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“Are you sure this isn’t too flashy?” Dan asked, staring at himself in the mirror. He and Phil had been invited to a movie premiere and, even though they were barely going to be on the carpet, Dan had changed outfits three times so he’d look his best.
“Everything you wear is flashy, Dan,” Phil replied, picking his phone up off the bed and stuffing it into his front pocket.
“Shut up,” Dan said, straightening his suit jacket before turning to Phil. “Now tell me how it looks.”
“I thought you wanted me to shut up?” Phil questioned, tilting his head and grinning smugly at Dan.
Dan glared back at him. “Come on, Phil!” He whined. “Don’t be an ass, just tell me.”
Phil sighed, then stared Dan up and down as he took a step closer to him. Dan was wearing black slacks and a black shirt, with a glittery, maroon suit jacket. His shoes were mainly black, with a hint of red glitter slicing through the side. His hair was perfectly combed, fluffy and wavy and Phil had to stop himself from running his fingers through it. He loved running his fingers through Dan’s hair, but he knew he’d never hear the end of it if he did it right now.
“You look wonderful,” he replied, taking hold of the lapels on Dan’s jacket and pulling him closer. He gave him a quick kiss on the lips. “Breathtaking,” he said, then another kiss, “amazing,” another kiss, “incredible.”
“Alright, alright,” Dan said with a laugh, tapping Phil’s hands off of his jacket. “Let’s not wrinkle the jacket or I’ll have to change again.”
Phil put his hands up in surrender. “Oh God, I promise I’ll never touch you again.”
Dan raised an eyebrow. “Never?”
Phil thought for a moment, then shrugged. “Okay, I won’t touch you until we get home.” He went to leave out of the room, then turned back to Dan. “Scratch that, I won’t touch your clothes until we get home, but I want to hold your hand in the car… Actually, I might want to do some inappropriate thigh touching in the theater, so I won’t touch your clothes until-”
Dan picked up a t-shirt from the bed and threw it at Phil with a laugh, “Get out of here, you twat! I’ll meet you downstairs.”
When they got to the theater, they took a couple of pictures together to post online. Dan got one of them on the carpet, looking thoughtfully into the distance. He added the caption ‘literally no one wanted a photo of us so we decided to do them ourselves’ and posted it to Instagram.
Phil took a few photos. One of them together, smiling. Then he had one of Dan in his suit, and Dan took one of Phil in his suit. He posted them to Instagram with the simple caption ‘Excited to be here for the premiere! Who needs a photographer when you can have a friend take your picture instead?’
It wasn’t totally true that no one wanted a picture of them. There were two or three photographers who recognized them and called them out for some photos. A few of them even yelled out how much they loved Dan’s outfit, making him laugh and blush.
Phil walked slightly behind him, and couldn’t help but stare. Dan really did look beautiful. He always looked beautiful.
And he was so happy now; happy with who he was as a person both professionally and personally. Their relationship seemed to be getting better everyday, and Phil wondered how that was even possible with how great it had been from the start.
And, God, Phil felt loved. Dan always made him feel so loved. After nearly ten years together, Dan still looked at Phil in ways that gave him butterflies. Simple nights of laying on the couch, doing their own thing, was always made extra special when Dan would stretch out his legs and intertwine them with Phil’s somehow. He’d encourage Phil for the smallest things, like winning at a video game he’d lost for so long, and he just made Phil feel so incredibly special that Phil’s heart swelled when he thought about it.
He couldn’t wait to see what their future held. The present was amazing, and they already had so many plans for the years to come. They wanted to buy a place, they wanted to get a dog, they wanted to have a family. Phil was going to get to do all of that with Dan, the man that he’d loved since they were just young adults, and the man he planned to love for the rest of his life.
Fuck, he was lucky.
They were led into the theater, then they had some time to sit and do whatever until the movie started.
Phil opened up his phone and looked on Instagram, scrolling through the comments. There were so many about how good they both looked, but the ones that stuck out to Phil were about Dan. They loved his glittery suit, the one he had been so nervous to wear, and they loved his hair, and his face, and how happy he looked.
Phil couldn’t blame them. He loved that too.
Phil felt Dan nudge his arm, so he quickly looked over at him, raising his eyebrows in question.
“You’ve been quiet,” Dan said, speaking low so no one else could hear. “Are you feeling okay?”
Staring into Dan’s dark eyes always felt comforting. It didn’t matter how many times Dan complimented Phil’s eyes, Phil would forever say that Dan’s were better. To Phil, his eyes were cold, but Dan’s were the warmth of a scarf on a cold day, ready to wrap him up and make him warm and cozy.
It made Phil wish they were at home right now, wrapped up together on the couch, his back pressed up against Dan’s chest while they watched a movie.
“Yeah,” Phil replied, giving Dan a gentle smile. “I feel wonderful.”
When the lights dimmed and the movie began, Dan and Phil’s hands made their way to each other.
They were lucky with their seats, a corner near the back of the theater. Plus, with how dark it was, and the strict rule of not having your phone out during the movie, they knew no one would ever see.
Their hands always found each other this way. It wasn’t that Dan would reach for Phil, or Phil for Dan, but they’d reach for each other and always meet in the middle. Then they’d rest them between their legs and use their free hands to eat popcorn and drink soda.
Dan gave Phil’s hand three quick squeezes, silently telling him “I love you” as the movie began. Phil replied with four quick squeezes, telling him “I love you more.” It’s something they regularly did when they were in a situation that they couldn’t say the words out loud.
Sometimes it was squeezing the hand, sometimes it was a press of the fingers against the other’s knee under the table at a restaurant and, on occasion, it was quick blinks across the room when they weren’t close enough to touch.
Phil bit at his lip, wondering if Dan knew just how much he meant those words. They said it to each other all the time, often it was the last words they spoke to one another as they fell asleep.
But there was no way Dan knew the extent of just how much Phil loved him. No way he understood how good Phil felt when they were side by side. There was no way he knew how Phil felt his pain; when Dan was sad or going through a rough time, Phil felt it too. He knew it wasn’t the same, he knew his sadness didn’t measure up to what Dan felt, but it still upset him. Knowing, in those moments, that Dan wasn’t happy, or really wasn’t feeling anything at all, made Phil so upset that sometimes he’d have to pretend he needed a shower so he had a place to hide and cry.
He loved everything about Dan. He loved the rough and pushy side of him that came out when he got competitive. He loved the loud side of him that would yell and scream over the smallest things. He loved the soft side of him that other people rarely ever got to see, when he was quiet and introspective and would be in his own world for hours at a time.
He loved when Dan would take the lead, whether it was for their tours, or a video idea, or merch. He loved seeing the passion in Dan’s eyes, or the way he’d ramble on for hours and hours about whatever he was enjoying at the moment.
He loved Dan when Dan didn’t love himself. He loved Dan when Dan couldn’t get out of bed all day long, or when he’d have to make him get a shower. He loved Dan when he’d have to beg him to eat something and drink water.
He loved Dan even when it was hard to like Dan, because everyone has their days when it’s hard for anyone to like you. Sometimes, arguments couldn’t be fixed with rock, paper, scissors, and instead raised voices and tense silence was involved, but Phil still loved Dan then, and he knew Dan still loved him too.
He loved Dan through the hard parts of their lives and he loved him through the easy parts. No matter what they were going through, or how they changed as people over the years, he loved Dan, and he knew there was no way Dan realized just how much love he had for him.
He made a mental note to tell him later, because everyone deserves to know how much they are loved.
Especially Dan.
By the time the movie was over and they were headed to their taxi, Phil had a headache. It had started midway through the movie, and gotten worse throughout. Dan had noticed Phil squinting about twenty minutes before the movie ended and whispered that they could leave early, but Phil wanted to stay so they did.
He let Dan take the lead with telling the driver where they needed to go, then pulled their house key out of his pocket and handed it to him.
Phil didn’t feel much like talking right now. Speaking seemed to make his head thump even harder, and all he wanted to do was go to bed, close his eyes, and fall asleep.
He leaned his head against the window the whole ride home, and Dan grabbed his hand and squished it between their legs so the driver wouldn’t see. Instead of sitting on the other side, Dan had chosen to sit in the middle seat, and Phil was grateful for that. He liked having Dan close in moments like this. He liked having an anchor when his headaches made him feel like freaking out.
When they got home, Dan took care of paying for the taxi and then quickly made his way around the car to get to Phil. He wrapped his arm around Phil’s waist and, while Phil didn’t check, he was sure Dan had looked around to make sure no one else was nearby.
The elevator lights felt too bright, but eventually they made it up to their flat and Dan led him inside.
“Off to bed you go,” he said, taking Phil’s hand and heading straight for the bedroom.
“I need to shower first,” Phil replied, rubbing at the back of his neck.
“You showered before we went, you’ll be fine until morning.”
Dan left Phil at the entrance of their bedroom and walked inside, turning on their dimmest lamp and then going over to their dresser.
He pulled out two pairs of underwear and tossed them onto the bed.
Phil walked into the room, clumsily trying to unbutton his jacket. Dan walked over to him and moved his hands away, then unbuttoned it for him.
He removed Phil’s jacket and shirt, then unbuttoned his trousers and Phil stepped out of them. He pulled down his underwear while Dan went to the bed and grabbed the new pair, then he bent down and helped Phil step into them.
“I feel like a baby,” Phil replied, holding onto Dan’s shoulder as Dan pulled the underwear up.
“I know bending makes your headache worse,” Dan said. He moved closer and pressed a kiss to Phil’s cheek. “Plus, it’s not like you’ve never had to do it for me before, so don’t feel like a baby.”
Dan moved away and began to unbutton his own jacket so he could get ready for bed. “Go brush your teeth and get into bed.”
Phil nodded, not feeling like giving a verbal response, then headed into the bathroom.
Dan climbed into bed a couple minutes after Phil, then switched off the light in the room.
Phil turned onto his side so he was facing Dan, and scooted close, wrapping his arm around Dan’s waist and feeling the soft, warm skin on his fingertips. “You were wonderful tonight,” he said, his words slurring slightly as his eyes started to close.
He could feel the vibrations in Dan’s chest as he let out a quiet laugh. “What?” He asked. “What do you mean?”
Phil shrugged, then burrowed his head even closer to Dan’s chest. “You were just wonderful. Always wonderful.”
Dan ran his fingers through Phil’s hair, pressed a kiss to his head, then began to massage his scalp gently. “Go to sleep, Phil. I love you.”
Phil briefly blinked his eyes open one last time before closing them for good. “Love you more.”