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He had always wanted to be a hero.
These days that wasn’t much of a surprise; every little kid wanted to be a hero. The difference was; he had the power to do it. And do it well; and he had always known.
When they were kids; all the neighborhood children would make up stories; names- they would run around shooting off pretend energy blasts, and pretending to be able to
levitate things through the air.
Katsuki had set stuff on fire.
He knew none of these kids would be heroes- they didn’t have the fight in them. Most of them couldn’t hold their own for one minute when he joined their little play fights. They would whine- complain about “ouch that hurt” or “ it’s not real you don’t have to be so mean.”
He knew though- that if you wanted to fight real bad guys you had to really know how to fight he wasn’t going to dull his flame for anyone.
Midoriya- that kid though. He never backed down.
He was a terrible fighter- he got pushed down- his face shoved in the dirt, laughed at and picked on and he just kept getting back up.
Honestly; he would probably make a half decent hero.
That’s why he started letting him hang around; after Katsuki got his quirk it was only a matter of time before Midoriya got his.
He was sure of it- then together they would take on the world.
He waited.
Patiently
Or as patiently as a five year old could.
Or a six year old.
But he got angry.
They were supposed to do this together- and Izuku- no Deku had the audacity to not have a quirk.
The only one who dared to stand up to him; who might even try to give him a decent fight- quirkless.
There wasn’t much of a point hanging around him after that- he had to train, to study. It would take a lifetime to get where he wanted to be and he couldn’t just rely on pure talent. He would have to work for it.
He would work for it.
He didn’t have time to hang around with people who were just going to get themselves hurt- or killed. He didn’t have time to be the one hurting them- he didn’t want to be the one hurting him.
So he worked; he worked harder than anyone he knew- and when he placed first on the entrance exams for UA he knew it would all be worth it.
But- then… it wasn’t.
Because Deku was there- and he was learning, and he was doing surprisingly well and he was hurting himself.
And Katsuki let himself get very angry; let himself blow up in class because what was the point of going all those years without speaking to him- what was the point of keeping someone who could have been his friend- would have been his friend if he just told him.
If he had just told him he had a quirk- that Katsuki didn’t have to worry about him.
He tried to shake the feeling- but after days; after weeks he was still angry.
He was so angry.
He had waited years for Izuku to get a quirk, he had asked him every day –“so – still quirkless Deku?” hoping that the answer would change.
Hoping to see excitement flash though those green eyes rather than disappointment- rather than fear.
Being absorbed by the slime monster had been embarrassing to say the least- but more than that it was eye opening.
Izuku was still trying to save him.
After all these years of pushing him away- of trying to keep him safe that idiot was still throwing himself into danger to save people bigger and better than he was.
And the worst part was- if he hadn’t been there.
If he hadn’t cared.
Katsuki would have died.
There was no way around it. Mydoria saved his life.
He should have been grateful any normal person would have been.
But he was angry- he was so angry he was seeing red.
There was no good reason for- he shouldn’t have- he wasn’t worth…
Izuku should have just let him die.
There was no use in risking his life.
The longer he thought about it; the angrier he got.
Because at that point; not only was he saved by someone he had spent years trying to protect- but he hadn’t even had to use a quirk.
A quirk that he clearly had- and used.
But that day- he had used a damn backpack and had still been more effective against the villain than Katsuki had.
That was just offensive.
He was no better than a random kid with backpack no matter how hard he trained.
And here they were; 12 years after they first met- and Izuku was still going around trying to get himself killed.
Getting singled out by the strongest kids in class- the strongest villains that attacked them- becoming All Might’s little pet.
He was painting a target on his back that he was never going to be able to get rid of.
And all the while- he was still trying to be friendly.
He still wanted to save Katsuki- as if he needed any saving.
As if he wasn’t the one that was supposed to be doing the saving.
Damn Deku- he wasn’t defenseless any more.
But..
He wasn’t supposed to be here.
He wasn’t supposed to be walking around- with this huge target on his back making it harder and harder for Katsuki to try to save him.
He wasn’t supposed to be here.
He was going to die.
It wasn’t until the sports festival that he realized- that he noticed his behavior was- odd.
He always knew he was protective of Deku- he knew; but he didn’t- well he didn’t realize or want to realize why.
He probably should have pieced it together but it wasn’t until he saw him laying there- beaten and broken.
And he was filled with rage- so much rage.
He wanted to tear Shoto to pieces.
To rip him limb from limb for hurting his defenseless Izuku.
For daring to lay a finger on him.
It wasn’t until he stood there- ready to rip a classmate to pieces for him- that he realized he loved Izuku.
It was quite a revelation- for him anyway.
Going from what he brushed off as hatred to realizing now- that it was so far from that.
That he had been doing it his whole life- protecting; pushing him away; trying to save him- loving him. His entire life.
And it made him so- angry.
He couldn’t even begin to express how angry he was.
How stupid he was for not seeing it before.
How stupid he was for realizing it now-
How stupid he was for loving someone he could never have.
There was no way-
They weren’t even friends at this point- maybe if things had gone differently.
Maybe if Izuku hadn’t hidden his quirk all these years- if they had grown together- trained together; like they wanted to when they were little.
Maybe then it would have been different- he had thought to himself walking home after the sports festival.
But- as it was it would never be an option.
He couldn’t let himself feel anything like he had felt today- he couldn’t let himself come unhinged like that.
He was already in hot water.
What with his explosive personality- it was a wonder pro heroes wanted to speak to him at all, he had a short fuse attached to a big bomb. And it went off- on anyone and everyone.
And that was the problem wasn’t it- he couldn’t let himself continue to be around someone that made him feel that much.
That’s what he told himself.
Over, and over again.
He was ready to kill Shoto that day- and he would have.
He would have killed him for what he had done to Izuku.
That was a road he wouldn’t- no, couldn’t travel down.
That was a road he would never come back from.
For now- he would just have to accept life as it was.
Izuku did belong here- there was no denying it anymore. There was nowhere else in the world he could belong more than here at U.A.
And Katsuki would just have to hope against hope- that he wouldn’t go and get himself killed.