Chapter Text
Fitz sat in the far back seat of the van, sinking into the corner as far as he could and stared out the window. Jemma watched him with concern; he was clearly still in shock. Her analytical brain pushed the surreal pictures of her stabbing his LMD's neck or him standing over her with a gun into the box labelled "nightmares" and shut the lid on them. Fitz, her Fitz – the awkward, heroic scientist, the sweet man she's known for over a decade - was back, they were together and that was all that mattered. Everything else was fixable.
Still, she has never seen him so broken, not even after he woke up from his coma unable to speak. As they had spent the day working side by side, frantically trying to save Mack and Yoyo and figure out a plan to trick AIDA, he avoided talking to her or even looking her in the eye. She wanted to reassure him, to take some of his pain away, but she had no idea where to start.
She took a deep breath, slid in the car, right next to him and hesitantly put her hand on his. He froze for a moment under her touch, then after a few moments of hesitation he opened his palm and interlaced his fingers with her. He kept looking out the window into the darkness.
Still it was progress, Jemma thought. They sat in silence for a while, listening to the hum of the engine that drowned out the lively conversation in the front. She had the overwhelming feeling that she had to say something, but where can you start untangling the threads of different lives, different realities? Before the whole nightmare scenario in the Framework played out, she wanted to tell him about her conversation with the LMD. She wanted to tell him that she was ready to get married and in fact, wanted it for some time now. But under the circumstances, it did not feel right to add to the guilt he was already struggling with.
After some hesitation, she finally said quietly, "Our future is not dead."
At first she was not sure if he heard her, but after a moment Fitz slowly turned his head and looked at her startled. Then he asked in a raw voice "You heard that?"
She nodded. "There is no problem we cannot solve when we are working on it together."
"Those things… I said and did – they cannot be just unsaid and undone." he replied, his voice full of pain.
"Fitz, it's not really your fault. You heard the others, nobody blames you." Then she added looking straight in his eyes. "I don't blame you."
"How can you not, Jemma?" he asked on a flat voice, he tore away his eyes and stared at their intertwined hands.
"Because I know exactly who you are, even if right now you don't quite know it yourself. And whatever happens, I won't give up on us. Will you work with me?"
Fitz looked back at her with tears glimmering in his eyes and nodded.
Jemma smiled at him "Then we'll find the way." He smiled back faintly and squeezed her hand.
The car pulled up to the diner and Jemma let out a relieved sigh. "I'm famished." she announced to the others gleefully.
Blue Raven Ridge – Military Black site
Day 1
Fitz collapsed on the bed exhausted. He lost track of time – he had no idea if the questioning by the military lasted an hour or a day. All of it – the team's sudden disappearance, his arrest, the relentless interrogation bled together into a looming shadow. Still looking around the tiny cell, it somehow felt right. Sins should have consequences, and he was being punished for what he did. All his life he was terrified that people would keep abandoning him. And because of this fear, he unleashed suffering on the ones he cared about most. It was fitting that his punishment would be to be alone – with him – with the dark shadow in his head.
He closed his eyes and immediately he saw Jemma's eyes and heard her voice. "You have to work with me, Fitz. We could be hurt, we could be in danger."
"What could I possibly do, Jemma? I belong in here." he muttered quietly.
"You'll find a way, Fitz. You always do.
Day 3
Fitz stepped back to admire the monkey he drew on the wall.
"It looks like a capuchin." he heard her voice and turned around. Jemma was standing in the corner, smiling at him.
"It is a bonobo, Jemma." He said out of reflex, but then caught himself. "No, not this… I cannot do this again. We both know you don't really exist." he sighed. "I need to stay sane."
"Oh…" she said and looked down dejectedly. "You want me to go?"
"Yes…." he said immediately. Then added a beat later "No, not yet, stay a little… "
Jemma smiled and stepped closer, sitting next to him on the bed. As she leaned closer to look at his notes, he could almost feel her soft hair "Show me what you have, Fitz." she said.
Day 25
"You need to eat, Fitz." she admonished him.
"I'm not really hungry." He stared at his plate in disgust. His stomach was in knots – he was no closer to a solution and the memories of the Framework haunted him. He kept hearing the tortured voices of his victims, felt Ophelia's cool hands against his skin and he just wanted to throw up – he felt so dirty, so ashamed.
Jemma looked at him with concern. "Come on, you are always hungry. And look – it is pancake. It's your favourite."
"Not prison pancake." He rolled his eyes – thinking about their conversation about getting a real home together with a breakfast nook; their dreams of lazy mornings with pancakes and sweet kisses. Too bad he killed those dreams too.
"Don't be ridiculous. Eat. You need sugar so your brain can work. And some protein…"
Fitz sighed exasperated. She was relentless. "Stop, Jemma. Stop worrying about me. I – belong here and…I deserve this… all of it…"
"Snap out of it, Fitz. Have they charged you with anything? What about a lawyer? Being kept in solitary, without due process? You haven't done anything to deserve this. And you know it." Jemma's voice was serious now.
"But Mace, Agnes…" he protested feebly burying his face in his hands.
"That wasn't you… It was him. And even if you feel responsible – legally, in this world – you have done nothing wrong."
"But it was me." those memories continued to weigh him down with guilt.
"No it wasn't. You would have recognized me. You wouldn't have said those things to me."
" But I still did…" he muttered, shaking at the memory.
"Fitz, look at me. That guy – he was not my sweet, best friend, my love - he had none of this" she motioned between them "none of your memories, your experiences. He had nothing – and he means nothing to me, either. This is you Fitz – and you can choose to wallow, or you can work with me and try to find us." she finished. Fitz looked at her, tears falling down his face. It was cleansing.
Day 85
"A ghost, Fitz? Really?" her voice was skeptical. "I thought we didn't believe in ghosts…"
"Well, not really a ghost. An incorporeal entity." Fitz corrected himself.
"Isn't that just a fancy science word for a ghost?" she mocked.
"Fine – tell me then your theory." he snapped back.
"I don't have one – remember? I'm not really here." she shrugged.
"Exactly. You are not here." he said with a sigh.
"But I'm here" she touched his chest lightly, "and here" she looked in his eyes and as he lowered his head, he felt her lips against his forehead.
Day 100
"A hundred monkeys – that's pretty impressive, Fitz."
"Don't you see? There is no way out of here. I'm never going to figure this out – because it MAKES NO BLOODY SENSE" he shouted, beating his head against the wall to accentuate each word.
"Shhhhh" her hands were immediately on his shoulder. "You can't give up, now. You promised that you'll work with me. We belong together."
"It's kind of hard to believe that. I know you'll say, it's rubbish, but look at the evidence – the universe rips us apart – always. And maybe… it's for the best… I don't deserve…" he swallowed hard as Jemma glared at him daring him to finish his sentence. "…well – you." he muttered staring at his shoes.
"That's not for you to decide, Fitz." she snapped angrily. "I crawled out of a grave to bring you back – you don't just get to give up for both of us. And by the way, if the universe has anything to do with it, which is utterly ridiculous, it doesn't only rip us apart – it always brings us back together. That's what I choose to focus on – now do your push-ups and start working."
"Bossy…" Fitz said under his breath, but got down on the floor to do his push-ups obediently.
Day 178
"Aliens? Simmons, I thought you are not supposed to feed me crackpot theories. You are here to keep me sane." he was annoyed. Simmons seemed as lost as he was. Well, her manifestation in his mind – he quickly corrected himself. It was important to stay focused. The days, weeks, endless months bled together – it was too tempting to get lost in a fantasy.
"And here I thought I'm here because you miss me." she smiled.
"I do miss her. I miss her so much it hurts." he whispered out loud, his voice echoing against the empty walls. The 178 monkeys on the wall stared at him mockingly.
"You'll be together, forever." Jemma said gently.
"How can you believe that?" he looked at her.
"How could I not? Think about it, Fitz – we had found a way, every time, when the odds were … astronomical…"
"…impossible…" he whispered. Even when the numbers didn't add up – something always brought them together.
"Exactly…But you'll have to tell her." Jemma said.
"Tell her what?" he asked.
"That you love her. That you want to be with her, forever."
He closed his eyes, thinking back of all the ways he planned to propose to her, but something always held him back. Whatever he could think of, it was never good enough, too imperfect. "What if…" he started hesitantly.
She scoffed. "What if… - you see? All these wasted years, because of fear and doubt? What do you have left to lose? She deserves to know how you feel."
2091 – Lighthouse, Kasius' Place
Fitz forgot what he was about to say to Enoch, when he saw her. Not the imaginary Jemma in her blue sweater and with her bouncy ponytail, but an entirely impossible Jemma – dressed in the gold-white uniform of Kasius' slaves. It felt like the world stopped for a moment – because here they were again. Together - after impossible odds. Their love did not obey the laws of the visible world – it was beyond that; belonged in the realm of quantum physics; into a place where mathematics was unchained, where they had passed the event horizon together and their fates were bound together forever.