Chapter Text
2/26/2017 ☀
SuNDAY Evening
“I can’t believe you had a shoot all the way out here, Lady Ann.”
It was after dark at LeBlanc. Akira was pouring a cup of coffee while Ann sat at the counter and Morgana — despite Sojiro’s repeated instructions — sat on the counter.
“Yeah,” Ann said, “it was a weird shoot.”
“I’d imagine.” Akira started to bring the coffee to Ann. “Yongen-Jaya isn’t exactly the most glamorous place.”
“That was kinda the point.” Ann rolled her eyes. “They said they wanted to capture ‘something extravagant in a place lacking extravagance.”
“Well gee…” Akira pulled back the coffee just before Ann could take it. “If you’re too good for Yongen, then I guess you’re too good for our coffee too.”
“Come on!” Ann leaned over the counter, reaching for the coffee. “I didn’t say that stuff! The photographer did!”
“So you don’t think you’re too good for Yongen-Jaya?”
“Of course not!”
“And you don’t think it’s ugly?”
“Not at all!”
“And you think it’s the best neighborhood in the world?”
“No.”
“Fair enough.” Akira put the coffee down in front of Ann. “I’ll take two out of three.”
“GUYS! GUYS!” A very loud voice could be heard from outside the cafe.
“Damn it.” Morgana groaned in annoyance. “And we were having such a lovely evening too.”
“GUYS!” Ryuji burst through the door to LeBlanc, covered in sweat and holding a magazine in his hand. “YOU’RE NOT GONNA BELIEVE IT!”
“Believe what?” Ann asked.
“CHECK THIS OUT!” Ryuji ran over to the counter and slammed the magazine on it, almost hitting Morgana. The front was black, and had the Phantom Thieves’ top hat logo on it.
“What’s this?” Morgana took a close look at the magazine. It didn’t seem to be made of the same kind of glossy paper most magazines were made of. The spine seemed to have been done by hand, and the image quality of the Thieves’ logo was a bit blurry. Overall, it didn’t seem like a professional publication. “Did you make it?”
“What? No way!” Ryuji hopped on the bar stool next to Ann. “Some dude was selling these on the street. He said it’s a fan-made zine of art and stories about the Phantom Thieves of Hearts!”
“Really?” Akira walked around the counter with another cup of coffee and sat down next to Ryuji, a curious look in his eyes. “Futaba told me that we had some fans who made art and stuff, but I never imagined there was anything like this out there.”
“How fun!” Ann turned it over, seeing the various masks of the Phantom Thieves displayed on the back. “Should we invite the others over?”
“I think eight of us huddled around one magazine might get a bit uncomfortable” Akira said. “Let’s show them later.”
“Alright!” Ryuji cracked open the magazine. “This is gonna be awesome!”
Time Heals, But Scars Remain
by
Vavviv
"No!" Kaneshiro tripped over himself and fell backwards, his big fat ass cushioning the blow. “This can’t be!”
“Ohohohoho!” Musketeer laughed as she straightened her big feathered hat, stepping over one of the many unconscious gangsters in the room. She raised her rapier, the tip hovering mere inches from the doughy crime boss’s face. “Thou shouldst not speaketh of impossibilityes to we, knave!”
“Dat’s wight-nyan!” Nyanchibi did a twirl, magical kitty sparkles flying off of him in all directions. “Da Phantom Feeves of Hawts awe unbeatabwe-nyan!”
“Yeah, right!” Kaneshiro’s flab rippled in protest. “‘Phantom Thieves of Hearts’. You punks can’t really change somebody’s heart! That gym teacher and artist just lost their nerve!”
“What the fuck’d you just say, pig-boy!?” Murderess stomped over to Kaneshiro, roughly pushing Musketeer out of the way.
“Forsooth!” Musketeer barely kept her balance. “How uncouth, milady!”
“Listen up, porky!” Murderess crouched down and grabbed Kaneshiro by the collar, teeth bared the whole time. Her face was bleeding from where a goon’s bullet had put a dent in her iron mask, but it only served to make the spike-covered bad girl even more menacing. “We don’t ‘change’ hearts! We steal ‘em!” Murderess raised her free hand, balling it up into a fist. “Let me show you how!”
“That’s enough, Murderess!” The scarlet-clad hand of Mr. White wrapped around Murderess’s wrist, and the Phantom Thieves’ leader glared at their most wild and violent member through his alabaster mask. “I know you’re angry because he moves narcotics and you’re a recovering drug addict, but we said we’d handle him the same as all the others!”
“YOU DON’T KNOW THIS KIND OF ANGER, WHITE!” Murderess wrenched her hand out of her commander’s. “HE DESERVES TO DIE! SLOWLY AND PAINFULLY!” The vicious thief’s fist shot down towards the corpulent visage of Junya Kaneshiro.
“Bugeye!” Mr. White turned to his short, red-haired companion. She removed her red goggles, revealing her alien species’ pitch-black eyes, with only the faintest grey iris breaking up the darkness. Her irises turned green, and a matching green aura surrounded Murderess, halting her movement completely.
“Walk it off” Bugeye said in her three simultaneous voices. The aura dissipated, and a still-pissed Murderess turned around and stormed off.
“Now then…” Mr. White crouched down and pinched his fingers into the sweaty folds where Kaneshiro’s jaw might have been, directing the crook’s attention to him. “It’s time we had a heart-to-heart, don’t you think, Junya-Kun?”
“Yeah-nyan!” Nyanchibi jumped up onto Mr. White’s shoulder, looking into Kaneshiro’s eyes with his own sparkly peepers. “Won’t you tuwn youwsewf into the powice-nyan? Pweeeeeease-nyan?”
Murderess was about to leave the room when a yellow-gloved hand fell on her shoulder, taking care not to actually touch any of the spikes.
“Hold up, chica.” Skeletaro spit on the ground before returning his attention to Murderess. “Where the hell d’ya think you’re goin’?”
“I can’t stick around for this” Murderess said. “I can’t stand to see a motherfucker like that live.”
“I hear ya, I hear ya.” Skeletaro spit on the ground again. “He’s a real piece o’ shit.”
“It’s more than that.”
“Yeah?” Skeletaro dug his pinky into his ear and pulled out a lump of wax. “I’m listenin’.”
“You wouldn’t get it.” Murderess turned her back to Skeletaro. “You don’t know what it’s like to come back from the edge.”
“I dunno…” Skeletaro rolled up one of his sleeves, revealing track marks on his arm. “I might have an idea or two.”
“Holy shit!” Murderess looked at the marks, then up into Skeletaro’s eyes. “I… I never knew…”
“There’s a lot ya don’t know about me.” Skeletaro stepped forward, wrapping his bared arm around Murderess’s waist. He leaned forward, shoving his tongue into her-
“NOPE!" Ryuji dropped the magazine. “NUH-UH! NO WAY!”
“Don’t stop there!” Ann could barely speak through her laughter. “Come on, let’s find out what happens next!”
“What the hell kinda story is this!?”
“A very imaginative one” Akira said.
“It’s completely ridiculous!” Morgana sneered at the magazine. “They made me a joke! That’s not my cool, suave self at all!”
“Yeah, and what was up with the way Haru talked?” Ann took a deep breath, calming down. “It’s like, I don’t even think they talked like that in old times!”
“Let’s not ignore Futaba the alien” Akira said. “Although she might like that part…”
“Come on, let’s check out another story!” Ann grabbed the magazine and started flipping through the pages.
The Final Battle
By Zureno
And so, Mr. White and Goro Akechi faced off against one another. They stared each other down, sizing each other up.
“I can’t believe you faked your death, and made Masayoshi Shido take the fall for your evil plans”. Mr. White snarled, his hands tightening into fists
“LET ME AT HIM, I’LL RIP HIS GOD DAMN THROAT OUT!” Murderess said angrily . Skeletaro and Americat had to hold them back.
“That’s right, I shall wipe humanity off the face of the planet, JUST AS I DID YOUR’S, PRINCESS!” Akechi shuted triumphantly, directing his finger at Bug Eyes.
“This can’t be, so you were the one who destroyed my home planet”, Bug Eyes fell to her knees, green tears falling to the ground.
“It’s awight nyan, we’ll make him pay nyan”, Nyan Chibi comforted her alien friend.
“Don’t worry, I will make sure he faces justice!” Mr. White screamed, tearing off his trenchcoat, as giant devil wings burst from his back.
“So it finally comes to this, LET US FINALLY SETTLE THIS” Akechi screamed, tearing off his own jacket to reveal a similar pair of wings, as they both took off to the sky.
“Go comrade, let thine power shine through” Musketeer declared, putting her hat to her chest.
“Yes”, Kitsune said gracefully.
Mr White and Akechi Goro flew across the sky, trading blows. Akechi gained the upperhand, and stomped Mr. White into the ground, but Mr. White was kick to retaliate with a ki blast to Akechi face. Akechi dodged it, but while he was distracted, Mr. White jumped and tackled him to the ground, he then punched his face repeatedly.
Akechi grabbed his fist and threw him aside, summoning a sword of darkness. Mr. White summoned his won sword, as they proceeded to clash, Their blade clashed repeatedly, they were too evenly matched.
Akechi backs off, “I grow tired of this, now I will show you my true form!” he shouted, as he grew in size, his shaped changed to a giant machine made of platinum gold.
“THIS IS MY TRUE FORM, SHIN MESSIAH” Akechi shouted, “MY MAGNIFICENT SPLENDOR WILL BE MORE THAN ENOUGH TI FINALLY DEFEAT JESUS AND BUDHA!”
“Not if we have anything to say about it, THEIVES, WE MUST SUMMON OUR ULTIMATE WEAPON”, Mr. White shouted, as all the other thieves nodded.
They all turned into balls of light, Nyanchibi flew towards the sky, each ball following her and flew towards the sky, her shape changed as she regained her true form, The Phantom King of Hearts, GOD SATAN!
“NO! THIS CANNOT BE” Shin Messiah shouted fearfully, he then charged up his final attack, “I WILL NOT BE DEFEATED”
“Not on my watch” God Satan remained calm, bringing out his rifle, Final Judgement, and blasting True Messiah in the face before he could even finish charging his attack.
“This….cannot…be…” True Messiah said, as he vanished into light.
God Satan gazed at where his enemy fell, the thiefs lefts his body, and reformed back on the ground. God Satan took one last look at his friend, before nodding and vanishing into light.
No sooner had the great demon angel vanished, did the other thiefs start to go too.
“So this is being the finish” Americat lamented, her chest heaved in sadness.
“Yeah chica, we knew that this day would come” Skeletaro said, wrapping an arm around Murderess
“My wrath is finally….gone” Murderess smiled, finally feeling at peace for the first time in her life as she leaned into her lover’s embrace.
“I was finally able to avenge my people, and save your world as well, thank you all” Bug Eye said, crying tears of joy.
“My brother’s in arms, it has been an honor serving you”, Musketeer closed her eyes, stabbing her saber into the ground.
“Yes”, Kitsune said gracefully.
“Everyone”, Mr. White gazed at his team, as they all vanished one by one, “Thank you all.”
And then there were none.
There were a lot of things that could have been said about that story. Questions about how the Phantom Thieves were perceived. They could have discussed the fandom’s notion that Futaba was an alien princess. Or the insistence that Ryuji and Makoto were a couple because they were both violent and scary looking. Or how apparently the memory of Satanael slaying Yaldabaoth still remained deep in the collective consciousness, even if nobody seemed to actively remember it save Akira’s friends. But the room was silent. That bit about the Phantom Thieves all fading away one by one brought back very unpleasant memories. Memories nobody wished to revisit.
“So… Uh…” Akira looked at the others. “One more?”
Ryuji, Ann, and Morgana nodded in silent agreement.
WHEN GOOD CATS GOOOO BAAAD!!!
ByFlLimey
“NYANANANANAN!” The horrible laugh echoed through the vast echoness of space. The Phantom Thieves stared at their friend. No, not friend. Former friend. Not even former.
“Nyanchibi!” Americat shouted, slammer her small fists onto the glass, bosom bouncing with each pound. “Why? Why you do this?”
“Fimple my fweet amercat-nyan! I’ve been made a fool by you Feeves for the wastin’ time-nyan.” Nyanchibi shouted laughing evil and with glee holding up the controller in his small, soft, delicate, paws. “Foon, da fantom feeves vil be injected into fpace and I shall be the one great feef-NYAN!”
“NNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” Americat screamed dramatically. Her chest bounced with each waile.
“Please don’t!” Mr. White pleaded with large, demure eyes. “Nyanchibi, I know you really do not want to do this.”
“Filence Mr. White!” Nyanchibi said, “You do not know vat it is I feel. My fuffering because you you feeves-Nyan! Lucky you I have a new feef to carry out my plans.”
It was then a figure stepped stepped out from the shadows, a figure wearing a mask of death. The thieves gasped dramatically.
“WHo is THAT?” Skeletaro asked as a person in black as dark as the night appeared before them. “No! It can’t be! Not him/her!”
Indeed it was him/her glaring at the fatnom thieves with a murderous grin on his/her face. He grinned murderously. “Yes, me, and thanks to my new sidekick!”
“Fidekick?!” Nyantaro shouted in shock. “I fot we had a deal-nyan! I vuld be leader and you fidekick!”
“Oh foolish feline! Did you really think after I caught the Phatnom Thieves I would let you have all the glory?” The man/woman/person asked in amused amusement. “I’ll give you 30%.”
No!” Nyanchibi shouted, “No deal, now let go of my friends!”
Nyanchibi threw the controller into the wall and just as it freely broke the Phantom Thives from their prison. The barrier want down freeing them from their prison and Amercat hurried over and grabed Nyanchibi in her sexy, slim, sexy arms. “Nyanchibi! I knew you’d never betray us!” She shouted in hapiness as she squeezed Nyanchibi between her soft, youthful tities.
“Nyaaaaannnn~” Nyanchibi swooned, loving the feel he was experiencing. Mr. White looked to them but then turned to their adversary. He pointed the finger at him.
“Now fiend!” He declared, “We will CHANGE YUR HEART!”
And so they did! and in glorious spectabable far to great to describe for this work they sucessfully changed the villains heard and Nyanchibi got the recognizion he deserved as an important member of the thieves. And the girl. The ends!
“Uh…” Akira looked up to the ceiling. “That was… Uh…”
“What the hell was that!?” Ann leaned away from the magazine, balancing on the edge of her stool. “What kind of creep writes something like that!?”
“That’s it!” Ryuji tossed the magazine over his shoulder. “I can’t take any more of this crap!”
“Yeah…” Ann shook her head. “I mean, I guess it’s nice people still care about us, but…”
“Why did it have to be these people?” Morgana slumped over as he whined. “And that last one...I’d never betray the Phantom Thieves like that!”
“What about that one time you ran away?”
“Come on, it’s not THAT bad” Akira said before Ryuji and Morgana could start arguing. “I think it’s cool that we have fans who are this passionate and creative.”
“Yeah,” Ryuji said, “but like, couldn’t they have some effin’ talent?”
“Like you could do better,” Ann snarked.
“Hey, I know what I’m good and bad at, ok!?” Ryuji groaned. “I get that different people like different stuff and all, but if they’re chargin’ cash for this, they oughta get better folks workin’ on it.”
“I guess you’ve got a point there,” Akira said. “But who’s out there making stuff that’s good enough to sell?”