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It was summer vacation and Bill had felt a little reckless. Something exciting had to happen, but with most of the Losers tied up at home, the epic adventure he’d longed for had been replaced by a game of Triple Dog with Richie and Ben.
“Richie”, Ben said, as they strolled down the sidewalk into Downtown Derry. “I triple dog dare you to wear lipstick for the rest of the day.”
Richie pushed his glasses up his nose and smiled at Ben. “Sure, Haystack, but we don’t have lipstick, do we?”
Ben grinned, the most wicked grin Bill had ever seen on the otherwise sweet boy, and then he pulled a bright red lipstick out of his pocket.
“Something you want to tell us?”, Richie said, taking the lipstick from him and unscrewing it. He stopped in front of a display window to see his reflection. “Everyone knows I’m a huge Homo anyway.”
“Only b-b-because you have to l-l-l-let everyone know Eddie is yours.”
Richie looked over his shoulder to grin at Bill, then turned around and applied the lipstick. He’d never seen Richie wear lipstick, but he applied it so effortlessly it was hard to believe it was his first time. “Sure! Have you seen Eddie? He’s so damn cute, somebody’ll try and steal him from under my nose.”
“You’re literally soulmates”, Ben said, snatching the lipstick back once Richie was done and pocketed it. “And this is Bev’s. She left it at my place.”
Richie smacked his lips and made kissy-faces at his reflection. “So? If he wasn’t my soulmate, I would steal him.”
Bill rolled his eyes. Sure, he was happy for his friends that they were each other’s soulmate and were obviously happy together, but he did not need to see them suck faces whenever they hung out as a group and Richie’s flirting had only gotten worse.
As if on cue, Richie turned around and struck a pose, running a hand through his hair and winking at Bill. “What do you think, boys? But you’ll have to control yourself, this bitch is taken.”
“Even all the m-m-m-akeup in the world couldn’t hide th-that Trashmouth.”
“I know you desperately want to kiss me now, Big Bill”, Richie said, throwing an arm around Bill’s shoulders as they started walking again. “And you look so cute, I’m half tempted to triple dog dare you to do it, but…” And then he felt Richie’s lips press against his jaw, leaving a big red stain before Bill could push him off. Just when Bill wanted to wipe it away, Richie grabbed his hands. “Nu-uh! That stays. I triple dog dare you.”
It wasn’t the worst dare, especially if the culprit walked right next to him. Nobody would question the lipstick stain, because everybody knew that that was just a Richie thing to do. And now he was in charge of the next triple dog dare. For a moment he thought about daring Ben to show them his soulmate tattoo, but remembered how angry Eddie had gotten about it, when Richie’d done it and thought he didn’t need to know that badly. He also didn’t really want to see Ben’s junk if that truly was where his tattoo was.
“We’re still meeting up with the others tonight at the quarry, right?”, Richie asked.
Although the others had plans during the day, they’d all decided to go swimming tonight around sunset, but one glance at his watch told Bill that they still had four hours to kill until then.
“10 bucks I’ll find Stanley’s tattoo today.”
“L-l-leave him alone, Rich.”
Richie’s obsession with Stan’s tattoo had only faded while Eddie had kept his a secret, but as soon as the cat was out of the bag, Richie’s interest had returned, probably more so since they found out Stan was hiding it with makeup. Bill would be lying if he said, he wasn’t curious too; a curiosity that had absolutely nothing to do with how happy he’d been, when he’d found out Eddie and Stan weren’t a thing, or how his stomach turned whenever he remembered that Stan had shown Eddie and not him.
With the bright red lips, Richie’s annoying grin looked almost obscene. “Defending your boyfriend?”
Bill frowned. “What are you talking about?”
He wasn’t that obvious, was he? If Bev had noticed, he wouldn’t be too surprised or even Stan himself, but Richie, who only had eyes for Eddie and still hadn’t figured out Eddie liked him… No, he was not that obvious.
“I’m just saying, now that Studley for sure isn’t into my Eddie Spaghetti, he’s free to conquer.”
Ben snorted. “Studley?”
“Are you saying Stan the Man isn’t a total stud? I mean if you take away the stick up his ass and the ugly clothes, he’s a fucking stud. Right, Bill?” Richie nudged him with his elbow and it took everything Bill had in him not to react to that. Stud might not have been the word he’d use, but yes, of course he thought Stan looked great.
“I mean he’s… he’s alright. I think”, Ben spluttered. “Like I don’t think he’s ugly or anything, but… uhm… I don’t know.”
Richie put an arm around both of his friends, easily amused by Ben’s discomfort. It wasn’t that Ben was uncomfortable discussing another guy’s attractiveness, Bill knew, he was probably more scared someone would tell Stan Ben had called him ugly; something Ben Hanscom would never do.
“Hey Bill”, Richie said after a while. “When we get down to the quarry tonight, I triple dog dare you to call Stan Studley and you can’t tell him it’s a dare.”
He would do absolutely no such thing. Studley was absolutely ridiculous and that nickname would never leave his mouth ever. He’d rather set his pants on fire while wearing them.
“You already d-dared me a m-m-minute ago.”
“So? It’s a triple dog dare, you have to do it.” Richie turned to Ben for confirmation and the other boy nodded. “See, it’s the rules.”
“I’m not c-c-calling him that!”
“A dare is a dare, Rocky!”
And with that Richie skipped towards the arcade. Ben and Bill watched him wave at group of girls in front of the Aladdin, who all started to giggle, when they saw his bright red lips.
They were the last ones to arrive at the quarry, because Richie wouldn’t leave the arcade without having beaten both Ben and Bill at a random shooter game, and Ben just so happened to be a natural at it. He’d been complaining all the way down here about how Ben was using some sort of trick or had more experience at it, which was ridiculous because Ben never went to the arcade unless someone dragged him there. But now, that they were almostthere and they could already hear the other Losers chattering away, Richie leaned close to Bill. The lipstick had smudged a little, but his lips were still an obscene cherry red.
“Don’t forget your dare, Rocky”, he whispered.
Bill wanted to protest, but Ben patted his shoulder as if to say I’m sorry, man, but this is on you and Bill knew it was no use. He didn’t want to mess with Stan, but how much harm could a stupid nickname do? Richie came up with something stupid to call them every day.
When they joined the others, Ben kissed Bev on the cheek, Richie grabbed Eddie by the shoulders, ready to kiss him, but the shorter boy quickly turned his cheek.
“I’m not kissing you with all that gross stuff on your mouth”, he shouted, wiping at the lipstick stain on his cheek. “You look like a clown.”
“Ben!”, Richie whined. “Look what you’ve done! My dearest Eds won’t kiss me.”
“You’ll survive, I’m sure”, Mike deadpanned.
Ben returned the lipstick to its rightful owner, who inspected it for a moment, then slipped it into her overalls. “Looks like you boys had fun without us.”
They all started to undress. Bill had just thrown his shirt to the ground when someone touched his jaw. He was about to ask Bev what she was doing, but she had already grabbed his chin and tilted his head upwards to better see. “Is this Richie’s work or did you have more fun than I thought?”, she asked, loudly enough to draw the other boys’ attention. He’d completely forgotten about the mark.
Mike chuckled. “Seriously guys, what have you been doing all day?”
“Just a friendly game of Triple Dog”, Richie said, blowing Bill a kiss.
He would’ve rolled his eyes at his stupid friend, if Eddie hadn’t slapped his hand over Richie’s mouth. “The hell you kissing Bill for?”
Richie mumbled something against Eddie’s hand that they couldn’t understand, then pulled him into a kiss, which Eddie didn’t protest this time. Bill doubted Eddie really was jealous, since it was pretty normal for Richie to press slobbery kisses to his friends’ cheeks; it was probably some kind of game they had going on.
Bill stepped away from Bev and looked over at Stan, who had just finished folding his clothes and placing them far away from the shore so they wouldn’t get wet. Well, better get it over with sooner rather than later.
“Looking good there, S-s-studley”, Bill said as he bent down to undo his shoes, mostly to hide his blush. The conversation around him stopped, Richie laughed, which must mean he and Eddie had finally stopped kissing. Trying hard to keep in control of his facial expression, Bill looked up, and sure enough, everyone was staring at him.
“What did you just call him?”, Eddie asked. At some point, he’d moved and was now standing next to Stan, an arm wrapped around his waist. When had that happened? He’d been kissing Richie a second ago. But Bill’s mind was too occupied with how cute Stan looked, his cheeks had turned a deep red, his eyes wide, his lips slightly apart. He acted as if Bill had never complimented him before and, sure, Studley was a weird thing to call him, but Bill hadn’t expected him to be so shocked by it.
He liked the reaction though. “Studley”, he repeated, grinning.
“Is this part of your game too?”, Mike asked. “What the hell kind of name is Studley?”
“It’s because Bill thinks he’s a stud, Mikey”, Richie said. “He wouldn’t shut up about it.”
Now he could feel the blush creep onto his own face, even at the blatant lie. He might not have said anything like that, but he sure had thought about it.
Luckily Ben saved him. “I seem to remember that was you.”
“Tomayto, tomahto.” With that Richie grabbed Eddie and Stan by their wrists and tugged them towards the edge of the cliff. “Studley, Eds, let’s get wet!”
When Richie jumped, he pulled the other two boys with him and they could hear them curse and shout at him all the way down until that was drowned out by a loud splash. The rest of the Losers stood at the top of the cliff waiting for their friends to resurface.
“It was a dare, wasn’t it?” Mike asked.
Bill shook his head, he wasn’t allowed to tell after all and he kind of didn’t want to either. “Stan’s a stud”, he said, grinning at his friends and then took the plunge to avoid any more questions.
Another body hit the water next to him at almost the same time and just as he broke the surface, he saw Bev and Ben take the jump together, hand in hand.
Eddie and Stan were whispering together again. Although Bill knew Eddie was with Richie and completely in love with that idiot, it still bothered him how much time Eddie and Stan spent together. He kept his eyes fixed on the bushes behind which they had disappeared as soon as they’d gotten out of the water, wondering what they were doing.
How come Richie wasn’t worried? The guy would pee on Eddie to mark his territory, but this sneaking around didn’t bother him? Ridiculous!
“Bill!” Speaking of the devil. Richie plopped down next to him, shaking his wet hair into Bill’s face. The lipstick had smeared all over his face, making him look as if he’d just won a pie eating contest. “Don’t worry about it. Eddie is just helping Studley with his makeup.”
“W-what? I wasn’t…” He didn’t finish the sentence, Richie wouldn’t believe him anyway. Was he really such a bad liar? He was about to say that Stan didn’t wear makeup, but then remembered that he did to cover up his soulmate tattoo.
Richie winked at him knowingly, pulled a pack of cigarettes from his denim jacket and lit one.
“I’d tell you to go for it”, he said, his voice low now so the others wouldn’t hear. “But I really don’t know what Stan is into and we don’t want to break the boy by having his best friend hit on him.”
Bill snorted. “Give him some c-c-credit.”
“Yeah, you’re right. You’re probably the one who’d lose his mind if he hit on you.”
“It’s n-n-n-not l-l-like that.”
“Whatever you say, Big Bill.”
It was already dark when Bill and Stan walked home together. Bev and Ben had just said goodbye to them, heading for Bev’s home, Richie and Eddie had stayed in the quarry and Mike’s farm was in the other direction.
“Are you ok-k-kay?”, Bill asked. Stan hadn’t talked much tonight and now that he was alone with him, he couldn’t help but feel like it was his fault.
“It was Richie who came up with that nickname, right?”
“Studley?” Was he still thinking about that? It was just a stupid name and Richie would soon find something else to call him, but as Bill said it, he saw Stan stiffen and was that a smile? Did he actually like it? He’d shouted at Richie earlier to stop calling him that, there had been no sign of amusement then.
“Who says it w-w-w-wasn’t me?” Bill didn’t know why, but part of him wished it was.
Stan raised an eyebrow. “You think I’m a stud, Bill?”
This time it was Bill’s turn to blush, he hadn’t expected Stan to say that, especially not so calmly. He felt like Ben earlier, when Richie had asked him the exact same question. “I… uh, I m-m-mean… Sh-sh-sh-sure.”
“You’re full of shit”, Stan said, but he smiled as he said it.
“So you’re not m-m-mad?”
“No, I’m not mad.”
Bill wanted to say something, when they reached Stan’s house, something that would keep him out here with him for a little longer, but his mind came up blank.
“I’ll see you tomorrow”, Stan said as he walked up the steps to his house.
“G-good night, Studley”, Bill said and grinned when he saw Stan fight of that same smile as before. He didn’t seem to mind as much when Bill said it, good to know.
He could’ve stopped after that. He could’ve forgotten about the stupid nickname and never used it again, but then he’d think about Stan’s reaction to it. The rose-coloured cheeks, the soft curve of his smile, the glint in his eyes. God, he’d do everything for Stan to look at him like that again. And he didn’t even have to. All it took was a godawful nickname. So Bill didn’t stop.
He said it during lunch, when he slipped into his seat next to Bev and Ben. “How was PE, Studley? Did Ruh-ruh-Richie st-t-t-teal your clothes ag-gain?”
Ignoring the curious looks his friends were giving him, Bill concentrated on unpacking his school lunch. He didn’t miss the colour rushing to Stan’s cheeks though.
“You make me sound like a pervert”, Richie protested.
“That’s because you are”, Stan said. “And no, he didn’t.”
“I am not. You could just show me the damn tattoo and be done with it.”
Stan shook his head.
“Fine”, Richie said, throwing an arm around Eddie. “I like a challenge.”
Mike laughed. “You guys will be 50 years old and Richie will still try to find that tattoo of yours.”
Bill could almost picture his friends in their fifties, Richie chasing after a loudly cursing Stan. Maybe by then his crush on Stan had gone away and he’d found the person that would call him My Rock. It was a little hard to worry about his soulmate and who they could be, when he was so preoccupied with pining over one of his best friends. To be honest, he was more interested in finding out who Stan’s soulmate could be or what his tattoo said, but he also didn’t want to know. As long as he didn’t know for sure, there was a tiny part of him that could still entertain the idea that he and Stan were soulmates. Even though Stan would never refer to him as My Rock.
After that he just kept using the nickname. And Stan didn’t complain once, although he almost tore Richie’s head off every time he tried to use it. Did that mean something? Or was that just wishful thinking?
The first time it slipped out of his mouth accidentally, Bill knew he was fucked.
Bill pushed himself off the couch. “Anyone w-w-want something from the k-k-k-k-kitchen?”
There was an indistinct mumble coming from the heap that was Eddie and Richie on the floor that he took as a No. Ben just shook his head.
“I’ll take another coke”, Bev said.
Mike nodded. “Me too.”
“Studley?”, he asked, when Stan didn’t confirm or deny. Bev snorted.
This time there was no shy smile, this time Stan turned to look at him with a raised eyebrow and an amused look. “I’m fine.”
Bill could feel his face burning as he quickly walked into the kitchen. Why had he done that? He needed to stop using the nickname or it would be something he actually called his friend. Who called their friend Studley? He definitely had to stop.
“You know, it sounds dumber every time you say it, right?”
Bill whirled around, to find Stan leaning against the counter. When had he come in here? Was he some kind of ninja now?
“I d-d-d-didn’t mean to s-say it j-just now”, he said, trying to keep his voice calm.
Stan smiled. “I noticed.”
Bill turned back to the fridge and took his time to get the cans of coke, hoping the open fridge would cool his burning cheeks.
“Why do you call me that?”
“It’s… It’s just a jo-jo-joke.”
Stan hummed. “That’s what I thought.”
As Bill closed the fridge, Stan took the cans from him. For a moment their fingers brushed against each other and Bill was close to telling him the truth. He just wanted Stan to know how he felt. How the smile and the blush and the sparkle in Stan’s eyes made his heart sing and hurt at the same time. How he wanted to hold him and kiss him and maybe even give him other nicknames, better nicknames.
But then Stan stepped away from him and headed back to the living room. He paused in the doorway, a smile on his lips. “Maybe I’ll start calling you Rocky then.”
“He said what now?”
Ever since movie night at his house, Bill hadn’t been able to think about anything else but Stan’s comment. He’d laid awake at night as his fingers traced the words above his knee. What had he meant by that? Had he meant anything at all? He was probably overthinking this again. Stan had said Rocky, not because it was his soulmate tattoo, but because it was an equally stupid name. Richie used it to annoy him all the time. It would be only natural for Stan to get back at him.
However after spending the whole weekend raking his brain over what he could’ve possible meant by it, Bill had given in and told Bev and Ben. It was the first time he openly admitted to crushing on Stan, but like Richie Bev and Ben had apparently noticed already. Maybe Stan had too? Oh God, he hoped not.
“He said, he’ll st-t-t-tart calling me Ruh-Rocky.”
“Did he say Rocky or My Rock?”, Ben asked, pointing at Bill’s knee.
They were alone, sitting in Bill’s backyard. Richie and Eddie were on some kind of date, Mike had to work on the farm and Stan was birdwatching with his dad.
Bill traced the words again. “Rocky.”
“I guess it’s not about the soulmate thing then.” Ben gave him the saddest look when he said it, making Bill feel more pathetic than before. “It’s just another stupid name.”
He sighed. “I know.”
Bev shook her head. “You could always ask Eddie. If anyone knows if Stan was hinting at something, it’s Eddie.”
But Eddie wouldn’t tell him anything. If he didn’t tell Richie, then he wouldn’t tell him. And what if he asked Eddie and he told Stan about it? No, he couldn’t do that.
“Or”, Bev went on. “You could just ask him yourself. Or even better, you ask him out. You’d be so cute together.”
“I can’t d-do that.”
She rolled her eyes. “Why not?”
“Bec-c-cause he doesn’t luh-like me like that. He’ll f-f-freak out and we c-c-c-can’t be friends anym-more.”
This made Bev laugh for some reason. She led down in Ben’s lap and started playing with one of his hands. “Alright, let’s say Stan doesn’t like you back. He’ll still be your friend.”
“Yeah”, Ben agreed. “He’s not an asshole.”
“It’ll be emb-b-b-b-barrassing”, he said.
Why couldn’t they be more helpful? Why couldn’t they have some secret intel? Maybe he should’ve asked Eddie or Richie, but he’d never live that down.
“And calling your friend Studley in a packed canteen isn’t embarrassing at all, right.”
“Sometimes you just have to take a risk”, Ben said. Easy for him to say. He’d known Bev was his soulmate before he ever made a move on her. That’s hardly taking a risk. “It’s better than not do anything and wonder forever.”
“Yeah, since when are you such a chicken, Denbrough.”
Well, there was a lot depending on it. If he fucked this up, he might lose Stan. But maybe he should listen to his friends and give him a bit more credit. Was he really so weak he couldn’t take being rejected? At least if he got turned down now, he could start getting over him.
“Fine”, he breath. “I’ll t-t-tell him.”
Ben and Bev gave small cheers, while all Stan wanted to do was die. Now that he had announced it, he couldn’t take it back. But how the hell did you tell your friend that you had a huge crush on them?
Summer came to an end without him making good on his promise.
He tried. He really tried. But it seemed like he was never alone with Stan anymore. There was always some other loser with them and Bev’s constant interrogation if he had finally had the guts to talk to him, weren’t helping either. Bill still had no idea what to say to him, but that didn’t matter if he couldn’t catch Stan alone anyway.
He still called him Studley though. It didn’t get the same reaction out of Stan anymore, but he almost liked the new one better. The playful smile, the winking, the silent challenge in his eyes, when Stan would respond by calling him Rocky. It wasn’t good for his crush though. He should set himself up for rejection, that way he wouldn’t be too disappointed, but if anything he just fell harder for him. Fuck.
The first day of school, he was worried about something completely different though. As he sat on his bed and pulled on his socks, his gaze fell onto the tattoo above his knee. It seemed oddly… patchy? Bill rubbed at it, but that didn’t change anything. It was like part of the letters were starting to fade and he didn’t know much about soulmates, but if your tattoo faded, that wasn’t a good sign, right? Was his soulmate in trouble? Were they sick or dying? Would his tattoo be completely gone? With his crush on Stan, he hadn’t given his soulmate much thought. He’d always figured, he’d meet them later in life, but the thought of not getting to meet them at all? Shit. His soulmate was disappearing and he couldn’t even do anything about it. If he knew who they were, maybe he could help, but he could just sit and watch it happen.
Concentrating on school was hard. How was he supposed to be interested in anything the teacher had to say, when somewhere out in the world his soulmate was dying? To avoid any questions, he’d changed his shorts for a pair of jeans that covered the fading tattoo.
He was so relieved when his last class was over and he could go home and freak out by himself. He absentmindedly said goodbye to the others and started to push his bike home, not feeling like riding it right. As soon as he got home, he had to check if his tattoo was gone yet and he kind of didn’t want to know. This way he could still pretend it was there, that his soulmate was alive and well.
“Hey!” Stan stopped his bike next to him and started to walk as well. “Are you ditching me?”
Oh right, they always biked home together. He’d actually waited for it, figuring they would finally be alone then and he’d get an opportunity to talk to Stan. Now it was here and Bill didn’t feel like confessing anything.
“Sorry”, he muttered.
“What’s going on? You’ve been acting strange all day.”
He almost laughed at the thought of talking to Stan about this of all people. Maybe he lost his soulmate for being too obsessed with someone that wasn’t them. He didn’t know if that was how it worked, but maybe he was being punished by some higher power.
“It’s n-n-nothing.”
Stan gave him one of those analyzing looks of his that always made Bill feel like he could see right through him. He could still feel his gaze, when he looked away. “Okay”, Stan said finally. “You don’t have to tell me, but… I’m here for you.”
Although he felt like the most horrible person on earth right now, Stan still managed to make him smile, even if it was just for a moment.
They walked in silence until they reached Stan’s house.
“I’ll see you tom-m-m-morrow”, Bill said, but before he could continue to walk, Stan placed a hand on his arm to stop him.
“Can you come inside for a second?”
Bill looked down, where the heat from Stan’s touch was still bleeding into him, making his heart beat faster. “I can’t.”
Something flickered in Stan’s eyes, but then it was gone. He was smiling that bright, radiant smile now. “Please. It won’t take long. I promise.”
How could he say no, when Stan was asking so nicely? And it wasn’t like he had anywhere to be. He’d just be moping at home.
As he followed Stan upstairs to his room, Bill wondered if he had changed his mind, if he was going to make him talk about it after all. Say he did tell him about the tattoo and him losing his soulmate, how would he ever tell Stan about his feelings for him after that? And even if Stan liked him back – he didn’t – and they got together, but then Stan met his soulmate and broke it off. All his friends would be happy and coupled up and he’d be the odd one out. That one guy that was invited to everything out of pity.
He lingered in the doorway as Stan strode over to his closet. Okay, not where he thought this was going, but maybe he wanted to show him something? Stan sometimes gave him books or comics, he thought Bill would enjoy, on rarer occasions he’d give him drawings of birds although Stan insisted he wasn’t a good artist and Bill was much better at it. That was a lie.
“Sit down”, Stan said, pointing to his bed. “I just need to change real quick. This shirt’s been bothering me all day.”
Bill watched him pick at the collar of his polo, the first time he’d seen Stan fidget today. Maybe he’d just not noticed before, too busy thinking about his bleak future. He crossed the room to sit on the bed, pointedly looking anywhere but at Stan. Sure, he had seen him shirtless a million times, they’d just spent a summer full of trips to the quarry, but that was different. If your friend changed in front of you, you weren’t supposed to ogle them and what if Stan caught him looking?
When Stan took forever to find a new shirt and on top of that kept quiet about why he had wanted Bill to come inside, he was starting to get restless. He said it wouldn’t take long, yet here he was, staring at his sneakers and absentmindedly rubbing the spot above his right knee.
Stan finally sat down next to him with an exasperated sigh – still not wearing a shirt. What the fuck? “Alright, what’s up with you?”
Bill glanced at him. “What h-h-h-happened? Did all your sh-sh-shirts shrink?”
“No”, Stan scoffed. He adjusted himself, settling on some odd uncomfortable position, that looked like he might throw out his back if he twisted it anymore.
“Now who’s b-b-being w-weird.” Seriously, did he just want him to come in here so he could strip in front of him? Normally not something Bill would object too, although it was weird, but today was different.
Stan looked at him as if he waited for Bill to realize something or considering if he should tell him something, then shook his head. “Forget it.” He got up and walked over to his closet again. “Sometimes you’re really dense, Rocky.”
This time Bill didn’t avert his eyes, because where the fuck did Stan get off to call him dense, when he did nothing but confuse him? He was about to protest, when he finally noticed he fine scrawl low on Stan’s ribcage. Was that…? That had definitely never been there before, but Stan always covered it with makeup. Why would he forget today? No… he hadn’t forgotten, he had wanted Bill to see it. Too bad he couldn’t read it from where he was sat.
“What d-d-does it s-say?”, he asked. Just as Stan grabbed his old shirt from the floor, the one that was apparently itchy or something.
Stan smiled at him, the fakes look of innocence on his face. “What does what say?”
Bill rolled his eyes. Every other day he would’ve leapt at the chance to figure out Stan’s soulmate tattoo, why did it have to be the same day he lost his? He rubbed his knee again. It was probably completely gone by now, not even a trace left that it ever existed.
“You should read it yourself”, Stan said, coming closer again.
Okay fine. Bill took a deep breath. If Stan wanted to share the secret with him now, he’d be a good friend and support him, promise he wouldn’t tell the others and pretend to be happy for him and his soulmate. He could do that. Then he’d go home right after and hope for a quick death.
But when he lifted his gaze to read the fine letters, he had to do it three times to be sure, he’d read it right. “Is this a j-jo-jo-joke?”
“I wish”, Stan said and rubbed at the tattoo to make it perfectly clear that it was real.
Before he could stop himself, Bill had reached out and brushed his fingertips over the name. Studley. He realized too late what he was doing and quickly pulled his hand away.
Stan laughed, his voice momentarily muffled as he pulled the shirt over his head. “I’ve sworn to kill my soulmate on sight, but I might reconsider that decision.”
Bill gawked at him. Did Stan really think he was his soulmate? He knew what his tattoo said – or rather had said – and Stan had never called him his Rock. They couldn’t be soulmates, especially since Bill’s soulmate was either dead or just lost in some different way.
“You think it’s m-m-m-m-me?”, he managed to press out, hating how squeaky his voice sounded.
“Who else calls me Studley?”
“Richie.”
“Richie already has a soulmate. And he’s an idiot.”
It was only slowly becoming clear to Bill that Stan actually thought they were soulmates, that he wanted Bill to be it. And he would’ve kissed Stan silly at that realization if he didn’t have to squash his hopes.
He shook his head, already hating himself for it. “You c-c-c-can’t be my s-s-soulm-m-mate.”
The smile dropped from Stan’s face immediately. His hands brushing out any crinkles of his shirt, fixing the collar and the hem, then doing it all over okay. “Oh… I thought… I… You were… Forget it.”
Fuck! Shit! “N-n-n-o! I mean, I w-w-want you t-to be, b-b-b-b-buh-but…” He stopped and took another deep breath, trying to speak slower. “But you know w-w-w-what my tatt-t-too says. Said. It’s g-g-g-g-g-g… disap-p-p-ppeared.”
Stan frowned at him, but at least he didn’t look like a kicked puppy anymore. “Tattoos don’t just go away like that.”
Bill shrugged. His apparently did. “M-maybe they d-d-died.”
“Take off your pants!”
“What?!”
Stan simply thrust his chin forward in a “Go ahead. Do it”- motion. “My grandmother died and my grandfather still has his. So take off your pants!”
It didn’t look like Stan was going to take no for answer and Bill didn’t want to fight with him about this, so he started to unbuckle his belt. Again, he’d been in his boxers in front of Stan before, but he’d never ordered him to take off his pants before, so it was different. He felt naked and insecure as he pushed the jeans over his knees.
He’d been wrong. The tattoo wasn’t gone, but part of it was. Where there once had been two words, was only one now. My Rock had turned into Rocky. Soulmate tattoos couldn’t vanish, but they could change? Was that normal? And if it was normal why didn’t they teach them about that in school? He had probably lost ten years of his life today.
Stan smirked at him. “Told you. Soulmates. Unless you want to consider Richie.”
Bill was still too confused to process what this meant. That was too much information at once. Not only did his tattoo change, but Stan had showed him his, Stan believed they were soulmates, Stan liked him back. Stan was his soulmate.
“B-b-but you never c-called me your r-r-rock.”
“Not to your face. Or aloud at all, but… But I’ve thought about you like that.” He licked his lips, looking down at the name on Bill’s knee. “You’ve just… I don’t know. I’ve always felt like I could be myself around you and that you’d be there for me. No matter how annoying I was, I could trust you to be there. So… kind of like my rock.”
He’d had no idea that Stan felt that way about him. Nobody had apparently. “So you knew?”, Bill asked. “You kn-knew the whole t-t-time?”
Stan snorted. “Of course not. How would I know you and Richie would make up that stupid nickname for me? At first I thought you had seen my tattoo somehow, that you were making fun of me.”
“I w-w-wouldn’t make fun of y-you.”
“We’re soulmates then?”, Stan asked, scooting closer to him so their thighs were touching. His heart was jumping out of his chest. Soulmates. Stan was his soulmate the whole time.
“Hell yes.”
He bridged the gap between them and kissed him. Perhaps a bit too enthusiastically. In his head he had pictured it to be a passionate kiss, when in reality it was an almost painful smashing of lips, clinking of teeth and bumping of noses. And he’d definitely hadn’t imagined Stan’s reaction to be laughter.
His face felt hot, when leaned back again. It only made Stan laugh more. “Sh-sh-shut up! I can’t k-kiss you when you’re l-l-l-l-laughing.”
“Sorry”, Stan said in between giggles, not sounding sorry at all. “Maybe you can pull up your pants and we try this again?”
Oh. If possible his cheeks grew even hotter as he quickly pulled his pants back up. He could not believe he’d just wasted their first kiss like that. He had practically headbutted Stan with his pants down. If that ever got out to any of the other Losers, he’d never live it down.
Okay, new try. This time it would be perfect, no laughter, no teeth smashing. But as soon as his eyes met Stan’s, it set both boys off again. Laughter filled the room and every time it was about to die down, they’d just look at each other and start laughing again. Bill didn’t even know why he was laughing. Maybe it was the horrible kiss. Maybe it was the fact that Stan had stripped in front of him to show him his tattoo and it had taken him like 15 minutes to figure it out. Maybe it was because they’d forever have Studley and Rocky tattooed on them.
When they finally calmed down, Stan’s head was resting on Bill’s shoulder, their hands intertwined and Bill didn’t know when that had happened. His heart felt so full in that moment that it might burst.
He brushed his thumb over Stan’s knuckles. “I was g-going to tell you that I l-l-like you. I’ve been t-trying for weeks now.”
“You didn’t try very hard then.”
Bill chuckled. “No, I g-guess not.”
Stan pulled one of his hands away from Bill’s and placed it over his knee, squeezing gently. Maybe he had to live with that stupid tattoo forever, but he was okay with that as long as it meant, he always had Stan by his side.
His hand found its spot on Stan’s side right over his equally stupid tattoo.
“Studley”, he whispered, surprised himself that he didn’t start laughing again.
“Rocky”, Stan said, smiling.
This time he leaned in slowly, pressing his lips softly to Stan’s. This time instead Stan kissed him back. Their lips moved together perfectly and Bill didn’t know how he had gone so long without kissing Stan. Now that he knew how amazing it felt, he was never going to stop kissing him. It was like figuring out how to put letters together to form words, like finally realizing what his mouth was for.
“If anyb-b-body asks this was our first kiss”, he muttered, when they did have to break for air.
“As long as it’s clear that I made the first move.”
“I told you I w-w-was g-going to do it!”
“Mhm… sure.”
“I was!”
“I totally believe you”, Stan said in a tone that said he absolutely did not.
But before Bill could argue more, Stan had sealed his lips with his own again. And did it really matter who had or hadn’t made the first move when it meant he could do this now?