sharpshooter: ITS BEEN 10 MINUTES?

queef: I DONT CARE THIS IS CRUEL

matthews scar: wAIT WHA T

pidgerino: THEYRE DATING

matthews scar: WHO ASKED HWO OUT

queef: oh um

Sharpshooter: me

matthews scar: PAY UP BITCH

pidgerino: i hate my ex brother matthew holt

hunkindonuts: all these breakups make me afraid suddenly

Sharpshooter: smh @ hunk if shay breaks up w u then its your own fault

hunkindonuts: LANCE,

Allurable: Good grief, you all like to make a racket whenever you can.

Sharpshooter: hey b

Allurable: Don’t you have a boyfriend?

Sharpshooter: idk ask him bc according to him i am single

queef: change my name Back Lance

Sharpshooter changed queef ‘s name to boyfriend

boyfriend: why

Sharpshooter: you are

boyfriend: im not everybodys boyfriend?!??

Sharpshooter: GOOD POINT

Sharpshooter changed boyfriend ‘s name to LANCES bf

LANCES bf: jesus help us all

Chapter Text

5:32

take me to church

Sharpshooter: what up im lance im 17 and im addicted to eating mattresses

pidgerino: read the chat name

matthews scar: as somebody in this gc whose name used to be mattress i am

matthews scar: afraid

pidgerino changed matthews scar ‘s name to mattress

pidgerino changed Sharpshooter ‘s name to vore

mattress: blocked and reported

vore: vore x queef otp

pidgerino changed vore ‘s name to shut up

shut up: :(

mattress: its what she deserves

shiro: what the flick

pidgerino: swear you coward

shiro: says you

mattress: dont push him hes delicate

mattress: it hink

pidgerino: it hink?

mattress: the beast………………………..it hink

shut up: stop

shut up: thats weird i hate this

shiro: theyre holts what more do you expect

pidgerino: at least i have high intellect

shiro: how far will that get you if somebody sees you sniffing your pencil and then mumbling “cryptid 004 discovered”

pidgerino: WHEN HAVE I EVER

shiro: soon

pidgerino: thats the most terrifying response

6:03

Allurable: I hope you are all being responsible.

mattress: always

Allurable: Not you.

Allurable: Those of us still getting an education.

mattress: OH LMAO

mattress: perks of being 24 means no school

Allurable: So says you…

Allurable: Anyway, teachers love to assign plenty of homework the week before holiday and into it, so make sure you’re staying on top of things.

6:07

mattack > Allurable

mattack: allura how much homework did yours profs assign you

Allurable: 3 essays all with 1000+ word count and 2 take home tests.

mattack: in how long?

Allurable: 2 weeks, including time I’ll be spending with my family and friends.

mattack: at least you dont have a job?

Allurable: At least I do not have a job, yes.