Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Right, so it all started with that New Year’s party.

We were all excited for it, cause it’s always cracking, right? Doris brings most of the food now, since the Andys gave us all food poisoning four years ago, so it’s actually cooked and doesn’t taste like it’s been sitting under a sofa for a week. They bring the good beer, though, so can’t be too mad at ‘em. And Tony gets all red and always wants to sing when he’s drunk, so that’s always a laugh, and Saxon always ends up walking Bob home! You know, instead of the other way around? Get it?

Anyway, I was well excited, even more than before, cause I had to miss it last year. You know, physical therapy, all that. Nick didn’t think I should be getting drunk in my condition. He was probably right. Always is, so…

But we were going this time, both of us. He’d skipped it to stay with me last year. Didn’t have to, I asked him to go, keep an eye on things, but he insisted. It was nice. Watched a lot of movies, barely even noticed when it hit midnight. But not this year! This year, we were doing it. I was hoping to see Nick well and truly sloshed before I got sloshed myself. I was like, /I bet he’s cute sloshed/, you know?

Sorry, moving on. So we get to the party, and everyone’s excited that we’re there this year. Nick seemed a bit stiff at first, but he always does, a bit. He seemed happy to be there, though, even laughed when Doris tried to start a game of spin the bottle. She always tries to get that started every year, but backs down because Bob’s the only one who will play. Well, unless the Andys are drunk, then they’ll pop in.

I couldn’t stop thinking about that whole New Year’s kiss thing, though. Everyone had someone to kiss, for the most part, but not me. And not Nick, either. And maybe I wanted to be the one to kiss him. I’d thought about that a lot, but it was scary, right? It might change our friendship, and everyone might call me a bender, too. So I’d decided I’d get a bit drunk, so then I could blame it on the alcohol in the morning. Is that a song? I feel like it’s a song.

But see, the problem was, the more nervous I got, the more I wanted to drink. And I got nervous every time I looked at Nick. When he’d scan the room in that officer-y way of his, when his eyes would lock on me every time I stumbled or something, or when he’d actually smile for once. Jesus, I was like, how could I kiss him in just a few hours? So...I just drank. And drank and drank and drank, and somewhere in there I...well, I blacked out. Not proud of it, but there it is.

So next thing I know, I’m waking up with a monstrous headache and feeling like there was cotton in my mouth. Haven’t had a hangover in a long while, but I knew what it was. Great, I’m thinking, I have to go to work bloody hungover. I groaned and threw the blanket over my head to try and block out the light and go back to sleep, then I heard someone say:

“Danny. Wake up.”

Well, that woke me up. What the bloody hell was Nick doing in my bedroom? I snatched the blanket back, and saw him sitting on a chair, the one I usually use to change the lightbulbs. And he was wearing the same clothes he’d been wearing the night before.

That’s when I remembered, right? Well, sort of, I’ll get to that. But I remembered the party, and how I was gonna kiss Nick, and...now he was in my room? But he didn’t look mussed up or nothin’, and I didn’t look no different ‘cept I was in pyjamas. Wasn’t sore, neither. So what the buggering fu--erm, hell? Sorry. I was confused, is the point. Musta been obvious, cause Nick spoke up, all like,

“You blacked out, didn’t you?”

He sounded sorta...disappointed. And that made me feel guilty, but it was New Year’s! Everyone got sloshed on New Year’s!

So I said, “Yeah, maybe,” all defensive like that. I didn’t get it, he was hardly against a drink every now and then. But he just sorta straightened up in that way he does when he’s getting down to business and explained.

“You were drunk, and Tony helped me bring you home. I stayed to look after you.”

And that made me roll my eyes. Sure, it was nice that he stuck around and all, but ever since the sea mine thing, he’s always playing bloody nurse. I was all healed up, nothing to fuss over. I liked having him around, o’ course, but as mates, y’know? Not as a patient. Besides, the fact that he was here and decidedly not kissed just reminded me that I’d missed my window.

So I told him, I said, “I don’t need looking after, Nick, I can handle a bloody hangover.”

And he got this look on his face. Didn’t know what it was, but it made me feel guilty again. And then he stood up and started to walk out.

And he said, “Alright. I’ve got some paperwork to do at the station. The Andys are on patrol today, so you can just stay here.” And it sounded all harsh and cold, like he was giving an order and not talking to his partner. And I’m thinking, what did I say?

So I was like “Oi!” and he turned around, and looked right at me with those blue eyes of his. I swear, sometimes I think he must have X-ray vision or somethin’, eyes like that.

Anyway, I said, “Movie marathon tonight?”

And thank God, he smiled and said, “Wouldn’t miss it.” And then he walked away, like he’d said some kind of badass movie line.

Might as well have, made my heart pound the same way.

Chapter Text

So things sort of go back to normal, right? I mean, mostly. Usually Nick’s walking around the place, talking with everyone, all that. Didn’t used to, mind, he used to be holed up in that office for hours. Work, work, work. I think he felt pressured, after being promoted to Chief Inspector. But we all eventually got him to come round, at least have a coffee with everyone for lunch break.

But that...week, I guess? Was it a week? I dunno, was always bad at that stuff, you know. But for a little bit after, he almost went back to that. He’d be in his office more than not. I went and checked in on him a few times, and his door was usually locked, which was weird. He doesn’t normally lock it. One time that week, it wasn’t, and he got real flustered like when I walked in, talking about the importance of knocking protocol. Thought maybe he was having a wank for a second there, he got so riled up, but his pants were up and his laptop weren't even open. He hardly ever used his laptop, anyway, insisted on finding files by hand. Slow going, but that’s Nick for you. Thorough, I guess.

Anyway, things were fine outside of work, though. We had our pub nights, movie nights, the whole thing. Nothing amiss there. I didn’t try to kiss him, not once. I wanted to have an excuse for it, right? Something where if he weren’t into it, I could be all, “Oi, just a bit of fun”, you know? But the only times for that kind of thing outside of getting him drunk are Christmas and New Year’s, and I’d missed ‘em both. It was still nice, though. Nice to just...be mates, y’know? I mean yeah, I wanted more than that, but it was better than when I was his bloody patient. Not that the fussing wasn’t nice, too, but it got old after a while.

Right, sorry, back to the story. So this one day we’re on patrol, and Nick says he has to stop at the post office. He never had to stop there before, but I didn’t think of it, right? He’s Chief Inspector now, maybe Chief Inspectors have to mail stuff sometimes. So while he’s in there, I get this radio-in. Someone had been tagging up the whole place for weeks, and we got a tip that the perp was in action. Nick came running back in, and we were off.

We parked a good way from the place, to make it sneaky, like. We start walking, and I’m trying to keep an eye out. Don’t know who we’re looking for, but probably someone with a bottle of spray paint, right? I’m trying to be observant, though, like Nick always says. I’m scanning everyone who passes by, every car, everything.

As we get close to the church, though, Nick suddenly grabs my hand and gives it a big yank, and I’m flat against this wall, and he’s right in front of me. Real close, like. Part of me’s thinking he’s gonna go for it, like maybe I fell asleep at my desk and I’m dreaming or something. But he tilts his head to the side a bit, and I look and see some kid, just around the corner, going for a tag. I almost walked right up to him in full police gear. So I’m feeling real dumb. I’m supposed to be a partner, what partner can’t see two feet around a corner?

We watch him for a second. Nick says it’s important, to catch them in the act, not when they’re about to do it. Makes it easier to make your case against ‘em. So he shakes it, licks his lips, brings it forward a bit, gets one good spray in, and--

“Put the paint down, and your hands where I can see them. You’re under arrest for vandalism of public property.”

The kid jumped out of his skin, didn’t even try to run. He just put his hands up and turned around. Turns out it was Little Joey, Linda’s brother’s uncle’s niece’s baby boy? He’s a bit bigger now, obviously, but it was him. He’s still a good kid, I guess he was doing it cause his Mum spent all her time praying and he missed her or something like that. Nick’s the one who figured it all out, but that was later on.

The important bit is, he didn’t let go of my hand. He was holding it when he was reading the rights, when he led him to the car--he didn’t need handcuffs, see, cause you should only use handcuffs if the perpetrator is resisting or has a history of violence. Anyway, he even drove one-handed just so he didn’t have to let go. I would have pointed out how it wasn’t safe and he’s always going on about hands at ten and two, but I didn’t want him to let go, did I? He finally did when we got in the station and processed him and all.

But when we got back out on patrol, he grabbed it again. I must have looked, because he looked, and I sort of stared a bit. Couldn’t help it, he’s got those kind of eyes.

And he goes, “Alright?”

Which meant he was doing it on purpose. I couldn’t say nothin’, just sorta nodded, like, and then he squeezed it and said, “Alright,” and we got back on patrol.

And it was the best patrol of my life, at that point. Woulda been fine enough with just that, honestly. But that’s not where it ended.

Chapter Text

Right, so it’s a few days later, and I’m having a great time of it, cause Nick’s holding my hand whenever he gets a chance. He won’t do it when loads of people are about, but whenever we’re in the car, or during movie night, or when he’s giving me a report in his office or something, we’re holding hands. And it’s bloody great, cause his hand’s kind of rough, but not in a bad way, but he’s holding my hand all gentle-like anyway and it’s--

Yeah, you get it. Don’t want to go on and on.

Nothing much happened beyond that until a few days later. I think it was a Friday. We were called out to respond to a domestic incident. Clyde and Allen were at it again, you know. If it’s not trimming each other’s hedges, it’s shoveling snow on each other’s driveways, and they always make a fuss. Really, it’s a wonder neither of them have just moved house, but maybe that’d be letting the other one win.

This time, though, Clyde had it in his head that Allen was poisoning his dog, since he’d taken sick, so it was getting violent. We had to subdue the situation, since Allen was waving a gun about. Nick’s still not used to guns everywhere, so he was real vigilant about it. Me, I was trying to talk to Clyde, figure out what happened this time. He’s not a dog poisoner, but he seemed real fidgety and wouldn’t give a straight answer.

Well, Allen’s real passionate arguing, and I guess he forgot to turn the safety off. He throws his arm out, and squeezes the trigger on accident.

...Sorry, still don’t like that word. Just…

Yeah, anyway.

It happened real fast, I didn’t even realize. Next thing I know I’m on the ground, my leg hurts, and Nick’s bloody hollering. Like, maddest I’ve ever heard him. He’s all, “GET ON THE GROUND AND DROP YOUR WEAPON, NOW! FACE DOWN!” It was almost scary, to be honest. And a tiny bit hot, but you don’t want to hear bout that.

So anyway, my leg hurts, yeah, but I know what a full bullet wound feels like, and it’s not that. I catch my breath and have a look, but Nick’s right next to me in an instant, real close again, and I got distracted.

He’s all like, “Danny? Danny, are you alright? Can you breathe? Can you hear me?” Freaking out, like.

And it’s weird, seeing him so scared. Now I’m freaked out, to be honest, so I sit up real quick and interrupt him.

I”m like, “Fuck’s sake”---erm, sorry. “God’s”---is that better? Probably not, eh? Well, I tell him I’m fine, is the point, and show him it’s just a graze, and he calms down some.

We take ‘em both in for questioning, and it turns out Clyde had been giving the dog this candy to try and make him fat so he’d lose the big dog race coming up, but it had this sweetener in it that made him sick. Neither pressed charges, I don’t think. I don’t know, I don’t remember all the processing and stuff.

What I do remember, is Nick calling me into his office.

And I’m thinking I’m in trouble, somehow. Or that maybe he’s going to say I need time off for the graze, more like. So I’m all ready to argue that I’m fine, I’m not taking time off, all that. But he doesn’t say nothing. He just closes the door, turns around--

And he hugs me.

Not like a “hey mate, let’s hug it out” kind, either. Not even one of them big bear hugs. It’s like...he was clinging to me, y’know? Like real tight, arms around my middle, grabbing my shirt, even. Proper hug.

And I was so shocked I just blank for a bit, but when I come back, he’s still hugging. So I hug him back, o’ course. Not passing that up.

It was weird. In a good way, the best way, but still. Never realized how skinny he was, you know? He always seems so big, like this unstoppable action hero kinda guy, but he felt really small then.

It’s muffled, but he goes like, “You’re okay?”

And I’m like, “Yeah, course. Was just a graze, like.” But I get it, you know? I don’t remember much about being shot, apart from that it bloody hurt. Probably scary for him, thinking it happened again.

I mean, I was scared stiff when I thought Nick got shot, back then. So I get it. And I just keep hugging him until he pulls away, then I pull away, too.

And then he says “Thanks”, do you believe it? Like I’m the one that did him a favour. So I said, “No, ‘s alright” or something like that, I don’t know. And then we just walk out together to get back on patrol.

I know, sounds like I'm goin' on and on about the little stuff, but I'm setting it up, like. Have to know all that before I really get into it. Alright?

So...yeah, let's get into it, then.

Chapter Text

I was hoping the hug would be like the hand-holding, right? Like, now that it happened, it would happen more, I mean. But it wasn’t. He kept the hand-holding, but the hug? Was like it never happened. Not even extra shoulder taps, nothin’.

So now I’m all turned ‘round, y’know? Don’t know what’s going on. On the one hand, blokes don’t really hold each other’s hands like that unless they mean something, but on the other, that was it. Just hand-holding. Never went beyond that. And it wasn’t like it was just him--after a while, I started doing the grabbing, but still, nothin’.

I tried not to think about it. Didn’t work, but I tried.

Anyway, I’m going on. It was, dunno, couple days after the hugging thing? Something like that. We’re having movie night. We were working through the Fast and Furious series. Fast & Furious had just come out on DVD--the fourth one, mind, not the first one, that’s THE Fast and THE Furious, different thing. Anyway, ‘s pretty rare that I’ve not seen one of them movies a million times, right, so I’m glued to the telly. Almost forgot about all the stuff with Nick. Switched off, maybe.

Got reminded when he took my hand, but that wasn’t weird anymore. Wasn’t the first time he went for it during movie night, maybe the third or fourth, by now. And I didn’t mind, obviously, but I weren’t as switched off anymore.

But then he like...dunno what it’s called. Looks like this, you know? Like, this hand’s me, this one’s him. He just sort of...pushed his fingers through the spaces, like that.

And that was different. Felt more...I dunno. Just more.

I hold his hand back and all, but now I can’t hardly focus on Dominic and all them. I don’t look at Nick, but I’m all focused on him. Like, why’s he doin’ this now? What brought it on? What’s gonna happen? You know.

And just when I’m like ‘Well, that’s that, that’s all it’s gonna be’, I feel his head rest on my shoulder.

We’d slept like that, once or twice, but that’s just it, innit? We just crashed on the couch, like. Could play it off in the morning, just nodded off, is all. But it weren’t that late, not even close. And he’d just...done it.

Anyway, I sort of tensed up. Course I did! I wasn’t expecting it, was I? Can’t read minds! It was nice, didn’t have any problem, but it was a shock! I couldn’t help it!

Shouldn’t get so worked up, doesn’t matter now.

Point is, I tensed up, and just like that, he’s gone. Head’s off my shoulder, hand’s off mine. And if I’m shocked before, that was a real shock. Turned away from the screen and everything, and I see Nick standing up, zipping up his coat.

So course I’m like, “What you doing?”

And he just goes, “Leaving.” Doesn’t even look at me.

My heart starts pounding, and not in the action-movie kinda way. I’m like “What you talking about? Movie just started!” God, don’t know why I said that. Didn’t really care about the movie, at that point.

Nick’s not answering, just checks his pockets and the couch to make sure he’s got everything. Like I didn’t say anything. Like I wasn’t even bloody there.

And I’m hurt, y’know? Confused, too. One minute Nick’s holding my hand and leaning on me like we’re on a date or something, and next he’s acting like I don’t exist. It’s school all over again. I’m bloody lost and disappointing everyone cause I’m too stupid to--

God, didn’t think I’d get like this. After so long? Well, not too long, but feels like it.

Alright, I’m okay. Point is, I’m feeling all that, so I’m like, “You mad or something?” Kinda mutter it, like.

And then he looks at me, finally. For a good moment, too.

He goes, “No.” And he’s quiet so long I almost said something, asked him what the hell it was then, and while we’re at it, what’s with the hand-holding and hugging and cuddling and everything, but then he’s like, “You didn’t do anything wrong. I just can’t be here. I’m sorry.”

And then he’s gone. Just walked out the house, so fast I’d’ve missed him if I blinked.

So. I’m just left sitting there. Feeling...I dunno, empty, kinda.

And I guess I just went to bed. Don’t really remember. I just remember the empty thing, you know. Watching him leave.

Chapter Text

So the next morning, I’m still feeling that way. Cause, y’know, when we have movie night, Nick usually stays over. Never planned it that way, just happens. We’d watch really late, and then Nick’d say that thing about driving while tired being the same as driving drunk. Some sort of statistic, dunno. Didn’t care, cause it meant he stayed, even though we weren’t in the same bed or nothing. Or sometimes we’d just nod off on the sofa, even.

But yeah, that morning, he wasn’t there, obviously. No smell of tea or breakfast or nothing. So I’m still all empty. Went to grab a morning Cornetto, to cheer myself up, like, but it didn’t help. Felt real quiet in the car.

I get to work, then, and I’m gearing up to see Nick. I’m hoping he just ignores it, and doesn’t give me the cold shoulder or nothing. Be an awkward patrol.

But I remember, soon as I walk in, everyone just turns to me. Just whips round and stares, like. And I’m thinking I’ve got Cornetto on my shirt or something, not paying attention, so I look down, but it’s fine. Bit wrinkled, Nick’d have a fit, but no one else’d care.

So then, don’t remember, it was one of the Andies was like, “Bad sex last night?”

Sorry, but that’s what he said. Have to paint the picture. But still, sorry.

And I’m like, “What?” Don’t know if I got to say it, cause Doris was real quick like, “Shut it, you two.” All serious like that. Really threw everyone, y’know? No one likes a bit of sex talk more than Doris, but there she was. Shut ‘em up, anyway, thank God.

I try to ignore ‘em, go towards Nick’s office to see if he’s ready to start patrol, but Tony’s like, “Danny, he’s not there.”

I whip round like, “What?”. And I’m thinking maybe he was sick or something, and that’s why he had to leave, or something happened? I dunno. Just freaked out a bit, specially since everyone looks at each other again after.

Think Tony was the one who said it, he was like, “Nick just blew in and out. Said he was going on patrol alone.”

...Yeah, that was a punch in the gut. He never went out alone. Always said it was too dangerous, always have backup and that. So, I mean, first off, he’s not safe, but also...he just left me. Made me think of school all over again, you know? Left out.

God, it’s all settled now, don’t know why I’m getting like this, sorry. Hang on.

Okay. So I hear that, and I’m hurt, said that. But I’m angry too, right? He said I didn’t do anything wrong, so why’s he avoiding me? I’m like, I am so sick of these ruddy mixed signals!

So I just bail. Burst outta there. Our normal car’s gone, but I get in another squad car and peel off. I go round our usual route and ask everyone, but no one’s seen him. I tried questioning ‘em, pulling out my notebook and everything, but they weren’t lying. They’d really not seen him. So I’m like, why’d he say he was patrolling if he’s not? And I’m panicking a bit.

I’m trying to think of where he’d go if not patrol. First thought was the pub, but they said he hadn’t come in. Bit early for it anyway, but it was worth a shot, being my first instinct. Nick says instinct’s just thought moving faster, or something like that.

Next thought was my place, but I’d’ve noticed if he’d been at mine, wouldn’t I? Only one left was his place, then. I remember thinking he might’ve fu--piss--erm, gone back to London, but I tried not thinking about that. He wouldn’t leave us high and dry with no chief inspector, right?

So I’m freaking out, on the way to his place. Lots of things jumbling round in the old head. But when I pull up, the door’s hanging open. There’s no car nearby, but it’s just open, swinging in the breeze, like.

Now I’m worried again. I’ve said that eighty times, haven’t I? But it’s true. Nick never even forgets to lock the door, let alone leave it hanging open like that. Now I’m thinking something happened to him.

I’d already slammed on the brakes when I saw the door open like that, so no point being sneaky. I just park it, grab my nightstick, and make my way over.

I almost walked right in, but then I remembered what you’re supposed to do. I call, “Police! Come out with your hands up!”. Don’t know if that would ever work, but Nick says it’s what’s done.

Don’t hear nothing, so I walk in, careful like. Nothing amiss, spick and span as always. I stepped on some letters on the ground, must have come in through the mail slot. See, I’m setting that up because it’s going to be important.

First, though, I don’t really notice. It’s not a big place, but I go through all the rooms carefully, checking everywhere. Under beds, in closets, cupboards, everything. Nothing’s out of place, and no one pops out.

That’s good, but now I’m like, Did someone take Nick? So o’ course I go to my radio and call for whoever’s there. It was one of the Andies, don’t remember which one now, but I tell them all about how the door and everything, and how Nick might be missing.

But Andy’s like, “Can’t be, we saw him right before we left, few minutes ago. Was looking for you, actually.”

And now I’m fed up. He holds my hand, then he pulls away. He puts his head on my shoulder, then up and leaves. He hugs me once, then never again. And now, he goes on patrol without me, and then he’s looking for me? I felt like I was on that tilt-a-whirl you took me on all over again.

So I don’t answer, just turn the radio off. If he wants to find me, I’m not helping him. Just gonna wait right here.

I start thinking that I’ve never really been inside Nick’s place. Not exactly legal, but I was angry, wanted some revenge or something, I don’t know. So I see the letters, and I start snooping. I know, I shouldn’t have. Was just blinded, I guess.

I mean, most of it was boring. Bills, adverts, all that. Can see why he just left it. Some revenge, eh?

But I look around some more, and I see a letter just sitting on the counter. Opened and everything. There was even a letter opener next to it, I didn’t know people still used those. Very Nick, though. Doing things the proper way.

And I shouldn’t have looked, alright? Didn’t matter, wouldn’t be much different, in the end. But it was the only mess in the place, and I was still angry with him. So, I snatched it.

Alright, so, don’t tell Nick, but I actually still have it, see? Right here. I knew I wouldn’t remember it all, and I wanted to tell you everything.

So, picture it, yeah? I’m standing there, fuming a bit, knowing Nick’ll probably be here any minute, and I just pick up this letter. I see the Met logo at the top, this one, and I’m like, is he fired? But...okay, okay, let me just read it. Picture whatever you want. Here goes.

Dear Chief Inspector Angel,

I do understand your concerns regarding being in further contact with Sergeant Butterman. It’s quite noble of you to come forward yourself with these concerns instead of letting them be raised by someone else, though I don’t expect any less of you. You’re a good man who believes in the law, and I think I speak for all of the Met when I say I deeply respect that.

Which is why you’re not being charged with misconduct, nor am I insisting on a transfer.

Nicholas, you’ve never been one to let any sort of relationship tamper with your work, almost to a fault, so I don’t see you pursuing this as a danger on that front. Nor have you ever been one to use any power you have to your personal advantage, so there’s no fear for the Sergeant’s safety or consent. And moreover, I’ve seen the two of you work together, what you can accomplish together. You’re going to be lifelong partners in work regardless, so making it personal and legal as well won’t change much.

You might not understand this, but some things are more important than protocol. It sounds to me like the one you’re trying to protect with these rules isn’t Sandford, or the Sergeant, but yourself. And it seems like you would be, if I may, a damn fool to lose something like your love for Sergeant Butterman over a rule that doesn’t account for a situation like this.

So go for it, good luck, and I look forward to the wedding invitation.

Sincerely,

Ch. Insp. Nighy

...

...Right?! I mean, it was a rollercoaster--first I’m thinking he asked to transfer cause he’s sick of it, and then...all that!

So I’m leaning on the counter or something, at that point. Wasn’t sitting, I know that, but it shook me up, like. Honestly might have been staring at it for hours, who knows?

All I know is next thing, I hear some running footsteps, and then see Nick burst in. Frazzled, like, but not a hair out of place, as usual.

Does that scan of his, then spots me. Got the letter in my hand, still, and Nick’s smart as anything, so he figured it out.

He started saying something. I know he said “sorry” at one point. Told me later he felt bad about ditching me and all, so it was probably something about that.

But I was just staring, hate to say. Never in a million years thought Nick’d see something in me. Thought I was lucky enough to be his friend, but all that? Couldn’t believe it.

So, um...yeah, just sorta walked over and kissed him. Just grabbed him, like.

That sounds really cool, come to think of it. I’ll have to ask him if it looked cool. Might not have done, our teeth kinda clashed, I remember. And for a second, he didn’t move, and I’m thinking I read it all wrong and now he’s really going to transfer and what, do I tell him I’ve been drinking at ten in the morning?

But then he kissed me back, so it was fine. More than fine. Got really more than fine that night, but you don’t want to hear about that.

So yeah, basically what happened, short version: turns out I sort of blurted it out that night I blacked out, while he was taking me home. He said he’d liked me for a while, but when he heard I felt the same, he got all panicked. Went and turned himself in by letter to the Met for improper conduct or whatever, but couldn’t resist touching me and all while he waited for an answer. Nick! Couldn’t resist me! Couldn’t believe that.

But obviously, all that’s settled now, and we’ve been going strong for a while. That’s why I’m here, actually.

I know all that was probably shock enough, but...there’s something else I need to tell you, Mum.

Chapter Text

I don’t know how you’d feel about me being with a bloke. Wasn’t something I realized myself, for a while. Liking blokes. It’s not just them, mind, but…

Christ, I don’t know. Maybe you woulda been mad about it. Dad was, when I told him, but I dunno if that was the bloke thing or the Nick getting him jailed thing. Maybe both.

But I really think you woulda liked him, Mum. He’s all neat and orderly, like you. He’s got his peace lily, you had your flower box on the windowsill. You’re both all about being the best, proving yourself, kind of thing. And...he makes me really happy. You woulda liked that, if nothing else, right?

I’ll never know, obviously. But I wish I did. Be nice to have your approval, since I won’t get Dad’s. Everyone else approves, but y’know. Still.

Anyway, all that’s part of why I’m here. Wanted you to be the first to know.

...Shit, did I forget it? Erm, I mean, darn? Sorry, Mum, didn’t--oh, there! In the other pocket. Careful, he musn’t see…

...Nice, right? I know, it’s a bit plain, but it’s what Nick’d like. He’s practical, wouldn’t want something big and showy. He told me once about an officer, and the diamond on his ring got snagged on something escaping a perp and it almost got ‘em shot in the head. Don’t want that, obviously. Plus, with the diamond set in it like that, won’t look too valuable, so no one will try to nick it. Hah, Nick it. Didn’t even think of that.

Hope it’s not too plain, still. Don’t want him thinking I don’t care enough to get him something good. Maybe I’ll get some words inside it? Engraved or whatever? No idea what, though.

Anyway...yeah. I’m gonna marry him, Mum. Ask him, anyway. Cause I love him. And that’s that.

...I wish I could ask you about all this. What you think, advice, all of it. You were always better at this sort of stuff than Dad, anyway.

I miss you, Mum. Can’t know either way, but I hope I have your blessing. I hope, even if you thought the queer thing was off, that you’d be okay because I’m happy. Cause I really am, Mum. Happier than I’ve ever been, with him. And I’d prefer to think you’re smiling about it than that you’re...well, being Dad about it.

I guess that’s it, then.

Bye, Mum. Hope you’ll haunt our wedding.

Nicholas had brought some paperwork to do in the squad car while he waited for Danny. He knew this visit was important to him. In the few years they’d made these annual visits since getting together, Danny had never said much. But this time, he’d said he wanted to tell his mother about them. Their relationship. It was something Nick had never considered, himself. He’d never really known his own parents, and his uncle had turned out to be, well, a cunt. There was no one from his old life he felt like he needed to tell about this. But it was clearly important to Danny, so he’d left him alone when he asked to be. He’d look over every so often, just to make sure he was still there, but otherwise did his best to focus on work.

That was always harder with Danny around, though. As the minutes stretched on, he had to fight harder and harder not to get out and check on him. He knew he shouldn’t be surprised--Danny tended to draw out stories--but it was so rare that the two were without each other, these days. A few Chief-only trainings in the city here and there, but other than that, they were always at each other’s sides, and Nick wouldn’t have it any other way.

Finally, though, he spotted Danny getting up and walking towards the car out of the corner of his eye. He pretended not to notice, though he was sure he didn’t fool Danny for a second. He always saw right through him, from day one.

The car opened, and Danny swung himself inside. Nick wasn’t surprised to see tear tracks, but it still made his chest ache, and he reached a hand out to wipe on the side facing him. “Alright?” He asked softly.

Danny turned to him fully, clearly still fighting tears, but smiling. “Yeah.”

Nick smiled back, not turning his head as he pushed the button for his radio. “Wainwright, Cartwright, take over our patrol for the rest of the day.” Danny clearly needed some time to recover.

“Yeah, yeah, we know the drill, Nichol-arse,” came an Andy’s voice, which made Nick and Danny both snort. They all knew this was a hard day for Danny, and Nick could tell he was trying to cheer him up, in his way.

“Movie marathon tonight?” Nick asked as he got the car running again.

“Wouldn’t miss it,” Danny answered, with a smile that Nick couldn’t quite place.

A mystery he’d have to solve later, he supposed, as he started them on their way back home.