Chapter Text
https://www.dropbox.com/s/kyd7tl9prcnjuvx/DJ3karmicburdens.mp3?dl=0
SWR Crack AU: Karmic Burdens
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Or the one where a 20 something Ezra Bridger ends up finding and forming a training link with Kanan Jarrus’s pre-Hera days illegitimate daughter. And (rightly) complains about it to Kanan regularly about it…
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“You may never claim I gave you trouble ever again, Kanan!” Ezra tells him, severely, "Do you know what I did today?! I took your kriffing kid out for the afternoon because she’d finished up all her homework early and you know what they say about positive reinforcement and one on one bonding and all that other banthakriff. She claimed she wanted a haircut. Which is fine. Except said haircut turned out to be for me! And then she wanted to get caff, which frankly Kanan NEVER AGAIN after seeing her reaction to it, and then after that she made us both go get our nails professionally done!“
There’s a moment of silence before Ezra turns to his very very, silent companion, fiercely scowling. "Kanan, I swear to Force your shampoo will mysteriously morph in to karking Nair if you take more than another two seconds to stop laughing at me!” Ezra flails his arms in clear and abiding despair before continuing. “She likes boy-bands, Master, and she has frankly torturous holovid viewing habits, she kicks everyone’s ass she meets at Sabaacc without even trying and doesn’t even bother to look slightly abashed about it. She ATTEMPTED TO QUIZ ME ON THE NATURE OF MY SEX LIFE, AND THEN BITCHED AT ME ABOUT IT FOR HALF AN HOUR AFTER, KANAN!”
Kanan, who’d been trying to take a sip of his caff between his chuckles, spews it literally across the room from his mouth. “She what?!”
“’You need to get laid more.’ I believe was her particular quote on the subject. I swear to Force, Kanan, I will murder you and scatter the pieces to the four winds if you ever claim I was anything other than the perfect angel of a Padawan, EVER AGAIN!”
“She told you to go out and...”
“Get LAID,” Ezra replies, clearly indignant, “Apparently on the assumption that it will make me less angsty or grumpy or something. Not that I’m actually any of the above to begin with.”
Kanan eyes the younger man skeptically “Well you do work, a lot. Probably too much speaking frankly. It wouldn’t exactly kill you to get out more…maybe take a pretty girl or guy or whatever out and get dinner just to get her off your back about the whole matter.”
Ezra stares at him another moment, then flails again, “Kanan I am not fake dating someone to get YOUR kid off my back about my perfectly reasonable current route of abstinence! For kriff sakes I’m 25 years and I have teenager and two basically full time jobs! I literally have no time for sleep, much less for sex! Which I’ll thank you to tell your uber-spawn just as soon as you see her again!”