Chapter Text
“I know,” Poe says softly, a hint of awe in his tone that makes small something inside of Rey seize up, her heart skipping a beat, as if she had been running for a long time but all of a sudden has a moment to stop and breathe and feel the terror finally disappear. She can feel her cheeks ache a little with the size of her grin but she’s helpless to stop it, already charmed beyond her wildest expectations by the infamous Resistance pilot.
The bubble around them grows as people continue on with their lives in the background, yelling commands and exchanging cheers, skidding around the Millennium Falcon doing a million and one things in a rush. Rey doesn’t hear any of it though, drawn inexplicably to Poe’s dark and inviting eyes, with laugh lines around the edges, promising a kindness she’s never seen before.
Back on Jakku, growing up was a constant battle against everything around her; the heat, the sand, the hunger, the blank stares, the constant changing faces. She grew up with a blazing sun on her back, but with none of the promised warmth. None of her past even slightly compares to the fire burning inside her right now, rising steadily, into a roaring inferno the longer she spends staring at Poe.
Poe’s faintly nervous chuckle shakes Rey out of her thoughts, and just over Poe's shoulder she sees Finn hugging Chewie tightly, drawing Rey’s attention away just long enough to break their quiet bubble. Poe’s bashful face pinks slightly, and he ducks his head to scratch at the back of his neck, as if he's embarrassed by something, while BB-8 remains at their feet making noises between them, demanding attention.
As Rey turns back to Poe and sees his flush, she smiles politely back at him, and excuses herself to go check on the flight deck, walking straight through the doors out of the room, the pale moon shining brightly through the windows as she catches her face for a moment in the reflection. Her face looks red and her palms feel oddly sticky, like she’s been sweating, and they tingle the same way they do whenever she holds a lightsaber. A pang jolts through her heart, causing her to pause in her trek back to the cockpit. The absence of the saber, the one thing she had that proved her worth, proved her purpose, look here, I’m worth something, I’m important, is gone.
Rey forces her eyes to close as she feels for the Force around her, and holds onto it tightly for a moment, grounding herself, before she keeps moving on. Rey knows better now. She is worth far more than that lightsaber promised.
And maybe, that’s something other people can see now too.
*
With Rey’s exit, Poe’s groan echoes throughout the room as he drops his head into his hands and rubs his eyes. Couldn’t make it through a simple introduction without revealing himself as a pining fanatic. But who could blame him, when he saw the heroic, brave acts of utter stupidity he’s seen and heard that Rey can do. It’s something he’s impressed and jealous of, but the moment he met her, he knew it was more than just admiration he felt inside himself.
“What is wrong with you?” BB-8, the wealth of constant compassion and love in Poe’s life demands.
“Nothing buddy, just having a moment,” Poe gets out behind his hand still covering his face.
“Can I tell you now about what we did on the First Order ship? I blew up people!” BB-8’s lively transmission chirped, and Poe laughs abruptly, leading BB-8 to the side so they aren’t in the way, and listens attentively to his friend’s story.
As he patches up BB-8’s dented outer metal plates and hears their story, Poe watches as Rey sweeps back in and around the Falcon confidently, guiding people through the ship and taking Chewie with her to help fix up the parts falling apart.
“Are you staring at my friend Rey again?” BB-8 announces loudly when Rey finds herself back in the same room with Poe some time later, working with Lieutenant Connix on where best it will be to land given the logistics of the Falcon’s capabilities. Rey freezes for a moment, but then immediately turns back to the table featuring holographic maps of the planet Florrum, lawless but potentially full of supplies. Connix snorts beneath her breath, covering it up as a slight cough when she catches Poe’s glare.
Ears burning red, Poe shuffles around and turns back to BB-8, unnecessarily adjusting some wiring and buffing out a few scrapes, muttering under his breath for his friend to shut up.
“You have the same look as you did in the cave on Crait! You stared as my friend Rey lifted the rocks! She is impressive, correct?”
Poe’s eyes flit up immediately to Rey, who clearly understands and knows exactly what BB-8 is saying. She looks over at him too, clearly stunned. As if she doesn’t really believe the idea. A glint flashes in Poe’s eyes, and he lifts his chin a little more, a ghost of a smile around his lips as he maintains eye contact with Rey.
“Yeah, she really is, isn’t she?”
Rey’s mouth drops a little, the flush on her cheeks settling there, visibly flustered as she soon snaps out of it, turns several times on the spot, looking for something to draw her attention, and when she finds nothing, looks to Lieutenant Connix for help. Connix’s smug look turns innocent, and provides little help, but thankfully Rey turns around just as Leia enters, using the entrance as a moment to escape back to the flight deck.
“Maybe next time we don’t embarrass our friends, how about that BB-8? Sound good?” Poe drops the rag he used to clean up the oil from his hands as he turns and sees Connix whisper conspiratorially to General Organa, both women staring outright at Poe as they talk.
“Would you both please knock it off?” Poe calls back to them as he walks out with BB-8 tight on his heels, chirping about how great it is all his friends are friends with each other, but Poe barely gets a few feet away from the door before he hears Leia call out to him.
“Oh, loverboy, some friendly advice, brush your hair out a bit more. Girls like a nice looking pilot,” Leia smirks from the table with Connix beside her, cackling loudly and grinning up at the General. Poe groans and lets his head fall, hands on his hips in exhaustion.
He’s doomed to die of embarrassment on this ship, he just knows it.
*
It’s been a few days spent stationed on Florrum, resupplying and sorting out inventory as they consider where next to travel to for safety for the Resistance. Rey’s spent most of her time on the planet on the Falcon with Finn and Rose, the latter recently up and recovered well, and now giving half the ship a heart-attack at how quickly she’s demanding to help out with repairs. Between those two and Chewie, Rey has barely had any time to really talk to Leia about Luke, or more so Ben, but it’s not something she’s particularly looking forward to either. Rey focuses on the overhead panels she’s fixing, when a voice catches in her head.
“Yeah, she really is, isn’t she?”
A flush ignites immediately in her chest again. Rey forces herself to think of something else, anything else; about what the food on Jakku tasted like, about what the sand felt like against her skin, about how soft Poe’s lips look –
No no no, no. No. Rey will not finish that thought. No. She has far too much to deal with to let her mind pointlessly wander on things that are entirely and completely pointless. No way. No. It’s ridiculous; Poe is the poster boy of the Resistance, perfect hair, perfect smile, perfect at everything.
Hell, he could already have been married, and maybe his partner is on another planet, maybe they have kids together and Poe is just fighting to make the galaxy a better place for them. Or maybe the one he loves was a Resistance fighter, and died fighting for the cause that Poe shoulders himself. Or Poe isn’t interested in anyone, and instead wants to live his life training small children or his kids to be a pilot like him when they grew up. And while the thought of Poe playing with a small child, perhaps a little girl with his dark eyes, makes Rey undoubtedly smile, it’s at the expense of acknowledging that Poe is not someone she can have, or even think about, in that way.
He is not hers.
And even if Poe were someone with romantic interests, towards women, and single, what’s to say he would pick Rey? They’re friends, barely even that, and they’re currently facing a much greater threat than the hiccup in Rey’s heartbeat whenever Poe’s around.
With the arrival on the planet Florrum, and Poe’s leadership role picking up with Leia’s support, Rey’s barely had a moment to see Poe, let alone talk to him again. And it’s for the best, out of sight, out of mind. It gives Rey time to focus, focus on what’s important, what matters now, the Resistance, the Force, saving her friends.
Rey sent Finn to find her the right screwdriver for fixing the engine room door’s hinges, while Rose is gathering more wires and pliers with Chewie on the ground for Rey to finish work on the communication system. Rey breathes in and out deeply, pulling, teasing at the Force for a moment, feeling it curl around her, crisp and clear and sure, before she hears the chirp from down the hall of a familiar droid.
“Friend Rey! General Organa would like to see you! She seemed friendly and very non-hostile in her request,” BB-8 tells Rey, who squats down and grins at the droid. BB-8 rolls quickly towards her, stopping barely before crashing into her, when Poe bolts through the door, chest heaving and his torso leaning over onto his knees before stretching up again, taking large breathes.
“Leia – front deck – asked about - a 'thing' – with a friend,” Poe chants out between his exhales, and Rey stands up straight the moment she hears him come in. Her heart does the funny thing again, where it doesn’t know how quickly to beat around Poe, and she can’t help but notice in that moment how nice his shoulders are, broad and strong and so alive.
Coughing to break away her own awkward gaze, Rey nods, “BB-8 was just telling me about it. I’ll be right back then,” Rey turns to wipe her hands quickly and steps around BB-8 to go through the door the two entered through. Poe collapses on the floor, his hands scrubbing over his face in frustration.
“Couldn’t let me tell her that news, could you buddy?”
“I haven’t seen my friend Rey in a long time, I wanted to say hi to her!”
Poe feels like he could cry, he was starting to get that feeling as well. “Right, sorry bud, my bad.”
Before Poe could merge with the floor of the ship and hope that the previous owners of the Falcon wouldn’t mind him just settling in forever to escape his embarrassing life, Finn walks through carrying a crate of tools in his arms, stacked too tall for him to see Poe on the floor or notice Rey’s absence.
“Does this help you at all?”
A moment passes, and Poe looks up to squint at Finn from his position on the floor. He drops his head back with a thud as BB-8 greets Finn.
“It does if you drop it on my head.”
*
Up on the flight deck there is a surprising void of anyone, a blatant contrast to what Rey’s become used to in the past few days. She’s become used to her life being full of the Resistance coming in and out, eating or talking or working or planning.
Right now, it’s just Leia and C-3PO, the latter explaining why they must find a place, and soon, for him to clean himself up with the special oil to get the shine just right without ruining the finish on himself, while Leia just stares at him pointedly and tilts her head forward, the universal sign depicting how she’s hearing this out but clearly without any interest in following through.
Rey’s arrival draws the attention of the two towards her, and Leia’s face softens.
“C-3PO, if you wouldn’t mind leaving us alone, that would be much appreciated.” Leia phrases it as if a suggestion, but her tone carries no room for bargaining. She’s already moved and sat down elsewhere, her attention focused on Rey.
C-3PO indignantly cries out at his dismissal, and his shocked tone carries through the ship as he shuffles off the deck.
The silence around the two women holds for a moment, and Rey physically feels the tension on her shoulders bleed out in the room. Leia motions for Rey to sit beside her, and produces a hologram from the table in front of them.
Rey recognizes the still image of Maz Kanata’s face, a somewhat blurry snapshot of the woman in mid-motion, firing at something out of shot with a ridiculously large blaster in hands and face opened up in a scream. Rey isn’t sure whether to laugh or be very, very concerned.
“I’m aware you have an understanding with Maz Kanata, and from what Finn has told me, Maz is quite taken with you. Now, I hate to put you in this position, but Maz has some important information that we could really do with knowing, namely the bases of other Resistance locations. If you would do us the honors of speaking with her and getting us a list of those bases still active, I would be very grateful to you Rey.” Leia finishes, and turns to look at Rey directly.
Rey can’t say being asked to help the General of the Resistance with something as important as this doesn’t immensely surprise her, but Rey is hardly willing to question it.
“Of course, Leia, I would be glad to help. I’ll go make the call now,” but before Rey could get up, eager to really help and do something for the Resistance besides just repair the ship, the General places her hand gently but firmly on Rey’s arm.
“Listen Rey, whatever conflicting emotions you’re feeling right now, please know that I don’t blame you. You are not to take responsibility for my son’s, or brother’s, actions. You’ve done more than enough for the Resistance, and I am very grateful to those acts, Rey.” Leia finished, drawing her hand away after one last squeeze, and turns in her seat to leave, walking out in a breeze with a faint smile on her face, while Rose and Chewie walk past in the corridor, yelling about who’s responsible for the lost half a box of bolts on the way back from the market.
Rey tries not to show how obviously Leia’s words have affected her, but it’s hard not to when she feels so constantly full of emotions. Leia’s hazy smile as she left stays in Rey’s head, and her heart finally feels for once that a weight has been lifted off.
Rey turns to her return to her room, passing by Finn who’s passed out asleep on the floor by the engine room door as Rose and Chewie whisper-argue about another thing they forgot to pick up, and starts up a call.
*
“Can you believe the nerve of some people? Demanding that I serve them even though they’re First Order scum! And then, well, the fight that broke out the first time was definitely not my fault, and then by the time the wall fell down I felt justified to shoot the tall one –”
“—Rassth.”
“What was that?”
“The tall one, you said his name was Rassth right? Big, missing an eye, long hair?”
“Yes, yes that’s the filth, then his friend tries to stop me but he slips before he reaches me and slams his head against the floor! I tried to kick him but the small Bimm girl –”
“—Losa.”
“Hmm?”
“Losa, with the red hair.”
“Yes her, yes red-head Losa and long-haired Rassth. Now that the stage is set, Losa very much pulled me back, lot of spunk for a small girl! Reminds me of someone I know,” Maz focuses her gaze on Rey knowingly from where she was previously furiously reenacting a brawl in her bar.
“But I’m sure you haven’t called just to hear about my fighting skills, hmm? What can I do for you, my dear?” The warmth in her voice and gentleness in her smile reminded Rey of what she had, of how many people had quickly appeared in her life and made it so bright again.
Rey settles herself, and prays for good news. “It’s more of a request on the behalf of General Organa. She hopes to learn more about Resistance bases across the galaxy willing to help us out and provide support to the General, are there any active places left you know that might help us out?”
Rey holds her breath, hoping for something fortunate to come from their allies. For all it looked like they were in the clear now, repairing and recovering on Florrum, they were merely just climbing out from the rock bottom pit that was Crait.
“Why, it would be a pleasure! I’ll get on that and send it to General Organa through an encrypted code, shouldn’t be too hard for a lady like her to crack,” Maz wandered out of shot, a crash of things falling over on her side as Rey sighs, leans back and stretches out her back. Maz returns, holding a pen and paper as she scribbles down some words.
“Right, well, consider it done young Jedi. Now, tell me all about that boy in your life, have you told him how you feel yet?” Maz leered out to Rey, surprisingly realistically for being only a hologram, but Rey recoiled as if Maz were inches from her.
“What? Who? Finn? He’s just a friend! A really good friend, and a really good man, but it is absolutely not like that. I don’t see him that way. I –”
“Wait a minute there, I’m not talking about Finn!” Maz laughs, as if she was in similar outright disbelief just like Rey, and the two spend a minute laughing at each other’s reaction.
Once she’s finished, Rey sobers up and frowns, suddenly confused again. “Wait, so who did you mean then?”
“Hmm? What was that?” Maz is again only half-paying attention, her head now fully underneath the table she’s seated at.
“You said there’s a boy, that I have, uh, feelings for, what do you mean by that?” Rey tilts her head as if to follow Maz underneath the table, and both heads jolt back up as Maz clutches a piece of painite, gleaming in her hands through the light.
“Who would chuck this under a table like a piece of gum?! Painite, rare on nearly every known planet, just sitting on my floor. I swear, the people who walk through my place know nothing about basic respect –”
“Maz, sorry to keep bringing this up, but you mentioned something about feelings I should confess to someone?”
“Oh yes! Didn’t you meet him yet?” A pit of dread fell in Rey’s stomach, and something must have translated in her face, because Maz raced on. “You two did not meet yet? You were supposed to! I read it in the leaves sometime after you left, you were destined to meet the one you would fall in love with in the last month or so. He would be bold and strong, but yield so easily to make you happy. You would meet with a moon over your heads but feel only warmth all around you, quite romantic, no?”
Rey could feel her face flush immediately, and Maz caught on – pointing at Rey and yelling loudly. “You did! I can tell by that face! I knew I couldn’t be wrong; you did meet him! What is he like then, tall and dark right? I saw his face like a shadow, oh and that smile of his is truly magical, is it not? Now that is a man worthy of your love!”
Suddenly, Rey couldn’t hear Maz go on about what she saw or thought, all Rey could think about was the furious beating of her heart, and the thought of Poe’s smile the first time they met.
She thinks back to how she felt around him, warm and safe and everything she never knew before. Its like Poe is the water she lacked growing up, he’s calming and caring and fights so goddamn hard for everyone and everything he believes in, it’s no surprise she likes him so much.
But love?
It couldn’t be that. No, that’s absurd. Absolutely mad. Nothing to it, just a passing fancy really. A small infatuation. That’s all.
“Maz, I haven’t met someone like that. I haven’t fallen in love or anything of the sort, to fall in love that soon, well it would be bizarre, wouldn’t it?”
Freezing, Maz raises her eyes and looks at Rey calmly. “Rey, love is always bizarre, but that shouldn’t be any reason not to follow it, no?” The glint in Maz’s eye didn’t fade, and Rey couldn’t do anything but hopelessly look to Maz for help.
How could it be love? Isn’t that supposed to come after two people have been together for a while? Once they’ve known each other and sit down and realize that this is it for them; not something you just throw around after knowing a person for a few days. Rey opened her mouth to say something along those lines, but then thought against it.
But maybe that’s exactly what it is. Some things don’t follow rules, or expectations, or logic. Rey never figured she would be able to use the Force, Finn never believed he could be something bigger than what the First Order created him to be, Luke never imagined what would happen with his nephew, but things always happen, they keep happening no matter what.
“Well, I hope I haven’t destroyed your world view too much now, so tell me about your adventures with Luke Skywalker, that sounds like a tale if I ever heard one,”
Rey smiled tentatively, feeling something in her heart blossom so sweetly it felt foreign to her battle-scarred body. Rey thought where she should start, when she really first got through to Luke.
“But do tell me all about that handsome Chewbacca first, still got that rugged look going for him I hope?”
Rey groans good-naturedly, and tells Maz about Chewie, seeing her eyes glisten and her face soften. A part of Rey wonders if this is what Rey looks like around Poe, but she immediately discards the thought.
After nearly two hours spent with Maz, Rey realizes it’s perhaps time to rejoin the others, and tells Maz she will call again, promising to keep in touch. Maz merely smiles wisely, as if she knows something Rey does not, and then lowers her head significantly, prompting Rey to quickly muffle out a promise to tell her if anything happens in her love life. After more teasing, Rey hurriedly turns off the hologram and leans against the table, sighing and hunching over it, feeling exhausted but in a good way for the first time in a long time.
She closes her eyes, feels the Force ebb around her for a moment, toys with it as it passes through the room, and decides to go tell Leia that Maz is sending through the information.
Rey dusts herself off and walks out the room, only to nearly walk straight into the one person she was hoping to avoid for at least a little while. Poe’s hands immediately reach up to hold onto Rey; his fingers warm through her sleeves as they grip her arms gently. Rey looks up and notices how close she is to him, closer than she ever has been. She can see the flecks of green in his eyes this close up, and her breath draws up short, as his hands ever so briefly hold on firmer to her. His eyes flicker between hers, dropping for a brief moment before he immediately looks back up, intense and dark and full of something, but Rey just can’t put her finger on it.
For all Rey knew, it could have been a minute or an hour they spent like that, until finally BB-8’s voice breaks their moment. Rey looks down, her hair falling like a curtain around her face as she steps back slightly, Poe’s hands dragging down her arms until they catch around her wrists.
“Is everything alright Rey?” His voice concerned and so soft and low it comes out almost like a whisper. BB-8 continues to talk below them, but for once neither one could hear what it was saying.
“Yeah, actually, everything is really good, Poe.”
His smile could light up the darkest corner of the galaxy, Rey is positive.
*
If Rey’s intentions were to avoid Poe before, and then after her call with Maz to stay cautiously distant and figure out her feelings, then Rey can safely say she’s failed that task horribly. Barely a couple hours pass during the day that they don’t see each other, or that BB-8 doesn’t deliver messages, or that someone doesn’t mention the other to them in a not-so-subtle manner. It’s such a refreshing feeling for them, to find someone’s company they don’t just enjoy or like, but also seek out, as if it’s vital to their own happiness too.
At some point, Rey desperately needed to fix the Falcon’s hyperdrive before they find the need to jump through space again, so she asks Rose for help, and the two have already spent half a day trying to fix the mess going on beneath the floors when Rey realizes she may find asking for advice the best course of action.
“Do you think Chewie ever actually looked after his ship, or just got by with blind luck?” Rose asked after another wire shocked her, and Rey looked up and over at her, talking as if on auto-pilot.
“This isn’t Chewie’s ship. The Millennium Falcon belonged to Han Solo first.” Rey took a moment to accept the pang of hurt in her chest whenever she thought about Han, but pushed past it to focus on the moment. “But you’re probably right, blind luck is definitely the glue that holds this thing together,” Rey pulled out a massive pipe, watching black fumes angrily fly up before choking to a miserable end. Her and Rose share an uneasy look, before Rose turns more fully to her, her head titled in interest.
“The Han Solo, right? Finn and Chewie told me a little about him, he was a legend for me and my sister growing up,” Rose’s eyes lit up like a child’s would, and Rey was charmed by everything Rose had to offer the world.
Rey chuckled, nodding in agreement, before nonchalantly adding, “he married Leia too, Kylo Ren is their son.”
One moment, two, three—
“What?! They’re married?!! Their son is KYLO REN?”
Rey laughed loudly, seeing Rose’s shocked and aghast face, and half-heartedly tried to shush her. Leia knew people were well aware of Kylo Ren being her son, but a constant reminder of that was far from necessary. Rey nodded, and told Rose the common facts, not delving too much into the privacy of the family’s history.
Rose worked in a daze for a while afterwards, much to Rey’s amusement, and both women worked until they finally had enough, taking a break to share some bread and juice together.
The comfortable silence was pleasant, and filled Rey with a sense of contentment. She’d never spent much time around anyone she could call a friend, let alone another female friend. They ate happily, and shared the food back and forth, tearing away bites in the load.
Rey noticed Rose toying with the pendant around her neck, the one Finn mentioned matched another one her now-dead sister wore. Wordlessly, Rey motioned if she could look at it, and Rose hesitated briefly before absolutely showing it to Rey, taking it from around her neck and placing it in Rey’s hands. Rey held it reverently, knowing this meant a lot more than Rose let on.
“This was what your sister wore too, right?” Rey’s fingertips traced the design, the golden moon curving beautifully.
“Yeah, Paige. She’s great, the best. She had this killer right hook she taught me when were growing up, how you have to lean all your weight back with your dominant side, and follow your fist through on the punch; sure and steady. No fear,” Rey passed the pendant back, and Rose stared down at it, the reminiscent smile slipping. “I miss her.”
Rey held Rose’s hand for a moment, turning it into her own, and lowering her head to reach Rose’s gaze. “She could not be more proud of you and what you’ve done if she tried. You’re a legend now too Rose,” Rey smiled encouragingly at Rose, who tearily smiled back, sniffling a little and wiping her nose on the back of her sleeve.
“Thanks Rey, I’m glad we’re friends, you know.” Rose said, and exhaled shakily, and Rey moved her hand to Rose’s back, rubbing her back soothingly, echoing the sentiment.
*
After they finished their food, the pair went back to the hyperdrive, searching for the last faulty pieces to disassemble before they can start on the repairs. As they work, a voice in Rey’s head refuses to stop telling her to ask Rose for advice, woman to woman. It would be weird to talk to Leia, and there’s no one else Rey would feel as comfortable talking to besides maybe Maz, whose advice exclusively includes a confession of undying love and an invite to the wedding. Rey has absolutely no experience with this whatsoever, but maybe Rose can point her in the right direction based on what she knows, if Rey’s subtly enough about it.
Rey clears her throat, and aims for nonchalance. “So, Rose, have you ever been, you know, in love, with someone before?”
Rose hits her head on the roof where she’s ducked beneath the floorboards to work on the hyperdrive engine, her eyes wide and panicked.
“That’s a funny question! Wow, love, now that’s a crazy concept. Why do you ask?” Rose’s panic was clear but Rey was just confused about why she was so freaked out.
“I’m just curious, I’ve never been in a relationship before, and so I –”
“You like like someone!”
“What? Pshh, no, now that’s crazy Rose, really, and anyway you should get your head checked out, that must have been quite a hit, why not go to the med bay right now? I’ll take you,” Rey reaches over for Rose, but notices that as she did Rose lost her sudden, joyful smile as it froze dead on her cheeks, and she looked Rey in the eyes.
Her voice comes out small and defeated, a shell of what Rose truly is. “I had no idea. I thought maybe there was something between you two, but over time it just seemed like friendship.”
Rey frowns, lost for a moment, before it quickly dawns on her what Rose jumped to, and abruptly Rey throws her hands up, wildly trying to physically shoo the thoughts away from out of Rose’s head.
“No! It isn’t like that, Rose I swear,”
“Please Rey, you don’t need to lie to me, I totally understand, I never would have kissed Finn either if I knew –”
“You two kissed? He never told me!” Rey was frankly furious. How dare Finn, her best friend, tease her and pretend everything was normal when he like liked Rose! Enough to kiss her! Rey was going to punch that man in the face for not immediately telling his best friend the news.
“I’m so sorry Rey! I swear, that will never happen again, it was completely my fault as well I forced it –”
“Rose, don’t say that,”
“I’m serious! It was stupid of me –”
“Stop Rose,”
“And really, it’s not like I love him or anything, and you two have such a history too, you’ll do anything for each other! It’s really sweet and –”
“I like Poe!” A rush, all out in one moment. Freedom, a small victory, and then instant fear.
Silence.
A beat, two, pass.
Rose’s jaw slackens and her mouth slides open. Her eyes bug out of her head a little.
Three, four, five beats.
“The Resistance pilot Poe Dameron?”
Nods, fingers fidgeting. Nerves. Sweat. Rey would rather be fighting a roomful of First Order guards again than sit in this silence for another moment to pass.
“But that’s amazing Rey! He’s so nice! You should go for it!” Rose’s face lit up and sunshine shone brightly from her smile, before she quickly added on earnestly, “and I’m not just saying that because I like Finn, and I’m glad you don’t like him like that. I’m just really happy for you!” Rose leans in to hug Rey, but Rey clutches onto Rose’s arms like she’s a madwoman for being happy for her.
“But I know nothing about relationships, or love, or anything! I barely realized I liked him before I’m apparently already halfway in love with him – and I have no idea what that word even means! How do I know if this is love, or is it just me pining? And what if it’s all in my head and I read into these things but he just thinks it’s all friend-stuff? Or what if –”
“Rey?”
“Yeah?”
“That sounds a hell of a lot like love to me.”
“Damn it.”
They both sigh, and take a swig from Chewie’s stash of highly potent alcohol. It burns down their throats, but they swallow it gladly. Rose looks at Rey, and smiles grimly.
“There’s no right or wrong way, you just need to do what feels right. You’re smart Rey, and Poe’s a good guy, no matter the outcome, you won’t mess this up.” Rose’s comforting smile does nothing to settle the butterflies in Rey’s stomach.
I'm in love with Poe Dameron.
She takes another gulp straight from the bottle.
Damn it.