Chapter Text
“What do you mean, back to the astral plane…?”
Edward, Sloane, and John lay on the ground, paralyzed, as the crystal golem lumbered closer to them. The golem sighed, stopping a few feet from their bodies. “Oh, playing dumb, huh? Well that’s not going to help anything - the Raven Queen has a price on your head and it’s my job to collect it.” There was an odd note of pride in his voice.
“Are you...sure you’ve got the right people?” Sloane piped up, barely managing to lift her head despite the paralyzation, “We’re from this plane, and we’ve never died before, right gang?” The other two nodded in agreement.
“Really? You really think so?” The golem sounded strangely offended as he conjured his book again and flipped through it.
“Sloane, age 35, half-elf fighter. You have died a total of 19 times.”
There was a shocked silence around the room. “I don’t…” Sloane said, “That doesn’t sound right...again, are you sure we’re the ones you’re looking fo-”
The golem cut her off. “John, age 40, human warlock. You - and this is a fun number - you have died 57 times .”
John blinked a few times, then stammered out, “Th-that’s a ridiculous number! I can’t have died that many times!”
“Oh, trust me, I know. It’s my job to round up necromancers and escapees and I’ve never seen numbers like these! Never, in hundreds of years!” The golem was getting angry, his voice starting to crack slightly.
“Well...what about me?” Edward chimed in, “I haven’t been mentioned yet, does that mean I’m free to go..?” He threw in a wink at the golem for good measure.
“Ohh no,” The golem said, sounding even angrier, somehow, “no no no you , Edward, age 120, elven rogue - you, on top of dying 23 times...you’re a lich !”
The sentence was completely incomprehensible to all of them. They heard the words this golem said, they understood them, but...the concept refused to string itself together in their minds.
Edward seemed lost for words, for possibly the first time in his life. He tried to speak, defend himself, but...something inside him stopped him. Something primal and terrified had begun ripping his insides apart, and he noticed his body was shaking despite the paralyzing curse.
His cane was shaking too, somehow, from where it had fallen a few feet away. The polished wood clattered against the floor.
Taking his silence for confirmation, the golem closed the book with a snap. “Now then…” A dimensional rift appeared next to him, and he reached inside to pull out a gleaming scythe. “Let’s make this quick.”