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Most people had one soulmate tattoo, or maybe two. Possibly three, if you were lucky.
Or, in Nico Di Angelo’s opinion, not lucky at all.
In his eyes, soulmate tattoos were a burden, a curse, a prison. They were shackles hidden under pretty swirls of colour, and Nico didn’t want anything to do with them.
And so, of course, he had four.
They were, objectively, quite pretty. Some of them moved restlessly on his skin, twisting and turning this way and that. Sometimes, when he was in a particularly good mood or when one of his sisters had reminded him, once again, that soulmates were not a promise and not binding, and he could say no, say this isn’t working, say goodbye if he wanted, he would look down at them. Count them, maybe.
The first two were ones he loved. The first was, in his opinion, the prettiest. It was a flower, small and delicate and pretty and black. This in itself was rare- normally soulmarks screamed at you to look, were bright shades of yellow and pink and red and blue, but maybe this soulmark knew that it didn’t have to do anything to call attention to itself, because this first soulmark linked Nico and his sister, Bianca.
The next soulmark was similar. This one linked Nico and his half-sister (sister, she always corrected him when he said that. Am I half a sister? Half a girl?) Hazel. Hazel and Nico shared a father, although Hazel’s mother was dead and so was Nico’s. Their father had remarried to a woman called Persephone, and Nico liked her well enough, but he couldn’t help but feel he was being replaced. Like his mother, and Hazel’s, too, had never mattered. Like this was Hades rebuilding a family from the scraps of his old one, and now he didn’t need any of his three children anymore.
Regardless of Nico’s complicated and messy feelings for Hades, he loved Hazel, and their shared mark reflected that. It was, like his and Bianca’s, of nature- a tree, curling up and around Nico’s ribcage, shades of soft brown and green that, sometimes, in the right (or wrong) light, looked almost like a bruise. In the spring it flowered pink and purple and white, though, and in autumn the leaves turned brilliant shades of gold and orange before dropping off in winter, leaving behind a barren tree.
Nico loved those tattoos simply because they were physical reminders of what he already knew. He loved his sisters, and he would have loved them if he hadn’t had the tattoos and he loved them when he did.
The next two were the ones he had a problem with. They were people he didn’t know yet and didn’t care yet- these people he had never met before had matching tattoos on their skin, a permanent reminder of the way they were fated to care for each other and love another and be each other’s other halves or whatever bullshit people spouted after (or worse, before) they had met their soulmates.
The third tattoo was a paper plane. Nico thought it was the stupidest tattoo he’d ever seen, although it was possible that he was biased. It fluttered all over his skin when he was anxious or scared or worried, twisting over his wrists and along his arms and shoulder blades, drifting lazily when he was calm and relaxed, doing little loop the loops when he was happy or excited. Sometimes it would fly around Bianca’s flower or Hazel’s tree, and Nico hated that the most. Those tattoos were his, after all, and this plane was… Well, he didn’t know if belonged to a friend or a lover or a previously undiscovered family member (knowing Hades, entirely possible) but he didn’t care. At least, he consoled himself, it was small and flew around his body so much it wasn’t usually in a public place for long.
Unlike his final tattoo. This one was on his wrist, a stark golden that stood out on Nico’s pale wrist. It glittered and it shone and it was beautiful and Nico hated it.
To make matters worse, it wasn’t just a soulmate tattoo. If it had been like the paper plane or the tree or the flower, moving around according to Nico or the seasons and not according to the soulmate, he would have been okay. But his final mark was a compass, and (or so Bianca and Hazel thought) instead of the needle swinging around according to where Nico was, the needle swung so it was always pointing towards his soulmate.
His soulmate.
So they, when the time came, would be able to see him. He wouldn’t be able to hide it under a long sleeved jumper or a scarf or makeup. His soulmate would see their needle on their end pointing right at Nico, and they would know.
And Nico would have to force politeness and tell them that he was sorry, but he didn’t like the idea of soulmates, and he didn’t believe in fate or destiny, and he wouldn’t be friends with them or date them because of a tattoo, of all things, and it was nice meeting them, but, oh, look at the time, he had to leave.
He dreaded that day. He did. Although- sometimes- in the dead of night, where it was just Nico, alone, just him and the stars and the wind rushing through the trees and his heartbeat steady in his chest, he felt something that felt like excitement.
****
He hadn’t always been like that. Believe it or not, at a young age he had loved his marks. He had thought he was special to have four, and he had run his fingers over the compass, stared as the plane raced over his legs, smiled as flowers blossomed on Hazel’s tree and watched Bianca’s black flower bloom and wilt on his calf.
Then he had met Hazel and she had told him her mother had been soulmates with Nico’s father, but Hades hadn’t been her soulmate- or he had been, but he hadn’t thought they were romantic, had thought it was platonic, and they had tried to be together, but it had ended in broken glass and tears. Because they had thought they had to be together, Hazel had said, and she hadn’t meant for Nico to take it to heart as much as he did, but it didn’t matter.
That was what started it all. After that, Nico couldn’t help but notice the soulmate horror stories. People who didn’t have them and who were stuck in a world where almost everyone did. Platonic soulmates who forced a romantic relationship because they thought that was their destiny.
The word fate started to leave a bad taste in Nico’s mouth.
That was when he was eight.
When he was twelve, Bianca died.
“Sudden,” Hades had told him. “There’s nothing anyone could have done. I’m so sorry, Nico.”
“Sorry doesn’t make this better,” Nico had shouted at him, furious and miserable and afraid, deathly afraid, because who was he without Bianca, really?
His tattoo faded until it was just a shadow, more a suggestion of a flower than anything else. Worse of all a new tattoo appeared in its place, golden and glittering, an eagle that swooped over Nico’s collarbones and along the back of his neck.
“It doesn’t mean this tattoo replaces her,” Hazel told him one night when he was so tired he could barely think straight, one night where finally he had let himself cry in front of Hazel, let himself sob into her shoulder and ask her between deep shuddering breaths why, why it had to be Bianca, why he hadn’t been a better brother, why he hadn’t loved her more and been more and been better, and he hated this new tattoo because nobody could replace her, and- and-
He could barely speak by the end of it, but it didn’t matter. Hazel stroked his hair from his face, murmuring comforting words.
He felt better after that, but it didn’t change the way he thought about soulmates.
****
He was fourteen when he realised he was gay.
He had a crush on his friend, Percy Jackson, and for a while he had hoped that perhaps, maybe, Percy would like him back. Maybe - and this was a thought that Nico kept to himself and didn’t share with even Hazel- maybe his eagle or his compass or his paper plane would also be inked onto Percy’s skin.
Nico didn’t think he would care so much about the soulmarks if they linked him to Percy.
He let Percy catch a glimpse of the eagle. No reaction. The same thing happened with the plane, and although the compass didn’t point to him, had never pointed anywhere near him, Nico still hoped.
Then Annabeth swept her hair into a ponytail one day and revealed the seashell on the back of her neck, twin to the one on Percy’s ankle, and Nico realised that he was deluding himself.
(It didn’t change the way he felt. It didn’t change much at all, really, except Nico now knew he didn’t have a chance with Percy - if he had ever had one- because nobody could compete with that kind of love, and they would be a fool to try.)
When he was fifteen, four new students arrived at his school- Jason Grace, Piper McLean, Leo Valdez and Frank Zhang.
Frank stumbled over his words when he met Hazel, turning a light shade of pink as she smiled at him, happy and light and brilliant, and Nico turned away, knowing exactly what Bianca would have said to him if she had been there.
“She’s growing up, Nico, and there’s nothing you can do about that.”
It still hurt.
It hurt even more when a paper plane hit him in the back of the head in Physics, and Nico turned around, equal parts afraid and angry, to find a sheepish Jason Grace in the seat behind him. “I was aiming at Leo,” he said, and Nico decided it was just a fluke.
Sometimes soulmate tattoos didn’t have significance. Sometimes they just looked pretty.
But Jason talked to him, invited him to sit with him at lunch, and Nico met Piper, Leo, Reyna and Cecil. Frank joined them, too, sometimes, and then Hazel, too, and occasionally a strange kid called Octavian who didn’t seem to like any of them and who didn’t seem to be liked by any of them, either.
Nico liked them all. He liked Jason a lot, liked Reyna a lot, too. She reminded him of Bianca, a little, and someone had yelled some comment about her legs at her once in gym class and she’d decked the guy, broke his nose and laughed at the expression on Nico’s face.
Jason had tattoos, Nico knew, and he knew that one matched with Leo and one with Reyna and sometimes Jason thought another might match to Piper, but wasn’t sure and wasn’t confident enough to ask. He knew there was another one, too, but had deliberately avoided discussing that one.
Was he afraid that Jason’s would match up to his? He couldn’t forget the paper plane in Physics. He couldn’t forget that Reyna reminded him of an eagle, sometimes, with her head cocked and her eyes sharper than they should have been.
Nico told himself he wasn’t afraid. (It was a lie.)
But surely- surely this didn’t mean fate. He would have loved them without soulmarks, like he would have loved Hazel and Bianca without soulmarks, and he loved Piper and Leo and he knew they weren’t soulbonded.
He didn’t know who the compass led to. Jason said maybe he should follow it, like a hot and cold trail. (He had seen it in gym and peppered him with questions until Nico had given up and told him no, he didn’t know who it belonged to, and yes, he thought it led to them.)
Piper, who had somehow found out, too, or maybe just knew in that uncanny way of hers, said he should leave it to fate. Nico had agreed and ignored the look Jason had given him.
****
In the end, it all came up naturally and quietly and slowly. One day, when it was just Reyna and Nico at a coffee shop, waiting for their friends to arrive and kind of halfheartedly looking at Chemistry notes, Reyna asked him about it. “How many tattoos do you have?”
“Five,” Nico had said, because he did have five. Bianca’s counted. Bianca’s had to count.
“Ah. I have three.” Reyna nodded and chewed on a pen. “One’s an eagle.”
Nico had frozen. Then he had told himself not to be so silly as Reyna rolled up her sleeve and showed him the eagle fluttering around her wrist, identical to his. “Yes,” he had said, quiet, so quiet he wasn’t sure she had heard him say it. “Yes. Me too.”
And he had showed her the eagle on the back of his neck, and she had nodded, a small smile flitting around her lips, and they hadn’t made a big deal of it. Nothing changed outwardly- Reyna still treated him the exact same, and nobody else seemed to know- and yet Nico felt as if a huge weight had come off his shoulders.
****
A few weeks later, perhaps prompted by Reyna, or maybe just seeing the way Nico seemed slightly more relaxed about the topic of soulmates, Jason came to him, slightly anxious and slightly afraid. “Dude, I don’t want to make you uncomfortable. But I just thought-“
And Nico had known, and yes, he could have sat and waited for Jason to say, could have let him flounder for a while, but he thought of Reyna, quiet in the coffee shop, eyes dark and cautious, holding her coffee in front of her like it was a shield. He thought of her taking a small breath in before she started to talk, her voice careful and controlled. Only someone who knew her well would have heard the anxiety in her voice.
He had stretched his leg out, pulling up his trouser leg, and the paper plane had done a little loop the loop of anxiety on his skin.
Jason had exhaled. Shown him the matching tattoo on his shoulder blade, smiling a little.
I would have chosen him without the tattoo, Nico had told himself, but still- still it made him uneasy. He tried to hide it as Jason gave him an awkward pat on the shoulder, knowing how much he hated physical contact, and watched as Jason’s smile grew wider and wider as they walked into Geography and he spotted Nico’s mouth curling into a smile.
Nico started to cover the compass. Now he had found four of his five soulmarks, it made him want to find his final one even less.
He had enough soulmates.
****
In their final year of high school, talk turned to colleges and plans. Nico didn’t know what he was going to do with his life- didn’t even know what he wanted to do at college or if he would even go- but that seemed to be okay. Reyna didn’t know, either, and neither did Jason or Cecil or Lou Ellen, the newest addition to their group.
Piper wanted to help people- be a therapist or something similar. Leo wanted to be a mechanic. Hazel wanted - well, she said sometimes she might like to teach, and Frank… Well, Nico didn’t know what Frank wanted to do. A little less than a year ago Frank and Hazel had realised their soulmarks matched, and after Nico’s obligatory ‘if you hurt my sister I’ll kill you’ speech, Frank didn’t seem as inclined to talk to him.
Funny.
Sometimes Reyna would press a hand to his neck when he was anxious, soft and feather-light, and it helped. It helped. He felt like it shouldn’t- felt like maybe he should care more, because, after all, he had spent the past four or so years hating anyone who wasn’t Hazel touching him, but he found that it helped that Reyna was doing it to help him, to calm him down. It helped that the touches were small and brief, that she wasn’t pushing unnecessarily.
Baby steps. Baby steps.
He still kept his compass tattoo covered. He didn’t even know where it pointed anymore, didn’t know directions. For all he knew, it could be pointing directly at someone right in the school.
He didn’t know, didn’t care.
****
In their last year of high school, Nico had thought he would feel more upset, but he didn’t. At graduation, he just felt tired, wishing he hadn’t stayed up so late playing video games and had instead got sleep so he didn’t feel so goddamned empty as everyone else cried and cheered and yelled.
He had been accepted into the same college as Jason. Same college as Cecil, too, and Reyna was only fifteen minutes away. Piper, too, was close, and Leo had met his third soulmate (first and second being Piper and Jason) and was talking about setting up a mechanic’s shop nearby. Lou Ellen was studying Philosophy and Politics at the same college as Piper, and all in all, Nico felt good about it.
Four years ago he would have said it was stupid for them to be so close together, that college was all about branching out and becoming independent and all that, but now he couldn’t imagine them being apart.
Frank and Hazel were still in high school. His father was pushing for Hazel to go to a fancy college, one better than Nico’s (although he didn’t say it in so many words and was still paying, so Nico didn’t really care) and Frank was probably going to go where Hazel went or at least nearby. Nico missed Hazel when they were apart, but he decided she was seventeen, now, and she needed space to breathe.
College was fun, after all, and it took his mind off it. His course was exciting, and he met some new people.
His soulmark was still covered, though.
****
He met Will Solace in the rain. He had forgotten an umbrella (despite Jason reminding him, sternly, that the weather forecast was bad and he already had a cold and he was awful when he was sick like Nico was actually listening or caring) and was debating whether it was worth it to hold his notes over his head as a shield or if that would be counter-productive. After all, he was out in the rain to go to a coffee shop to study without hearing Jason and Piper talk on the phone (loudly and complete with Jason waving the phone on Nico’s face every other minute with a ‘Piper says hi!’).
He was still five minutes away from his favourite coffee shop when it started to pour. Then Nico started his internal debate over being dry vs being told off by his professor when, miraculously, the rain stopped. Nico blinked just as he heard a cheerful “hi!”
He blinked again and turned his head. Next to him stood a blonde boy, amiable and cheerful, a smile spread across his face. He didn’t look suited to the rain: everything about him screamed sun and summer and warmth, from his tanned skin to his golden hair to the freckles dotting his nose. Maybe that was why he was carrying an umbrella that looked like it could fit five people underneath.
“Sorry if I’m intruding,” Summer Boy said, grinning even wider at Nico’s presumably baffled expression. “But I work at the café down the road- and I’ve seen you there before with notes, so I assumed you were going there today. I thought you looked miserable and wet, see, and I took pity.”
Nico didn’t know quite what to say. He always felt awkward and stilted around people like that- sunny people, friendly people, people who possessed the self confidence to go up to a stranger they thought they might have seen in their café once and offer their umbrella. Nico was the opposite of this boy in every way, and he knew it. “Thanks,” he settled on, trying out a small smile. “You’re a lifesaver.”
Lifesaver? Mentally Nico kicked himself. He didn’t think he had ever said the word ‘lifesaver’ before in his life. It sounded silly and awkward in his mouth, but Umbrella Boy didn’t seem to notice. He pulled out another sunny smile. “Awesome! I’m Will, by the way. Will Solace. I work at Half Blood- although I’ve already told you that, never mind. Do you go to the college?”
“Yeah,” Nico said, and then remembered he hadn’t told Will his name. “I’m Nico, by the way. Nico Di Angelo.”
“Nice to meet you.” Will grinned once more. “I’m a Medicine student, what are you studying?”
Nico simultaneously wished the walk would end soon and wished it would carry on for longer. He hated small talk, but at the same time, he liked Will’s brilliant smile and he liked the fact that (so far, at least) Will didn’t seem to care that Nico was tripping over his words a little and wasn’t really contributing that much to the conversation. He answered the question, feeling a small smile tug at his lips as they reached the café. Will pushed the door open for him, and Nick exhaled in relief as warmth enveloped him.
He felt as if he would be coming back to the coffee shop more often, now.
****
He came back. He came back the next day, and not just because it was warm and quiet and they served good coffee. He saw Will again, and the smile that lit up his face at the sight of him made him come back again.
And again.
One day, they were both leaving at the same time, and they walked back to the college together. Will lived near Nico, and gradually Nico started to learn his schedule and leave at the same time as him just to get those ten minutes of walking and talking and Will’s smile.
Because it was beautiful.
Nico learned that Will wanted to be a doctor more than he wanted anything else. He had about ten siblings, but one of his brothers was dead, and Will didn’t like to talk about it. He had a soulmate tattoo for his family that all of them on his dad’s side had, a golden sun spread across his shoulder blades, and Nico had had to contain his smile at that, because of course Will would have a tattoo of the goddamn sun.
Will liked tea more than coffee. He only drank coffee when he was up late studying, and because of the amount of siblings he had, he worked at the coffee shop most days to try and pay his way through college. He knew Cecil and laughed when he realised Nico was ‘that Nico- the emo one Cecil talks about!’ (Nico hadn’t spoken to Cecil for four days after that.)
Nico learned that Will had a weakness for Maltesers, of all things, and ate too much junk food for a med student. He liked to run, and he liked the colour yellow, and he wore jumpers that smelt like fresh air and mint.
Nico didn’t learn anything about Will’s soulmarks, because he didn’t ask. He didn’t want to know.
He thought he wouldn’t mind if Will was his soulmate. He wouldn’t mind as much as he would if it was anyone else, but he didn’t know if he thought of Will as a friend or not. Sometimes he thought he did- and then Will would smile that stupid smile again, and Nico’s stomach would do that stupid flop again and he would realise, once again, how screwed he was.
It made him want to look at his compass again. Sometimes he came close, hiding out in the bathroom at Half Blood, fingers over his jumper’s sleeve, heart racing, but every time he thought that it was better not to know.
After all, Will liked soulmates. He had his family mark, and he had marks to friends, too, although Nico didn’t know much about those. His parents hadn’t been soulmates- he said his dad had just had his family tattoo, and his mom had had one linking her to a childhood friend and nothing else. Still, Nico got the impression Will liked them.
That made it worse. Soulmarks were one-way, sometimes, and the more Nico thought Will was his soulmate the more he despaired. Surely Will, social butterfly and soulmark enthusiastic, Will who always knew exactly what to say, Will who was bright and bubbly and brilliant would have already told him if they were soulmates. Surely he would have already said if he had a compass with a needle that pointed to Nico.
It felt like a repeat of the Percy situation. Nico knew he had no chance, knew that realistically they weren’t soulmates (or at least not a matching pair of soulmates) and yet he couldn’t quite bring himself to believe it.
Hell, he didn’t even know if Will was gay.
It sucked. It sucked a lot. But at least, if all else failed, Nico had Reyna. He had asked her to come to Half Blood to meet him, partially because he really did miss her and partially to get her opinion on Will. Reyna was a no-bullshit kind of person. If she didn’t like him or thought that Nico had no chance with him she would say so, and Nico loved her for it.
Maybe he was being too harsh with himself, or maybe he was being too kind. Maybe Will just thought of him as Cecil’s strange emo friend and was only talking to him because Cecil would be annoyed if he didn’t.
Maybe.
Nico had already set himself up with a black coffee when Reyna swept in her eyes narrowed at the people who were staring at her. Nico couldn’t blame them- as always, Reyna looked beautiful, but it wasn’t a Hazel kind of beautiful or even a Piper sort of beautiful. Hazel’s beauty was soft and sweet. Hazel reminded Nico of a doe sometimes- gentle and shy and delicate. Of course, Hazel was more than capable of taking care of herself, but perhaps she didn’t always look it. Even Piper’s beauty was at least slightly attainable. She smiled a lot and her kaleidoscope eyes danced when she looked at you, but Reyna…
Reyna frequently reminded Nico of a sword. She was all sharp edges and curved grins, eyes that threatened to destroy you and heels that made her tower over pretty much everyone. Nico found Reyna scary most of the time, and he was one of the people who knew her the best. He had seen her with the flu and seen her crying at sad films.
Nico sipped his coffee as Reyna approached the counter. Will, to his credit, didn’t look too intimidated as Reyna glared down at him and ordered.
Nico wondered if he saw the eagle tattoo on her forearm, wondered if he knew about the matching one on the back of Nico’s neck.
He pressed his hands against his coffee as Reyna stalked over, her eyebrows drawn over her eyes. “He seems nice,” she said.
“Don’t tell me I’m that transparent,” Nico responded, groaning. “Why don’t we discuss your college course before you give me your opinion on Will so I can pretend I have some dignity?”
Reyna snorted. “Do you care about my college course?”
“Yes!”
“Let me rephrase,” she said. “Which do you care about more: my college course or Will?”
At that, Nico took a sip of his coffee and looked away. “I didn’t just ask you here for your opinion on Will,” he settled on eventually.
“Right.” Reyna clucked her tongue against the roof of her mouth. “Here’s what I think. I think that my two minute analysis of Will doesn’t matter. I do think that my however many years it is now of knowing you does matter.”
Nico stared down at his coffee. “Right.”
Will called out Reyna’s name and she got to her feet. Nico spent the minute she was gone trying to mentally prepare himself for the harsh truth that Reyna was about to tell him, and thought he was ready as she sat down again.
“Look, Nico. You’ve spent the past four years telling us all about how you don’t believe in soulmates. Or at least you don’t believe that they should rule your life. You can make friends outside your soulmarked friends- you can have romantic partners whilst you’re still looking for the person with your tattoo on them somewhere. You can not care about tattoos. Whatever. The point is you’re getting all carried away about how this guy could be your soulmate or not. You and me both know there’s one way to find out- checking your wrist. And I know you don’t want to, and I respect that.” She took a breath. “But, Nico, you’re forgetting you can flirt with this boy without knowing. You can ask him out, ask him if he’s gay, kiss him, whatever. This boy makes you happy, Nico, and you deserve to be happy.”
Nico tapped his nails on his coffee cup, mulling over Reyna’s words. She was right. He didn’t want to check his compass, because he didn’t really want to know for certain. Not yet, at least. Maybe that was weird. Maybe he would be happier if he knew… But he didn’t think so.
Will made him happy. That was all that mattered.
“He cares about soulmarks, though,” Nico said, more to his coffee than to Reyna.
He felt her eyes on him. “Maybe,” she said thoughtfully, “But he’s staring over here right now, and he’s looking a little bit jealous and a little bit afraid that I might murder you.”
Nico resisted the urge to look for a grand total of two seconds. He smiled at the sight- Will didn’t even bother pretending he wasn’t looking, just shot him a careful smile, slightly cautious, slightly anxious. The message was clear- are you alright?
Old friend, Nico mouthed and watched as Will’s shoulders relaxed.
He supposed that was fair- after all, he didn’t think he and Reyna looked too happy together. Their conversation wasn’t the lightest, after all.
“That-“ isn’t jealousy, Nico was about to say, and then cut himself off.
Did it matter? He could flirt with Will Solace. He could chat to him and be nice and maybe kiss him, and if Will wanted to be just friends, well, Nico would be okay with that.
He needed to be more confident, or so Piper was always telling him, and this was a good place to start.
****
In the next few months, Nico tried. Honestly, he tried. He smiled more, attempted small light touches that honestly Will probably didn’t notice, and just made an effort.
The truth was that he didn’t really know how to flirt. The disaster with Percy had been one-sided pining, and Nico was rapidly realising that he didn’t actually know how to express interest in someone.
He had considered asking Reyna, or, perhaps, Jason, but abandoned both ideas after considering them. Jason would laugh, and Reyna would give vague advice like ‘be friendly’ or ‘be yourself’. Nico didn’t really know how to be friendly, and he didn’t really know how to be himself, either.
Thankfully, his awkward and stilted attempts at flirting didn’t go unnoticed for long. Gradually- slowly- so slowly Nico was almost sure he was imagining it- Will started to reciprocate his small smiles, his cautious touches.
It made Nico feel almost sick. What… What if he wasn’t Will’s soulmate? He had come to terms with it himself, but what if Will hadn’t?
What if Will was still hung up about soulmates?
After almost four months of their- well- whatever you could call it, Nico felt like he was about to explode. And so he did the only thing he could: he looked.
He did what he had thought he would never do, and he went into the bathroom of the coffee shop and rolled up his sleeve. He hesitated over the thick bracelet on his left wrist, paused.
If he did this…. If he did it, there was no going back. He would know, and he wouldn’t be able to unknow.
He took a breath in, a breath out. He stared at the wall opposite him in the cubicle, staring at the messages scrawled there. He couldn’t read them, though, couldn’t make any sense of the letters.
“On three,” Nico whispered to himself. Slow and quiet. He closed his eyes, held his hand over the band on his wrist, and counted in his head.
One.
Was he making a mistake? What if he was wrong- would it matter? Did it matter?
Two.
He cared about Will, he did. Maybe it didn’t matter if they were soulmates or not, but, God, Nico hadn’t really realised how much he cared, how much he wanted this, until here and now, his breath coming in short gasps, his fingers trembling.
Three.
He pulled off the bracelet and opened his eyes.
The compass looked the exact same as normal. Small and golden and intricate, the edges not like a normal compass- patterns burst from the sides, flowers and suns and trees and a skull, even. Nico stared at the outside without even looking at the inside, trying to gather his courage.
The compass reminded him of Will. Will was in the suns and in the yellow sunflowers twisted around the outside, and Nico himself was in the skulls and the trees that reached for his palm instead of the sky, like they would have if they were real.
Maybe it was just wishful thinking, though. Maybe he thought they looked like something Will would like because he wanted it to be Will.
Maybe he was overthinking. Maybe he was going around and around in circles, maybe, maybe, maybe…
He looked.
The compass’ needle was pointing at South-West. Backwards.
Towards the counter of the coffee shop.
As Nico watched, the needle twisted a little this way and that. Will moving around, probably, and that made him more certain than ever that his suspicions had been right.
If his soulmate had been far away, the compass’ needle wouldn’t have moved with them, or at least wouldn’t have moved enough for Nico to notice it.
Nico realised his hands were trembling and looped them together, exhaling a shaky breath.
He had been right. He had been right, gods, he had been right.
A small smile was pulling at the corners of his mouth, but even as he felt happiness twisting in his stomach, he felt nerves, too, because he hadn’t actually thought about what would happen next.
Will didn’t cover up his soulmark. Sure, whenever Nico had seen him, he had long sleeves or a jumper on, but that was because it was winter, and nobody was stupid enough to wander around in a short sleeved t-shirt just to show off their soulmark.
Will had said before that he liked soulmates.
Either the soulmark was one way (and Nico’s stomach dropped at the thought) or Will had thought that Nico didn’t want him.
Nico closed his eyes, analysing his behaviour from the last few months. Gods. From Will’s point of view, it must have looked… well, he didn’t even know what it must have looked like.
Weird, Nico’s brain supplied.
He leant his head against the stall of the bathroom, sighing. He had thought that this was a grand breakthrough, had thought that this was going to change everything, but now he was seeing that this hadn’t really changed much at all.
He was still the same socially awkward Nico, and he still didn’t know what to do.
****
Will didn’t seem to notice that Nico was acting strange on the walk back. Or maybe he did and just realised that Nico didn’t want to talk about it.
Do you know? Nico wanted to ask as they walked. As Will talked, complaining about his professor and the rain and a hundred other small things, Nico kept opening his mouth, but he couldn’t force the words out.
There were a hundred ways that it could go wrong, Nico told himself, and so he snapped his mouth closed and carried on listening to Will.
He didn’t know if he could manage to bring himself to tell him. He almost wished he can’t checked his wrist- after all, not knowing was surely better than knowing and not being able to do anything about it.
He wished he could be like Jason, or Reyna, or Piper. Confident enough to say something, do something, even if it didn’t work out, but he was afraid of losing Will.
Being friends with him was… Well, Nico liked him. It was that simple. He didn’t want to lose his friendship.
So he shoved his hands into his pockets, kept his mouth firmly closed, and tried to ignore the burning on his wrist from his compass.
****
Two weeks. Two weeks of Nico silent and anxious and jumpy around Will (in fact, around everyone). Two weeks of Will texting him things like are you okay? and just checking in! :).
Nico tried to text back as normally as he could, but every time he saw Will his heart felt like it was going to jump out of his chest.
He had to say something.
He couldn’t say something.
He even made a list, because that was how bad it was.
PROS AND CONS OF TELLING WILL.
Pros:
I’ll feel better.
It might work out.
Jason will stop bugging me.
Cons:
It’ll probably be awkward and weird.
It probably won’t work out.
I’ll probably have to stop going to Half Blood, and their coffee is really good.
I could lose him.
The list didn’t make Nico feel any better. In fact, it just made him feel worse. He scrunched it up and threw it in the bin, and then (of course) Jason found it and sat him down to have a talk.
“I found your list,” Jason told him.
“You went through the bin?” Nico stared at him across the table. When Jason nodded, Nico put his head down on the table, groaning. “Gods, you weirdo. Why the fuck did you go through the bin?”
“I saw it!” Jason said defensively. “I saw my name and though it was, like, an essay or something-“ At Nico’s glare he gave up on that. “This isn’t the point! We aren’t talking about me. We’re talking about you.”
Nico banged his head on the table once more for emphasis. “Fuck off.”
“No. I understand this is hard for you, and you’re unsure of what to do, but just remember that if Will doesn’t want you then he’s a fuckweasel and-“
“Fuckweasel?” Nico raised his head from the table to glare at Jason once again. “You’re the fuckweasel. Did you discuss what to say with Piper? You sound like you’re reading off something.”
Jason’s ears turned pink. “The point is that I’m sure you’ll feel better after you’ve done it. You’re miserable, Nico, and I’m sure he’s miserable, too, because he’s probably got a matching tattoo-“
“And then why hasn’t he said anything?” Nico demanded. He felt tears pricking painfully at the backs of his eyes and curled his hands into fists. He wasn’t going to cry. “Tell me that, Jason.”
“You said you’ve told him you don’t really believe in soulmates,” Jason said, although it was clear this wasn’t something he had considered when preparing his speech with Piper. “Maybe he felt unsure.”
“Well-“ Nico bit his lip before he could say something he would regret later. “I just don’t know -“ he sighed, and Jason gave him an awkward pat on the shoulder. Jason never seemed sure how much physical contact Nico would allow, and so normally settled with a safe (and strange) pat. Normally Nico found it amusing, but now he just felt miserable.
Jason was his soulmate. He had been friends with him for years, and still- this was what they did? Awkward pats and talks where Jason had to rehearse what he was going to say with his Psychology major girlfriend for fear of upsetting Nico?
“Thanks, Jason,” Nico said slowly. Jason blinked as Nico stood up and grabbed his coat. “Thanks.”
“Where are you going?” Jason asked, bewildered. “Nico? Dude?”
Nick didn’t answer. He was already halfway through the door.
****
He knew that Will was probably about to get off his shift. Maybe it was creepy that he knew that, but at the moment, Nico was trying not to think. He was just focusing on putting one foot in front of the other and getting to the café as fast as possible. If he started to overthink things, like he usually did, then he would just chicken out.
His fingers itched. He wanted some music, something, anything that would take his mind off what he was about to do. He was afraid, gods was he afraid, but he was more afraid that when he saw Will, his courage would fail.
He was ten minutes away. He wished, for one blinding painful moment, that Bianca was here. She would know exactly what to say, what to tell him.
He thought of her soulmarks. She had had his, of course, and one that bound her to Hazel, a small ladybird. Then she’d had a star on her ankle, and a heron, grey and tall and elegant, on her back.
Nico wondered what they had thought when their marks had faded to small black outlines on their skin.
He always missed Bianca, but sometimes- like now- it was more than just a dull ache. Sometimes it was so painful he wanted nothing more than to curl up in a ball and forget the entire world.
He pulled his phone from his jacket pocket and dialled up Hazel. He had her number memorised, and she answered on the fourth ring. “Nico! Is everything alright?”
“I’m going to tell him,” Nico blurted. “I’m going to tell him.”
There was a pause, and then a crackle on the phone. “What? Will? Oh, Nico!”
“Yeah,” Nico confirmed. He could feel his heartbeat in his chest, so loud he could hear it. “Yeah. I’m on my way now.”
“Oh, Nico!” Hazel’s voice was filled with pride. “Let me know how it goes. Oh, I’m so happy for you!”
“Yeah,” Nico said. He could see the sign for Half Blood now, see it blowing in the wind. He hoped that Will was still there- if he wasn’t, he didn’t know if he would have the courage to seek him out and find him again. “Yeah. I mean, hopefully. I mean-“ he wasn’t really paying attention. Someone was hanging up their apron on a hook by the door, and he could make out golden-brown hair. Was it Will?
“Oh, Nico!” Hazel sighed. “Where are you?”
Nico hesitated a few paces away from the door. “Outside the door of his coffee shop.”
“Well, what are you waiting for?” She demanded. “Don’t be ridiculous! If you don’t do it now, you’ll never do it.”
“I can do this,” Nico said, more to himself than Hazel. “Okay.”
“Okay,” she repeated back to him. He could hear the smile in her voice. “Go get him!”
He pressed END CALL on his phone and then, before he could talk himself out of it, shoved his phone in his jacket pocket and opened the door.
The shop bell jangled, a cheerful sound at odds with the anxiety twisting in Nico’s gut. Will looked up from where he was putting on his jacket and grinned, a smile that still, after all those months of being around it, Nico couldn’t get used to. It made his heart beat that little bit faster every time Will brought it out.
“Nico!” Will said. “What are you doing here?”
“I have something I need to tell you,” Nico blurted. He was sweating- his hands were shaking, and he didn’t know quite where to put them. In his pockets made him feel too casual, and when they weren’t they hung awkwardly.
“Okay,” Will said. His smile was slipping slightly, and he looked anxious. Maybe it was Nico’s facial expression. Maybe he thought Nico was sick or something. “Okay. Uh-“
Nico was going to be sick. “Look, I’m sorry if this makes you uncomfortable, or if…” He swallowed. “I mean-“
“Nico.” Will stepped forwards. The girl behind the counter (Nico thought her name was Katie, maybe) was watching them intently, and Nico really wished she wouldn’t. He already felt enough pressure. “Nico. It’s cool, alright? Just spit it out.”
“It’s easier to just- show you,” Nico said. Possibly Katie was full on staring now, not even trying to hide it. Thankfully the shop was almost empty, so Nico didn’t have any curious customers staring at him too. Will blinked, and Nico pulled up his sleeve. His tattoo was pointing straight at Will, dead on, and almost seemed to be glowing. Will gaped at it, his expression- well, Nico could barely look at his face. Instead he stared down at his arm.
What if it was a one-sided bond? Then he would just be showing Will a compass tattoo, and he would look utterly utterly ridiculous.
Possibly Katie had her mouth wide open in an O shape. One hand was hovering between her neck and her mouth, like she had been about to cover her mouth but had been so surprised she had forgotten halfway through.
“Oh?” Will said, and it was more of a question than anything else. “Oh.”
Nico rolled his sleeve down. His cheeks were burning. This was a mistake, he realised, and shoved his hands into his pockets again.
He wondered if he could run out of the shop or if that would be more embarrassing.
“Oh.” Will repeated. Nico didn’t know if he was going to say anything else. He didn’t know if, at this point, he wanted Will to say anything else. “Oh.”
There was another pause. Possibly Katie was still watching them, but her mouth had closed now. Thankfully.
“Oh, Nico-“ Will bit his lip. “Is this why you’ve been so worried the past month or so? I thought- I thought you didn’t believe in soulmates!”
Nico blinked. “Well, I mean- I didn’t- don’t- believe that you should date someone or become friends with someone just because they’re your soulmate, but-“ He trailed off. Will was staring at him like- like he was wonderful. There was a smile on his face that Nico hadn’t seen before, small and quiet and brilliant. Loving.
“The first time I met you I wasn’t sure,” Will said. His voice came out a little breathless. “And then I checked, but you hadn’t said anything, and I didn’t want to make it awkward. Then Cecil told me you didn’t really believe in soulmates and marks defining who you were, and then you told me that, and I didn’t want to pressure you. I thought-“ he shrugged, looking awkward for the first time in the conversation. “I thought if we became friends naturally, then maybe…” He trailed off.
“Oh.” Nico felt two things- first, crushing relief, and second, blinding anger, both at himself and Cecil. Him and Cecil were going to have words when they next saw each other. Lots of words. “Oh.”
Now he understood why Will had been saying it so often.
“Can I see it?” He asked. Will looked confused, and Nico clarified hastily: “Your mark, I mean?”
“Oh.” Will rolled up his sleeve, displaying it- and gods. Nico reached out and traced the outline of it, the shape of the compass, the skulls and the trees and the suns and the flowers. Then the needle, pointing directly at him.
He couldn’t keep the smile off his face. “I didn’t know until two weeks ago,” he admitted. “I kept it covered, but I thought that maybe… Maybe you were it. Him. So I checked, and you were, but I didn’t know if it was one sided, or if you even wanted a soulmate like me, or -“ All of his reasons, his stupid list, felt unbelievably idiotic now.
“I do,” Will said suddenly. His ears turned pink, and he clarified: “Want a soulmate like you, I mean. Or not like you. Actually you.”
Nico couldn’t help his smile when it came. He was no longer paying attention to Possibly Katie- he knew she was probably still watching, but he didn’t care. Didn’t care as he stepped closer to Will- or as Will stepped closer to him- and then he was kissing him, not caring at all that a customer had just come in through the shop’s door and was probably wondering what the hell was going on.
He didn’t care about anything at all, because he was kissing his soulmate- kissing Will Solace, and it was just as good as he had thought it would be.