Archive of Our Own

“So what are we doing here?” asked Blue. She hugged herself and stamped her foot. “I’m cold,” she added unnecessarily.

“Maybe you need more layers,” suggested Ronan blandly.

Blue glowered at him and Adam snorted, but he didn’t look up from the pile of rocks he was examining. They were in the hills outside of Henrietta, for no reason other than Adam had called and said they needed to go. Ronan, alone in Monmouth with Gansey having acceded to the demands of Christmas and family and Noah only a flickering presence, had been happy to come along.

But he didn’t know why they were looking at a pile of rocks either.

Ronan studied the sky with interest. It was dark. The clouds were low.

It would be strange to get snow now, two days before Christmas. It rarely snowed in Henrietta. They got maybe an inch or two in January at most, just enough to make everyone forget how to drive. His first time with Gansey driving the Pig through the snow had been the first time Ronan had truly, really thought he might die. As a kid, he hadn’t realized how rare snow in Virginia was. Mid-December, every year of his childhood, it had fallen, glittering and graceful, and blanketed the Barns. He’d go out with his brothers and dad and make the fantastical creatures you only see in Calvin and Hobbes anthologies, or they held all day snowball fights until after dusk, when they tramped back to the house where Aurora Lynch stood framed in the doorway, golden light spilling out from behind her, holding a platter of hot chocolate.

Like almost everything else in Ronan’s childhood, the snow had been a dream of his father’s. And, like most of his memories of his childhood, this one had the bendable, flimsy quality of a dream.

“I think it was… a landslide?” said Adam finally. He straightened up and took a step back, running his hand through his hair.

Ronan eyed him. Adam’s hands and nose were pink. He needed gloves. Ronan debated the chances of Adam taking his if Ronan offered. Slim, he thought. It was too cold. If it were about three degrees warmer, Adam would feel like there was less pride at stake and might take them.

“And Cabeswater wants you to put the rocks back?” asked Blue.

She looked at the rocks doubtfully. But Ronan thought it wasn’t a bad guess. Most of Adam’s bitch work for Cabeswater had been to move rocks around. Magic rocks, but still. Rocks.

“No…” said Adam. He paused, gaze turning inwards.

Ronan and Blue exchanged a glance. Adam was kind of creepy like this, body held still and tense, eyes far away. With his long, angled face, he looked more like a statue than a boy. The wind picked up, throwing some of Adam’s hair into his face. Ronan’s fingers itched with the desire to push it away and to draw Adam’s attention back to the present, back to him.

“I’m supposed to meet with someone,” said Adam, lips moving but face blank.

Blue made an exaggerated show of looking around.

“Whoever it is, they’re late,” she said.

Ronan snorted. “Observant, maggot.”

“No,” said Adam, body and expression relaxing. “They’re here.”

On cue, the pile of rocks shuddered, and a large one rolled off, coming to land at Ronan’s feet with a thunk. A small, grubby face popped out of the hole it left behind.

Blue leapt backwards, and Ronan jerked in surprise. But Adam merely stood there, watching the grubby face become a head and then a body as a tiny man wriggled out of the hole and dropped to its feet. It looked up at the three at them and let out a low, sliding whistle. It was under two-feet tall and tremendously ugly.

“Hello,” said Blue after an awkward pause. She squatted down to be on level with the gnome-thing. “I’m Blue.”

“I don’t know why you’re squatting, Blue,” said Ronan. “You’re about the same height as it standing up.”

Blue flipped Ronan off serenely, but the gnome sputtered indignantly. It shouted something, but Ronan had no idea what language it was speaking, let alone what it had said. It didn’t sound pleasant, though.

“What did it say?” he demanded.

“I don’t know,” said Adam. “But you probably deserved it.”

“Told him to go fuck his grandmother, didn’t I?” said the gnome. It had a surprisingly deep voice for something so small. Its accent was vaguely British, but nothing Ronan could place.

Blue laughed.

“Oh, I love him,” she said with a wicked smile. The gnome fucking looked at Ronan and smirked.

The hole got wider as another gnome pushed its way out. Ronan thought this one might be female, but he couldn’t really tell. It (she?) was followed by a third. And then another, and another, and another, until nearly a dozen knee-high, gray-skinned, overall wearing fairytale creatures were surrounded him and Adam and Blue. They each held a tiny pickaxe.

“What are you doing?” asked Adam.

“We’re mining,” said one of them, as if it were obvious. Ronan looked at their pickaxes. It actually was kind of obvious.

“Mining for what?” asked Blue.

They all shrugged.

Adam gave Ronan and Blue a rather helpless look, and Ronan burst out laughing.

“Don’t look at us, Parrish. This is your job.”

“They don’t seem to be hurting anyone,” said Blue in undertone.

“No,” agreed Adam. “But they don’t… I don’t think they’re supposed to be here.”

He paused for a moment and then looked at Ronan.

“Sorry, Lynch, but I think your mom is going to end up with some new neighbors.”

Ronan shrugged at him, as much as an agreement as he was going to give. Adam rolled his eyes and walked forward, then crouched down.

“Would you prefer to go somewhere else?” he asked the gnomes politely. “We know a place called Cabeswater that I think you’d like.”

“Why?” demanded the first little gnome thing. “What’s there? Is there better ore? The ore here is shit.”

“Yes,” said Adam immediately. “Much better ore.”

“Oh, yeah!” Blue nodded enthusiastically. “I love mining there. It’s… just great.”

Ronan laughed again. Blue kicked him. He tugged at her hair. She tried to bite his wrist. Adam scowled at both of them, and they both stopped, assumed identical expressions of aggrieved innocence.

“Toddlers,” said Adam, under his breath.

“Yeah, we know you miss Mom,” said Ronan, draping his arms over Blue. She leaned back against him.

The gnomes ignored the scuffle. They stood in a circle, conferring, and then the first one stepped forward.

“All right,” he said to Adam, and he stuck his tiny hand out to shake. “We’ll go to this Cabeswater with you.”

Five minutes later, Ronan looked in his rearview mirror and burst out laughing. Blue sat perched in the middle seat, surrounded on either side by the toddler-sized gnomes. More of them sat on the floor.

“You look like a dollar store Snow White,” he told her.

She kicked the back of his chair.

“Knock it off,” said Adam automatically, and he reached over and flicked Ronan’s ear for good measure.

Ronan smiled and settled back in the seat. Outside, snow gently began to fall.

***

They called Gansey afterwards to loop him in.

“Coblynau!” said Gansey excitedly. “I can’t believe I missed them! They’re at Cabeswater, you said? I’m going to see them first thing when I get back – I’ll leave tomorrow – ”

“No, you will not,” snapped Blue. “You’re going to stay and enjoy Christmas with your family.”

Gansey looked aghast. “Jane, you don’t understand. Coblynau are creatures straight out of Welsh lore.” His voice rose excitedly. “If they’re around, that must be a sign we’re close. They might even be able to lead us to Glendower!”

“I don’t care if we find Santa,” hissed Blue. “See your family!”

Ronan tried to catch Adam’s eye, but Adam was looking away. His mouth was tight, and his hands were curled into tight fists. Was he jealous?

Blue and Gansey continued to bicker, and then Adam jerked his head up and glared at Gansey.

“Blue’s right, Gansey. See your family.”

Gansey fell quiet, clearly surprised at an attack from this quarter. Ronan glanced at Blue, expecting her to look mollified. Instead, she looked like she might cry. A flickering irritation arose in Ronan. She and Adam were hiding something.

“Well, all right,” huffed Gansey. “But I’m coming back on the 26th.”

“That’s fine,” said Blue. She stood up. “I need to go. I told Mr. Gray I’d help him get a tree.”

Ronan scowled at the mention of the Gray Man and then glanced down in surprise when he felt someone squeeze his wrist. Adam. His long figures circled Ronan’s wrist. Ronan glanced up, Adam was still frowning moodily at the computer screen, apparently oblivious to what his hand had done.

“Bye, Jane,” said Gansey, sounding put out.

“Okay. Thanks, Gansey. Say hi to your family for me,” and then Blue ended the conversation.

“Abrupt,” said Ronan, raising his eyebrows at Blue.

“Sorry,” muttered Blue, not looking at Ronan. “See you guys later.”

She hurried out. Ronan turned to Adam, a ‘that was weird, right?’ expression on his face. But Adam was staring at the blank computer screen, his expression distant

Ronan nudged Adam with his shoulder.

“Earth to Parrish.”

Adam startled to alertness and turned his frown on Ronan.

“What?” he said.

“You spaced out,” said Ronan. “You were practically drooling.”

“Sorry,” said Adam. “Do you want…” He trailed off, his eyes drifting back into the middle distance.

Ronan snapped his fingers in front of his face. Adam stood up, sudden enough that Ronan had to take a quick step back to avoid getting smacked in the nose.

“We need to go,” said Adam.

“What?” said Ronan. He waved his hand in front of Adam’s face. “You okay, man?”

“We need to go,” repeated Adam. He cocked his head like he was listening. Ronan noticed he was favoring his bad ear. “Cabeswater… I think there’s something else out there.”

“So you’re some kind of freaky monster antenna now?” said Ronan, getting up too. He grabbed their jackets.

“Guess so,” muttered Adam. They left Monmouth together.

***

Ronan drove, but Adam directed. He kept his head half-cocked, still favoring his bad ear. It had stopped snowing, and the little snow that had fallen had a pathetic, half-finished quality to it. They came finally to a small pond, near the edge of town. It was the kind of pond young families probably took their kids on walks around, fed the ducks in. It was empty now, and the water at the edge of the pond had the thin, glassy look of ice beginning to form.

Ronan looked around.

“I don’t see anything,” he said.

Adam ignored him. He was staring hard at the center of the pond. Ronan waited impatiently, shifting from foot to foot.

“I think we’re going to have to get closer to lure it out,” said Adam decisively, and before Ronan could react, Adam began to stride out into the pond.

“Hey!” said Ronan, wading in after him. Chainsaw leapt off his shoulder with a squawk of dismay. And, fuck, the water was frigid. It lanced through and made his bones ache like they were growing. He froze instinctively, trying to let his body adjust.

And then a monster leapt from the still water of the pond and grabbed Adam in its jaws.

“Oh, fuck no!” yelled Ronan. He scrambled after the thing. It was large, with the slimy skin of an amphibian and two bat-like wings. It didn’t seem to have done much damage to Adam, at least, because Adam was thrashing and yelling.

“Let go of him!” shouted Ronan. He flailed through the water, grateful that the pond didn’t seem that deep or wide. He got close enough to strike the thing on what he thought was its nose. It responded by kicking him in the chest. He went over backwards, and got a mouthful of freezing, brackish water. He sputtered back up to the surface and wiped the water from his eyes as he coughed.

Adam was being dragged further out.

Then, with a shriek, Chainsaw dove. She raked her claws along the thing’s scalp, as if she were more raptor than raven. It screeched horribly and let go of Adam. Ronan sprung forward, thrashing through the water and coughing. Adam reached towards him. His face was pale, panicked, but he was conscious, kicking. Ronan grabbed his arm. Together, they half-swam, half-ran out of the water, and both collapsed on the bank, gasping for breath.

They were both shivering badly. Out in the water, the thing continued to leap, trying to snatch Chainsaw from the sky. She kept just out of the way, then dove in and clawed at it again, raking its eye this time. The thing screeched, and its long, flexible tongue flicked out, nearly catching Chainsaw by the wing.

“Leave it!” shouted Ronan, panicked. He scrambled to his feet and darted forward, ready to rush into the pond once more.

But Adam grabbed him by the leg, and just then, the Gray Man’s car pulled up, tires squealing as it slid to a stop in the snow and mud. A pine tree was tied to the roof, which somewhat diminished the car’s sleek, efficient look. If it weren’t for the abrupt arrival, the Gray Man almost could have been a suburban dad as he and Blue left the car. Almost. Ronan watched him warily.

“What’s going on?” said Blue, running over to them. “Are you all right?”

“We’re f-fine,” said Adam. His teeth chattered and made the words shake in his mouth.

“Y-yeah,” agreed Ronan. His whole body was shaking uncontrollably. “H-h-how did you find u-us?”

“Noah,” said Blue. “And shut up. Both of you. Conserve energy.”

Ronan scowled at her and wrapped his arms around himself. He and Adam were both going to need to get out of their wet layers pretty soon.

The thing leapt from the water once more, frog mouth wide and horrible, towards the shore. The Gray Man straightened his arm smoothly, a gun now in his hands, sleek and efficient as his car, and he took three quick shots. The body thumped to the ground, three neat holes in it and leaking black, viscous blood.

The Gray Man poked at it curiously with his toe.

Blue walked over to him, leaving Ronan and Adam shivering behind her. Ronan offered his hand to Adam and helped him up. Adam’s teeth chattered loudly.

“Can I see your phone?” said Blue to the Gray Man.

The Gray Man nodded and handed her a sleek, matte silver phone. It was very thin. Blue played with it for a second, and then Ronan heard Gansey’s voice.

“Hello? Who – Oh! Blue! Did you get a new phone?”

“Gansey,” said Blue. “Hello. I’m using Mr. Gray’s phone. I have a question.”

She turned the phone to the pond monster. Gansey let out a strangled yelp.

“What the hell is that?” he demanded.

“I was hoping you would know,” said Blue. “Adam…” Her eyes cut over to Adam, who, at the moment, didn’t look like the strange, magical creature he was, but instead just a very tired, wet boy. Ronan was hauling him to the BMW, where at least he could turn the heater on. Blue studied them both thoughtfully. “Cabeswater sent him to deal with it.”

“I…” Ronan couldn’t really see Gansey, but he could see Gansey, and in his mind’s eye, he saw Gansey adjusting his glasses, half-squinting his eyes, mouth curling thoughtfully. “I have some theories. Can you send me some pictures? I can get back to you soon. Or,” he said, and Ronan could hear the hopeful pitch of his voice even at this distance, “I could head back to Henrietta.”

“No,” said Blue, and, “thank you, Gansey. I’ll send those pictures.”

And then Blue hung up. Ronan spared one – and only one – second to wonder if Gansey had done something recently to piss Blue off. He bundled Adam into the car. His own hands were shaking pretty badly, too. He whistled for Chainsaw, and once she was inside, stripped out of his top two layers and socks and shoes and cranked the heater all the way up.

“A-a-at least keep your pants on,” said Adam.

“I am,” snapped Ronan back. “But you should seriously strip.”

He said it without blushing. He was proud of himself for that. Adam gave him as dry a look as he could currently manage with his hair hanging limply in his face and water dripping down the edge of his nose. Ronan scowled at him.

“I’m keeping my pants on, too,” said Adam, but he started pulling his jacket and shirt off. Ronan immediately looked away, and he couldn’t keep a blush off his face this time. “Are you gonna dream us up some towels?”

“No,” said Ronan, and he darted a glance to the rearview mirror, where he made out Adam’s throat and collarbones and one shoulder before immediately looking away again. “I’m getting us the hell to Monmouth where we already have towels. Blue and the Gray Man can figure out the frog prince.”

“I’d rather just go home,” complained Adam, which was how Ronan knew he was going to be fine.

“Yeah, and I’d rather you not wander off while you’re acting like some fucking monster radar,” said Ronan. “So you’re stuck with me.”

“We could both go to St. Agnes,” muttered Adam, sullen.

“You keep it like thirty fucking degrees there,” said Ronan. The windows were starting to steam up.

“Like Monmouth’s any better? It’s a fucking factory, Lynch.”

“Yeah, but Gansey’s towels are better.”

He didn’t say that he and Gansey could at least afford to turn the heat on. Adam said nothing, and when Ronan glanced at the rearview mirror this time, he was able to focus enough to make out a scowl.

He drove to Monmouth. To his surprise and irritation, the Gray Man and Blue followed them. He ignored them as they pulled into the parking lot, hustled Adam into the factory and up the stairs instead. Blue followed them up. The Gray Man stayed in the car.

Ronan went straight to his room. He changed quickly, then rifled through his dresser and found a clean shirt and pair of pants for Adam.

“Here,” he said, throwing them to him along with a towel.

Adam scowled at the shirt. Ronan didn’t see what so wrong with it. It was either that, or one of Gansey’s polos, and it wasn’t like Adam was much of a fashion plate anyway.

“Thanks,” said Adam, after a grudging moment. He went into what Ronan still thought of as Noah’s room to change.

Ronan raised his eyebrows at Blue. She ignored the implied question.

“Can you check to see if Gansey’s sent us anything about that thing?” she asked.

Ronan sighed dramatically, but he dug up his laptop to check. Sure enough, there was an e-mail from Gansey.

“He says he think it’s a… I can’t read that.” Ronan tilted the monitor for Blue, looking over his shoulder, to read. Gansey had called the thing a Llamhigyn Y Dwr, or –

“A Water Leaper,” said Blue, reading aloud. Gansey had helpfully provided a paragraph summary, with translations of all the Welsh words, and several links. He’d done it all in half an hour.

“So it’s basically just a flying Welsh frog monster,” said Ronan. “So exactly what we thought it was. I guess we didn’t know it was Welsh. But… safe assumption, right?”

“And still no obvious connection to Glendower, except being Welsh,” muttered Blue.

“I think being mythological and Welsh is connection enough,” said Adam, coming out of Noah’s room. He was toweling at his hair. Ronan’s heart gave a painful squeeze at the sight of Adam in his clothes. So that was another stupid thing his brain and body had decided to be stupid about. He looked away, back to the laptop screen.

“So Cabeswater knows they’re here,” said Blue, frowning. “Is Cabeswater calling them?”

“Maybe they’ve always been here.”

They all looked up as Noah faded into view. He settled onto the pool table and kicked his legs thoughtfully.

“What do you mean?” asked Adam.

Noah shrugged. He tugged at his tie idly and gazed upwards.

“Maybe they were brought over with Glendower. Not on purpose. Just the idea of them.”

“And now that the ley line’s up and running again,” said Ronan, frowning, “they’re popping back up? Like they’re coming out of hibernation?”

Gansey had shown him a map once, of how sightings of supernatural creatures tended to cluster around the points where ley lines met.

“Okay,” said Adam, rubbing his face thoughtfully. “But why just Welsh creatures then? All kinds of people settled here, with all kinds of different beliefs and monsters.”

“Maybe that’s what Cabeswater wants to wake up,” said Ronan. The forest had a mind of its own. “Maybe it is a sign we’re getting closer to Glendower, and Cabeswater’s just… trying to make it homey.”

They all thought about that for a moment.

“It’s as good a theory as any,” said Blue, eventually, and she tugged the laptop away from Ronan to type out a response to Gansey. “Thanks, Noah, for the suggestion.”

Noah didn’t reply. He was already gone.

Blue sighed and finished the email.

“I have something for you two,” she said to Ronan and Adam. “I forgot to give them to you earlier.”

She produced two lumpy packages from her large, knit bag, both packages wrapped in the free local arts newspaper. Ronan took his from her and felt thick cloth between his fingers. Adam took his as well after a second, and thanked Blue softly.

“I’m still pretty new at crocheting,” said Blue, sounding nervous and therefore un-Blue-like as she watched them unwrap. “But Calla took a class and showed me how.”

Both packages contained a bowl-shaped hat and a long scarf, all the items knitted from green yarn. But Ronan’s hat and scarf were the green of oak leaves in summer, almost yellow, a bright, lit up color. Adam’s was the dark green of moss, a soft, hidden color. It contrasted well with his skin.

Ronan whistled for Chainsaw. She landed on his outstretched arm. He nodded at her and she nodded back, then shifted on his arm so she faced Blue. She placed her beak beneath her wing and plucked a single, shiny dark feather. She hopped closer to Blue and offered the feather.

Blue stared at the bird, and then her eyes flitted to Ronan.

“That’s for me?”

Ronan rolled his eyes. “Who else would it be for, maggot?”

Blue hesitated and then reached and took the feather from Chainsaw.

“Thank you,” she said to Chainsaw. “I feel bad I didn’t make you anything.”

Ronan drew his arm close to his chest and rubbed the top of Chainsaw’s silky head.

“Just feed her some potato chips next time you see her.”

Blue snorted. She raised her eyebrows at Ronan.

“You know this doesn’t get you out of getting me a present, Ronan Lynch.”

***

“There’s another one,” said Adam the next morning. He had been drinking tea and reading one of Gansey’s books, and then he had thumped the mug down and sat up straighter, his face strained and pointed like a dog with a scent. He turned his face east.

“Another one like the seven dwarves, or another one like the creature from the black lagoon?” asked Ronan warily. He wasn’t really in the mood to drag Adam out of any more ponds.

Adam tilted his head, considering the question. His eyes took on a now familiar, distant look. Whatever signal Cabeswater was letting him hop onto, it was staticky.

“I think more like the frog,” he said eventually.

“So it’s dangerous.”

“Not necessarily. Just, yes, probably.”

“Comforting. Should we tell Blue?” asked Ronan. Though, by tell Blue, he really meant tell the Gray Man.

Adam gave him an uncomfortably perceptive look.

“I think we can handle it ourselves,” he said. “As long as we’re careful.”

“I’m always careful,” said Ronan. Adam snorted.

“And,” added Ronan, “you’re the one that went straight into the water yesterday. So I think you’re being a hypocrite.”

Adam shrugged, unconcerned. He looked suddenly distant again, as if Cabeswater were relaying him more information.

“About that,” he said. “Cabeswater doesn’t want us to… kill, these things. We have to get them to come to Cabeswater.”

“Even if they’re trying to kill us?” said Ronan.

Adam nodded.

“Shit,” said Ronan.

***

This time, Adam led them to a river. It was a small river, probably more of a stream in the summer months, and about forty-five minutes outside of town. They didn’t have to wait this time. A white – or a horse-like creature at least, with a long mane that looked like river weeds – stood at the bank. It seemed melancholy, and it looked at them both with great, sad eyes as they got out of the BMW.

“Hey,” said Ronan, in case the horse could talk. “What’s up?”

The horse whinnied and pawed at the ground in response. It continued to look at them both beseechingly, like a lost dog.

Aurora had had horses, for a time, at the Barns. They had been sweet-tempered, graceful things, and Ronan had hazy memories of feeding them apples and sugar cubes, and of riding one of the smaller horses as Aurora led them in small circles around the yard. They had probably been dream-horses, designed specifically for beauty and good behavior. But, still, Ronan felt like he grokked horses pretty well. Niall wouldn’t have gotten them too wrong. And this one had the same sweet eyes.

He took a step towards the horse.

“Ronan, don’t,” said Adam sharply.

He grabbed Ronan by his bicep. Ronan was always surprised by Adam’s strength. But he pulled his arm away with a grunt and kept walking, to the water’s edge.

The horse lowered its head and knelt slightly as Ronan approached. It clearly wanted him to get on. Maybe he’d be able to ride it to Cabeswater.

Ronan mounted it. The horse’s coat was smooth and slippery. It felt the way water looked in movies – thicker than real water, more substantial. Ronan patted it on its neck.

“See?” he said to Adam, smiling. “No big – ”

The horse reared back and leapt into the air, cutting Ronan off mid-sentence. It didn’t come back down. It soared higher and higher into the air until Adam looked like a tiny figurine, a child’s toy if not for the panicked look on his upturned face.

“Ronan!” he shouted, but his voice was distant and tinny to Ronan’s ears.

“Holy shit,” said Ronan. He threw his arms around the horse’s neck and held on tight. It bucked beneath him, and its neck twisted unnaturally. Ronan held on tightly with his arms, but let his body move with the horse’s. He had it under control, and he knew, deep down, that if he just held on long enough, he’d win.

And then the horse evaporated into mist.

Ronan plummeted. The ground came at him with sickening speed. The wind in his ears roared, but, beyond it, he thought he heard someone screaming. Maybe himself. Maybe Adam. But he didn’t think Adam would scream about something like this.

This, this which was him about to die. He’d been at least fifty feet up. He didn’t think he’d survive a fall like that. He felt weirdly at peace about that. It was a reckless, stupid way to go. It was basically how he expected to go. He closed his eyes.

But then his descent began to slow. The noise of the wind in his ears lessened. He opened his eyes, and the ground coasted up to him, smooth and slow. He landed on his knees in the cold mud, a few feet from Adam.

Adam was looking at him with a horrified expression, and his hands were clenched tightly, his mouth half-parted.

“Did you do that?” asked Ronan, awestruck. “I didn’t know you could do that.”

Adam’s eyes were huge. “I didn’t know I could do that either,” he said, and then his expression snapped into fury. “But what the hell were you thinking?”

“At least I fucking tried something,” said Ronan.

“What is wrong with you?” shouted Adam, and if Ronan had been standing, he would have backed away from the anger in Adam’s voice. “You just – you just nearly died! And you’re acting like nothing happened! What the fuck, Ronan?”

“Yeah, well.” Ronan shrugged. He stood up slowly, carefully. Adam had a wild look in his eyes, and, behind him, Ronan saw the horse materialize back into being at the riverbank. “I didn’t. So I don’t get what’s so worth getting worked up about.”

Adam began to shout again, but all Ronan heard was the first part of his name, “Ro –” before they were interrupted.

“I can do it,” said Noah softly. They both jerked, startled. Noah had appeared out of nowhere. Again. “It can’t throw me off. And if it does, it can’t hurt me.”

“All right,” said Ronan. He’d dropped Noah out of the window plenty of times since discovering he was a ghost. This didn’t seem like it would be any different.

“Are you sure?” said Adam, finally getting his voice under control. He was still flushed with anger though, and Ronan’s eyes caught on the tense line of his jaw and his throat.

Noah just gave a vague nod, as if he were playing a video game and only half-listening, and then wandered over to where the horse stood. Just like with Ronan, the horse lowered itself to be easier to mount. Noah scrabbled on with more effort than should have been required of a ghost.

The horse leapt up. Noah clung to it with a panicked look on his face. He had terrible form, and he fell off quickly. He laughed as he fell, loud and hysterical, and then, midway down, he disappeared. He crackled back a split-second later, once more on the horse’s back. It reared, whinnying, hooves striking at the air. For a vicious ten seconds, ghost and horse twisted and wrestled in the air. Then, the horse evaporated again.

Noah hung in the air, like the coyote from the cartoon, and then, just as he started to fall, disappeared too.

They both popped up again, about twenty feet to the left of where they’d been. Noah had his hands twisted in the horse’s mane and a more determined look on his face than Ronan had ever seen.

“Come on, Noah,” he muttered under his breath.

The horse disappeared again, and Noah with it. They flickered back in the middle of the river, then disappeared again, then reappeared high above, Noah half off the horse’s back. Noah hung on, but barely.

“Come on, Noah!” yelled Adam, cupping his hands around his mouth. “You can do it!”

Ronan jerked, a bit startled, and then laughed. He cupped his hands around his mouth as well and whooped.

“Noah!” he yelled. “Fuck yeah, Noah!”

“Kick his ass!” yelled Adam, and he started to laugh, too.

Noah looked at them quickly, beamed, and then seemed to hang on with even more determination. The horse dove downwards like a bird of prey, and it was one of the strangest sights Ronan had seen in a year of strange things. Noah screamed with laughter. Adam and Ronan kept cheering, half-breathless between their laughs.

Just as the horse was about to hit the ground, it disappeared, Noah with it.

This time, though, when they popped back up, the horse was still on the ground, and Noah sat upright upon it. The horse blew out a long breath, dismayed. But it didn’t try to buck Noah off.

Noah grinned and waved at them.

“I think it’s good now,” he said.

“That was amazing,” said Ronan, beaming. He ran up to Noah. “Need help off?”

“Nah,” said Noah. He patted the horse on the neck. “I think we’re going to head to Cabeswater., I’ll catch up with you guys later.”

They both looked at Adam to confirm the plan. He shrugged at them.

“Works for me,” he said.

“Cool,” said Noah. He squeezed his heels against the horse’s side, and, with another dismayed snort, the horse set off. “Merry Christmas,” he called back to them, and he gave a single, jaunty wave, and then both boy and horse disappeared like mist.

“That was pretty cool,” said Ronan, turning back to Adam. Adam scowled at him, the laughter swept off his face.

“I’m still pissed at you,” he said. He shoved Ronan’s shoulder. “What the hell were you thinking?”

Ronan grabbed his wrist.

“I was just trying to help,” he said, though that sounded weak even to him.

“Well, try not to get yourself killed.”

“Didn’t realize you cared,” said Ronan. A stupid, idiotic thing to say. A thing to say just because you’re looking for a reaction.

Adam jerked his wrist away.

“Of course I care,” he said, and then he blushed. He blushed.

What the hell was Ronan supposed to do with that?

***

They called Gansey afterwards to fill him in. Adam said nothing about Ronan riding the horse himself, and he was grateful for it. They were at St. Agnes this time. Ronan was planning on heading to midnight mass anyway.

Gansey’s face peered out from the phone. Ronan looked down at him from over Adam’s shoulder and stuck out his tongue.

“Sounds like a,” and then Gansey said something that started with a C and also had a D in it. At Adam and Ronan’s expression he added, in what Ronan knew was his helpful voice, “Like a Welsh kelpie.”

“Oh, right,” said Adam dryly. “A Welsh kelpie. Thank you, Gansey. Everything is clear now.”

Ronan snorted. Gansey sighed.

“I’ll send you some more literature,” he said. He pushed his glasses up his nose and assumed his lecturer voice. Ronan smiled fondly. “I thought the theory Blue sent was pretty sound, especially since we don’t really know what we released down in the caves. I think it’s very likely this is a sign we’re getting close to Glendower. I was thinking, too, this time of year, the veil between the worlds is thin. That probably has something to do with it as well.”

“What does that mean exactly?” said Ronan.

Gansey shrugged. “Certain days, certain times of the year, the ley line is more powerful. Supernatural events are more likely to occur. The solstices, for example, or St. Mark’s Eve.”

“Thanks, Gansey,” said Adam quickly. “I think we got it.”

“Of course,” said Gansey, looking a little surprised at being cut off. He smiled at them. “Then Merry Christmas. There’s a function tonight I need to get ready for, but I’ll see you both on the 26th.”

“Merry Christmas, Gansey,” they both said in response, and Adam and Gansey touched their knuckles to their respective screens, a digital fist bump.

***

Midnight mass was packed with C&Es. The Lynchs’ usual pew was taken up by a family of four, tourists in their own religion. Ronan found a seat in the back and settled in, picking at the leather bands at his wrist. Even without his brothers, and with the throngs of unfamiliar faces, mass was a comforting and familiar thing. Ronan sank into the ritual, and let his mind float off on its familiar currents. The year he’d wanted to kill himself, mass had felt like the one thing that had helped keep him sane, that bubble of mental space it created meditative and peaceful.

Adam was still awake when he came back up.

“How was church?” he asked, not looking up from his book as Ronan walked right in. That rankled a little bit.

“The usual. Holy.”

The apartment was freezing. Adam was wearing the hat and scarf Blue had given him. He looked ridiculous, either too proud or too cheap to turn the heat on. Ronan liked to think Adam had made progress on his whole “not accepting help from friends” roadblock, but there were still days he worried Adam was going to turn into a popsicle before he asked for help.

Ronan reached into his pocket and chucked something at Adam.

“Hey, I got you a present.”

Adam, without looking up, caught it. He was getting creepier with every passing week. Ronan dug it. He liked this weird, holy thing Adam was becoming.

“What is it?” asked Adam. He wrinkled his nose and examined the object in his hand.

It was a glassy stone, the size of a large marble with a small hole in the center, in a pale, luminous green. Ronan had woken up that morning with it grasped loosely in his hand, a vague dream in which a snake had led him to it shimmering in his head. The stone had thrummed gently with power. When Ronan had experimentally smashed it against the wall, it had bounced off and landed on his bed, completely unharmed. He’d been absolutely sure he dreamt it for Adam, that Cabeswater meant for Ronan to give it to him.

“Look through it,” he prompted.

Adam held it up and his breath hitched in half a gasp. Ronan burned with pleasure. He’d done the same that morning, before Adam had woken up, and the world had been shot through with golden filament, a lacy, shattered web. When he had looked at his hand, it had been threaded with a brilliant red, and when he had looked at Gansey’s mint plant, it had shone with a green light all its own.

He had a feeling if he had looked at Noah through it, he’d see his smashed skull.

“But, what is it?” asked Adam again. “I’m not going to wear it as a necklace.”

He looked at Ronan for the first time since he’d come in. He rolled the stone between his fingers. Ronan knew he was feeling the surprising heft of it, the pleasing density of something valuable.

Ronan shrugged. Adam didn’t have anything that was simply ornamental. He could only afford things that had a purpose, and so Ronan had brought him just that, even if he didn’t know what purpose it served yet.

“It’s some kind of true seeing,” he said. “I’ll leave the interpretation up to you and Blue’s witches.”

Adam smiled. “All right,” he said, pocketing the stone, and then his smile turned wry, “And I only got you this.”

He dug under his bed and then threw the present at Ronan. Ronan caught it.

Ronan held it up. It was a hollowed out gourd, the kind that are everywhere around Halloween, an angry expression drawn onto its face with permanent marker. A plastic knife was taped to its side.

“It’s a fucking murder squash!” he howled.

Adam grinned, almost shyly. “Sorry it didn’t cost anything.”

Ronan snorted. “Like I fucking care. I can’t wait to show Noah.”

He stabbed the squash forward, delighted.

Adam grinned more widely.

“I’m glad you like it.”

“I love it,” said Ronan firmly. He sat down on the floor next to Adam. Their knees knocked together.

Adam kept smiling, happy and simple and dazzling, and Ronan found himself at a loss for words. Sometimes, like now, he would think about all they had in common – there was a forest inside him too. It felt pathetic though, like those girls who would moon over celebrities and talk about how they belonged together because they both liked the same TV show. But he just wanted Adam to notice him, wanted Adam to do more than just tolerate him.

“Can I ask you something?” said Adam, breaking through Ronan’s internal monologue.

Ronan nodded. He stabbed the squash forward some more. He wished idly for something to really stab.

“Why do you go to church?”

Ronan was quiet for a moment, surprised by the question. He’d never really had to articulate the why of his faith before.

“There’s magic,” he said eventually. “There are people who can tell the future. I can pull things from my dreams. Why shouldn’t there be a god?”

“You believed in God before you knew about any of those things,” pointed out Adam.

“I was young and stupid before I knew about any of those things either. Lower threshold for proof.”

Adam raised an eyebrow. “You’re not exactly old and wise now, Lynch.”

“There you go,” said Ronan. “I’m an idiot. What else do I need to believe?”

Adam snorted. “Thanks for taking it half-seriously.”

“Any time,” said Ronan.

They were quiet for a moment. Ronan was sharply aware of the feel of Adam’s upper arm against his.

“It’s weird,” said Adam, breaking the silence. “Not being with my parents on Christmas.”

Ronan thought of his mother, alone in her cottage where it was eternally summer, of Declan, halfway up the coast at Ashley’s parents, of Matthew, even further, wintering in Italy like a flighty heiress from a novel, and of Niall Lynch, furthest of all, in a country whose borders Ronan could touch only in his dreams.

“Would you rather be there?” he asked.

Adam looked at him.

“No,” he said simply.

Ronan nodded. Then, very carefully, the way someone might approach a shying horse, he rested his head on Adam’s shoulder. He felt Adam tense and then relax.

“If I said I was your present, would you unwrap me?”

Adam’s body shook with laughter.

“Fuck you,” he said.

Ronan smiled. “Merry fucking Christmas, Parrish.”

Adam tugged Ronan’s earlobe. “Merry Christmas to you too, shitbag.”

Ronan smiled. “Wanna sleep at Monmouth tonight?”

“Why?”

“Because it’s fucking freezing in here, and Monmouth at least has enough beds for us. And I’m still not leaving you while you’re monster radar.”

“There’s enough room in my bed for both of us,” said Adam.

“What?” said Ronan.

Adam got onto the bed, then poked his head over to raise his eyebrows at Ronan.

“It’s too late to go back to Monmouth anyway,” he said.

Ronan stared at him. He felt his back heating up, but he climbed stiffly onto the bed beside Adam. Sometimes he thought Adam knew about Ronan’s crush and was daring him to do something about it. Ronan wasn’t going to bite. He turned his back and faced away from Adam. Behind him, he felt Adam roll onto his side and do the same. Their spines touched in the middle of their backs, where they both curved away.

He listened to Adam breathe. It was snowing again. The streetlamps outside gave off enough light that they turned the falling snow into shadows, which drifted down Adam’s ceiling and walls. Ronan watched the shadows. He felt peaceful, for all his body had contracted to one fierce point, from which waves of heat radiated outwards. The snow kept falling, the shadows spiraling pleasantly. Adam’s breathing evened out. Then Ronan’s did, too.

***

“Wake up.”

Ronan groaned and rolled away, throwing his arm protectively across his face as he did so.

“Wake up, Ronan. Come on.”

Adam shook him. Ronan groaned again but opened his eyes. Adam was just a dark shape against the window.

“Don’t fucking wake me up like that,” growled Ronan, sitting up.

Adam snorted. “You weren’t dreaming.”

Ronan frowned at the certainty in Adam’s voice.

“What’s going on?”

“Something’s out there.”

Ronan shifted backwards as Adam climbed over him to get off the bed. It was much colder without Adam right next to him. A second later, Adam flicked on the light switch. Ronan winced, but the sight of Adam confirmed his suspicion – Adam was deep in the thrall of Cabeswater. He had an unearthly, distant look to him, like a star that had been shoved into the body of the human. Sometimes, in his more blasphemous moments, Ronan wondered if this was what seeing one of the prophets had been like.

He shook the thought off and crawled out of bed, and then he grabbed his discarded layers and pulled them on.

“Is it Santa?” he asked.

“Fuck you,” said Adam.

Ronan laughed. “Well, can you at least tell if whatever-it-is is naughty or nice?”

“Nice,” said Adam, after a long pause. “I think.”

Oh, good,” muttered Ronan. He yawned widely. Adam gave him an impatient look.

Ronan sneered at him. “I’m ready,” he said. “But you need to put a fucking jacket on.”

Adam rolled his eyes, but did as he was told. Ronan tossed him the scarf and hat Blue had made for good measure.

They walked outside together. They were closer to dawn than to midnight, but it was still full black out. Ronan wasn’t sure what they were looking for. And then he saw it.

There, illuminated by the single lamppost outside the church, snow falling on its scales, was a dragon. It scuffed at the ground disdainfully, scales shimmering red and orange as its body rippled. Steam curled from its nostrils. The snow around its taloned feet was starting to melt from the dragon’s heat.

“Wow,” said Ronan, stunned still. It was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen.

Adam strode over to the dragon and held his palm out. The dragon eyed him with a beady, golden gaze. Ronan flexed his hands. If the dragon went to attack Adam, he would… He didn’t know what he would do. It wasn’t like he could fight a fucking dragon on his own. Well, he could. And he would. But he wouldn’t be very successful. He didn’t have time to pass out in the snow and dream an even bigger dragon.

Cabeswater would have to protect Adam.

The dragon lowered its head and touched its snout to Adam’s palm. Adam let out a low hiss of pain. The steam, thought Ronan. It probably burned. He took a step towards Adam, but Adam threw his other hand out, palm raised to signal Ronan to stop.

Ronan stopped.

Adam kept his palm against the dragon’s snout. With his other hand, he pulled the stone from his pajama pocket and looked through it. He nodded, as if that confirmed something, and then Adam looked over his shoulder, back at Ronan.

“Get on,” he said. The dragon lowered his head, and Adam climbed on, so that he was seated just behind the dragon’s neck.

Ronan looked at Adam skeptically.

“Seriously? After what happened yesterday?”

“I told you not to ride that thing yesterday,” said Adam, with infuriating calm. “And today I’m telling you to ride the goddamn dragon.”

Ronan snorted.

“Little early to be giving our dicks pet names.”

Adam leaned down off the dragon in a fluid motion, scooped some snow up, and sent it hurtling just inches past Ronan’s head.

Ronan laughed and danced back.

“Your aim is shit, dude!”

The second snowball struck him squarely in the mouth.

Ronan staggered back, hand to his mouth, laughing.

“What the fuck,” he said, delighted.

Adam blushed, pleased.

“Get on the dragon, Ronan,” he said. He held his hand out towards him.

Ronan walked over and took it, and he let Adam help pull him up onto the dragon. Its scales were smooth and fine. They overlapped like a fish’s.

“Hold on,” instructed Adam.

Ronan hesitated, and then the dragon stood and gave a shake, then, in a smooth movement, launched straight into the air. Ronan threw his arms around Adam. He felt Adam laugh.

“Get lost, Parrish,” he said into Adam’s shoulder. Adam’s hair tickled his nose. He smelled pleasant, like Ronan had always suspected he would, clean and a little sharp, like rosemary. Adam shook with laughter again. So he wasn’t a total Cabeswater drone at the moment.

“Don’t act like this isn’t the best thing to ever happen to you,” Adam said smugly.

Ronan didn’t have a good response to that.

They soared over Henrietta. It should have been cold. The wind and snow whipped at their faces. But the dragon’s warmth extended in a bubble around them. Below them, the town `sparkled. The whole time, Ronan was achingly aware of his proximity to Adam, of the feel of Adam’s chest expanding as he breathed, of the way Adam’s muscle’s shifted beneath his shirt, against Ronan’s forearms, of Adam’s lower ass and back between Ronan’s thighs. Ronan started to feel warm in a way that had nothing to do with the dragon, who moved so fluidly, it was like driving a car with perfect suspension, though Ronan’s thighs started to ache as he straddled it. He shifted backwards anyway, trying to put some space between Adam and himself.

Eventually, they came upon Cabeswater, rising suddenly at the base of the mountains. For once, it looked as if Cabeswater weren’t in the grip of high summer. Snow fell on it, but Ronan recognized the dark trees as Cabeswater all the same.

“Can I…?” he started to ask.

“Yeah,” said Adam, and he reached into his pocket and handed the stone back to Ronan.

Ronan looked through it.

Cabeswater was luminous, but it didn’t shine with a green light, but instead with a white, silvery one, and that light drifted off of it like smoke. One long column reached up and connected to the dragon, who was also cloaked in the shimmering, white-silver light. Pieces of the light clung to Adam, too, from his hands especially, and Ronan wondered if Adam turned around, if it would pour from his eyes as well.

He put the stone away, and the dragon began its descent. Ronan held on tightly to Adam’s waist.

They landed near Aurora’s cottage. The lights looked like they were on. It seemed sometimes nowadays as if Aurora never slept up, an inverse of before. The dragon took one look at them and then flew off, going deeper into the woods.

“Does it know where it’s going?” asked Ronan.

“I think so,” said Adam. He turned to Ronan. “How’s your mouth?”

Without waiting for a response, Adam took Ronan’s jaw in his hand and turned Ronan’s head, inspecting him.

“My mouth?” said Ronan. His mind had gone stupendously, gloriously blank.

“I clobbered you with a snowball, numbskull,” said Adam.

“Right,” said Ronan. His mind stuttered, like the Pig’s engine going up a steep hill, and then finally revved back into life. “Right. Fuck you, Parrish. You gonna kiss it and make it better?”

The words sounded like a dare. They kind of were. Ronan watched Adam closely. His eyes darkened, expression contemplative. Ronan held his breath.

“Yeah,” said Adam.

He leaned forward and kissed Ronan. It felt like being kicked in the head. For a the briefest of seconds, Ronan was too stunned to do anything in response, and he felt Adam start to hesitate. He jumped into action. He grabbed Adam’s waist and pulled him closer, like he’d been too scared to do on the dragon, and he kissed him back, hard and needy. He wasn’t going to play cool. Not with Adam.

Adam made a surprised noise, half a gasp and half a laugh, and Ronan took the opportunity to kiss him more deeply. Adam gripped the back of Ronan’s shoulder and dug in, as if he were in danger of falling. His mouth was soft and tasted faintly metallic, like the air after lightning, and he moaned, once, softly, as Ronan swept his tongue into his mouth. Ronan felt simultaneously like he was falling and as if gravity had ceased to work. He felt as if he were nowhere, just standing in a void with the only physical reality that of Adam’s mouth, his hands, his body against Ronan’s own.

There was a creak of a door opening.

They broke apart.

“Boys!” said Aurora, beaming. “What luck – I just put the kettle on for hot chocolate.”

They looked at each other and both laughed. Adam’s mouth was swollen, pink. Ronan’s knew his must be the same.

“Hot chocolate would be great,” said Adam. “Thank you.”

And then he grabbed Ronan’s hand and pulled him inside.

***

Ronan woke up several hours later to sunshine streaming through the window of the cottage’s guest bedroom. Cabeswater seemed to be over its brief flirtation with winter. He stretched happily. Adam had slept next to him, and they hadn’t curled away from each other that time. Instead, they had slept with Ronan’s arm over Adam’s waist, his cheek against Adam’s shoulder.

Adam wasn’t in bed, though his spot was still warm. Ronan rolled over and pressed his face into Adam’s pillow and breathed in the smell of Adam. Was he going to be able to do this every day now, he wondered, with a kind of prayerful awe.

Then he realized how sappy he was being and sat up quickly, blushing even though no one was around to see what he had done. Get it together, Lynch, he told himself.

He got out of bed and crept into the living room. He could hear Aurora singing to herself in the kitchen, the smell of bacon and waffles drifting out with. It was what she always made for Christmas, and Ronan felt a brief, heavy sadness settle over him that the rest of their family wouldn’t be there to enjoy it, too.

Then he saw Adam, seated on Aurora’s loveseat, eyes closed and half-smiling, sunning himself beneath an open window like a cat. Ronan’s heart lifted.

“Anything else out there?” asked Ronan, dropping onto the seat next to Adam. He admired Adam’s profile, the way the sunlight turned his eyelashes to translucent gold. It felt strange and wondrous to be able to gaze so openly, without having to worry about Adam catching him. Adam’s eyes opened, just enough to catch the gleam of them, and he smiled at Ronan.

“I don’t know,” he said. He tilted his head back, listening.

“No,” he said, after a moment. “I think… I think the dragon is what Cabeswater was waiting for. That’s who Cabeswater was trying to call.”

“You figure out why?” asked Ronan. He didn’t really expect an answer, but Adam hesitated. He bit his lower lip. Ronan gazed enviously. He wanted to bite Adam’s lip, too.

“To protect Gansey, I think.”

“To protect Gansey?” said Ronan blankly. “Why does Cabeswater need to protect Gansey?”

There was a very long moment. Ronan straightened up and stared hard at Adam.

“Adam, what aren’t you telling me?” he said.

Adam exhaled deeply. He looked like he wanted to look away, have this conversation with this wall. But he gave Ronan the respect of meeting his eyes. He palmed Ronan’s face, and it felt more like he was bracing Ronan than caressing him. Ronan continued to stare.

“Because I asked Cabeswater to,” said Adam softly. “Blue saw Gansey’s ghost on St. Mark’s Eve, Ronan. He's going to die.”

Ronan said nothing. It felt like his head was full of static. He got off the couch and staggered forward. This was absurd. Gansey couldn’t die. That was impossible. He grabbed at the wall and felt his knees start to give out.

Adam grabbed him. He’d followed him off the sofa. Ronan tried to push him away, but he was too dizzy. He slid down to the ground. The edges of his vision had gone black. Adam crouched over him.

“I’m sorry,” he babbled. “I’m sorry. I was afraid of how you would react. Mainly I was afraid you would tell Gansey, I guess. And I just want him to not have to feel like this was his last year alive. I wanted to spare you that, too.”

“You don’t get to make those kinds of decisions for people,” snarled Ronan. His anger finally catching flame. He tried to stand up. Adam touched his knees.

“I know,” he said. He took a deep breath. “I know, and I’m sorry. But that’s why I told you.” He blushed. “I wasn’t going to lie to you if we’re… if we’re going to be doing this.”

Ronan slumped forward, the fire inside him extinguished.

“You kissed me,” said Ronan. “We kissed.” That was huge enough, without the even huger prospect of his best friend dying. He couldn’t think about that right now. “You kissed me, but you were fucking lying to me.”

“I did,” said Adam. He watched Ronan carefully, as if worried Ronan was going to leap to his feet and launch himself at the walls. Which, fair enough. Ronan felt more numb than angry at the moment, but he didn’t know how long that would last. He swallowed hard and eyed Adam warily.

“How come?”

“Because you didn’t think I would,” said Adam. He kept his hands on Ronan’s knees. He looked serious and calm, not like he knew what he was doing, but like he would figure it out anyway. Ronan had always known this Adam was there, but it was still odd to see the change, still odd for Adam to not be one bad day from spinning into chaos.

Ronan laughed, ragged. He dropped his head into his hands.

“Thanks for the honesty.”

“And,” said Adam forcefully. His hands slid under Ronan’s jaw and lifted his head. He looked intently into Ronan’s eye, and Ronan felt pinned by the force and honesty of his gaze. “Because I wanted to.”

Ronan looked back at him.

“What are we going to do?” he asked.

“We’ve got a plan,” said Adam. He held Ronan’s face tightly between his palms. “Blue and I. We’re going to ask Glendower for Gansey’s life. That’s going to be our wish. And we’ve got – we’ve got me, and we have Noah, and we have a fucking dragon now, and we have you, Ronan. We have you. We can do this.”

Ronan pressed his forehead to Adam’s. He felt the movement of air as Adam breathed in deeply, breathed out. It was strange and dizzying to have Adam be the one uncertain of Ronan’s reaction, to be the one scared of Ronan pushing him away. Everything had been upended now.

But everything had been upended before, and they were all stronger for it.

“Okay,” said Ronan, and he felt more than heard Adam’s sigh of relief. “Okay. We figure it out together. All five of us.”

“All five of us,” repeated Adam, in a murmur, and he kissed Ronan softly, and he didn’t let him go.