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Donatello let his head fall into his hands with an exasperated sigh as the bright light of the computer screen glowed on his face. The lanky turtle’s brown eyes bore dark rings beneath them from the long hours he’d spent typing his letter and a dull pounding from behind his eyes reminded him of the sleep he’d lost in doing so. The sewer was quiet at this time of day, except for the hum of his make-shift laptop and all his brothers were sleeping the day away, so Donnie was left alone with his thoughts.
Lifting his head from his hands, Donatello smiled. It was so peaceful without his brothers around. Without Michelangelo’s antics and the constant arguments of Raphael and Leonardo, he could finally get some work done. And more importantly, he could do it without being constantly asked what he was up to. This was the perfect plan.
“Donnie?”
“EEEEAAAH!!!” Donnie’s scream reached new heights as he leapt a good foot off the couch, almost throwing his computer to the floor in the process.
He whipped his head around to find Leonardo cringing with both hands over his ears behind him, “What the shell, Donnie?”
Donatello let out a long shaky sigh as his heart beat slowed to its normal pace, “Sorry, Leo, I didn’t think anyone was awake.”
“I woke up early today for meditation in the dojo.” he glanced over Donnie’s shoulder at the laptop, “What are you working on, Donnie?”
Realizing his screen was still open to his letter, Donatello slammed his laptop shut so Leo couldn’t see, “N…no…nothing, important.”
Leonardo gave him a curious look and opened his mouth to respond, when a different voice boomed throughout the lair, “What the SHELL is going on?!”
The sound was soon followed by a particularly angry Raphael storming out into the lair’s main room. His mask was tied loosely around his face and his green eyes blazed furiously beneath it but in his hurry to respond to his brother’s cry Raph had forgotten the rest of his battle gear and stood in the middle of the lair with nothing but his mask and sais. Upon seeing Donatello and Leonardo, he stormed over with a growl on his lips, “What…the shell…is wrong, Donnie! Some of us are trying to SLEEP HERE!!”
For a moment, Donatello could have sworn he saw smoke coming out of his hot tempered brother’s ears but, rather than aggravating the larger turtle, he apologized, “Sorry, Raph. I was working on my computer and Leo startled me.”
“What the shell are you working on at this ungodly hour!?” yelled Raph.
At this point, Mikey had made his appearance and stood next to Raph in his prized underwear, with a dazed semi-conscious look on his face and a nun chuck hanging from his right hand. “Dude,” he said to Donnie, “What are you, a bat?”
All his brothers turned to Mikey, each wondering who should point out his idiocy first. Donatello chimed in, “Actually, bats are nocturnal.”
“Noc-what?” asked Mikey.
“They…are…awake…at…night!” Raph pronounced each word loudly into Mikey’s ear.
Mikey paused then said, “But so are we…”
“Arghhh!” Raph smacked his face with the palm of his hand.
Leo sighed at the exchange and turned back to Donatello, “So what have you been doing all day, Donnie?”
Mikey and Raph looked up too, so all three turtles were staring at Donatello. He could feel a slow blush coming to his face as he stood up with his laptop, “Nothing really,” he said quickly, “But, you know, I’ve had a long day so I’m gonna’ just put this in my lab and go to bed. See you, guys at sunset!”
Leo and Raph gave each other a look as Donnie retreated. Mikey grinned after his taller brother, placing both hands under his chin, he flickered his eyelashes effeminately. He called after his brother, “Were you talking to your, girlfriend?”
Donnie whipped around to yell back at his youngest brother, “She’s not my girlfriend, Mikey!” Raph and Leo grinned at each other as Donnie confirmed Mikey’s hypothesis.
“Jeez, Don. It’s not like you don’t see her enough as it is. She’s hear at least twice a week to train with Master Splinter.” Raph cocked an eyebrow, “Now you have to talk to her all day, too? That’s a little obsessive, bro.”
Donnie glared at his brother, “I wasn’t talking to her. I was writing…a letter.”
There was a flash of orange as Mikey zoomed by Donatello, snatching the laptop from his grasp before dancing around the lair back to his other two brothers. “You mean a love letter?” he teased form behind Raphael.
“Mikey, give that back!” Donatello yelled as he came at his troublesome brother, bow staff in hand.
Raphael caught the wooden staff in his sais and threw it before capturing Donatello in a head lock, “Now, Donnie, you need to learn to control your anger,” he chuckled, “Like a river over stones. Say it with me , Don.”
As Raph continued to tease his seething brother, Leo and Mikey found the document Donnie had been working on, “Awww,” Mikey gushed, “Dear April, I love, love, love you. Will you marry me? Donnie.”
“I didn’t write that,” Donnie choked from under Raph’s arm as Leo continued to read, the actual letter, and Mikey beamed up at Donnie’s crimson scowl.
“Wow, Don,” Leo finally spoke up, “I didn’t know you had it in you. Are you actually going to send it?” Leo looked up and saw Donnie’s face was beat red and his eyes were beginning to roll back in his head, “Raph, you’re strangling him!”
Raphael quickly released Donatello, who fell gasping on the floor of the lair, “Sorry, bro” he said.
Donnie continued to catch his breath for a few minutes before he got up, snatched up his computer and stormed off to his room, “I’m going to bed!” he yelled back at them.
His brothers didn’t follow him, just stayed there, their eyes filled with concern. Mikey rubbed the back of his head and asked, “Did we go too far?” But he never got an answer.
Donatello slammed the door of his room behind him and threw himself shell first onto the bed. The laptop was still clutched to his chest and as he sat up and opened it he found his letter was still on the screen.
———
Dear April,
I know we’ve been friends for a while now and I just want you to know how important you are to me. You’re smart, funny, strong and beautiful. I would do anything for you and not just because you are a good friend. You are best thing that has ever happened to me, April and I love you. I know I’m just a mutant freak and you deserve so much better but I really do love you more than anything and if you’ll have me, I’ll follow you to the end of the earth and back.
Yours truly,
Donatello
———
The letter used to be a lot longer but Donatello had spent all day editing and cutting it so it conveyed all the feelings he needed it to without sounding too desperate, too apologetic or too logical. This was the final product and it still felt like a small piece of his heart was being ripped out and exposed as he read it.
His vision blurred as he exited the document and found the file, highlighting it in blue with a right click. He stared at the screen, his finger hovering over the keyboard between send and delete. He recalled Leo’s question as tears dripped down his face, “Are you actually going to send it?” He had heard it and he had avoided it because he couldn’t admit to his brothers the answer he refused to admit to himself. No…Donatello’s figure landed on the delete key, I’m not.
His chest tightened as he shut the laptop and finally burst into tears. He couldn’t, he was too much of a coward, he was too much of a geek and he was way too much of a freak. Donnie choked on his tears and curled up in a ball as he cried, “April could never love a monster like me.”