Chapter Text
She was starting to think this had been a bad idea.
Naminé trudged through the snow, freezing cold. Kairi had been dressed for summer weather, not for this, and she was chilled to the bone.
It had been too much, all at once. Kairi not waking up, being forced to work with Axel to escape, and the Keyblade.
The Keyblade.
She stared at the oversize skeleton key clutched in her hand. The name Memory’s Embrace flowed into her head before she could stop it. A partner to Kairi’s Destiny’s Embrace, in name and in form. This one – she abjectly refused to think of it as hers – was silver fading to blue where Kairi’s was gold fading into red. Instead of flowers forming the teeth, this one had an artist’s pallet.
Unbidden, the words Riku had recited from memory the day they had learned about Terra, Aqua, and Ventus welled up.
…no ocean will contain you then. No more borders around, or below, or above…
And that’s what she had so desperately wanted all her short life, wasn’t it? To be free of the various prisons she had lived in.
So why did it feel so wrong that she now, conceivably, had that power?
There wasn’t a footprint to be seen on the mountain around her, just the white glow of the snow. Complete isolation in a field of white. Her own personal hell in more ways than one.
“Well I guess if I’m going to freeze to death, at least it’s going to be on my terms,” she muttered. And then she remembered it wouldn’t be just her dying.
If she died here, so did Kairi.
As far as she could tell, this was a cold day in Hell, but even then, Naminé would never let that happen.
She blinked in surprise as the Keyblade in her hand began to warm. The heat travelled up her arm and across her chest, until it reached her heart. Then, it expanded until her entire body ceased to shiver, and held steady.
Abruptly, she remembered another part of the litany.
…so long as you champion the ones you love.
“Okay. I’ll stay alive, as long as it means we both do.” But where to go? She had been walking on the mountain since she had arrived, but hadn’t found a way down. She looked at the Keyblade again.
“All right then, if we’re doing this, I guess we’re doing this,” she said. “Any suggestions?”
Slowly enough that she couldn’t tell if she was doing it or the Keyblade was, her arm rose and pointed the weapon at a bank of fog to her right. A bright flash illuminated the key and soared into the fog, which parted to reveal a staircase made of ice.
Naminé’s mouth dropped open in shock as the fog kept receding until the mountain was laid bare. The staircase led over a gorge to an entire crystalline castle. A light flickered in a window near the top.
She’d had enough of castles to last her a lifetime, but any port in a storm. Almost literally, as the wind was beginning to pick up.
She walked up the staircase, hoping that the occupants of the castle would notice her approach and open the door; although now that she thought about it, it wouldn’t matter if it was locked. She had the key, after all.
Of course, before breaking in, the proper thing would be to knock.
Unsure if it would be loud enough, she rapped on the gigantic door. After a few minutes without a response she considered using the Keyblade, but then the door swung open.
Standing inside was a red-haired woman flanked by a behemoth made of snow. The monster seemed to defer to the woman, who gasped upon beholding Naminé.
“Oh my gosh, you must be freezing in that! Come in, come in, we need to get you warmed up!”
“I, uh,” but Naminé wasn’t able to get more than a couple syllables out before the woman grabbed her by the wrist and pulled her towards a staircase. The snow monster swung the door shut behind them, then grunted contentedly and made no further moves. Apparently its life purpose was to open the huge door. There are worse things in life.
The woman pulled her up a flight of stairs, babbling all the while. “-can’t believe you’ve been walking out there in that, you must be frozen solid, hang on we’re almost there-” She pushed a door open to reveal another woman, blonde this time, sitting at a table and about to take a sip of what Naminé guessed from the cup was tea. “Elsa we need to get her warmed up! She was walking in this on the mountain and hang on,” she turned back to Naminé and squeezed her arm experimentally. “Why aren’t you frozen solid?
“I suspect it has something to do with the Keyblade she’s holding, Anna,” said the other woman.
“The what?”
“The…” Elsa smiled. “It can wait. We haven’t even introduced ourselves yet. I’m Elsa, Queen of Arendelle. This is my sister, the Princess Anna.”
“My name is Naminé,” Naminé replied. “I’m… not from around here. How do you know about Keyblades?”
“Knowledge of the Keyblade wielders is passed between the rulers of Arendelle from generation to generation. Our parents unfortunately passed away before they could tell me themselves, but my father left copious notes on the matter,” Elsa explained.
“And you never told me about it?” Anna frowned.
“Only the king or queen was allowed to know,” Elsa said. “Sorry, Anna. I didn’t think it would ever be relevant.” She gave what Naminé thought was a pretty accurate summation of what Keybearers and Keyblades were. “I never expected to actually meet someone who wields a Keyblade.”
“I’m not a Keybearer,” Naminé said automatically. They both looked at the key in her hand. “…it’s a very long story,” she murmured.
“I like stories,” Anna said, sitting down at the table and smiling, motioning for Naminé to join them.
Elsa poured her a cup of tea. “And it looks like this is one you need to tell.”
Cautiously, Naminé sat down and accepted the cup. She stared into its depths, wondering how to start. “…I guess the first thing I should explain is that this body doesn’t actually belong to me…”
“…And now Kairi won’t wake up, and this,” she waved the Keyblade, “appeared, and I panicked and ran away. I ended up here, and I don’t know what to do,” she concluded.
At some point during her outpouring, both royal sisters had come around the table to sit on either side of her. Elsa, being quite reserved, had placed a hand on her shoulder to comfort her. Anna, having none of her sister’s reservations, had wrapped an arm around her and was holding her tight.
She had told them everything. Once she had started, she couldn’t stop. The circumstances of her creation, the year and a bit she had been alive, and her failed attempt to end it all. Waking back up after she thought she wouldn’t, pretending everything was fine to protect Kairi, being dragged along on the training missions, how hard keeping the façade up was becoming, and the final straw that had broken the proverbial camel’s back and led to her coming to Arendelle.
She was terrified. What would they think of her? How would they judge her?
“You must have been very strong to come this far,” said Elsa.
That wasn’t what she was expecting. “I’m sorry?”
“After everything you’ve been through, you’re still here. You survived. That’s an accomplishment to be proud of.”
Naminé shook her head. “I don’t… want to be here, though. I didn’t mean to do that. I…” she looked up at Elsa and Anna, guilty, unable to finish the sentence.
Anna squeezed her tighter, but Elsa held her gaze steady. “Finish your thought,” she said, not unkindly. “Get it out into the light of day. Holding it in will only make it stronger.”
“I wanted to die,” Naminé whispered. She struggled to meet Elsa’s quiet eyes, the queen regarding her with compassion, and also a hint of something else that Naminé couldn’t place through her tears. “Living is too much pain. I want to die.”
“Are you sure?” Anna asked. “Because from your story, it sounds like you don’t.”
“What do you mean?” Naminé demanded, suddenly angry. “I went back to Kairi–”
“And that’s the only self-destructive action you’ve taken,” Elsa said. “What happened when this Marluxia tried to make you destroy Sora’s mind?”
“I…”
“You fought back, and said you wouldn’t,” Anna prompted. “What happened when Roxas was going to be put back into Sora against his will?”
“That’s different…”
“You fought back, and gave him enough of an explanation that he could decide for himself,” Elsa said, gently. “What happened when Kairi was being held prisoner?”
“You fought back, and brought her safely to Riku,” Anna said. “What happened when you arrived here, and could have died in the cold?”
“…I found this place, because I couldn’t let Kairi die,” Naminé said, understanding the pattern but not understanding why they were calling attention to it.
“Exactly,” Elsa said, nodding. “In all of these circumstances, you had the opportunity to give up, to let things end. But you never did. You’re hurting, that is clear. But deep down, death isn’t really what you want. You understand that it’s not going to fix anything.”
“And you can’t protect your friends like you have been if you’re dead,” Anna chimed in, somber.
Naminé shook her head. “You don’t understand. All I do is hurt other people. Even now I have to constantly lie to Kairi, pretend everything’s okay, because it will hurt her so badly to know I didn’t want to survive rejoining her. I hurt Sora, I hurt Roxas, I hurt Xion… I’m just a witch,” she said, voice quieting as she finished. “I don’t deserve their kindness. It would be better for everyone if I just disappeared.”
There was a stricken look on Elsa’s face. Anna was also looking at her sister, worry in her eyes. “I think,” the queen said, slowly, “that it’s time for me to tell you a story.”
“Are you sure, Elsa?” Anna asked, not objecting, but concerned.
Elsa nodded. “She needs to know that she’s not alone.”
Naminé listened attentively as Elsa related the story of her and Anna’s childhood, and the issues that she had put off dealing with until the day of her coronation, when they had become unavoidable and endangered her entire kingdom. Anna added in bits where they were applicable, but Elsa’s point in telling her the story was clear.
“I thought I was becoming a monster, but I wasn’t,” she said. “Odd and inexplicable as your memory powers might have been, they didn’t make you a witch.”
“It’s a different situation,” Naminé said, but the sisters could tell that her heart wasn’t really in the argument.
“It really wasn’t,” said Elsa. “…to the point where there were times, growing up, that I thought as you did. That my parents would be better off, that Anna would be safer, if I didn’t exist. If I died.”
“Elsa?” Anna asked, alarmed.
Her sister smiled sadly. “I’m okay, now. Those dark days are over, and the past is in the past.”
“How did you get through?” Naminé asked, curious despite herself.
“After our parents passed, I needed to stay alive to be queen. And after… the coronation, it was a combination of not needing to be miserable anymore, and then being surrounded by people who care about me. So even when those thoughts come back, I find Anna, or her fiancé, or our other friends, and remind myself that I’m not alone, that there are people who love me.”
“When they come back?” Naminé asked, fearfully.
Elsa nodded. “I’m afraid so. Maybe they’ll go away completely with time, but as of right now they occasionally come back. I spent so long thinking like that, it’s easy to slip back into it.” While they had been talking, Anna had shifted position, and now had a comforting arm around both of them. “But they’re manageable, and I can recognize them for what they are, and I can banish them with the help of my friends.” She gave Naminé a comforting look. “I’m not alone, and neither are you.”
“Yes, I a–” Naminé started, but Anna pressed a finger to her lips.
“None of that,” she said. “You have Kairi, and you have Sora, and you have Riku, and you have Lea. Once you all get your bodies back, you’ll have Roxas and Xion, too.”
“Why would any of them want to help me? After what I did to them?”
“After you saved them several times?” Anna asked, a teasing air in her voice.
“That doesn’t change the fact that I hurt them. I can never make up for that,” Naminé said.
“You don’t have to. I’m pretty sure they’ve forgiven you, just from your account of them alone,” Elsa said. “And you seem pretty determined not to hurt them again, going forwards.”
“Really, the only person you’re hurting right now is–” Anna started
“Kairi, because I’m lying to her,” Naminé said, miserable.
“Yourself,” Elsa said. Naminé looked at her in shock. “By lying to Kairi, you’re holding yourself back from the help you need. You’re only hurting yourself. And I can see what you’re about to say, but you do not deserve it.” The protest died on Naminé’s lips. “You’ve already lost your body seeking atonement. I think you’ve done enough.”
“So if you’re looking for something to do next,” Anna said, “you can start by talking to Kairi. Tell her how you’ve really been feeling. There’s a saying that it’s easier to carry a burden when you share it, and in our experience it’s true.”
“You’re welcome to stay with us until Kairi wakes up,” Elsa added, “and we’ll be glad to be in the room when you have that talk, if you want us there.”
“I don’t know when that’ll be,” Naminé started to say, but then she felt something shift in her mind.
Kairi was stirring.
“This might be a little… hard to follow,” she warned Elsa and Anna. They squeezed her shoulders.
“We’re right here,” Anna promised.
Kairi blinked, very confused. The last thing she remembered was Lea taunting a clearly dangerous person who didn’t like attention being called to his species, then a sharp pain on the back of her head. If anything, she would have expected to wake up in some sort of deathtrap. Instead, two unfamiliar but clearly related faces looked at her in concern.
“Hello?” she asked, cautiously. The two smiled at her.
“Hello,” said one of them, a blonde. “My name is Elsa, and this is my sister Anna. You’re in the kingdom of Arendelle. Your name is Kairi, yes?”
“Yes..?” Kairi said. She was still confused, but she didn’t seem to be in immediate danger. “How do you know my name?”
“We’ve been talking with Naminé,” Anna explained.
“Naminé?” Wait, if she had been unconscious, then… “Naminé, are you there?”
“I’m right here, Kairi,” her own voice responded.
“What happened?” Kairi asked.
“We were in danger. You wouldn’t wake up. I ran away,” Naminé said. There was something odd in her tone.
“You saved me again, huh? Well, thank–”
“Please don’t.” Naminé said, sharply. “Please don’t thank me.”
Kairi was confused. “Why not?”
She felt tears start to leak out of her left eye. “Kairi, I need to talk to you. And I’m so, so sorry it’s taken this long.”
Kairi sat in silence, listening to her other half talk through how she’d been feeling. Tears continued to pour out of her left eye. At some point, one of the sisters had brought over a box of tissues, which Naminé would occasionally reach for to wipe them away.
As she talked, Kairi could feel her own heart breaking. To think Naminé had been in so much pain, and she hadn’t even noticed. The fact that Naminé had actively tried to hide it from her meant that she had had no reason to think the other girl wasn’t okay, but even then, she still felt guilty for not noticing.
“…There are times,” Naminé said, practically shaking with emotion, “when I h… h… hate you for waking me back up. When I rejoined with you, I didn’t think I’d…s-s-survive the process. I thought I’d just be some memories in your mind. If you hadn’t woken me up, I could have… just slept in your heart forever. Not d-d-death, but close enough for me. But I didn’t get a choice.”
“I’m sorry,” Kairi whispered. It was equally apology and sympathy. “I thought… I thought you knew you could tell me anything. Even something like this, I’d rather have known than not known.” That, truly, was what was hurting her the most. The idea that despite everything, despite how close she thought they’d been, Naminé still didn’t trust her enough to tell her how she was feeling until she had had no choice.
She did understand why it had been so hard for Naminé to feel that sort of trust, given her history.
That didn’t make it hurt any less.
“I didn’t know… I didn’t know if you’d still like me if I did,” Naminé sobbed. One of the sisters – Anna, Kairi thought – reached out a comforting hand and put it on her shoulder. Kairi couldn’t feel her touch. Hopefully that meant Naminé could. “I understand… if you’re mad at me. I don’t… know how to fix this. I’m so sorry.”
Kairi reached for a tissue, then gently reached over and wiped the tears off her own face. “Naminé, I’m not mad at you. I’m hurt, that you felt like you couldn’t tell me this, even though I understand why you thought you couldn’t.
“But.”
“But?” Naminé asked.
“But I forgive you. I still want to help you. I still want to be your friend.” She let out a huff of laughter. “I want to really get to know you. I don’t have anyone else quite like you.” She carefully put her right hand over her left hand, and gently squeezed. “There was a book I read when I was little, about four friends who leave their sleepy little town and find themselves fighting in a war. They get separated, then find each other again, but at the end they return to their sleepy town. And they find that, no one there really understands what they went through.
“I’m afraid that, after this war, I won’t have anyone to talk to about what happened to me. Sora and Riku might understand, but even though I love them both dearly, I need to have friends outside of my boyfriends. And I won’t be able to tell Selphie, Tidus, or Wakka about it. It’s selfish, but I was glad I had you to talk to. I don’t have to keep things secret from you. I’d… I’d like to be able to be that person for you, too. I thought I was.
“Would you… would you be willing to give me a chance to be?”
Kairi waited for her answer. Naminé sniffed, and gripped Kairi’s right hand back. “If you’re sure you still want me to be after all of this.”
“Of course I do,” Kairi whispered. She was starting to tear up, as well. “I want to keep you safe, too.”
Tears continued to drip down both of her cheeks, but Kairi felt Naminé move their mouth into a smile. “You know, if the offer is still open, I’d very much like that hug now.”
Kairi laughed. “It always will be.”
“On that note…” Naminé said, resolved. “Kairi, I really appreciate all you’ve done for me, and I will always be grateful, but I would very much like to have my own body back.”
“Of course,” Kairi grinned, squeezing her hand again. It was the closest to an embrace she could get; she’d have to start keeping track of how many hugs Naminé was owed.
“We can’t do much about your body, but if you’d like, we can fulfil that hug,” Anna said. Kairi had almost forgotten the two were in the room.
“If it’s okay with you, Kairi,” Elsa added.
“Of course it is,” Kairi beamed, and the two sisters embraced her and Naminé. Naminé felt like crying again, but this time out of happiness.
It was wonderful, having friends.
With the hard talk out of the way, Naminé filled Kairi in on what had happened since she was rendered unconscious, leading to her apologizing profusely to Elsa and Anna for not showing them proper respect. The queen and princess simply laughed it off, explaining that they were on a short vacation, anyway; her casual demeanor had been refreshing.
“So. A Keyblade, huh?” Kairi asked Naminé.
“I know. I don’t want to think it’s mine, but…”
“Why not?”
Naminé sighed. “Because I don’t think I’m worthy of it.”
“Well,” Kairi said, “I don’t think it’s up to you to decide if you’re worthy or not. We’re supposed to be the ‘Keyblades’ Chosen’, after all. And to tell you the truth? I had my doubts if I was worthy or not, too. Seeing as Riku gave me Destiny’s Embrace instead of me manifesting it myself. I spent a while waiting for it to vanish, go back to him. But it hasn’t. Eventually I just accepted it as being mine.” She looked at the Keyblade where Naminé had left it on the table. “Of course, there’s a quick way to check.”
“How so?” Naminé asked, curious.
Kairi reached out and picked up the Keyblade. After a single second, it vanished from her right hand and appeared in her left. “Guess that settles it,” Kairi said, grinning. “It’s yours, not mine.”
Naminé stared at the key in her hand. “This is a bit overwhelming,” she said. She had decided to try to be as honest as possible about how she was feeling, if only to Kairi at the moment.
“Well, look on the bright side,” Kairi said. “You’ve got your whole life ahead of you to figure out what you’re going to do about it going forwards. If you don’t want to be a Keybearer, you don’t have to be.”
“I’m scared I’m not going to be given a choice.”
“If anyone tries to force you, I’ll stop them,” Kairi said, confidently. Naminé was taken a bit aback, but then giggled.
“This is where I’d hug you, if I could. Thank you, Kairi.”
“Glad to be here for you, Naminé. And I always will be.”
And this time, neither had to lie.
Getting back to Lea and the Space Bus presented a problem. Naminé didn’t feel comfortable trying to use a Dark Corridor to get back, both not confident in her ability with placing them and worried about what might lurk in the darkness. Fortunately, Elsa seemed to have a solution.
“The descriptions of Keyblade wielders in my father’s notes claimed they traveled the worlds through portals of light. They sound similar to the Corridor Naminé says she arrived through, yet without the taint of Darkness. Perhaps you could try to generate one of these ‘Corridors of Light’?”
So they were standing out in front of the castle, a Keyblade in each hand, trying to summon a Light Corridor. Anna had extracted a promise from both of them to come and visit when Naminé had her body back, and both were looking forwards to it.
But for now, Kairi’s training beckoned.
“Let our hearts be our guiding Key,” Kairi murmured, and together she and Naminé raised their Keyblades over their head, and thought of home.
Bright light shone from both Keyblades, which pulsed in their hands. Before them, an ovular portal of white light shone in the cool air. They turned back to the castle, waving goodbye at the figures of Elsa and Anna on the balcony, and stepped through the waiting Corridor.
Obtained the power of Ice. Learned Blizzard
Obtained Keychain: Snow Queen
Obtained Keychain: Break of Dawn