Chapter Text
Taehyung had had a relatively happy childhood- there were no big injuries that left his bones just a little out of place. He had never been to the hospital- save that one time when he was six and had shattered his wrist while jumping off the slide in the park down their neighbourhood’s road. Looking back, Taehyung would only years later truly understand and appreciate the patience with which his grandparents had raised him. The diligence with which they must have watched him to ensure a reckless child like himself had only been to the hospital once.
Now, nearly seventeen years later, he was stepping into a hospital for the second time in his life. It didn’t seem like a horrible place to him- pleasant staff, plants in the attempt to make it look livelier and high windows that let light come in and spread across everything. It was pleasant. Perhaps it wasn’t that bad because all the suffering was carefully tucked away in ten by ten rooms with identical beds and identical sheets- patients who were all different but suffered all the same. TV’s that rang with the same reruns of shows that were almost as stale as the expressions on the faces of those who waited to hear news. This house of suffering- this building that held the bad memories of millions- carefully kept a happy facade over it all.
Or perhaps it was easier for him because he had never been alone. Seventeen years ago, his grandfather had carried him through those doors in his arms. Now, there was a hand through his. The hand, warm and familiar, interlocking with his and perhaps holding him up in a less literal way then his grandfather all those years ago.
Jeon Jeongguk- his best friend, his roommate, his soulmate. Taehyung liked to think that part of the reason why he had never missed the siblings he had never lived with was because Jeongguk had taken their place in his heart. Not as a brother, but as a constant companion. Taehyung had met him when he was only five years old, and the younger was three. Their friendship was built over banana milk smuggled out of their homes and a desolate playground where no one came except for them- which could be transformed into a pirate ship, a castle, an army barrack- wherever their imaginations led them.
Taehyung was extremely proud to say that he had been the one who had taught Jeongguk to ride a bike without training wheels. He still considered it one of his greatest achievements. Back then, when the boy was four and terrified of the pavement below him, he had made Taehyung promise hyungie, don’t ever let me go. Taehyung never had, never. Eighteen years later and his life was so irrevocably tied to Jeongguk’s that sometimes he felt like he could feel the other boy’s heart beating right next to his.
Taehyung hadn’t let go, and Jeongguk hadn’t either. Here, in the hall that smelled like antiseptic, his hand was still pressed between two of his. He still whispered calming words to Taehyung’s ear, still let the elder rest his dead weight against him in the cold, uncomfortable metal chairs.
A nurse came into the hall. “Kim Taeri?” she called, the name heavy and unfamiliar on her tongue. Taehyung stood up- and so did Jeongguk, as if he was an extension of him. The woman gestured for them to approach her, which they hesitantly did.
“Kim Taehyung,” he introduced himself, “Taeri’s brother. And this is Jeon Jeongguk, my boyfriend.” In truth, the younger wasn’t his boyfriend. But he was more than that, and he knew that label would cause the least questions to be asked. Plus, they were fluid with the title. They had no qualms about using the term because it could be used to describe their relationship- it would just remain unsatisfactory. Taehyung doubted soulmate would have earned the same unaffected nod.
The nurse walked briskly, after conveying how deeply sorry she was for Taehyung’s loss. He wondered how many times she might have said those words- brought news of death and the end of life as it was known by so many families. He wondered if she looked at him and was puzzled at just how unaffected they both seemed to be. She couldn’t know, so she would never understand the cold numbness that had settled in his gut.
She couldn’t know that Taeri had only been his sister in name and blood- them having been separated early when his parents decided one child was all they could afford to raise. Taehyung was sent away to live with his grandparents, and a sister was simply an idea for him- a someone who was too far away to matter. He tried to feel something about her death, but all he could conjure up was a lazy sort of melancholy. The kind you felt when you passed by a funeral procession- that one moment of comradeship and pity for the stranger who had died and those who would miss them.
But the nurse couldn’t know all of this- didn’t know the woman on that hospital bed was as much of a stranger to him as she was to her. So Taehyung nodded and let that reluctant melancholy wash over him completely. One by one, all of the adults in their proximal family had died- his parents first, in an accident to which he had only responded with the same impersonal sadness felt only out of requirement. It was a horrible pain, to outlive one’s child, and Taehyung had watched his grandparents wither under it. Within four years, both of them had died, and god, that pain had been a terrible one. He had only survived it with Jeongguk’s hand in his own, his other friends’ support and the younger’s family keeping him close after.
It was strange to think that now, he was the only one left of his family. He was the only one who would trace out his family tree in the same way- that every family member close to him now had a death announcement in the papers. He wondered what was sadder- that he had lost so many family members, or that he had been unaffected by the deaths of the majority of them. He ignored the thoughts and focussed on the hand in his- the steady presence by his side. He had found his own family- had been held and loved- he hadn’t lost all of that when his family died. The emptiness in his chest scared him. He whispered this in Jeongguk’s ear.
The younger looked at him, wide eyes deep and dark. He leaned forward, pressed a kiss to Taehyung’s temple and whispered, “I’ve got you, hyungie.” And Taehyung would trust him- would believe in the support his best friend had never denied him before. He knew that even if he felt empty right now, his love for Jeongguk would dance through him and keep him full and smiling.
They went through the corridors, going from department to department. All the different types of pain flitted past their eyes- all the different things that could either take your life away or be overcome by you. Big words, scientific phrases for things he knew only as eye doctor or ear doctor. There was no need to study pain in detail until it knocked on your door- and he never had.
Eventually, they reached a ward. It was different from the others- paintings on the walls and stuffed animals on the waiting tables. There were posters on the walls saying things like brushing your teeth can be fun! decorated with animal cartoons and little kids with western features. There were also more serious posters, meant for parents to read, saying things like cancer- not just for adults.
“Paediatrics,” Jeongguk breathed next to his ear as he reached the same realisation as Taehyung had. Taehyung couldn’t help but think that though this ward was the most decorated, it was also the most painful one to see. What could be more terrible than children in pain?
They passed through the cheerfully decorated wards to another, large room. One with seemingly endless rows of cradles in neat rows. Babies, sleepy and pliant, resting in at least half of them. With purpose, the nurse led the two, now mystified, boys into the room and up to one of the cradles.
A baby lay inside, deeply asleep. His eyes were shut to allow long lashes to brush against his plump cheeks. He had a little thumb inside his mouth, but wasn’t really sucking it at all. His hair was thick, lying against his forehead in a gentle fringe. His body looked so small, tucked inside the blanket- was he premature? But he looked healthy and comfortable. He was beautiful. He was perfect.
“I’m glad you think so,” the nurse said when he voiced this, “Because he’s yours.”
The hand in Taehyung’s shook, but didn’t let go. Taehyung grasped tighter.
03/14/18
1 day
Introducing Kim Moonwon!