Archive of Our Own

"And Lance?"

Lance turned around to look at Keith and dios this guy looked good. Lance didn't know why he never realized it before -- or maybe he had and was in denial -- but Keith was really easy on the eyes. And that look he was giving Lance, a fond and almost affectionate look that tried to tell Lance he was important and needed, made Lance's heart melt a little.

"Leave the math to Pidge."

... he was joking. Keith was making a joke to lift Lance's mood. Keith was actually joking, something he almost never did, and it was for Lance's benefit. Ay por dios this boy would be the death of him.

Lance couldn't help but smile, feeling oddly reassured, and he was still smiling when the door closed shut behind him. He took a minute to enjoy the giddy feeling the conversation had brought up in him, but within seconds, the mood was plummetting as a realization hit him.

"Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiit," Lance mumbled, his face in his hands. Because he couldn't deny it now.

He had a crush on Keith.

He needed Hunk. Hunk would understand. Hunk would sympathize.

Hunk did not, in fact, sympathize.

"Dude, you've had a crush on him since the Garrison," Hunk laughed when Lance told him his dilemma. They were currently in Hunk's room; Hunk was working on some kind of contraption, and Lance was laying on the bed with his legs hanging off.

"Whaaat?" Lance shrieked, grasping at his chest as though shot. "I have not!"

"You HAVE," Hunk corrected, chuckling. "Since you first saw him. Remember? You flirted with him and he blew you off."

"That... that didn't happen...."

"I believe your exact words to him were, 'Are you the moon? 'cause even in the dark, you seem to shine.' He glared at you and walked away without a word. You came back to me and declared him your rival."

"I-- hmph," Lance lifted his head to glare at his friend. He couldn't refute that. "I got over it, though! I should be given an award for how well I got over it!"

"You cried in tub of ice cream that night and haven't shut the hell up about him since."

"I don't talk about him!"

"Dude, you do! You are right now! You came here JUST to bitch about him!" Hunk laughed, both amused and exasperated. "Keith is like, fifty percent of your conversation topics, at LEAST."

Lance groaned, covering his face with his hands. Hunk had it right, and Lance wasn't happy about that. Because it means...

"Admit it: You got it bad," Hunk shook his head. "You've always had it bad."

Hunk was too good at this. Lance groaned again, grabbed a pillow, and stuffed it over his face.

"Just let me die."

"Or," Hunk told him distractedly, working on his gadget, "you could actually talk to the guy."

"Okay, Mr. Shay-Isn't-My-Girlfriend."

"She isn't!" Hunk finally looked up from his work, sending a flustered glare at Lance. "We aren't even dating!"

"You could always just talk to the girl," Lance lifted the pillow off of his face and sent a smirk Hunk's way.

Hunk groaned, shook his head, and went back to work. Lance let the pillow fall onto his face again. It took a moment before he broke the silence.

"He probably doesn't feel the same way, anyway, so why bother him with more of my feelings?" That came out way more dejected than he had meant it to, and he hated himself for it.

"Don't think that'll be an iss-- Wait." Hunk looked up from his gadget again, looking at Lance with concern and confusion. "What do you mean MORE of your feelings? What have you already told him?"

Shit.

So here's the thing; Hunk might be a good friend -- a great friend, actually, the best -- but there was no way he was about to unload his feelings of uselessness onto somebody again. It was hard enough doing it the first time! And he had only told Keith because Keith was the leader and needed to know if one of his teammates was going to leave and totally NOT because he trusted Keith with everything like his life, his heart, his soul... Yeah, ONLY because Keith was the leader and needed to know the situation. Otherwise, he would have shut the fuck up about the whole thing. Which was exactly what he was going to do now.

"Nothing much," he replied with feigned nonchalance. If there was one thing Lance McClain was good at, it was faking it. "Just wondering how I was doing as his right hand. Nothing major."

Hunk narrowed his eyes in suspicion, obviously not quite buying the story Lance weaved for him. Lance kept his innocent facade up and after a moment, Hunk dropped it and Lance moved onto the next subject.

"What do you mean it won't be an issue?"

Hunk chuckled. "Nothing, nothing. Just... don't sell yourself short. Keith might have a thing for you, too. You won't know unless you talk to him."

Lance threw the pillow off his face and sat up; now it was his turn to glare suspiciously. "You act like you know something."

His back stayed to Lance as Hunk replied, "Nah, man. Just saying that it's worth a shot, y'know?"

Okay, this was annoying. Hunk wasn't doing too good a job at lying; it was obvious he knew something. "Has Keith, like, talked to you or something?"

"Uh, no?" Hunk tensed ever so slightly; it almost wasn't noticeable, but Lance saw it.

"Oh my God, he did!" Instantly, Lance was on the floor, pushing Hunk's gadget out of the way to sit in front of him and grab his shoulders frantically. "What did he say? What did he say about me?"

Now Hunk looked a little nervous, but in less than a second, he had swallowed it down and brought his face back to neutrality. "All I'm saying," he began, grabbing Lance's wrists and removing his hands, "is that communication can work wonders."

"C'mon, Hunk!" Lance cried, very upset that the answer to his problem was right there and Hunk wasn't helping at all. "What has he said about me?"

"Well," Hunk said in a placating voice, though his words were not comforting to Lance whatsoever, "if you talk to him, maybe you'll find out."

And with that, he gently pushed Lance to the side and set back to work on his gadget. Lance moaned in despair and sat cross-legged next to Hunk, pouting.

"Dude, just talk to him," Hunk said quietly without turning around.

Lance sighed and stood. "Thanks, Hunk, I guess," he mumbled, looking at his best friend in annoyance. "I'll consider it." Then he was walking out the door in a frustrated slouch and a glare on his face that Pidge snorted at when she crossed him in the hall.

"You look like a cat with constipation," she snickered as she walked by. Lance did his best impression of a cat's hiss at her retreating back, which had her cackling.

Talk to him. Talk to him. Yeah, because that would totally work in his favor. Keith, possibly have feelings for him? Yeah, right.

They had a good friendship, one that Lance now cherished with all his heart, one he didn't want ruined just because he had feelings. So he would do what he'd apparently been doing since the Garrison: Ignore his feelings and pretend they don't exist.

This was it. Keith was really leaving Voltron. It almost didn't feel real. Not for the first time, Keith had to suppress the urge to cry, because this was actually happening, he was leaving Voltron, his family. The only real family he's ever had. And he's just leaving them, abandoning them.

And yet, he can't bring himself to regret it, because he knows why he's doing it and that reason makes it all worthwhile to him. If him leaving gave Lance the confidence that he was needed on this team, that would make all of this worth it for Keith. He would do that for Lance.
He would do anything for Lance.

It hadn't really surprised Keith when he realized he had feelings for the blue paladin. He had been attracted to him from day one and their bonding moment just skyrocketed his affections for Lance (even if Lance pretended not to remember it because, much as Keith loved him, he was still a jerkass sometimes). Lance's support when Keith had become leader meant more to him than he could put into words, and he regretted never showing as much appreciation for his right-hand man as he should have. He really regretted it when Lance confided that he didn't see a place for himself on the team. If only Lance could see how important he was, how absolutely needed he was!

If this is what it took to make Lance feel necessary to Team Voltron, then so be it. Keith would do this for him, would endure the pain and loss if it meant Lance would stay on the team, would recognize his own self-worth.

Anything for Lance.

The hallway he was making his way down was empty save for him, and the loneliness that plagued him only seemed amplified. But he had dealt with loneliness before, it had become almost apart of him, and he could live through it as he had before. He could do this. He could do this.

"... Keith?"

He was not proud of how his heart leapt at the sound of his name in that person's voice.

Slowly turning on his heel, Keith found his eyes locking with Lance, who looked pained despite the smile gracing his face. Keith hoped to God he wasn't the reason Lance looked so upset, but he somehow knew that he was.

"What's up?"

Lance fidgeted at that, looking away for a moment, worrying his bottom lip. "Just... We're really going to miss you, man."

Keith couldn't help the smile that stretched across his face. "I know," he whispered, stepping forward until he and Lance were only a foot apart.

It seemed that tiny distance was too tempting for Lance to handle because, before Keith had time to process what was happening, Lance had closed the gap between them and pulled Keith into a gentle but firm hug. Once his brain could catch up with it, Keith wrapped his arms around the other boy's middle and buried his face into Lance's shoulder.

"I'm gonna to miss you, too," he told Lance quietly and was rewarded with a tighter grip from the blue paladin.

"You take care of yourself, okay?" Lance whispered after a moment of comfortable silence. Keith didn't think he could speak anymore so he just nodded against Lance's shoulder.

One last squeeze and Lance was letting him go. Keith went reluctantly, already wishing for Lance's warmth to return. But he couldn't have that, wouldn't have that, because this was it.

He was leaving.

It really hit him in that moment and he had to struggle to keep the tears at bay. Lance seemed to notice, as he made a small distressed noise and acted like he wanted to reinitiate the hug, but Keith smiled and shook his head.

"I'm okay," he assured the other boy. "I'm okay."

Lance looked unconvinced, but he nodded all the same and kept his distance.

"See you around?"

Keith smiled wider.

"Definitely."

One last long moment of eye contact and Keith turned around and kept on his way to his ship, knowing that those deep blue eyes would follow him all the way back to the Blade headquarters.

Keith had never been this nervous. He was about to see Team Voltron again after his little... suicidal stunt that was only unsuccessful because their enemy, Lotor, had intervened and done what Keith had set out to do for him. The team was sure to be pissed at Keith for what went down, but though he was nervous as all fuck, he couldn't bring himself to regret it. He had done what had to do.

Right?

They were all bound to be extremely angry at him, and Keith was not looking forward to the talk he would undoubtedly get from Shiro. He'd be lying if Keith said he wasn't mostly afraid of Shiro's reaction. Everyone else, he could handle, he figured, but Shiro had an authoritative and intimidating stature about him that even had Keith flinching at the thought of it. Everyone else would be a piece of cake to handle in comparison.

The doors opened a little too quick for his liking, but before he could get his bearings, he heard a shout.

"KEITH!"

Suddenly Lance was barrelling at him, tears in his eyes and relief on his face.

"Lance..." Keith choked out, arms already outstretched for the hug he knew was coming. He took a few small steps forward before Lance was on him, arms held tight around Keith's middle, and Keith reciprocated the hug immediately.

"You idiot!" Lance almost yelled into Keith's shoulder, his voice wavering as though he was fighting back a sob. "How could you do that to us? How could you do that to me?!"

Keith's mouth felt dry and it took him a moment before he could say anything.

"I--" raspy and weak. Keith cleared his throat and tried again. "I didn't think I had a choice."

"There is ALWAYS a choice, Keith!" Lance told him angrily. "There is ALWAYS a choice, and it is NEVER that!" His grip around Keith tightened and he shoved his face into the crook of Keith's neck. Keith could feel wetness where Lance's face was pressed, as well as the tenseness of Lance's body with barely suppressed sobs.

Hearing Lance fall apart was torture; Lance always kept it together, never let anyone see him truly break before. Seeing, hearing, feeling Lance tearing apart at the seams was too much. Keith usually knew how to approach things, but this was completely new to him and he had no idea how to react.

And Lance being in pain -- in pain over him, no less -- hurt, hurt more than he could say. His own grip on Lance tightened and he felt tears suddenly stinging his eyes. Goddammit, Lance, how is it you can always bring out the worst in Keith?

"I-I'm so sorry, Lance," he managed to say, albeit with a watery voice.

"No, you're not," Lance told him with as much a bite as he could muster. "You'd do it again, you know you would."

Not if it hurt you this much.

Keith opted not to say this out loud.

"I just wanted to help."

"You wouldn't help us by being dead!" Lance shouted, his voice surprisingly steady. Only the continuing wetness of his throat told Keith that Lance had not stopped crying yet. "We want you alive, dammit! I want you alive!"

Keith also opted not to read too much into that; now was not the time.

"I am alive," Keith told him quietly. "I'm alive and I'm here. I'm here, Lance."

"Never," Lance growled, ignoring Keith's statement, "do that again."

Keith didn't have time to answer before Pidge was striding up to them, followed by the others, looking furious.

"Stop hogging him, Lance," she snapped at the blue paladin. "You're not the only one that missed him!"

Lance pulled away slightly to glare at her. After a moment, he conceded her point and stepped away from Keith's embrace, but he trailed his hand down to grasp Keith's, sticking by Keith's side as the rest of the team came to greet him.

Pidge punched him in the gut before hugging him.

"Why the hell would you do that?!" she scolded him fiercely, crying and trying to hold it in.

Hunk was crying and picked both Keith and Pidge up into a bear hug.

"Don't scare us like that, man!" he sniffled, practically squeezing the breath out of Keith. Pidge wiggled until she was free and Hunk took that as his cue to let go.

A moment later, Shiro was gripping Keith's shoulder with a firm hand; it actually kind of hurt.

"You and I," he began, voice low, gravelly, and dangerous with that usual tone of authority laced in, "are going to have a long talk after this Lotor business is done."

Keith bit his lip and nodded, both glad he wouldn't have to face Shiro's wrath right that second and wishing it would happen now so he wouldn't have to dread it later. Lance squeezed his hand in a comforting gesture and Keith felt himself relax slightly.

"Our meeting with Lotor is in a bit," Shiro continued to everyone else. "Go rest until then; we'll call you when we're ready."

It was a dismissal and everyone began to clear out. Pidge hugged Keith again before leaving to head to her room, and Hunk placed a shaky hand on his shoulder before mirroring Pidge and leaving. Lance's hand didn't leave him once, and he gently yanked Keith into his room when they reached it.

"I-I was planning on going to my ro--" Keith began, a little annoyed.

"Your room is musty from lack of use," Lance told him with a slight glare that dared Keith to argue, "you won't get a peaceful rest there. Besides," he added, looking away, a blush creeping up his neck and the tips of his ears, "I'm not quite ready to let you out of my sight yet."

This made Keith pause. He didn't really have time to think about it before, but now he did and he wondered why it was Lance that was the most upset by all of this. Keith was sure Shiro's reaction would have been the strongest, but it had been Lance who reacted first; it had been Lance that had scolded him -- Shiro had opted to wait until later; it had been Lance who had been the most torn up about what happened.

Why?

He didn't have a chance to ask; Lance didn't give him one. Once inside the room, Lance sat at the edge of his bed, pulling Keith with him, keeping their hands together and squeezing Keith's every now and then. A long and tense but not altogether uncomfortable silence spread between them, one Keith feared breaking. He had hurt Lance, he knew that, but he didn't understand why. Why did Lance care more about Keith than the person that was essentially his older brother? He just didn't understand, and he had a feeling that now was not the time to bring it up. Lance looked to be gearing up to say or do something and Keith didn't want to break his concentration.

So Keith waits, and waits. And waits. Lance was taking an awfully long time to get to whatever point he had and--

Oh shit.

Lance was crying.

Keith had glanced over and Lance's head was bowed, face red, tears streaming endlessly down his cheeks. Keith's heart just about stopped.
Quietly, gently, Keith murmured, "Lance..." in concern.

And, well, that did it, that opened the floodgates. Lance let out a choked sob and surged forward to wrap Keith into a hug, crying uncontrollably into his chest. Keith immediately wrapped his arm around the other boy and held him tight, softly pressing shushes and reassurances into his temple and stroking his hair soothingly.

They stayed like that for a long while; Lance, heartbroken that Keith had almost taken his own life for their sake, sobbing into Keith's shoulder while Keith comforted him. Lance tried multiple times to speak, only managing to babble here and there ("Idiot," came up a lot).

They stayed like that for a long while, Lance attempting through his sobs to tell Keith how much he meant to them, how much he meant to him. Keith could only murmur apologies to him, once kissing his forehead, which only made Lance cry harder for some reason.

They stayed like that for a long while, Lance eventually drifting off to sleep, cuddled into Keith. Keith would slowly lay back so that he could also get some rest, holding Lance in his arms. In about a varga's time, they would be called onto the bridge to prepare for the meeting with Lotor, Lance rising sleepily from Keith, Keith instantly alert. There would surprisingly be no awkwardness about how they slept. In fact, Lance would hold Keith's hand almost the entire time they walked to the bridge, only letting go so the others wouldn't see and ask questions.

Keith felt something in his heart both settle and erupt.

After the meeting, Lance dragged him back to his room and insisted Keith sleep there for the night. At some point in the night, Lance had curled up to Keith, nuzzling his face into the crook of Keith's neck (and Keith was SO not opposed to this, he fleetingly thought he should attempt dangerous stunts more often if it made the blue paladin this cuddly with him). Then he mumbled something into Keith's throat that Keith couldn't catch. Whatever was said, it made Lance stiffen, but when Keith asked, Lance just said it was nothing and soon relaxed again. Keith fell asleep in a sudden wave of confusion.

They woke up tangled in each other and Lance seemed happy by that turn of events. He blinked drowsily at Keith, who was curled into Lance's chest, and his gaze was... fond? Affectionate? Both? Whatever it was, Keith liked it a lot and couldn't bite back the smile that overtook his features at the sight. He could get used to this. Lance's arms were wrapped around him and they gave him a gentle squeeze; Keith hummed in approval, deciding that sleeping in sounded like a great idea, had never in his life sounded better.

When he next woke, Lance was more anxious and frantic. His arms were still secure around Keith, but he seemed antsy, the smile he shot Keith not quite meeting his eyes. He said it was because he suddenly remembered Lotor was on the ship as they slept and it made him uncomfortable, but Keith wasn't sure he bought it.

He left not long after to go to his own room and get a change of clothes (if he hadn't been so exhausted and worried about Lance, he never would have slept in this stupid Blade of Marmora suit). On his way back, he was inevitably stopped by Shiro and given that lecture he was promised. Shiro had a way of telling Keith things he already knew yet saying them in such a way that Keith felt like utter dog shit (it was dangerous, it was stupid, it was reckless, how could he do that, didn't he think about the people he'd leave behind who would miss him, didn't he think of what that would have done to Shiro or to Pidge who had already lost a brother once; Lance had told him as much, yet hearing it from Shiro made Keith feel this small and he found himself behaving rather meekly in response).

When he finally managed to get back to Lance's room, Lance was gone.

Space slowly swept by outside the windows of the observatory, in which Lance currently sat with his head in his hands.

The meeting with Lotor had gone on yesterday. Lance wasn't sure what he expected, but he thinks he got it. Information on Zarkon, Lotor vowing his truce with Voltron and absolutely nobody believing he'd stick to it, a hesitant agreement brought up between them. As far as he was concerned, Lance had bigger problems. Keith problems. Specifically, figuring out he was in love with Keith problems.

He had gone to Hunk, hoping to talk through these new... developments, but Hunk was busy as he usually was now. Busy working with Pidge and Matt on something cool, and Lance was happy that all three had found a niche with each other, but how he wished for his best friend's soothing logic now.
Honestly, how had it come to this? When did his feelings for Keith become so strong? Strong enough to make Lance feel sick and nervous and giddy and on cloud nine all at the same time?

"Lance?" came the last voice Lance expected to hear.

"Oh. Hey, Shiro," Lance greeted the man weakly, trying to smile but managing more of a grimace than anything.

Shiro crossed the room and sat next to Lance, saying nothing. He eminated patience, a certainty that Lance would express what was bothering him in his own time.

He hated that Shiro was right.

After opening and closing his mouth like a gasping fish he didn't know how many times, trying to find the words to explain his dilemma, Lance finally mumbled, "I... I have a... a problem."

Shiro merely nodded, watching him expectantly and adding nothing to the conversation, content to wait it out.

Lance cleared his throat and looked away, not finding himself quite brave enough to look Shiro -- Keith's surrogate brother -- in the eye as he admitted his issue.

"I... So I realized not long before Keith left for the Blade that I, uh," Lance paused and cleared his throat again; this was way harder to talk about with Shiro than with Hunk. WHY did Hunk have to be so busy lately?! "That I... had a crush on Keith."

To Lance's surprise, Shiro simply nodded, a small and knowing smile on his face.

"Wait, you aren't shocked?"

"Not really," Shiro replied with a tiny chuckle. "It was pretty obvious that the two of you had some... feelings neither of you were quite ready to acknowledge."

Lance groaned. Great; now he and Keith were the hot topic of gossip. Just what they needed. He had barely discerned his own feelings for the former red/black paladin, barely even accepted them, yet it seems everyone else had already figured it all out. Maybe Lance had been an idiot for not listening to Hunk, and boy didn't that conversation seem a lifetime ago.

"So," Shiro prodded gently, probably sensing that Lance was not quite talked out, "when did you first realize you had feelings for Keith?"

And here was the awkward part of the situation. Now Lance not only had to lay everything out on the table verbally, but to Keith's surrogate older brother and his own leader, of all people. No, this wouldn't be embarrassing in the slightest, not at all.

Sighing and looking away, Lance answered quietly, "I..." Another sigh, try again. "I-I had a talk with Keith after you came back about my... placement on the team." Shiro look interested at that and Lance had NO desire to talk about that again, so he pushed on, "After that, after he reassured me in his own Mullet-y way, I realized I had a crush on him. But according to Hunk, I've apparently had a crush on him since the Garrison? I thought I hated him back then, but I guess Hunk could have a point... I mean, I did flirt with him when we first met."

Shiro snorted and used his hand to cover his smile of amusement, but Lance wasn't going to let that slide.

"He was a hot new guy at my school, what did you expect me to do?" he defended himself, though he was also smiling, partly from embarrassment.

"How did Keith react?" Shiro asked, letting his amusement out in the open now that he knew Lance wasn't going to get pissed.

"He didn't say anything, just looked at me like I annoyed him and walked off," Lance recounted, feeling a little bitter. He knew Keith better now, knew Keith was actually a pretty great and genuine guy who cared about his team wholeheartedly, but the shame of being rejected by the cool, hot new guy burned through Lance all over again at the memory and try as he might to suppress it, it just plain hurt.

Shiro must have caught onto something -- maybe Lance was making a strange face? He didn't know -- because his laughter cleared up as he placed a gentle, comforting hand on Lance's shoulder. Lance shot him a quick grateful smile before looking away again.

"Anyway," he stammered, trying to get back on track, "I don't think... how I feel for Keith can be considered just a... a crush, anymore. And I realized that when we almost lost him." His voice went quieter as he went on, the last sentence being spoken at a whisper, his eyes burning as unshed tears sprung up.

The hand on Lance's shoulder gripped slightly tighter and Shiro nodded in understanding.

"I think a lot of us realized how much Keith meant to us when he... when that happened."

"Well, no," Lance reiterated, brows pulling together. "I knew before then that Keith was really important to me. I just... I didn't know he held that level of importance."

"'You don't know what you got until it's gone'," Shiro quoted with a shadow of a smile. "When he was almost... gone from your life, you saw just how much he meant to you and just how much time you wasted."

Lance nodded, now fighting to keep tears from spilling over. It was a losing battle and, with a shuddering breath, the dam was breached.

"I love him, Shiro," he murmured, voice shaky, and as soon as the words were out, he bit his lip to keep from losing complete control.

"Then tell him," Shiro told him quietly, leaning down to look Lance in the eye. "Tell him you love him. God knows he needs to hear it."

"I'm scared," Lance managed to say, barely a whisper. Shiro probably only heard it because of their close proximity.

"Of course you are," he replied with another squeeze to Lance's shoulder. "Confronting your feelings is hard enough, and getting them out into the open where they can be rejected is one of the hardest things a person can do. But you need to let it out, to tell Keith, so you can hear his answer. And Keith needs to know you feel this way, to know the depth of your care for him, to know that someone loves him and is brave enough to tell him to his face."

Lance turned his head away and wiped away his tears as best he could. He voice still wasn't as steady as he would have liked, but he had a better grip on himself than he had a minute ago.

"How do I do that?" he rasped quietly. All that time ago, Hunk had given him the same advice, and Lance felt that same hopelessness he had felt then right now, because there was no way Keith reciprocated.

"Nobody can answer that," Shiro shook his head. "That's up to you to decide, nobody can make that decision for you. But I suggest you tell him and soon."

"I'm not sure that I can..."

"Lance, how would you have felt if Keith HAD died on that mission and you never told him how you felt?"

That got Lance's attention; his gaze snapped up to Shiro, his eyes wide with horror. God that would have felt awful.

"Tell him," Shiro reiterated, squeezing Lance's shoulder again before standing to leave, "before it ends up being too late." With that, he strode out the door, sending Lance a reassuring smile over his shoulder.

Lance stared after him for a long moment, as if doing so would procure a solution to the issues that just keep springing up for him, but when it was clear that wasn't going to happen, he dropped his head into hands with a sigh. Why did things have to get so complicated? Things had been so easy when he was convinced he was Keith's rival and maybe friend. Now emotions had to come into play and nothing looked like it'd ever be easy again. He missed that easy friendship, that easy rivalry, and yet... And yet, now that he had come to terms with his feelings, Lance couldn't deny that a future with Keith was tempting, dangerously so.

Yes, this was dangerous territory Lance was entering, but once he started thinking about it, he couldn't stop thinking about it, y'know? About holding Keith's hand, hugging him, cuddling with him, kissing him, saying I l--

Okay, yes, definitely dangerous territory and Lance should stop right now because it would only hurt worse later when Keith rejected him. Because Keith would reject him, there was no doubt in Lance's mind.

But what had Shiro said earlier?

It was pretty obvious that the two of you had some... feelings neither of you were quite ready to acknowledge.

That implied that what Lance and Keith had was... mutual. Hunk had implied something similar all that time ago.

Oh, no. Lance knew this feeling. Hope. He was feeling hopeful now, hopeful that maybe Keith did feel the same way, that maybe Lance did have a chance. No, he had to squash that down now. There was no way Keith liked him, loved him back, never would. How could he? What was Lance, really? The right arm of Voltron and... what else? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. And Keith would never love a nothing.

With that thought in mind, Lance got up and left the observatory, planning to do what he had been doing since he first met Keith back at the Garrison: Ignore his feelings for the boy -- and perhaps the boy himself, just to be safe -- and hope they go away.

Lance had been avoiding Keith, of that much Keith was sure. He didn't understand why; they had become so close, starting from when Keith became the unwilling leader of Voltron and progressing after his little stunt that Lotor rescued him from.

Keith had thought their relationship had taken a much more serious turn; Lance had clung to Keith after his return from the Nahxela mission. They had even cuddled! TWICE! Then he disappeared at some point the day after the meeting with Lotor and had started avoiding Keith since then. Keith would have been worried he had done something wrong during that night -- perhaps talking in his sleep and saying something he shouldn't have? -- but Lance had seemed at peace the next morning, gazing sleepily yet affectionately at Keith as he woke. What had happened in such a short amount of time to change that?

So Keith found himself stressed and confused as he dragged himself to an elevator that would take him to one of the upper floor observatories. He needed to take his mind off of the situation, and while, yes, he did see stars all the time considering he was in space, watching them from the observatory was... calming, somehow. And he needed that, thanks to Lance jerking around his feelings like a yo-yo. Dick.

You know what didn't help? Finding Lance in the same elevator Keith needed to use. Yeah, that really did not help with Keith's frustration. At all. Especially since Lance took only one look at him and quickly looked away as if just the effort of making eye contact burned at his insides.

No greetings were shared, no pleasantries had, not even a, "What the hell are you doing?" Nothing. As if Keith wasn't even there. Fine. Two could play this game.

Keith sauntered into the elevator and stood as far from Lance as he could get, leaning against one of the railings and keeping his gaze trained anywhere but the tanned boy in front of him. From the corner of his eye, he could swear Lance was looking at him uncertainly, but the moment was fleeting and Keith couldn't be sure he saw right.

Seconds seem to stretch into hours until finally, the elevator stopped... because it broke down again. At least the lights stayed on this time? Though that was small relief.

"You gotta be kidding me," Keith grumbled with a sigh.

"Great," Lance agreed, dropping into a cross-legged slump on the floor, his back to Keith.

Keith sank to the ground, stifling a groan of annoyance and exasperation. The silence was deafening and it only served to frustrate Keith more until he just could not handle it.

"Okay, Lance, what's your deal?" He meant for the accusation to come out angrily and he flinched when it sounded a little desperate.

Lance almost -- almost -- turned around at that, but stopped himself. In a small voice, he asked, "What do you mean?"

"Why have you been avoiding me? What-- What did I do?" He definitely couldn't keep the desperation out of his voice this time. He just... He missed Lance so much.

At that, Lance flinched, seeming to shrink into himself.

Keith continued, "I don't know what I did, but--"

"You didn't do anything," came Lance's quiet reply.

"Then why?"

"I'm sorry," Lance blurted. "I just... I'm sorry."

"I'm not even going to get an explanation?" He stared at the back of the blue paladin expectantly. Silence. Keith sighed. "Fine. I forgive you, I guess." He scooted over so that he was back-to-back with Lance. "Just... don't ignore me anymore, please?"

"Okay." Lance's reply was quiet, but Keith could detect the relief in it and that helped him relax some.

"If there's something wrong, just talk to somebody. Even if it's not me."

"Heh," Lance let out a humorless chuckle, his response even quieter than the last so that Keith had to strain to hear it. "I did, it didn't exactly help."

Keith turned slightly to look at him. "What do you mean?"

Silence.

Another sigh. "Fine, you don't want to talk to me. I get it. Whatever." Still, he sat back against Lance again as he tried to not let this get to him.

They sat in silence for a while, Lance becoming more tense by the second. Keith thought it was because of him, that Lance still had some kind of beef with him, but Lance was actually leaning further into Keith as time ticked by.

Lance sighed, slightly pressing his head against the back of Keith's.

"Why don't you come back, Keith?"

Keith scoffed. "And do wh-"

"Come and take your lion back."

"I can't do that."

"Why not?"

"Where would that leave you?"

It was Lance's turn to scoff. His tone became a little darker, "Does it matter?"

"... Lance, what d'you-"

"Keith, all I bring to the team is being Voltron's right arm. I don't contribute anything else. But you do. You're an ace pilot and a skilled fighter. Voltron would be better off with you rather than me."

Keith was silent for a long moment. He was suddenly back in his room as Lance offered to step down, only now Keith was hearing everything Lance had initially left unsaid. Lance's buried insecurities were finally being brought to light, and to Keith of all people. Keith couldn't let this go on, couldn't let Lance continue believing himself useless.

"Lance... that's not true," he said firmly, turning to Lance but Lance wouldn't look at him. "You're a great pilot-"

Lance snorted. "Yeah, right," he muttered darkly, "like you actually believe that."

"I do. Because you are- Stop snorting!" Keith snapped when Lance did it again. "See, this is why I left! Because I wanted you to feel secure in your place here!"

Okay, he hadn't meant to blurt that.

This gave Lance pause. After a moment, he huffed out a breath, "Wait. Wait, so you left... because of me?"

He was finally looking at Keith, expression caught between shock and anger. Keith will take it; at least Lance was looking at him now.

"You robbed Voltron of its best pilot," Lance continued, definitely angry at this point, "just to soothe my ego? Are you serious?! How could you do that to the team, to Voltron, to the universe?!"

"Because it's more than just ego-stroking, Lance!" Keith shot back, rising to Lance's anger. "You matter to Voltron as more than just an arm, and I swear to God if you snort again I will slap you."

Lance looked like he was about to do just that, but Keith didn't give him the chance.

"If it weren't for you, Voltron would have gone under with me at the command, you know that as well as I do so don't even try to deny it."

Keith sighed as his words put Lance into a silence. He still looked pissed at Keith, but there was a certain level of surprise there, too, as if he hadn't expected to be hearing such high praise from Keith of all people. This actually made Keith feel a little guilty.

I knew he was harboring self-doubt yet I never took the time to tell him how valuable he was, he mentally reprimanded himself. I really was a horrible team leader.

"I'm sorry I never told you this when it counted, Lance," Keith continued, frowning. "You're just such-- such an integral part of Voltron that I didn't think you needed to be told. Lance, you brought Voltron together-- no, you did, Lance. If you hadn't decided to follow me when you saw me going to save Shiro, you, Hunk, and Pidge never would have become paladins, and Shiro and I would probably be in my desert shack right now trying to figure out what Voltron even was. You encouraged us when we needed it, you stood up and stood by me when I became leader, supported me even though I had landed a position neither of us wanted me to have." Lance looked a little ashamed at that, but Keith swept on; it was in the past and Keith was just happy that Lance had put their rivalry aside for his and Voltron's sake. "For God's sake, Lance, Coran could be dead right now if you hadn't shielded him from that bomb! You risked your life for a guy you barely even knew, and Coran owes his life to you now."

"Coran doesn't owe me anything," Lance interjected quietly, but Keith ignored him.

"Voltron's lucky to have you, Lance, and it needs you more than it ever needed me."

"Keith, Voltron has never stopped needing you!" Lance told him heatedly, though some of his anger seemed to have dissipated after Keith's reassurances. "It doesn't matter that you don't pilot a lion anymore, you were always more to this team than just a pilot! You were a part of our family, a part that can never be replaced! When you left, you left behind a Keith-shaped hole and we can't fill it up." He took a moment to breathe, suddenly looking desperate. "Every time I went to the training deck, I expected to see you there. It felt weird seeing it empty, like I wasn't even on the right ship anymore. Sometimes I'd go to say something to you, expecting you to be beside me like you always were, but you wouldn't be there and I'd have to pretend like I hadn't just been talking to thin air. Every time I walk by your room, I remember the talk we had in there, and I want to smile but I can't because I know we won't ever talk like that in your room again. Because you aren't here anymore."

Keith was reeling at that. He had no idea he had meant so much to Lance; he had suspected, and had almost asked after his near-suicide stunt, but hadn't been given the chance. That question sprang up again: Why?

And once again, Lance didn't give him the opportunity to ask.

"And then you almost died," Lance choked, eyes misting over to Keith's horror. "You almost died and that Keith-shaped hole would never have the chance to be filled again."

Lance's hand was suddenly grasping Keith's with such fervor that it all dawned on him, and he knew now why he meant so much to Lance, understood it as he watched Lance's emotions play across his face in a moment of openess and vulnerability.

Keith was shit with words, always had been. Keith was a man of action.

So Keith did the only thing he could think to do: Got to his knees and pulled Lance by his hand into a gripping hug that left both of them nuzzling into each others necks.

They gripped each other tightly, as if scared that if they let go, the other would disappear.

"I would have felt the same way if you had left Voltron," Keith whispered.

Lance stiffened suddenly and after a moment, he backed up, moving his hands to Keith's shoulders. His eyes were wide but determined, and he took a deep breath as his gaze locked with Keith's.

"... Lance?" Keith asked tentatively. What the hell is he doing?

Lance seemed to decide something in that moment; his eyes softened and he began leaning forward, gaze dropping to Keith's lips.

It took Keith a second too long to realize what was happening, so that when he leaned up to meet Lance halfway, he accidentally rammed their foreheads together painfully. Lance jerked away with a shout, hands leaving Keith's shoulders and flying to his own temple.

"What the hell, Keith?!" he shrieked, tears pricking the corners of his eyes from pain. "I go to kiss you and you headbutt me?!"

"I'm sorry!" Keith replied with feeling, his head throbbing. Of course, of fucking course he would ruin a heartfelt moment with Lance by not picking up on obvious social cues. How was this his life.

"Okay," Lance murmured after a second, glancing at Keith from the corner of his eyes. "Okay. Can we try that again without the pain?"

Keith nodded fervently. Thank God. He hadn't ruined it, he was given a second chance to kiss Lance and he wasn't going to fuck this one up.

Nodding once, Lance softly cupped Keith's cheek and began leaning forward again. Keith decided not to move this time; Lance knew what he was doing, Lance would know how to handle this. Keith was more than happy to let Lance be his guide.

When Lance was close enough that their breaths intermingled, he stopped, gazing into Keith's eyes -- deep blue into slate-violet. Keith loved Lance's eyes, always had, but he was getting impatient, so he glanced at Lance's lips and hoped the message came across.

Apparently, it did. Lance smirked before closing his eyes and closing the gap between them.

Time felt like it stopped. Everything felt too real and yet not real at all, as if this moment wasn't happening. Keith didn't know how long he waited for exactly this, but it felt like much too long now and he couldn't hold back anymore.

Because the kiss was light, tentative, and absolutely not enough.

So he pushed forward, making the kiss much firmer, and even though their teeth clacked and their noses smooshed together and his knees were hurting from supporting him on the cold metal floor, Lance gasped into his lips then chuckled and everything felt perfect despite the imperfections.
Keith wrapped his arms around Lance's neck, one hand falling into his hair and the other falling onto his nape. Lance returned in kind by bringing his own hands to the small of Keith's back and bringing them forward, their bodies pressed together. Keith gasped at that and Lance took the opportunity to change the angle, deepening the kiss, and slip his tongue into Keith's mouth.

Hesitantly, Keith's tongue met Lance's and Lance gently guided it into a sweet dance, his lips sliding against Keith's and his hand going up to Keith's shoulders as if he could somehow bring him closer.

Keith tried; he tried to get closer and it resulted in Lance falling backwards and Keith landing on top of him. Their kiss broke for only a short time while they laughed quietly, but Keith was impatient and his mouth grabbed Lance's into another kiss before too long. It started it out gentle and sweet like before, but it soon turned hungry and desperate. Their need for each other pushed past other more tentative emotions and they were suddenly grabbing at every little bit of each other that they could. One of Lance's hands found its way under the hem of Keith's pants to stroke at his lower back, resulting a gasp from the Marmorite. Keith got his revenge, gripping the hem of Lance's own pants and pulling him forward so that their hips were flush together, and Keith swallowed the delicious moan that Lance let out in response.

He slid his hands under the blue paladin's shirt, exploring the broad expanse of skin and muscle, caressing each dip and curve with care. Lance's other hand had mimicked Keith in a way, going up his shirt to map out Keith's shoulder blades and back. The hand that had been rubbing soothing circles into the lower part of Keith's spine abruptly flew to his hair and clenched down, gently but firmly, pulling Keith away slightly.

Lance looked wrecked; his lips were red and swollen, spit rolling down the edges of his mouth, his eyes were half-lidded, and he was panting like he couldn't get enough air into his lungs.

"Keith," and he sounded as wrecked as he looked and Keith had never been more sure of his love for this boy than this moment, "I love you."

The things that simple phrase did to Keith's heart was astounding because all at once, it felt like his heart had stopped and began beating at 100mph. Yes, Keith had already deduced Lance's feelings for him, but hearing it? Hearing it was something completely different, because those were three words he had not heard since he was a real little kid.

Lance suddenly frowned, looking distressed.

"Keith, that... has got to be the saddest thing I have ever heard."

Oh. So Keith had said that last part out loud. He didn't have time to feel embarrassed about it before Lance was stroking his thumb over Keith's cheek, which Keith instinctively leaned into, and pressing their foreheads together.

"I'm going to tell you every day," Lance murmured with a smile. "I'll tell you I love you every day, multiple times a day even! So you never forget it and you can always remember the last time someone told you they loved you.

I love you, Keith."

Keith felt his eyes water and blinked rapidly to will the tears away. His smile was shaky, but it was there, all for Lance.

"I love you, too, Lance," he managed to get out, breath stuttering as he fought to control himself.

He took his hands back from Lance's shirt so he could cradle the boy's face in his hands -- reverently as if he were something fragile because to Keith, he was -- and pressed another kiss to Lance's lips. Lance immediately pressed back, carding his fingers softly through Keith's hair with one hand and rubbing small circles into Keith's back with the other.

The hunger, the need, the desperation was gone, but the tentativeness and hesitancy was also still absent. Now the kiss was languid, slow, affectionate, and laced with every loving emotion the two boys felt for each other. Keith knew Lance loved him because he could feel it in this kiss, and he hoped Lance could feel the same because Keith loved him so, so much and was going to make sure Lance always knew that, was going to make sure Lance always felt appreciated and needed and wanted and loved.

Keith didn't know how long they stayed like that, wrapped up in each other and kissing as though they needed it to survive, but it must have been a fair few minutes because one second he was focused on Lance and the next he heard a coo, a gag, and a hum of approval.

The two boys broke apart enough to look at the elevator door, which now stood open with three figures standing in the doorway and watching them.

"Oooh, congratulations, Lance, I knew you'd get the guts to tell him eventually!" Hunk practically squeed; he looked so happy for them Keith worried he might pass out on the spot.

"Okay, guys? I'm, like, really happy for you. Really. But maybe not in the elevator?" Pidge sounded disapproving, though her small smile made it obvious that the first part of her statement was completely genuine.

"It's about time," is all Shiro said, but he looked proud and relieved, as if he were just glad that there'd be no more I-Like-Lance bitching sessions.

Keith went completely red -- he could feel the heat of his blush -- and hid his face in the crook of Lance's neck with a groan. Lance was red, too, but he laughed as he continued stroking Keith's hair.

"Yeah, we should probably get up, babe," he chuckled, and Keith curled up slightly in embarrassment at the pet name and how easily it had slid out of Lance's mouth.

Laughing again, Lance slowly sat up, at which Keith let out a grunt of protest. He could hear the snickers of their friends behind him and felt his blush come back with a vengeance, but he chose to ignore them for now. He had Lance, he loved Lance, and Lance loved him, and everything felt immeasurably perfect.

"Hey," Lance directed at the three nosy brats in the elevator doorway with a grin as he helped Keith up, "no making fun of my boyfriend, only I'm allowed to do that."

A thrill went through Keith at the sound of that term. Boyfriend. Lance was his boyfriend. He didn't think it was possible, but he felt his face heat up even more and he nuzzled into Lance's chest to hide it, who wrapped an arm around his waist and squeezed him slightly. The three nosies behind him snickered again and he flipped them off, turning their small chuckles into full-blown laughs. It was contagious and Keith found himself smiling and laughing along with them before long, finally getting the courage to turn around and face them.

All three of them looked ridiculously pleased. Keith could relate; he was pretty pleased with the situation turn-out himself. The fact that he and Lance didn't have to announce their relationship to their friends was a blessing Keith thanked the heavens for. Granted, Allura, Coran, and Matt weren't there, but he was sure the news would spread and an 'official announcement' could be avoided. He could just enjoy what he now had, and despite the teasing, he knew his friends would let him.

Still beaming, Hunk then Pidge started moving away, probably to work on whatever project they currently had going. Shiro clapped Keith on the back, gave Lance a thumbs up and a knowing smirk (seriously, what was that about?), then moved to follow the other two.

Lance's other arm snaked around Keith's waist until Lance was hugging him from behind, nuzzling into Keith's neck -- and Keith could feel that smile against his skin, a smile he mirrored -- before pressing a small trail of kisses there.

It wasn't perfect. Life was still pretty complicated and Keith wasn't altogether sure how he and Lance would make this work, but they would.

They would make this work, somehow. Together.

An alarm jolted Lance into wakefullness, though he absolutely refused to open his eyes; it must be way too early for this.

He felt Keith rise from his spot on Lance's chest and grab something off of the nightstand. After a moment of what Lance assumed was him looking at his phone, Keith sighed and pressed a kiss to Lance's temple.

"I gotta go," he murmured, voice rough with sleep, and Lance thanked whatever deity existed above that he got to hear this voice every morning. "Kolivan's got a mission for me."

Lance opened his eyes at that, though just barely, just enough to be able to see Keith. "This early?"

"Yeah," Keith replied with another sigh, rolling off of their bed.

Lance rose to a sitting position to watch his boyfriend get suited up for his upcoming mission. This had become almost routine by now; after they began their relationship, Keith had decided to continue working for the Blade while making his home at the Castle of Lions again, falling into the same kind of schtick he had had before leaving Voltron only without the leadership duties to avoid this time. Lance wasn't completely happy that Keith was still doing dangerous missions with the Marmorites, but he had Keith back and this arrangement made Keith happy, so Lance was happy for that, willing to take what he could get at this point.

And at least Keith didn't have to return from each mission to no one greeting him and welcoming him home. No, he had Lance now. Now, every time he returned from a mission, no matter how tired and drained and sore he was, his face lit up easily the moment he saw Lance. He would walk into their room and into Lance's arms, nuzzle into Lance's neck and murmur an exhausted 'I love you' that Lance would immediately reciprocate before kissing him and coaxing him into the shower to clean up. Then they would fall into bed and slip into sleep wrapped in each others arms.

The arrangement wasn't perfect, but it worked for them and that's what mattered.

Still, Lance hated the going-on-a-mission part because it meant not seeing his boyfriend for a while. So it was with a a twinge of sorrow that Lance watched Keith prep himself for his mission.

Keith must have noticed because once he was done getting ready, he strode right over to the bed, kneeled a single knee onto the mattress, and leaned forward to lovingly press a kiss to Lance's lips.

"I'll be back," he spoke quietly, a small smile of understanding on his face.

"Good luck," Lance whispered back, unable to keep down his own smile; Keith deserved to leave with a smiling Lance, not a depressed one. "I love you."

"I love you, too," and Lance knew he meant it, like he always did, like he always would.

After a moment of staring into each others eyes, Keith lifted himself from the bed and swiftly went out the door. Lance sighed, missing him already.
Lance had made good on his promise; every time he and Keith were together, Lance would tell him loved him at least once but usually more than that. In return, Keith ended up being very physically affectionate, holding hands as often as possible, kissing him in greeting or whenever he left, always up for a cuddle session, and sometimes sneaking up behind Lance to hug him around the waist and watch what he was doing over his shoulder. He seemed hesitant to do these things in front of others, but though he'd tone it down in public, he never pulled away his affection completely. That alone spoke volumes about Keith's love for Lance, that he was willing to put aside his discomfort to make Lance feel wanted, and Lance appreciated it with such a fervor that he could not put it into words. He thought Keith knew anyway.

Suddenly, Lance's phone vibrated. He grabbed it quickly and found a message from Keith.

Keith (04:34am): <3 <3 <3

Okay, maybe that did lift Lance's mood a little. He smiled and tried not to giggle like a schoolgirl as he replied.

Lance (04:35am): <3 Dont forget i love ya babe

Keith (04:36am): I wont. U wont let me. Love u too

Lance (04:37am): Of course not!!! What kind of bf would i be if i let you forget i love u

Keith (04:38am): Thank u Lance. I really do appreciate it.

Lance (04:38am): Anytime babe. Anytime. <3

Lance grinned at his phone, his heart feeling ready to burst out of his chest. He was gone for this boy.

So things weren't perfect. That was okay. Things weren't perfect, but they were enough, and Lance loved every single bit of it.